Dungeons Are Bad Business

No voice boomed in the darkness above his head, no suit-wearing [Guide] appeared to lead the way. Vee had heard of both of those happening in situations like this one, and was ever so slightly disappointed that he didn't get to experience either. There was only what looked like an endless expanse of hallway ahead and the perpetual sound of hammer blows.

How long the dream would last was anyone’s guess. Some people were only “encouraged” for a few minutes, others claimed that it felt like days passed. Vee hoped he would be one of the former; he had work to get back to.

Like he was a member of the infamous thirteenth [Lightning Soldier]’s ragtag party whose bizarre, overly linear legend Vee didn’t properly remember except for the bit where the only somewhat personable character got turned into a crystal in the first act, he had no choice but to walk forward.

The ground was made of gray and white tile, with a thin ribbon of royal blue on either side. In some places the ribbon was a little thicker, and in others it was thinner, giving the hallway the impression of growing and shrinking in size as Vee made his way toward the hammering sound.

On first glance the walls looked like they were made of wood, but as Vee continued further he started to notice that the “grain” seemed to shift back and forth in unusual ways. More than once he saw knots that looked like eyes or a gaping maw, and when he activated [Third Sight] he saw that he was surrounded by peculiar ghosts and spirits.

Some of them were humanoid, albeit much larger than any Vee was used to seeing, and others were distinctly animalike. There were also some that were little more than wisps of otherworldly green or purple. They turned to stare at Vee as he passed, their blank eyes cold and unblinking.

[Stiffen Spine] activated, and Vee met each gaze without flinching. He was not a person who believed that ghosts and spirits were evil or frightening, though he wished that these entities weren’t all so menacing.

A faded fresco adorned the ceiling a little further on, depicting a woman in armor leading an army of screaming spirits that were the same unnatural blue as her eyes. Vee shivered at the fury in her expression, and quickened his steps so that he wouldn’t linger under the fresco for long.

There were other paintings too: one showed a man in a dark suit playing a violin while a single fuzzy feminine figure stood lovingly behind him, a second depicted a gigantic salamander sitting at a forge, a third depicted a kitrekin with charcoal gray fur staring intently into a fire where another pair of eyes stared back, and the fourth – which was surprisingly faded in terms of its color palette – showed a elkin with shattered antlers working atop a bulging, fleshlike machine that looked a little too much like Dheart for Vee’s comfort. Sinister lights fluttered around it, and Vee felt much better when he finally pulled his eyes away from it.

So far, he was unsure what he was supposed to be getting out of this experience. It didn’t take a genius to guess that these images all depicted his various class upgrade options, but none of them provided any new information. Heck, in at least two cases – the image with the elkin and the machine and the woman with the horde of angry blue ghosts – Vee suspected that his decision to avoid picking a specific future class had affected the paintings themselves. He doubted they would have been painted in such faded colors originally.

Only three options remained: [Ghost Wizard], [Ghost Smith], and of course refusing to take an upgrade at all and remaining a simple [Ghost Maestro].

He struggled with his thoughts and feelings as he walked. When it came down to it, when everything was weighed and measured and given its proper consideration, did Vee even want to upgrade his class in the first place? The more he thought about it, the less sure of an answer he became. There were upsides and downsides to picking an upgrade and staying as he was, just like there were with any decision. Vee knew that he couldn’t keep pushing it off forever; part of being an adult meant having to weigh tradeoffs and make hard choices when it became necessary to do so.

But was that where he was? Surely he had some time yet. The System would tell him when he’d missed his chance, and so far it hadn’t made any indications of that point approaching. Maybe he could just stay put and think about it more fully after the circuit finished.

On the other hand, what exactly was he waiting for? Upgrading his class now – or at the very least, soon – would make his life easier in many ways. If he picked well, his upgrade could be a boon that boosted Crestheart beyond what he’d ever imagined. Classic wisdom dictated that upgraded classes were unambiguously a good thing. It was in the name. Most [System Philosophers], [System Consultants], [Life Coaches], and others would probably agree: progressing further was the clear choice.

But Vee still struggled, and he didn’t particularly care if doing so was petty or irrational. He knew many talented and powerful [Ghost Maestros] who didn’t seem to want for anything as far as their skills went. Most of them could do things he associated with the class upgrades, like Rortenferry had made Vee's machines.

Besides, at the end of the day Vee liked being a [Ghost Maestro]. It was a crucial part of his identity, a key pillar of how he saw himself. It was a dignified class, if a little quirky, and Vee appreciated that.

Surely how he felt should count for something?

