End of the World Tourist

He needed to consider the best angles and look. Wasted footage was wasted energy and he didn’t feel like filling out a form or explaining himself when he got pulled in and his freelance pay docked.

Accidentally creating a religion of a dancing boogie god by projecting his image into the air towering above the mountains to the survivors wasn’t the best idea. He could get away with it during a zombie apocalypse or grey good situation as they usually ignored it and treated it as a direct threat but here it would come across as selfish and dumb.

He looked at the mountains around, he didn’t see any signs of actual residential or military facilities around here. Mostly blasted wilderness.

‘Nah. Casey? I’m going to take a short walk around. I’ll stay above ground for the moment, but I wanted to see if there are decent selfie sights around here. You know the type, large groups of skeletons crowded around a single entrance. A small convoy of vehicles that heard about the bunker and was oh so close to entering before they got hit by a shockwave from a blast.’

[Yes Sir, I would like to first scan the immediate vicinity in case there are either a band of ultraviolent brigands lurking around looking to crack open the entrance to the nearby bunker or even mutated animals lurking nearby looking for decent prey to have a light snack before supper.]

Horus smiled. Casey was always overprotective. The last reality planet with the grey goo had gotten a little out of control sure what with his portable EMP supply running out and swarming like ocean waves beating against him.

The suitcase had still eaten them all like a vacuum cleaner and given itself a decent power boost. Nanobots had nothing on his sentient suitcase, not when his stomach had a near-unlimited capacity to feed.

‘Seriously, you’re not a servant. We’re partners remember? I think that when I first purchased you from the resource collection depot you could barely form words. Now, look at you, all posh and hoity-toity. I mean I don’t dislike it but still, you need to relax more. Do you think that some raiders can put a dent in me? I’ll bite the animals back too if necessary.’

Casey had almost finished his transformation back into a brown normal-looking hovering suitcase from a jet. He hadn’t made any fun transformation sounds this time at the request of Horus previously, it had lost its fun after the one time he’d done so.

[Sir, it is certainly not the threat to your well-being that bothers me. The audacity of anyone who dared to ruin your perfect selfie shot atop a horde of nuclear fire-scorched skeletons. My concern lies with your time being wasted, Sir. After all, I do live to serve.]

‘Mate. When we finish this tour, I’m going to take you back to get your sentience checked out. ‘’Live to serve!’’

No. Just no, you’re not a slave and I’m not a master. We’re mates, friends and all. You just take some time to relax and sit back while I find us access to that base. Then you’ll be able to power up and get back some of that energy you burnt off getting us here so fast.’

[As you wish. I will remain here floating, aware of any threat to your photo opportunities or tour research. Please let me know when you find the entrance and please don’t lose yourself in old memories. She’s gone, Master Horus. It shall do you no good to dwell on the past, I would usually not dare to tell you this Sir, but I am grateful for you finding me. She assigned me to your protection and well-being, and I do take my duties extremely seriously. Not all wounds can be physical.

Nodding his head to show that he was listening he adjusted his nuclear radiation suit before deciding that it was too stuffy for him to keep wearing all the time. He decided to compromise in the end and took off the helmet and tucked it under one arm. With his other hand, he took his orange camera from around his neck and took a quick photo of his sentient suitcase floating there with the background of a mountain behind.

Live in the now.

‘Got a good photo of you Mr Hoity Toity Luggage Man.’

He called out before he walked away and scuffed one thick rubber sole into the irradiated dirt. He should be thankful that his suitcase and friend were so protective of him but occasionally it got too much. Especially when Casey felt the need to remind him about his mentor, it brought up too many memories.

‘See you soon. I need some alone time, ok?’

The lack of a response didn’t bother him. He knew Casey could hear him from half the planet away, they had been bonded when he had first purchased him. All of the other suitcases on display had been brilliant colours and super excited to see him when he took a look inside their creation room.

