Crimson Instinct

*Bai Li*

I kept staring at her like a stupid fool. 

Are my ears playing tricks on me?

But I realized they weren't. Once again, it wasn't my illusion. I had really heard Xin Lei speaking.

"You... you-you...spoke…"

She chuckled at me and said, "Yes."

I widened my eyes. There it was. She spoke again.

"How…"

I was stupefied. Not in my wildest dream did I imagine that that one blast would not only bring my sight back but Xin Lei's voice too.

When she said how she screamed my name in distress, I felt my heart stop beating for a moment.

I felt guilty that I made her worry so much, but at the same time, my heart skipped a beat that she said my name first. After years of silence, the first word that she uttered was my name. That feeling sent a rush of emotions all at once. It felt as if something was tingling in my stomach.

The one word with which I could describe my feelings was joy - Immense joy.

And her voice was so soft and melodious akin to a violin playing a tune. It was so mesmerizing that I felt I could listen to it forever.

Xin Lei's voice was just as perfect as herself. It was soft, warm, and breathy.

When I saw tears roll down her cheeks, I snapped from my stupor.

"You...you are so stupid. I-I hate you...how can you push me away like that? How can you...put yourself in danger like that? Idiot! There were hardly any more seconds left...and...do you have any idea how I felt seeing...you trapped there?! I-I was waiting for you to emerge from the building, but you didn't...and then everything was on fire...How could you!?"

Once again, I felt guilty. My chest tightened as if somebody was clutching my heart to crush it.

Like I had imagined before, tears really didn't look good on my Xin Lei.

I gently wiped off her tears with my thumb. "I am sorry...But how could I bear to see you hurt? Only one of us could have made it out. Of course, it had to be you. There wasn't any need to even think."

Xin Lei shook her head. "No! I don't want to listen to anything. You are mean. You are so horrible! So you chose to die and leave me alone forever? I… don't want to talk to you. Wait. I know. Let's break up. Hmph!" And she turned her head to the side.

I panicked. "Hey. Hey! Put brakes on that ugly thought."

"Shut up! Why should I? You…*cough* deserve to be punished."

I nodded hard. "Yes, yes. How about you beat the shit out of me? Punish me as much you want but don't mention break up please…" I urged, "I don't even like to think about it."

"Then start thinking about it seriously."

"Nooo… How can I bear to think about living without you? When you are with me, everything is so colorful. Even when I couldn't see, I always felt as if I was walking on rainbows whenever you were with me. If you wouldn't be there anymore, then everything would turn so grey and bland."

Xin Lei's lips slightly twitched.

"My Xin Lei~~~" I held her hand and kissed the back of it. "My Xin Lei is so awesome. She is the best woman on earth. She will definitely forgive her boyfriend, right?"

No answer.

"Of course she will. My Xin Lei's heart is so warm and caring. She will never think of abandoning her poor and pitiful boyfriend. She is the sweetest, kindest, and the beautifullest woman in the entire universe."

"Pfft…" she burst into laughter. "Is beautifullest even a word?"

I grinned. Well, now she seemed to be in a good mood.

"Why not? If it isn't, then I will ask all the English professors to make it legal in the dictionary. But only I can use it to describe my pretty and awesome girlfriend."

"Enough buttering already…" she shook her head and then narrowed her eyes as she stared at me. 

I gulped.

"Didn't you say that this is your first relationship? Just when and where did you learn to say such sweet things?"

"Oh, this? Instinct. When one's life is on the line, they usually learn things quickly on the fly."

"Hoooo...how is your life on the line with just a breakup?"

I gasped and clutched my chest. I looked at her in horror. "'Just a breakup,' you say? Just? Ah...it suddenly feels so painful in the chest. Xin Lei. You are a doctor. Can you check me? I think I am getting a heart attack."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, really?"

I whined and protested. "Of course! You hurt and broke my poor heart into pieces. How can you say just? A breakup for me is really akin to putting my life on the line because if you leave me, then my heart will cease to beat anymore."

Xin Lei coughed hard. "Oof, so cheesy! Gosh, you have really found your way with the words."

"Hehe~~~ so does that meant you forgive this peasant?" I widened my eyes, and pitifully looked at her.

"Hmmm…" she squinted her gaze. 

"Oh, my cute, adorable, sweet Xin Lei~~ you are-"

"STOP! No, using sweet words anymore," she glared at me.

I stopped. 

Haish! I am so pathetic. I still couldn't convince her.

"Instead…"

I looked up at her questioningly.

"You can use your sweet tongue. Then I will forgive you."

I blinked my eyes rapidly.

Ah? Wait.

Did she mean…

She rolled her eyes again. "What? Isn't your mind so sharp and intelligent? Do you even need to figure this out? Read in between the lines!"

"Oh...oh! Yes! Of course!"

My lips curved into a wide grin. I knew what she wanted, and I felt excited. I held the back of her head, leaned in, and gently pressed my lips on hers.