Euphemistically Yours

Dinner was the exact same boiled mush as at lunch. When I saw our bowls set out before us, I felt cheated. I’d already eaten two bowls of this goop, and now I’d be eating another two - minus a few bits of carrot.

Eu took one look at the offering and pushed her bowl toward me. “Not food.”

That was a fair assessment, but at this point, I’d already paid for it. I’d eaten worse serving in far campaigns, so I could force it down. My larger concern was Eu. Since she wasn’t eating, her eyes drifted around the room, focusing on a group of merchants near the front door that were playing dice.

“No dice, Eu.”

She set her head down on her arms atop the table. “Deft is carrot water.”

“Is that the best insult you’ve got?”

“Yes.”

I gave her a chuckle. “You’ve never even heard that phrase before. You don’t even know what I asked.”

She shrugged and ignored me. A moment later, I noticed tears gathering around the corner of her eyes.

“Oh, no! I didn’t mean it! You did fine. It was a proper, powerful insult. The humiliation I feel now is unbearable!”

“Not food.”

“Oh. That’s true. You’re hungry?”

Thinking back, I realized she hadn’t had a full meal since I’d picked her up. In fact, she hadn’t even eaten seriously when Diligence had served dinner. The exception was the dried meat I’d had back then. About the only thing since that she’d eaten willingly were the dried berries. She was already dangerously thin. This couldn't be good for her health or future growth.

“Tomorrow, we can go buy some more carrots.”

“Carrots!”

“It’s too late today. The market will be empty.”

At that, she shrugged again.

I leaned back in my chair. How could I eat while a child was starving beside me? My own children had learned to never turn down a meal. What you didn’t eat wouldn’t be there tomorrow. Hunger makes the best sauce, right? But, Eu didn’t seem to care. Just what sort of parents had raised such a child?

I called over to the innkeep. “Do you have any bread?”

She looked around the room, “Do ye see any bread?”

Everyone here was eating the same thin soup - if they were eating at all.

“Is there a bakery in the village?”

“A bakery?” She scoffed at me. “Ye payin’ other folks to cook yer bread?”

Eu had only eaten half of the barley-bread offered yesterday, but that was better than nothing. Giving her bread would at least assuage my guilt. But, I had to remember where I was. Although a bakery held a certain niche in a larger city, out here, there was no need. Instead, each family tried their best to be self-sufficient. Not that they really had a choice. Any other strategy would be spendthrift luxury.

I was stumped. Even if the market was still selling, the best I could get was fresh produce. You might expect to get bread served at an inn - or you might expect to get a thin soup. I suppose I could go hungry too as a show of sympathy. But what would that accomplish?

Thinking back, didn’t Diligence say something about Eu liking sweets? Maybe I could buy some fruit tomorrow. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that one of the traveling merchants had …

My eyes flicked over to the group of merchants playing dice at the front of the room. None of them were eating the inn’s food. That meant they must have something better!

“C’mon Eu. I’m going to get us some real food.”

She looked up in amazement, suddenly excited as I made my way toward the dice table. In a flash, she jumped up from her seat to follow behind me.

Two men were playing high-low as usual while the others watched. When I reached the table, I set down a brass sun onto the wooden surface. Since most play high-low for bit stakes, this was a statement of intent, and it drew their eyes. The game stopped cold as the two players considered my challenge.

“Not me,” said the first.

“Me either,” agreed the other.

“Too much, ehh? How about this? I just want to play, so I’ll wager my coin against food. Something tasty. Fruit or sweets.”

The crowd chuckled around me, but a few started digging through their baggage. “I’ve got a plum.”

“Deal! Let’s play! In fact, I’ll let my boy here call the shots.” After all, I'd need Eu's help for this to work.

There was more laughter, but one of the observers offered me his seat. The dice were passed in my direction and my opponent set his plum onto the table.

Eu was grinning like mad. If I had to guess, she was more interested in the dice than the plum. After the roll was down, but still hidden under the cups, I looked to her for guidance.

She did her usual routine, closing her eyes and clasping her hands. “High!”

As expected, I won the wager and passed the plum to Eu. She immediately bit into it, spilling juice down her chin. This caused more laughter. I suppose to them, the situation seemed like a fun amusement.

“Anybody else? I’ll challenge any of you that are willing to play.”

To benefit from Eu’s skill, I needed to keep my role as the challenger. On the other hand, this appeared to give my opponents the advantage since they’d normally win ties. Furthermore, the stakes were absurdly mismatched, so I had plenty who were willing to try against me. The next fellow set down a pair of dried figs as a queue of competitors lined up behind him.

After a few more rounds, I’d won both figs, three small apples, and a pear. I’d even won a few carrots after the fruit supply ran out. Eu had stuffed her mouth so full I couldn’t clearly hear the calls she was making after each roll. In other words, it was time to lose gracefully.

The next man in line set a radish onto the table. I chuckled, but nodded my acceptance. We both rolled and I waited for Eu to swallow down her latest mouthful.

“Low!” she sputtered while taking another bite.

“Low?” I held up my hand to pause for the benefit of the crowd.

“Low!” she reiterated.

“Are you sure? The last two rolls were low. Shouldn’t it be high now?”

“Low!” she glared at me.

“No, this time around we’re going high.”

Eu gasped in astonishment as I changed her call right in front of her.

The group leaned in close as the cups were lifted. I’d rolled a five, but my opponent had rolled a six. I gave a fake groan, leaned over backwards into my chair, and then pushed my coin across the table.

A cheer went up and the young man received a flurry of congratulations and claps on the shoulder. I laughed when he pushed the radish across the table to me as a consolation. He knew his stakes had been unfair, but he didn’t know that I’d been practically cheating.

“Naw! You won fair and square!” I pushed his radish back. When it rolled over, I discovered that it had a mushy spot on the bottom.

This elicited another round of laughter, so I picked it up and tossed it out the open front door. That earned me a rousing cheer of agreement.

Counting my winnings, I’d done pretty well for a single brass sun. I’d gotten exactly what I was after. Furthermore, everyone in the crowd had been pleased, even when they lost. Looking around the room, everyone was happy except for Eu. Her face had been stuck in surprise ever since I had changed her call.

She kicked my shin under the table. “Deft is carrot water!”

“Oww! Yes, yes… carrot water... I know, I know.”