Crazy Britain:They’re All Raising Me

"How strange… Is this another specialty of the dream world?"

Passing through a street, Will happened to notice a large, conspicuous boulder sitting right in the middle of the road. Instinctively, he stopped and stared.

Although the stone didn't emit any strange aura or bear any distinguishing features—it really was just a stone—something about it felt off. He was quite certain this rock hadn't been here before…

After all, no matter what, if a massive rock the size of a three-story townhouse had been sitting on a London street, he would've remembered it.

And judging by the fresh soil on one side of the boulder, he could confirm—it had been moved here recently.

He walked up to the stone, circled around it, and frowned slightly in surprise.

"Huh? Wait, you mean this isn't some unique British landmark or installation? Like an Easter Island statue, or some kind of artistic expression? We saw a few stones like this back in the real London too," Fujimaru Ritsuka said, visibly surprised.

"…Are you stupid?" Will gave her a withering look. "What makes you think plopping a random boulder in the street is 'art'? Even the craziest London artist wouldn't go that far."

"Don't be so harsh on me, Master Hyde~" Fujimaru stretched out the words in a syrupy tone, sidling up to him and pretending to pout. "I'm just a clueless country bumpkin, okay~? Please forgive me!"

"…Stop that. You're making me nauseous," Will shivered and stepped back a couple of paces to put distance between them—but Fujimaru immediately clung to his arm.

"Sorry, Master! You don't like me acting this way? I'll fix it, I promise! But your little maid is just a teensy bit dense… Could you tell me what exactly I need to change?"

Will hesitated for a moment before replying slowly, "…Don't call me 'Master Hyde' in that forced voice."

"But weren't you the one who told me to call you 'Master'?" Fujimaru tilted her head in innocent confusion.

Will fell silent.

At the same time, her light physical contact—particularly the soft sensation pressing against his arm—made it hard for him to focus. He turned his head slightly, clearly flustered.

"…Who's the master here? You or me? The final say is mine. You dare talk back?"

"Sorry, Master! It was my mistake!" Fujimaru immediately lowered her head, pretending to be pitiful—before lifting her face again, placing a finger gently to her lips. "So, for a naughty little maid who dares talk back to her Master… what kind of punishment will you give me?"

"Well…" Will hesitated half a second, answering instinctively. "Since your disobedient mouth is the culprit, naturally the punishment would be for you to offer a kiss—"

"A kiss, you say? I can do that~"

Her cheeks immediately flushed red—but rather than retreating in embarrassment, she leaned in even closer.

"If that would please Master, then I'm happy to oblige."

"…Huh?"

She agreed way too easily, leaving Will utterly bewildered.

His initial intent was just to tease her a little—he wanted to see her flustered and panicking. But her sudden consent had completely flipped the script.

And just then, Fujimaru had already closed her eyes and was slowly leaning toward him.

…What the hell? Is this some kind of reverse prank? Is Fujimaru Ritsuka trying to mess with me now?

Will blinked, unsure how to react.

If this really was a prank, maybe he should play along. Pretend to lean in too, scare her a little.

Thinking that, he didn't move away. Instead, he too leaned closer—closer and closer. Her face flushed deep red, her breathing quickened, and even her heartbeat was now audible to him.

But despite her inexperience clearly showing, she didn't back down.

Even Mash, who had been watching silently, covered her face, peeking nervously through her fingers.

Fujimaru's subtle scent began to drift into Will's nose—a faint fragrance, something like mint and lemon shampoo.

And before he could even tease her heart, it was his own that skipped a beat.

What the hell—is this girl serious?

They were now inches apart. He could see every detail of her eyelashes and eyebrows, feel the warmth of her breath.

And still, she didn't pull back.

Just as their lips were about to touch, Will suddenly raised a finger and pressed it between their mouths. As she opened her eyes in confusion, he stepped back.

"Was that your first kiss?" he asked abruptly.

"…Master, you really are mean," Fujimaru pouted, cheeks still burning. "Of course it was. I'm not the kind of girl who gives that away lightly… I've never even dated anyone. So yes, I was saving my first kiss."

"Oh." Will shrugged nonchalantly. "In that case, I'll be merciful… and let you save it for someone you truly love."

"Then… what if I told you that person is you, Master?" she blinked innocently.

Will froze.