It was the one by itself in the corner that took his attention. A dull dark brown, it was just floating there by itself not rushing around the room like the rest of them. Smaller even as though it hadn’t developed its true growth potential.

No choice was necessary. Horus pointed it out and helped it grow into the suitcase that it was today. Capable of eating nano swarms that covered the sky within minutes. He was still never really sure if Casey realised how much effort was made to take care of it and the amount of money that he had spent trying to fix him when flaws had been found.

‘Nostalgia was a two-edged sword’ thought Horus.

Happy memories were always accompanied by bad ones. Always. He continued to scuff his feet through the ground kicking up white pieces of bone and metal that had been blasted here. Earth. Mixed with water it made mud. Not exciting to look at or play with unless you were a kid. Reaching down he grabbed a handful of rocks and debris and crushed them inside his closed hand before letting the dust drop to the ground.

Not tasty at all. Horus could eat it to fill his stomach if he needed to but one of the main reasons, he chose nuclear apocalypse worlds was for the chance to discover new snacks designed and created to last a lifetime.

A dead planet held little interest for Horus especially when you wanted to get those face-to-face interviews with survivors for a little slice of life interest. The best part of entering nuclear bunkers was the frozen and preserved food that they had in stock. All those additives made the so-called food last for hundreds of years past its sell-by date. They tasted pretty crunchy.

The latter was meant to last past a nuclear war after all. Or it would be tinned food. Irradiated at the moment it was tinned to make sure that it would last for a long, long time. The potato chips still taste pretty good though when he was lucky enough to find them.

The simple nature of this slice of apocalypse brought back old memories of entirely decaying and desolate worlds. This time it wasn’t quite a fully dead planet but with a relatively small population of only a few hundred million, it would mean that the survivors who were underground in bunkers or survived the after-effects of the war would take a good while to reclaim the planet. Or if the sides who began the war in the first place decided to keep fighting to the death, then it’d work out the same as a dead world.

Horus knew this one guy who had taken an amazing shot. Two survivors wearing rags of military uniforms were armed with sticks and stones and fought each other, fed on the tales of their ancestors who tried to take over the planet the photo was of the two of them dying of starvation and dehydration at the same time. They leaned on each other, sticks still clutched to the death in eternal hatred of their foe.

He thought it was the rats who had evolved on that one. Or was it wild pigs? Goats, it was cannibal goats that turned out to be the ultimate survivors. This guy had taken the shot right before the two dead survivors were completely eaten and digested, clothes, worn-out boots, and all. They became a pile of stinking excrement after having finally found their peace.

A post-apocalyptic world full of dead bodies from a biological outbreak that turned the goats into partially sentient meat-eating, farting machines. Things got pretty boring after that as all they did was eat each other and any surviving fauna or wildlife that was lucky to survive the death of their world. The zombie goats had overrun the entire planet and managed to spread until the continents of the world were full of bleating sounds and anything living in the oceans was hiding as the never-ending hunger of the goats slowly approached the waters of the world.

He did have to admit that zombie mer-goats were pretty interesting, half zombie goat and half fish along with gills and the ability to swim in vast numbers simply eating anything they came across. More than a few sharks had been surprised at how they’d been eaten apart and so did a few leviathans that were hiding deep within the depths of the ocean trenches.

A few of the zombie goats had bumped their heads against his knees but as soon as they had found out that he was unedible and Casey gave them a severe electrical shock they’d soon passed on their findings to the rest of the herd and eventually the planet. He did think that it would make a nice little petting zoo for the tourism board. Children always loved goats especially when they would allow themselves to be petted. Being part sea zombie was a bonus and Horus thought that watching animals bite each other without consequence looked good in his eyes. He would have loved seeing it was a kid, it would have made a difference to starving to death in the desert.

When he had been younger Horus was only brave enough to explore the ruins of places. At least that’s where his mentor had taken him. He wasn’t sure if it was because of his age or the fact that she didn’t like other people very much. Seeing the sad remains of where people once lived was pretty boring from his perspective but then as Horus had grown older, he felt that it wasn’t a case that his mentor had disliked people, but she seemed aged from her experiences.

