DXD^FUCKER

So after I left the lunchroom, I went back to the classroom...

I reflected on what's been happening lately, with Rias and her Peerage coming to me... and I have 2 hypotheses.

First is the easy and trope theory... That my Soul Father Big G is just straight up messing with me for entertainment?

But this makes no sense... Like that crap with talking out loud around Rias, is just a terrifying curse if that is what's happening...

Or I have suffered so much trauma from too many past-lifetimes... I'm in other words, just broken.

The second theory I have is... I killed too many Butterflies!

And dogs and cats are living together, in mass hysteria...

-

I made it back in class, and it looks like the rumors of me doing despicable things to an older woman have turned into... A sad heartbroken widower.

How did these rumors get here before I did?!

Huh? Why is Issei not in class?

Is it Student Council Devil stuff now?

Not sure what will happen to the timeline, now that I killed that big Mothra Butterfly?

Meh... Future me just watch out!

(Future Mat's have given up slapping the past Mat!)

-

During class, I was reminiscing about how I started in this new world after my birthday...

Then ultimately I started missing Kala, and not for her super awesome body, but our talks in the park and stargazing together.

I will call her later to settle my feelings.

Then I thought about tormenting Tsubaki!

How I'm going to make her rub sunscreen all over me, even though I can't burn like the Devils don't!

But then it hit me!

Tsubaki is a good girl, and I don't think I want the other boys to look at her like that in her swimsuit, that is probably super hot!

I don't want to become that Evil Dream Issei.

Wait, maybe that is what that dream was telling me, to not be a sleaze-ball! (Not even close, but don't be a slime anyway!)

Glad I figured that dream out early!

So 15 minutes before classes ended, I told the teacher I had business in the Student Council room, and was excused.

Well my grades are too good to justify stopping me!

-

Tap Tap~! After a while, I made it there and knocked on the door...

[Come in.]

After receiving Sona's permission to enter, I did.

Sona pushed up her glasses, and asked me.

"Mr. Tanaka hello, if this is about the meeting and arrangement, don't worry. We don't back out of our duty."

Sona said while handing papers to a thuggish looking blonde boy, I kinda recognized.

She then said to the student...

"Saji, take the forms to the Judo Club, and approve their funding, go now I have a visitor."

Why the fuck is he giving me a shitty-grin, like I owe him lunch money?

We stayed quiet till the gangster left, he is kinda a tool!

He and Issei will get along... Wow that is a funny thought now they are in the same group.

Click~! After the door was closed, she asked me.

"And what would you like to say?"

Huh, It looks like we are alone, so I just stand in front of her desk and not sit.

With a serious face I say to Sona.

"I'm here to stop Tsubaki from going through with my bargain, and I would like to modify my request to something friendly to me and the council."

I wait for her response.

You know what, I actually like talking with Sona.

She is just a straight to the point, no nonsense girl.

She got a bad rap in the anime, due to not having an overly developed body, but that just makes her more normal, I think.

Normal is good, right?

As Sona narrowed her eyes, she asked,while wiping her glasses with a cloth.

"What request would you have for me, Mr. Tanaka?"

Hey Sona don't give me the... Stranger Danger eyes!

I put on my evil grin, and tell her my plan of assassination!

"I just noticed you had 2 new male students in your organization today, and I think if you make them a batch of freshly baked cookies, that would give them a warm (death) feeling. I think you would get so much more loyalty out of the two with the President's hard work! It only will take you an hour to make, no problem... Then we are square, deal?"

Damn you Issei, my revenge will come sooner than you think, and that bastard Saji will fall with you!

From what I remember... Sona is great at everything, but cooking!

It's the clumsy chef trope.

How does an absolute genius fuck up cookies!

Just follow the directions and read labels, what are your glasses for?!

Sona warmly smiles at my words.

"Deal!"

Oh~fuck, she seems happy to kill her new Peerage members... Rest in peace guys!

She followed with a question...

"May I ask why you don't want my VP to attend to you at the pool? You seemed to be very excited to see her in a white string bikini, Mr. Tanaka? Perhaps you don't find her appealing, or do you hate her? I think you're the only boy that would turn down this once in a lifetime opportunity!"

Why is she smiling like she is pulling a prank?

Am I blushing?

Meh, I just told her my thoughts...

"No, um, I think she is incredibly beautiful, and I was really looking forward to making her squirm a bit. I like to see her Ice-Block facade crack, haha..."

While rubbing my shaved head, I continued.

"I have had a rough week... and had time to think, and I have decided. I don't want strangers to google at her exposed body, just because I wanted to see her like that. Please don't tell Tsubaki what I told you, alright? It's not even like we really know each other, right? I will just admire her from afar and give myself a Highschool crush to remember when I'm older."

I finished with an awkward thumbs-up and said.

"Off to the Swim Club... Peace out Pres."

And I leave the office...

-

A minute after dumb-ass Matsuda leaves the room...

Sona, with a smile that she never reveals, asks the changing room door.

"You heard everything, right Tsubaki?"

A second later, a tall blushing Tsubaki exits the changing room, with a towel wrapped around herself, as if she were on her way to the beach.

