End of the World Tourist

In truth, he was filled with memories of his old mentor and he preferred that his best friend didn’t see the tears that threatened to fill his eyes.

‘She said to me ‘Excuse me young man, but did you just steal my bowl of freshly cooked meat noodles?’ It was that moment when I ate the noodles in front of her and drank the soup slurping it down as fast as I humanly could that she began to beat me to death within an inch of my life.’

Horus bowed his head in the seat of the aeroplane. He almost flinched remembering the epic beatdown that he had received at the hands of a hungry person.

‘Wow, she was a seriously angry woman. Afterwards, she took me in and made me cook hundreds, not thousands of bowls of noodles until I reached perfection. When you were purchased, I used your storage ability to create the opportunity to make enough bowls of noodles to feed countries at the least. But I still remember the taste of that first bowl of noodles to this day, I might not go all crazy and start beating someone up for eating it but I’m happy to make someone feel good even for a single day.’

[Sir, this may come across as an impertinent question. But what if the person in question doesn’t like eating noodles or smashes the bowl to the ground?]

Horus smiled to himself. His enhanced eyes picked up on the region of the mountainous area up ahead. No damaged vehicles or any other debris were lying around the base of the mountain. It made sense to him that an underground nuclear-proof bunker would need to be protected through secrecy as well as technology. Hidden entrances and the like.

‘If anyone turns down a fresh bowl of noodles, I can dig it. Not everyone has the same taste y’know. But if someone did smash a bowl of fresh noodles that I had prepared with my own two hands. Well, you know what a hundred fingers said to the face.’

[Sir, the old expression according to my records is what the five fingers said to the face. A commonly used insult used before immediate violence.]

‘Not according to the old grey-haired angry woman, sorry my mentor. She taught me well as a dimensional traveller. When you get insulted you got to dish it out strong. The reason she beat me so badly was to remind me the importance of not wasting food. It was a moral lesson or sorts. Wasn’t the first time she almost beat me to death though, not after she took me to the tourist board hub. Ah, old memories. I do not miss that place one little bit. Bunch of stuck-up know-it-all’s.’

[Yes, Sir I do believe that it was one of the reasons that your mentor purchased me for you as an alternative. In her words which were rather vulgar she believed that you could do better than them for companions.]

‘Casey, you are brilliant. But never think of yourself as a slave like the rest of those holders. The tourist board can do what they want with their own place but you and me need to stick together’.

[Always Sir. I am fully at your disposal as you see fit.]

Horus didn’t feel like responding to that comment from Casey. Yes, he could be considered as a tool for him to use as he saw fit but he was more like a family member. There were no crowbars in family photos, only brothers, sisters, parents and relatives.

‘Hey Casey, you can pull to a stop now, we’re here. You detected an underground bunker in this location and lo and behold we got ourselves a big old mountain region. Be a great shield from radiation and blast radius. I bet that they even moved into this place before war broke out, it’d be a special treat if they were remnants of the original government. They always tell the best stories. As long as it’s not a bunch of rich survivalists or mutants I don’t mind’

[Slowing down Sir, please make sure that your seatbelt is fastened, and all equipment is checked and stored aware. We will be stopping at your next destination placeholder name of Bunker Alpha-Zero.]

‘Is that the name for this place in the records Casey? I’m forgetting if this planet had developed a multi-communication network or if they were yet to get to that level of technology. I hope that they had space travel or at least an orbiting space station. Just for that extra touch of realism when you talk to astronauts who saw their entire planet and way of life destroyed below them.’

[No Sir, I have given it the name as a placeholder only. There was an experimental space program in use but it was mothballed a decade before the war broke out. Resources were considered too valuable to waste on rockets to any of the moons.] Paranormal Encounter Division.”

The jet stopped beside the mountainous region and blew the dust away, the roaring noise was undiscernible to Horus sitting in the cockpit but anyone outside would have been able to hear it for hundreds of miles.

[We’ve arrived Sir if you’d like to allow me to first do a quick security scan for any robotic patrols or defence systems before you attempt to go the entrance. I am most keen to annihilate any who would seek to block your passage and deny you a most pleasant experience touring their underground facility. Why they should be grateful that you’ve even chosen to grace them with your presence Sir.]

‘Casey. You can tone it down a little bit with the respect. We’re friends, right? I told you; the whole master and servant routine may have worked for my mentor but I’m not her and you’re not me ok?’

[I would like to agree to disagree Sir. Your protection and comfort are my absolute priority.]

Horus shook his head in the cockpit, an orange block camera rattling around his neck onto his yellow radiation suit. His body language showed that he was impatient to begin he immediately stood up as Casey performed an emergency vertical landing onto the scorched ground below.

‘You need to learn to relax more Casey. You’ve done a full planetary scan already even before we arrived here. Is there anything that can hurt me?’

[No Sir. Despite the active heavily militarised presence before the war and the aftermath which has resulted in a 200% increase in gamma rays along with radioactive debris emitting alpha and beta particles there are no records of any weapons capable of causing actual physical damage so to speak.]

‘There you go. So unless they’ve got a black hole generator lying around the place then I doubt that there is anything that’s going to get in my way. Maybe you should do me a favour and let me do the talking with any survivors. You’re great and all but they might not understand the potential that you have in a suitcase. I mean look at the gleam on you right now. Not even a speck of dust in sight.’

[Yes Sir, I do try to maintain appearances despite the rather dismal nature of this particular reality. It is always important to maintain the sheen on one’s body.]

‘You always look as shiny as the day I first found you, Casey. Not like those other floating backpacks that get rougher each time we see them.’

[Thank you for your kind compliments Sir, while I do not appreciate criticism of the backpacks they are a little bit rough aren’t they? We of the suitcase case crowd prefer a more refined look.]

