Dirty Switch

“Ugh…!”
But seriously, how the hell...?

With his half-lidded eyes, Joo Taehyun groped behind himself awkwardly. Just what did it mean to go backwards? Was he supposed to grab it and pull it open? Or was he supposed to just poke at it until something happened? Was there another way entirely? Having never experienced proper sex—outside of clumsily jerking himself off—Joo Taehyun could only fumble with his own buttocks, unsure and uncertain.
Naturally, he didn’t feel the same kind of stimulation he got when touching his cock. Honestly, if someone got aroused just from touching their own ass, wouldn’t that make them a total pervert? Thankfully, even if Joo Taehyun did harbor feelings for another Alpha, he wasn’t that far gone. …Or at least he wanted to believe that.
“Your ass is smaller than I thought.”

The hallucination of Seo Baekhan conjured by Dirty Switch assessed Joo Taehyun’s body with a flat, dispassionate tone.
“It’s fine. Even if you don’t have much flesh, the hole’s tight enough, and with how tall you are, it should be deep inside.”
And that was true enough. He was a man, and compared to others his age, taller than average. He didn’t bulk up intentionally, but his natural frame was broad. With a long torso narrowing into a tapered waist and a round, plump butt stuck to the back of it, he figured it had to look kind of ridiculous.

“So what, do you think you can even take a dick, let alone a finger? Spread it more.”
But the Seo Baekhan he’d imagined said otherwise. Even small, firm buttocks could be fun to thrust into, he claimed, and told him to show how wide he could stretch it open. Joo Taehyun found himself drowning in doubt—was this kind of vulgar fantasy really what lay buried in his subconscious?
“…Ha, ah.”

Clutching at his bony hips with greedy hands, Joo Taehyun awkwardly spread himself open. Sweat began to collect on his palms. Every time he lost his grip and shifted position, his rear jiggled ever so slightly—and even that small tremor made his head spin. Just the sensation of damp flesh pressing against itself sent a shiver down his cockhead, and precum leaked out without warning or shame. It was almost laughable how lifeless it had stayed when he rubbed or stroked himself before.
“Joo Taehyun.”
At the sound of Seo Baekhan’s low voice, Joo Taehyun strained to turn his head. He didn’t respond because he thought the man was real—he knew it was a hallucination. He didn’t speak because he didn’t want to look away. Because no matter what form he took, Seo Baekhan was Seo Baekhan to Joo Taehyun.

“You want me to put it in, don’t you?”
Ah. Even if it was a fantasy, even if it was fake, he wanted to burn the teasing expression on that face into his memory. If Baekhan were to embrace him—even if only in illusion—he felt like he could do anything. He could lie on his back like a dog and beg, he could wreck himself with his own hand, ruin that tight space with his fingers. Anything… absolutely anything…
“Hyung, over here, just… just a little…”

And the moment Joo Taehyun fully committed himself to it, the thick fog that had blanketed his mind began to lift.
“…Ah.”
Still crouched low with his buttocks pulled taut and exposed, Joo Taehyun blinked slowly. Water dripped from his soaked bangs down his forehead, traced over his eyelashes, his chin, and finally dribbled onto the back of his hand pressed against the wet floor.

As he blankly followed the path of those drops, it finally dawned on him—the drug’s effect had worn off. His lower body still throbbed, and his breathing remained rough, but the compulsion to fuck himself, to be fucked, had vanished like it was never there.
The walls that had been slick with arousal just moments ago were now dry, as was the gaping hole that had twitched open repeatedly. The fingers that had pulled it wide could no longer feel a thing.
The hallucination of Seo Baekhan that had whispered filthy commands to him—gone. So, too, the overwhelming desire to be filled.
Even as rational thought came rushing back like a bucket of ice water dumped over his head, Seo Baekhan’s voice still rang in his ears, so vivid it made him dizzy.

Maybe it really was him. Maybe it had to be. Otherwise, how could Baekhan possibly know how to give such raw, detailed instructions?
But inside the foggy shower booth, there was only Joo Taehyun—slumped over in a shameful heap. A droplet from the ceiling splashed onto his back, as if to scold him: wake up. Come to your senses.
The short-lived pleasure and hallucination gifted by that cheap Dirty Switch left nothing but a bitter taste in his mouth, and a hatred so intense he wanted to tear his own body apart.

“God… fuck…”
Joo Taehyun forced himself upright, muttering every curse he knew through clenched teeth. The sticky trail running down his inner thigh was the only proof that what just happened wasn’t entirely fake.
Still… it was enough.

He’d bought more than enough of the stuff to last a while. He wouldn’t need to reorder any time soon. And since the effects clearly worked, no one could question whether it was real. Even if someone asked whether Baekhan had really taken the Switch, he now had a believable cover.
They said the effect lasted about an hour. Was it normal to come down this quickly? No—who cared. It wasn’t like he planned to take it again anyway.
Joo Taehyun decided to stop imitating Seo Baekhan. Maybe he’d been too conscious of him all along. He was always analyzing the situation from Baekhan’s perspective, always measuring and weighing it like Baekhan would.