"You—"

He opened his mouth, but couldn't find the words.

And then, Fujimaru burst out laughing.

"Aww, Master, you're blushing~ Could it be that you actually like me, just a little?"

As she watched his gaze flit around awkwardly, Fujimaru gleefully made a "V" sign behind her back toward Mash.

——Looks like she was right on the money. Though Hyde talked big, always teasing and making pervy jokes, in truth, he was surprisingly upright and serious about romantic matters. Probably never even been with a girl.

He might enjoy messing with others, but if you turned it back on him—he'd panic and retreat.

That meant if she wanted to fight back, she couldn't flinch. She had to go all in. It was basically a game of chicken—whoever blinked first lost.

…Though, if she lost and they really did kiss, she'd definitely be the one getting the short end of the stick.

Thinking that made her blush even harder.

…But maybe that wouldn't be so bad?

Just then, Will suddenly stepped toward her, closing the gap between them again.

"…Master, did you change your mind? Want that kiss after all?" she asked, heart pounding.

Will raised a finger between them.

"First off, drop the 'your little maid' talk. You sound like a budget anime girl—it's gross. And you suck at acting coy. Give it up."

Then he raised a second finger.

"As for your punishment, I've decided on something else."

"Huh? What is it?" Fujimaru crossed her arms and leaned back shyly. "Don't tell me you're planning to—"

Will ignored her and took off his sword and sheath, holding them out.

"You're going to carry this in your mouth for the rest of the way."

"…Eh?"

Her brain short-circuited. Then, realizing he wasn't joking, she panicked.

"W-Wait! If I bite too hard, I might leave marks on the scabbard! Isn't that unbearable for a swordsman?"

"Doesn't matter," Will said flatly. "That sword's not mine anyway."

"Then what if we get into a real fight? Wouldn't it delay your draw speed—"

"You think I need that sword to kill these third-rate monsters?" Will shot her a look.

"I just… I only talked back a little! Isn't this punishment a bit too—"

"Oh?" Will placed a hand on her shoulder and leaned in by her ear. "So you think teasing your Master doesn't deserve punishment?"

"But I—"

"No buts. Bite down."

And without another word, Will stuffed the sword and sheath into her mouth.

"No hands. Until the next battle starts, keep it in your mouth. If you drop it, you'll have to keep holding it during the fight too."

"Uuuuughhh!"

Realizing that pleading with him was useless, Fujimaru turned her teary gaze toward Mash.

"Sorry, senpai… I can't help you this time…"

Mash sighed and lowered her eyes, her voice full of sympathy.

"To be honest… this really is your own fault. Just accept the punishment."

"—Uuuuuh?!"

Ignoring her senpai's despairing moans, Mash turned back to Will.

"By the way, Master Hyde, we've seen a few similar stones before. If this isn't a local landmark or art piece, then what is it?"

"Good point."

Will nodded and turned his attention back to the boulder.

"Still, I don't sense anything unusual from it. Do you?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"Alright. Then you two back off a little."

Mash didn't question his sudden instruction and obediently pulled Fujimaru back with her.

Then they watched as Will suddenly leapt forward—and slammed his fist down hard onto the stone.

With the force of his punch, the massive rock, easily the height of a three- or four-story house, shattered into pieces.

Landing lightly, Will frowned.

"Feels like just an ordinary rock. There's nothing unusual inside either. Any ideas?"

"Sorry, still nothing," Mash said, shaking her head.

"Uuuuuugh—" Fujimaru shook her head as well—but since she hadn't gripped the sword properly, it suddenly flew out mid-shake. Will caught it easily.

But it was wet with saliva, and his brow furrowed.

"Ah—!"

Fujimaru didn't even have time to wipe the drool from her chin when she heard rapid footsteps behind them.

Monsters—were swarming in from all sides.

There were werewolves, puppets, mechanical abominations, even civilians with monstrous, hairy faces.

Despite their varied forms, they didn't attack each other—only charged straight toward Will and the others.

"Looks like breaking the stone triggered something," Mash noted. "These monsters were probably guarding it."

"Yeah, but more importantly…"

Will turned back toward Fujimaru.

"How unlucky. You dropped the sword just seconds before they arrived. Once we're done cleaning them up—you're going right back to holding it."

"Wha—?! Nooooooo!"

Fujimaru's scream echoed through the battlefield.