He tried his best to take a positive feeling from his experiences, the great views, new sites, and occasional unexpected experiences. Horus did have his personal preferences though. If he ever visited a world that was filled with zombies, he made sure that they weren’t fast-moving ones, those specific realities he ended up marking down for immediate deletion from the tourism board.

The same applied to the self-aware ones that developed a sense of awareness and could think. Way too complex for tourists to deal with. All the questions and nonsense that they came out with were just frustrating. Horus himself had experienced it far too many times to count now.

When revived monster humans began talking to you and working out new strategies it just got annoying. Usually, the entire inhabited population of survivors got wiped out and then all you had was this constant warfare and on occasion, a new form of civilisation got rebuilt.

Nobody cared about zombies driving normal cars around in their day job and then going back home to watch the news, and day-to-day routines. The whole thing got boring fast and transformed everything from an apocalypse tour to a slice of life tv drama.

Horus didn’t get into the tourism business to become bored. He had met a few people who organised those sorts of tours, easy money minimal risk but the sound of the sheer repetition of it was far worse than that one world he had visited. The one with the lone overpowered superhuman.

The whole thing with zombies, be they made through science, religion or nonsense ideas was that it was meant to give people a fighting chance. A monster that ran fast or could handle guns just killed the immediate population and ended up with a completely rubbish experience for any visitors.

The multi-dimensional tourist board would be pretty annoyed if people didn’t get what they expected. There was a reason that the classics worked. He considered that you could have fast-moving zombies, but they had better have a handicap like they could run fast, to begin with, but broke apart after an hour.

It was some of the worlds where the zombie apocalypse was the most popular. Visitors got the chance to watch the entire process happen over and over again. Until they got bored that was. This is the point that he came in, to act like a tourist and get paid for the experience was his dream job.

Yes, you needed to work hard but every visit meant a brand-new experience as well as paying off his original debt. Freelance work meant a much harder job, but Horus still followed in the footsteps of his mentor. At least her final gift of money was used to buy Casey. There would be no way for him to do the job properly and with sufficient protection and resources without his sentient luggage.

It would be doable, but a far bigger headache and he wouldn’t have had anyone to talk to besides the usual survivors who were a mixed bag, to begin with. The military or paramilitary types were rigid, and the crazies were narcissistic and usually cult affiliated. Loner types got boring quickly and the smart, capable leader types recognised him for what he represented. An untapped resource.

The chaotic ones were the biggest issue. The ones who hid behind a façade and expected him to believe in their righteousness while they planned to kill him or worse. Horus was all for getting into the experience but as a freelance dimensional end-of-world tourist he wasn’t stupid. Occasionally gullible but never stupid.

He was wondering about the type of social order set-up that the bunker would have inside. A mad general giving out orders slowly losing her mind after the shock of the collapse of civilisation set in.

Then Horus switched his thoughts to getting Casey to start playing a song playlist as a side event when he introduced himself. His dance moves weren’t too bad and provided that light effects and the right echo settings were set it’d make for a pretty good show. Then he could film the reaction of the inhabitants. The whole thing had been done before, that was the problem. Human interest and all made for a boring scene if he was faced with people who just stared as if they had simply gone insane.

‘See you with a hand wave, gonna make it past you with a close shave.’

Not good footage when you were a tourist. People were expecting an experience, not a carefully created façade. The real thing really couldn’t be matched in reality. Still, he’d try his best to get the best quality materials and that meant research, interviews and taking as many photos and videos as his orange camera would allow. Which was technically infinite unless he decided to delete it all by mistake. Holding the bright yellow of his radiation-proof helmet under his arm he saw a glint of metal and then, a small part of an air vent carefully hidden.

‘Found you!’ muttered Horus beneath his breath.

He’d need to inform Casey of his little discovery but now they had a rough starting point for putting together how exactly this small planet broke out in nuclear war.