Crimson Instinct

*Bai Li*

It felt like a dream. I was here in the hospital once again just like five years ago.

That was the worst and darkest moment of my life when I opened my eyes.

I saw nothing. It was dark. Pitch black.

I came to realize the harshest truth possible that I will never be able to see again. And I always cursed my fate that why? Why didn't that bomb hurt me anywhere else? Why my eyes? 

And today, five years later, I woke up again after a similiar blast.

But this time, it wasn't dark. It wasn't the same pitch blackness, that infinite void that I had to wake up to every day.

It was suddenly so bright. When I opened my eyes, a ray of light seeped into my gaze and I questioned myself what was happening to me. This never happened to me before.

I thought I was hallucinating. 

How was I able to 'see' anything? 

But then I blinked my eyes again and again and the pictures in front me got clearer.

It was all white at first but slowly, things began to take shape. I saw a room, two blurry figures sitting beside me, one at the right and the other at the left.

Then I saw a white bedsheet draped over a person's body and two hands rested on them. They moved as I moved them and I slowly realized.

Was it me? Was I looking at myself sitting on a bed.

I opened bmy eyes wider and the hazy images got clear.

I was able to see where I was for the first time and I still had no idea what was happening.

And then the doctor sitting beside me to my left congratulated me that I could see now.

See? I could see now?

Yes I had the proof. I was indeed able to see everything happening around me. But I wasn't able to believe it for a long time.

My gaze shifted at my right where I saw a woman sitting, looking at me concerned. There was fear in her gaze, her body was shifting in place as if she was nervous and worried. There were tears shining in her eyes.

And at that moment, I knew. I just knew it.

She was Xin Lei.

She didn't have to speak to me through her robotic tone in mobile or hold my hand so that I recognized her touch or smell the sweet scent that always gently wafted from her.

Even without all those senses, I instinctively knew that she was my Xin Lei.

"Xin...Lei?"

She seemed to look confused as I looked straight at her. Then I understood why.

She must be wondering why I was looking at her as if I could really see her?

Her expressions and all gave it away.

The doctor said some things about a miracle and optical nerves and how it wouldn't have been possible without the blast but I couldn't focus on any of it. I could barely hear and understand what he was saying.

For a person like me who had come to terms to the fact that the blindness would forever accompany me until my death and that I could never have the joy of seeing the light again; this truth that just sprung up to me out of nowhere couldn't seem to register in my mind.

It took me a long time before I it finally started to sink in. 

I can see now. I was actually able to see everything.

I will never be blind again. It won't ever be dark again.

At that thought, my heart sped as if a bullet train was running inside me. It made me feel giddy, anxious, happy and exhilarating at the same time.

There were so many emotions erupting within me like a volcano like never before. I felt goosebumps tingle on my skin and a rush of excitement coursing through all my veins.

The doctor said that what happened to me was similar to what occurred with Xin Lei.

I froze.

I got worried.

What happened to Xin Lei? Wasn't she safe? Didn't she escape the building with Zhang Xiulan and Zhu Yusheng safely?

Then how could anything drastic happen to her as it did to me?

My heart raced in fear and it tightened in anxiousness.

I could see Xin Lei in front of me with little to no injuries on her body. She seemed alright and fine.

Then why did that doctor say that as if something major happened to her too?

I wanted to ask so badly.

As we were left alone, I cupped her face in my hands and for the first time, I was finally seeing the love of my life with my eyes.

I always wondered during this whole time how it must feel if I could see her. What would she look like? How beautiful her eyes must be? How cute her nose would look? How pink her lips would be? I had touched her long and silky hair but I wondered how much prettier she would look with her hair down?

And today, I was finally able to find all the answers that were just my imagination until now.

Xin Lei was simply breathtaking. She looked just as beautiful and charming as I had imagined her. Her eyes were a pretty shade of chocolate brown and so did her hair that were wavy where they ended at her waist. Her nose was small but sharp. Her lips were thin and rosy. Her cheeks seemed squishy and adorable. Her slender and pale neck met her fair shoulders that seemed to shine as the light fell upon them.

My Xin Lei was so perfect that I began to feel complex about myself.

Was I even that handsome?

Nah. I never much came in the handsome category and now I highly began to doubt if I could complement her.

I only prayed and hoped that she didn't mind me being with her.

Well...she didn't until now so there was some hope there.

In a daze, I said, "You are my Xin Lei."

I expected her to nod silently and she did but to my complete shock, she did something else that blew mind off.

"Yes.. I am your Xin Lei."