In any case, it was over now. He would never… never touch that stuff again.
He twisted the faucet roughly. His hand slipped a few times and banged against the fixture, snapping the tip of his nail, but he didn’t care. He’d rather bleed than have something suspicious dripping out of his ass.
Even if things went well and they grew closer, the real Seo Baekhan would never be interested in another man. No matter the circumstances, there’d never be a day when Taehyun had to take the Switch for him. That alone was a relief.

That feeling of being completely unhinged, of being dragged by the hair into pure animal pleasure, without any power to stop it—he never wanted to feel that again.
“Urk…!”
Joo Taehyun clapped a hand over his mouth as nausea surged up.

The mystery drug he’d taken willingly was vile beyond words. What the hell did people enjoy about this? Even with his eyes closed, he could still hear someone calling his name… why the hell did they like hallucinating like this…?
***
And in the spring of his twenty-first year—

After several meetings that began late last year, Seo Baekhan finally responded positively to Joo Taehyun’s marriage proposal. Even Assemblyman Seo and Director Ahn had personally contacted Taehyun by now, so it was effectively a done deal.
“You haven’t made any more purchases since that bulk buy before you returned to Korea…”
Seo Baekhan examined the test results Taehyun had handed over, his gaze careful and measured. While Baekhan sat comfortably on the sofa, Taehyun remained stiff as a board like a man on trial. He only hoped his expression came off as bored and indifferent—just like Baekhan had once complimented it.

“If what’s written here is true, you’ve only ever taken the weaker stuff.”
Baekhan mumbled as he focused on the paper, but Taehyun’s eyes kept drifting toward the thick file Baekhan had been reviewing just before they met. Though it hadn’t been explained, he couldn’t help but feel like it contained information about him. What did it say? Did it mention the Switch? What kind of evaluation had Baekhan made…?
“With this level of response, it’s almost like you’ve barely taken anything. Even if your last dose was months ago.”

Joo Taehyun remembered the Dirty Switch he’d recklessly swallowed just before boarding his flight back to Korea and pressed his dry lips together.
“Yes. I only take it when absolutely necessary. I don’t like the strong ones either. Since I buy it quietly, in secret, there’s really no one I can trust to verify whether it’s real or not…”
“Hm.”

“I also got tested at a hospital besides Donghwa.”
When he added that he was willing to be tested again at any facility Baekhan preferred, the sharp air that had surrounded Baekhan seemed to ease, if only slightly.
It looked like he’d said the right thing.

From the end of last year until now, Joo Taehyun had been doing everything he could to give Baekhan the answers he wanted.
At first, reading his intentions had been difficult, but now he was getting used to it. If that counted as growth, then maybe he had grown. Trying not to show it, Taehyun quietly let himself feel a bit proud.
No, seriously, what the hell are you lacking that you keep adjusting to Baekhan like this? What’s so wrong with our baby that he wants to marry someone seven years older? Yoonwoo, who had actually exchanged words with Baekhan directly, used to beat her chest over it, demanding to know why Taehyun had to bow his head like he was the one losing out. But even that kind of frustration made Taehyun happy.

Of course, given how he’d lived, it wasn’t exactly enjoyable to always play the submissive role. Still, every time Baekhan seemed satisfied with the way Taehyun responded, every time it felt like they were fitting puzzle pieces together, the anxiety and guilt over lying to him slowly melted away.
Lately, Taehyun had been learning—bit by bit—that there was such a thing as this kind of happiness. That something could hurt and still be sweet. Even though he was a liar. Even though he had no right.
“I know you shouldn’t judge people by how they look.”

Baekhan placed the thin booklet Taehyun had given him onto the table with a conflicted smile.
“But I still have a hard time believing you like getting fucked by another Alpha.”
I didn’t even realize I still had this kind of bias. I need to fix that. He murmured to himself, and Taehyun didn’t react at all.

Because it was all a °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° lie. The claim about hooking up with bodyguards, the story about using Switch occasionally—it was all fiction. He hadn’t even had sex before, let alone gotten fucked by another Alpha. So what should he say now? What face should he make to at least seem experienced?
He didn’t know. As always, Taehyun just tightened his lips and looked away.
“Anyway, where should we live after the wedding? Going back and forth between Seoul and Pyongyang might be best.”

Was that lucky? Maybe. Maybe Baekhan didn’t actually care about his preferences. The topic changed quickly, and Taehyun felt both relieved and a little sad. Bittersweet—that word had to have been made for moments like this. Letting his own assumptions run wild, Taehyun matched Baekhan’s rhythm with everything he had.
“No, wouldn’t that be too much trouble? I’ll move to Pyongyang.”