Under the towel can be seen the straps of a white string bikini Matsuda missed out on!

Tsubaki, looking at the door, said shyly.

"Yes Sona, but I don't understand why? I know what he said, but it's hard to figure out? Matsuda is normally such an asshole to me?"

Sona, with hidden thoughts, tells her Queen...

"He is a shy one... Matsuda also used your first name when you were not around! Normally I would tell you to try dating and live a fun Highschool life, but he isn't part of our world, and Humans just can't be in ours."

-

Back with Aquaman...

"Fuck you Phelps, and I'm better... Mwahaha~!"

Well, I have to be careful not to overdo it again... like I always do!

I'm currently one of the fastest beings in the water, and I can breathe too, not to mention even pressure won't affect me.

Plus I talk to fish... alright, Aquaman sucks!

Well it seems I feel really really comfortable in the water, um, like a fish?

I found out something that would make Issei die!

I can easily watch the girls swim while I'm under water, this isn't bad peeping, they have clothes on, right?

I just remembered and felt like an ass-hat... Back when I first started, I wouldn't have drowned in the tub... I'm dumb.

When I finally got done with swimming, a small part of me was wishing Tsubaki would still come and at least hand me a towel!

Meh, I don't care, I will just save my lower-back from future troubles! (Yeah, right, Huge Harem inbound!)

-

Fast forward to the present...

Issei had to stay after the club for a welcoming party, and die from food poisoning, ass-holes!

And Motohama and I are walking home and talking about the many beauties in school, that he had collected very personal data on!

CIA or SHIELD please recruit this guy!

Surprise! He and I were walking across [The Great Issei Bridge]. when Motohama's girl 3-Sizes Scouter went off, at the girl gazing over the edge at the cars passing under.

He sputters off her 3-sizes that I always ignore, and am frozen when the girl turns to face us!

-

She is wearing a school uniform, from some random public Highschool from who knows where.

Fuck! Fuck Fuck! It is 8 months too early!

And Issei isn't here!

Thump Thump~! Calm down my heart, this may not even be what I'm thinking it is.

My Sacred Gear emits no power output, unless it is activated!

So why is she here? (Cough, Apple Tree Exorcist, dumbass!)

With a cute smile, Raynare says to me, with her hands holding her school bag.

"You are Matsuda Tanaka, right? I'm Yūma Amano, and I have been watching you pass by here... and have built up the courage to ask you to, please be my boyfriend!"

She then does a nice scripted bow to me, with pleading puppy-dog eyes.

I froze, and Motohama is a statue?

She is tilting her cute ass head now!

My eyes and spine tingle in a danger warning... It's faint though.

I can tell if I don't placate her, she will stab me right here and kill the both of us!

I put on a forced smile, and say...

"Um, Miss Yūma Amano right, I believe this is the first time we have met? Why would you want to be my girlfriend?"

Let's pretend I don't know the anime season 1, and assume not everything will happen the same.

I mean, I fell in love with a Fallen Angel already, and Azazel is a cool dude, who I want to be friends with!

Plus, no Light Spear can kill me like a little bitch, and make me do the pathetic reincarnation trope. (The 1st future Mat draws back his slap!)

Raynare (Yuma), puts her finger in the air and tells me...

"My Mother told me to quickly find a nice, reliable, and strong man to be in a relationship with, before some random girl gets to him first, and I want you so please accept me!"

What kind of made-up mother did she have!?

Well I guess if she was a normal girl, that is actually really smart! Get there before the other bitches!

Fuck it! You got evil lemons!

I will make evil lemonade!

"Okay, but I warn you... I expect lots of kisses from my girlfriend!"

Take that Sona 2.0!

She makes a cute small leap of excitement, and gets her smartphone out. and yells!

"Yes! Here is my number!"

Damn it!

I underestimate the desperation and lack of good moral upbringing of Fallen Angels nowadays!

After we exchanged contact details, and made plans for the weekend, she then said she will walk to school with me the rest of the week.

Mwah~! And as promised, she actually gave me a kiss on the side of my face, and ran off!

Take that anime Issei... I'm sure I could go farther if I wanted, but I made a promise to my Wife to not do one-night stands!

All of a sudden, a sharp gasp awoke me from my thoughts...

Motohama yells at me!

"Why are all of the hot girls just falling out of the sky for you?! You're not even good looking!"

I need new friends!

I totally forgot he was even standing there, so I guess I'm a shitty friend too?

Lets see, how would my two idiot buddy's answer this?

Oh, I know!

"Don't worry buddy, I'm just going to pump my load in there, then delete her number!"

Wow, that felt so disgusting to even say... I need a shower!

But he only says.

"You are the Harem King!"

Please no!

My back can't do that bullshit... I only want 3 max girls! (Pfft ×10 maybe!)

-

After both abominations against all women left...

Akeno came up the stairs, from the road below the bridge, where the boys just were.

She looked in the direction of Yuma and said.

"Why is that Fallen trash trying to get with Matsuda? I need to report this to Rias!"

Then Akeno followed Matsuda home...

+-+-+--------------------------------+-+-+

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