Dungeons Are Bad Business

Vee stood up and stretched as the elkin left the dungeon. Oddly, he thought the adventurer’s face looked peaceful, and his steps were far lighter than they’d been at any point during his run. The elkin’s fury, which had boiled just beneath the surface of his coat, was completely gone, and the [Dungeon Master] idly wondered what sort of revelation the adventurer had experienced in the depths of Crestheart.

Increasingly, Vee found himself intrigued by witnessing such things; it seemed that many adventurers were inspired to greater feats of self-assessment by going into dungeons. At least, the ones in Crestheart did. Maybe that wasn’t the case for every dungeon; Vee would have to ask some other [Dungeon Masters] to see if the experience was universal or specific. If it was the latter – a possibility that Vee’s rational mind couldn’t wholly entertain – perhaps that was something he could lean into more heavily with marketing materials aimed at enticing more out of town adventurers to come and run Crestheart.

Yawning, Vee shook his head and pushed the thought from his mind. It, like so many other things, could be considered and given the proper amount of time later. For now he had to stay focused on getting through the next few days and making sure that Crestheart made a good impression as part of the development committee circuit.

As such, he sat back down and went through his now familiar routine for getting the dungeon ready for the next run. He reset dials and switches, directed his [Dungeon Maintainers] to replace some tiles and traps that Yensin had damaged, used [Walking Walls] to return the “squishing” hallway to its normal configuration, and went to reconfigure his minion packs.

“Huh,” he said as he peered through the magnification crystal. “That’s weird.”

“What’s weird, boss?”

“A bunch of these refill rooms aren’t as full as they should be,” Vee said. “I’ve found two now that are missing some ghosts, and another that’s completely devoid of slimes.”

“That’s not good,” Reginald said. “Are there enough minions in the dungeon’s main storage to cover the shortfalls or are we going to have to get creative?”

Having to do that sounded like a terrible idea, Vee thought, all the rules and regulations he’d regarded about “fair contests” running through his mind. Especially since the [Agents] were still sitting behind him. Sure, they’d said that they were there mostly to keep an eye on [Dungeon Champion] bouts, but was that really true? Vee snuck a peek back, and was relieved to see that the [Agents] were still engrossed in their card game. Neither gave any indication that they were paying attention to what was actually happening in Crestheart, and Vee hoped it stayed that way.

Giving Reginald a look that the hat acknowledged with a wink, Vee said, “I’ll check with Do and have him bring some minions up for now. It’s just weird that we’re so low since I even went ahead and added some extra to each refill room.”

“I was wondering if there were more full clears than normal or if I was just imagining things,” Reginald said.

Vee nodded. “Same. I’ll have Cecil do a comparison on how many minions are destroyed each run after today is finished and we can compare it to our historical average to see if it’s actually higher. Maybe I just miscounted on my initial stocking plans.”

“Could be. We were running up pretty close to the deadline,” the [Majordomo] said with a grin. “That’s something we should probably work on too, boss. Making sure that we’ve got plenty of time to do everything we need to without having to panic and rush.”

“I know, I know,” Vee said. “I’m working on it.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the next adventurer, a scrawny mustachioed fellow carrying a large sack, who stepped up to the front door of Crestheart. He carefully set his bag down before raising his hands overhead and opening his mouth.

His voice came through the magnifying crystal.

“Adventurers, spectators, if I could have just a moment of your time?”

There was a crowd of people right in front of the door, and sure enough a few heads turned toward the adventurer.

“Whaddya want?” someone hollered.

The adventurer bowed. “Thank you! I’ll keep this short! My name is Benardo Torres, and I am going to change the world!”

While his proclamation failed to bring forth any sort of enthusiasm, he continued on undaunted. “For the past several months, I have been working hard on an invention. An invention that will bring about a change. An invention that will redefine how we adventurers go through dungeons. An invention that will change what it means to be an adventurer! Allow me to present…the omniweapon!”

At the device’s name, he grabbed the top of his sack and threw it open, revealing a towering bronze object that looked like…

Looked like…

Well, to tell the truth, it looked like a big bronze coat rack that someone had glued a bunch of knobs and gears to. Vee tilted his head to one side. Was this some sort of abstract sculpture that one needed to have the “proper perspective” – a fancy way of saying drunk – in order to appreciate?

He was relieved when the crowd largely seemed to be reacting the same way he was. If it was such a groundbreaking device, it certainly didn’t look like one.

Benardo picked the device up and strapped it to his back. “Behold! I shall use this device in my run and should you find yourself interested in purchasing one for yourself, I will be available after I emerge victoriously. This price is unbeatable! Only a single gold fleur!”

“There’s no way a single person is going to buy one,” Reginald said. “Is this guy crazy?”

Looking down at the adventurer’s application – mostly to read his last name once again – Vee couldn’t help but feel that the answer to that question was, probably, yes. At least a little bit. Torres wasn’t exactly a common name, and the propensity for exaggeration alongside the mustache were pretty strong indicators that this…level 16 [Overtinker] was probably related to his [Stationer] acquaintance, who certainly walked to the beat of his own drum.