‘Those naughty backpacks. Now, do you reckon you need to do a quick fly around here Casey to make sure that we don’t have any competition? I doubt that anyone from the tourism board would be on the planet, but we still need to be a bit careful. I’m not going in for mandatory training again as a punishment, the last time was plenty enough.’

As Casey flew towards the mountains, he rose higher into the air in suitcase form and then held a holding pattern for several moments before he dipped back down towards the designated landing area where Horus was still standing looking around.

[I am unable to detect anyone else using this current dimensional frequency as us. Either way, this planet's size does hold the bare minimum population of a hundred million so it is rather doubtful that it would hold much interest when other trending realities are more commonly sought after.]

‘True. So true. Even for freelancers like you and me Casey it’s always better to try and find original content. Nobody likes to be copied and there’s plenty of that. I have a good feeling about this one, we find some survivors, get some human perspective, a few decent shots and life experiences and it’ll package up real nice. We might even get a bonus time from the tourism agency.’

[One should always live a life in hope Sir.]

‘Right, right. Let me have a look around here myself for a bit. It seems to be slightly less blasted than other places.’

It seemed to him that this particular area hadn’t been the target of a direct nuclear attack. It would be one of two places usually, strategic targets that included military bases, weapons development centres, and leadership positions or it would be civilian targets that included cities.

Crazy Generals liked to destroy everything when it kicked off, retaliation being the name of the game.

Given that the size of this planet wasn’t too big Horus doubted that the total population would exceed more than a few hundred million. There was a fine timeline in place after a nuclear war would strike, if the technology here wasn’t too high then the possibility of destruction would be low risk.

Cities and countries would be devastated, and radiation would contaminate the environment, but it would eventually pass, and civilisation could be rebuilt haphazardly. At that point, the planet would be ruined. Humans or the alternate form of life that dominated the planet would rebuild and start the whole process over again. It would usually be a long time until the planet would be available for another apocalypse and that made for bad tour groups.

The wind swept across the mountainous region; it would be likely that most of the nuclear radiation would have been blocked by the mountains. Given that the technological capability of this world was low, then Horus might have gotten lucky and the main places of severe radiation damage would be those accessible by each side's air force.

Still, it’d be a question to ask if any hidden secret areas had survived undamaged. He’d have to make a note of that when he came across any surviving military or government personnel of a certain rank. There were quite a few tourists who went nuts for that stuff, hidden secret government installations where they carried out mass cloning experiments or kept the crashed alien spaceships. That sort of thing. They may even have captured a few of the higher-level beings or gods that existed in this world and locked them away.

‘Casey?’

[Yes Sir, how may I be of service on this fine slightly radioactive and darkened morning?]

‘That a joke? All the dust clouds make the sun kinda blotted out.’

[Sir, the time is approximately 7.34 am for this local region. If you could find me an interface for a computer or timepiece for this region, I’d be better equipped to give you a clearer picture. Sir did ask for a specific slice of real-world that had suffered a nuclear war but on a smaller scale. The population of this world was adjusted accordingly.]

Horus smiled inside the helmet of his radioactive protection suit.

‘I did. What a fine morning it is. Now, can you find the location of the bunker? I wonder if it’s going to be actually inside the mountain, under the ground or a straight silo cylinder. There ought to be cameras above the surface tracking movements or other detection devices. Even radiation monitoring equipment or air ducts are equipped to filter out the dirty air.’

[I have forcefully expended a great deal of energy Sir in flying here so quickly. While I enter recharge mode would Sir care to explore the local vicinity? I will be shortly ready in approximately thirty seconds and ready to take on any threats supposing there were any.]

‘Alright. As long as no one targets me with a direct nuclear weapon there shouldn’t be an issue. I mean it wouldn’t kill but I’m sure that it’d sting and I’d be stuck walking around naked and become a radioactive man for a while until you got around to washing it off me. Rules are rules. I’m not losing out on a bonus this time.’

[Indeed Sir. I do believe that now that the bombs have dropped it would be rather unlikely for any existing military presence to decide to drop a nuclear-armed weapon on a single individual such as yourself. I do believe that most people are struggling with the aftermath of the ever-so-brief war and their current state of survival.]

‘Yeah, I guess so. What a photo op it would make though. I could take a selfie with the bomb right above my head about to explode on me. No, every better, a photo of me jumping up in the air to catch the bomb with my bare hands. Nice.’

[Yes Sir. I am sure that you’ll eventually find your photo opportunity to hold a weapon of mass destruction in your bare hands at some point during this job. Please enjoy your tour of the nearby facility. I’m quite sure that your most keen presence will be noticed in proper order. Will you be needing further assistance Sir?]

Horus made sure that his orange camera was securely fastened around his neck before climbing out of the small cockpit of the one-person jet plane. His bright yellow radiation suit made a slight crackling sound as he moved.

Taking a look at the massive mountain sitting next to the burnt-out wastes beyond he sighed. It was a massive shame, all the destruction and death caused by nuclear war made everything that bit more difficult.

He should have chosen to take out a loan to upgrade Casey then if he positioned himself just on the mountain, he would have been able to get some great footage. Just because he could be mainly unaffected by a nuclear bomb didn’t mean that he would be able to take a video at the moment.

‘I’d waste a bowl of freshly cooked noodles for a decent playlist right now. Imagine blasting out some music across the mountains, it’d be pretty funny to see the looks on those folks inside their nuclear bunker. Better yet, give me a projection in the sky dancing. Nah, it’s been done before and too much interference ruins the local flavour. I’m just talking rubbish Casey, forget it.’

[Master Horus?]