That was the type of question that invited a pause, so Vee did so, waiting with bated breath for something from the System to appear before him. A statement of reassurance or denial.

He kept waiting, but nothing showed up, and eventually the [G-h-o-s-t M-a-e-s-t-r-o] gained further understanding that the decision was his alone to make.

Change, that is to say moving forward, was an inevitable part of life. Change was uncomfortable, and in many cases frightening. However, thinking about how his life was different now than it’d been when he’d been wasting away back in Bardis, Vee decided that it was fundamentally a good thing. So long as he got to keep his orchestra and didn’t lose any of his most important skills like [Shape Ectoplasm] or [Refine Ectoplasm], what would he really be giving up? After all, if he was really being honest with himself he didn’t exactly use all of the skills available to [Ghost Maestros]. All those [Ectoplasmic Dance Numbers] simply made his head spin so he'd never bothered the memorize them, let alone use them.

Why not swap them out with something more immediately beneficial? Was a name really so important?

Increasingly Vee couldn't justify saying so. Clenching his hand into a fist, Vee took a deep breath and said, “Show me what’s at the end of the tunnel.”

With his emotions temporarily sorted, the hallway seemed to shrink. Barely a dozen steps later Vee found himself in front of a large staircase leading down into the dark.

On a placard above the stairs was a simple sign. It was a plank of wood with the words [Ghost Wizard] burned into it.

Vee climbed down, his heartbeat quickening. At the bottom of the stairs, Vee smelled two unmistakable things: fire and brimstone. There were also some odd spices that made him want to sneeze. He also felt a writhing in the ethereal that made his skin crawl. There was something deeply…wrong about this place, but the [Ghost…?] had no choice but to press forward.

Ahead, there was a hooded figure crouched in front of a small and sickly white flame. It was a kitrekin with charcoal fur – the one from the painting, if Vee had to guess – and if it noticed Vee’s approach it gave no sign.

A series of bags filled with strange herbs and powders sat in a mismatched pile around its legs, and from time to time the kitrekin grabbed a pinch of one or another and threw it into the flames.

Most did nothing, but eventually the flames grew taller and changed color. Instead of white they were red and black, with maybe a touch of purple mixed in?

This development horrified Vee but excited the kitrekin, who stretched out its paws and gazed into the fire.

“[Come Forth], mighty spirit,” it said in a low, almost sensual tone, “I demand your attendance!”

The fire crackled and spat, hissing like an angry snake, and six malevolent eyes appeared in its heart.

“WHO DARES SUMMON ME?!”

With a snarl, the kitrekin leaned forward, its paws positioned like it was pressing against something heavy, and an oppressive weight settled in the air. The fire grew and writhed, causing the kitrekin’s shadow to look like it was in the middle of a ferocious wrestling match.

Vee took a step backwards, watching in morbid fascination.

For all that the struggle was ferocious, it didn’t last long. With a shout of triumph, the kitrekin’s paws jutted into the fire and pulled out a small, shiny, core. The fire died down, the last of the flames whimpering into oblivion, and the kitrekin popped the core into its mouth like it was eating a piece of candy.

"Delicious," it said.

A moment later, the kitrekin’s fur changed color – taking on a blood red hue – and a pair of jagged horns burst out of its head. Raising its paw, the kitrekin mumbled something in a language no decent person should understand, and a fiery orb of blood appeared in the air.

Seemingly satisfied, the kitrekin closed its paw and its appearance returned to normal. Only then did it turn and address Vee.

“What brings you here, child? Are you looking to become a [Ghost Wizard]?”

“I…wasn’t sure when I got down here,” Vee admitted. “But…”

“There are mighty spirits beyond imagination in the space past the ethereal,” the kitrekin said conspiratorially. “Ghosts of powerful [Heroes], fallen [Witches], and even some false gods. They rule over realms not unlike our own, and they know many things we might find useful. By summoning them through flames and overcoming their will with our own, we can subjugate them to our service and take some measure of their power for ourselves. Does that not quicken your heart?”

Vee swallowed hard. It did, but not in the way she probably meant. Frankly, subjugating great spirits to learn hidden secrets of the world didn’t hold any interest for him, but Vee felt very strongly that was the sort of thing he couldn’t say aloud just then. From the reverent tone of the kitrekin’s voice, she clearly took great pride in her…work.

Carefully, Vee shook his head. He didn’t like anything about this and didn’t want to be here a minute longer than necessary. “I’m sorry, but don’t think this is the class for me. Best of luck to you.”

Before the kitrekin could say anything more, Vee turned and left as quickly as his feet would carry him.