Vee still had two charges of [Boost Drops] left, but he refrained from using one as Bernardo entered the dungeon. Something told him that the invention on the man’s back wouldn’t end up being quite the incredible device its maker claimed it was.

He almost didn’t get the chance to find out, for Bernardo displayed almost immediately that he really was more of a thinker than a fighter by almost getting eliminated by the first volley of skeleton mage fire in the dungeon’s first room. Holding his stomach, Bernardo fell down onto his rump and pulled the omniweapon off his back. He fussed with a few of the knobs and dials, unfolding a set of bronze feet that formed a tripod on the ground. A twist of a big gear rotated the top of the weapon’s head, revealing a long tube and a glowing red socketed crystal.

Grinning like a madman, Bernardo pulled on the back of the omniweapon and sent a barrage of fireballs into the walls where Vee’s skeleton mages were hiding. Parts of the walls were blown to smithereens, and Vee winced at the upcoming repair costs.

The fireballs made short work of the first room, and Bernardo spent the next few minutes turning the omniweapon back into its original form.

“That was more potent than I was expecting, but it’s rather fussy, isn’t it?” Reginald asked. “Takes a long time to set up and take down. I don’t think he’s going to have much fun in melee combat with it.”

Sure enough, in the next room Bernardo manipulated a different set of gears and knobs to turn the weapon’s top into a long flat facsimile of an axehead. Due to his scrawny frame though, he struggled to swing it. After a few awkward blows, he dropped it on the ground once again and tried to repeat the same trick he’d used in the first room. Unfortunately for him though, the skeleton knights attacking him didn’t back off to give him time and space to use it, and he was defeated a few seconds later.

“So much for changing the world,” Reginald said.

Vee couldn’t help but agree.

***

Finally, the day’s runs came to an end and Vee slumped back in his seat. He reached up and wiped a bead of sweat from his brow; he was exhausted and wished that he could go home early to sleep.

Alas, duty called, and after bidding farewell to the [Agents] Vee headed down into the depths of the dungeon. Summoning both Do and his [Excellent Spreadsheet], Vee decided to take a closer look at Crestheart’s minion situation.

The refill chambers connected to the dungeon’s main rooms were depleted, and the situation was worse than Vee had expected. He’d been prepared to see numbers as low as half or even a quarter of his starting amount, but a majority of the rooms were filled with only no more than single digit numbers of ghosts, slimes, and elementals. The lone bright spot was the skeletons, who were wholly intact thanks to the strange bonds formed by their burgeoning shaman.

Thankfully the main storage room was in much better condition. Though the number of minions inside was also lower than Vee would have liked to see, he wasn’t worried that they were in immediate danger of running out of minions.

Closing his eyes, Vee reached through his bond to Dandelion and asked the fiend to have Kai bring as many slimes, and elementals to the dungeon as they could before the next day’s runs started. Dandelion assented, and though Vee was still somewhat stressed out he was increasingly confident that this shortage could be managed.

At least for the next day or two. If the adventurers kept on burning through his minions at the pace they had been so far…there might end up being a problem.

Turning over possible courses of action in his mind, Vee decided to try and see why they were suddenly so short.

“Cecil, I’d like you to compare how often we’ve had full clear runs over the past few days versus our normal rate, please.”

The spreadsheet sparkled and hummed for a moment.

“By floor or in total?”

“Both,” Vee said.

Another few moments of humming later, Cecil made a loud sound and said, “The first floor rate over the past few days is nearly ninety percent. On average, adventurers in Crestheart full clear the first floor of the dungeon sixty one percent of the time. For the second floor, recent runs have full cleared seventy three percent of the time compared to the average of forty nine. The third floor is even more divergent, with recent attempts full clearing fifty two percent of the time compared to the average of sixteen percent.”

Vee blinked. Well, that explained a lot. It also meant that he had to dramatically increase his minion production if he didn’t want to run out in the next day or so.

Turning to Do, Vee asked, “How bad are the repairs? Do you think we’ll need to procure more material to keep the tiles in good working order?”

Do shook its head. “Fear not, Master. My team and I prepared quite the surplus of extra tiles so we are in good shape. Even though we are going through them faster than normal, we shouldn’t run into any issues like running out.”

Well that was good. Thanking the fiend for its foresight, Vee dismissed Cecil and decided to head up to his workshop to start making replacement ghosts. Although, even as he climbed the stairs to do so, he feared that he wouldn’t be able to make enough ghosts to keep up with the demand.

Standing in front of the first ectoplasm press, Vee brought his hand up to his chin and thought. How could he improve his workflow to make it faster?

The Expectation wriggled around his shoulders.

Main Character sheets (Unchanged From Chapter 109):

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 32

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 24

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 40

Faith: 25

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 17

Devious Mind: 28

Leadership: 21

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 24

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 6

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 3

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 33

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Single-Mindedness: 1

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 43

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 21

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 13

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 11

Irritability: 25

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9