That was terrifying, he thought as he hurried back up the stairs and breathed a hearty sigh of relief. Definitely not the upgrade for me.

Sure enough, the painting of the kitrekin and the flames was now grayed out the way the other two had been.

He continued on his way, comforted by the now familiar decor of the hallway and made his way toward the sound of the hammer. With three of his four upgrade options mentally checked off his list, Vee found himself somewhat nervous about what lay beyond. What if the [Ghost Smith] was also wrong for him? He’d feel foolish if he had to remain a [Ghost Maestro] after all that resolve and thinking!

Thankfully, Vee found himself somewhat reassured by a warm humming sound that grew louder and louder with every step.

It sounded like someone singing. That was usually a good sign.

Finally, Vee reached another door. Above it was another sign that said [Ghost Smith].

The door was heavy, but Vee shoved it open and the sounds of hammer and song both enveloped him like a warm blanket on a cold winter night. The air grew so heated that Vee started to sweat, or at least he did when he remembered that he was supposed to – dreams were funny like that – and Vee crept forward until he found himself in yet another large room.

Here too there was a fire, though this one belonged to a great golden forge filled with a crackling blue flame. Its sheen instantly brought to mind the aqua magia Vee had been pouring into Dheart every day, with the same sparkle and shimmer that unmistakably meant magic.

More interesting than the flames though was the person sitting in front of them.

He was quite possibly the largest salamander Vee had ever seen. His scales were rubies – not just the color, mind you, but the actual gemstones themselves – and his tail glittered as he swept it back and forth in time with his swings. His arms, shoulders, and back were heavily muscled, and he grunted as he raised a massive hammer into the air.

“Spirits sing and spirits dance,” he crooned, his deep baritone voice booming to fill the entire room. “But souls are forged anew in flame! All across the world I’ve traveled, and everywhere it is the same!”

The hammer came down like a bolt of lightning and the sound of the hammer blow made Vee’s teeth feel like they were made of jelly. He clutched his hands to his ears, grateful that this was merely a dream where such a sound would only make him uncomfortable and not the real world where it would have permanently eliminated his ability to hear.

The salamander raised his hammer once again, and sang some more.

“With each blow I’ll change your fate –”

BOOM

“-- and turn you into something great.”

Another flurry of blows almost knocked Vee off his feet, but when they finally fell silent the giant salamander turned around with a wry smile.

“Why hello, youngling. It’s been some time since one like you visited my forge. Would you like to see what I’ve been making?”

Perhaps it was just the difference in their respective sizes, but Vee felt very small just then. He nodded, the way he had as a child when his mother had asked him if he wanted a snack before bed.

The salamander waved towards the flame. “Come on then and see!”

In the heart of the flames was a mammoth piece of ectoplasm. It was mostly black, though veins of gold and silver ran through its length, and one end of it was hammered so that it…so that it looked like a frying pan.

Vee couldn’t help but laugh; he’d been expecting an impossible sword or shield or some other type of weapon, and here was a kitchen implement fit for a giant!

“Do you always make things like this?” Vee asked.

The salamander laughed. “Not at all, youngling. Not at all. One of the joys of being a [Ghost Smith] is that you can make anything you want. Your only limit is your imagination.”

Vee felt like he’d heard that one before, but he couldn’t remember where. Before he could ask further questions – like “Do you engage in anything a reasonable person would consider evil?” – , his body jarred from one side to the other. Then it happened again more forcefully. It felt like an invisible pair of hands were jostling him back and forth.

“Oh, it looks like our time together is at an end for now,” the salamander said with a kindly smile. “That’s a pity. Should you decide to come back in the future, I’ll show you some of the other things I’ve made.”

The forge faded away, and when Vee opened his eyes he was looking up at Reginald. The hat wore a curious expression.

“Sorry to wake you up, boss,” the hat said, his expression turning to a grin. “But that [Baker] you hired for the Lobby is here. He says he needs to talk to you.”

Sure enough, Micah the [Baker] stood in the doorway looking sheepish as could be.

“Hey,” he said awkwardly with a small wave of his hand. “Um, I didn’t mean to bother you, but uh…see, I was wondering if you had any more of those dunpla figurines nearby? I’m afraid we’re just about out.”

Main Character Sheets:

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: G-h-o-s-t M-a-e-s-t-r-o? (Locksmagister University), Level 33

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 24

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 41

Faith: 25

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 17

Devious Mind: 28

Leadership: 22

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 7

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul (Unchanged):

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 33

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald (Unchanged):

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 13

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 11

Irritability: 25

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9