Convict Unit: Black Parade

Jail Mojik’s fingertips playfully caressed Razor’s chin.

“Hm? What do you say? How about you and I have some real fun?”

His lips pressed into a thin line, Razor endured her touch before finally swinging his arm and pushing her away.

“I may not look it, but I’m a one-woman man.”

“Heh. Playing the faithful widower, are we?” Jail Mojik teased. “Inmate Razor, you are hereby ordered to attend to me~”

Razor silently shot her a cold glare.

Jail Mojik just chuckled and stepped back. “Well, I suppose breaking that unwavering devotion of yours could be fun, too.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Who knows? You know what they say. Any tree will fall if you swing long enough.”

Waving a hand, Jail Mojik left the shower room. “See you later, cutie.”

Silently watching her broad back, Jae-hee finally snapped out of it.

“Hey, wait! You have to untie him before you go…!”

Status Window was still writhing on the shower room floor, cinched tight in ropes.

Hearing Jae-hee’s plea, Status Window murmured in a serene voice, “Don’t worry desu… I’m fine desu…”

His face was taking on an expression of profound bliss, as if he were achieving enlightenment or entering nirvana. It was, in any case, quite a state.

Since the man himself said he was fine, there wasn’t much more to say (and frankly, it was starting to feel weird), so Jae-hee decided to leave Status Window alone.

He turned to Razor, impressed. “Anyway… Razor bro! Wowee, I never would have guessed…”

“Guessed what.”

“You’re super popular!”

“…”

“Especially with, uh… strong women? Seems like they really take a shine to you.”

Miss Hellth, and now Jail Mojik. Both were large, powerfully built types.

Razor, on the other hand, was small and compact.

Is this some kind of perfect pairing…? Jae-hee sank into deep thought.

Razor reluctantly confessed, “To be honest, that’s my type, too.”

“What!”

As Jae-hee covered his mouth with both hands, Razor scratched his cheek, embarrassed.

“I like a dependable type of woman… you know, someone who can just scoop me up in one arm.”

“Holy crap, that’s perfect! Then you should totally go out with her!” Jae-hee yelped.

“But that’s got nothing to do with this, you little shit.”

Razor narrowed his eyes. “If someone who was your type came on to you, would you just grin like an idiot and say yes right away?”

“Uh…”

Having no such experience, Jae-hee imagined it for a moment, then broke into a dopey grin. “Wouldn’t most people?”

“Wrong, dumbass.” Razor gazed at the ceiling with a bitter expression. “It hasn’t even been a month since my girlfriend… since Miss Hellth died.”

“Ah.”

“I’m not trying to spout some nonsense about devotion or fidelity, but still…”

Razor’s small hand clenched the fabric of his pants. “Jumping to someone new right away is just… it’s too shitty.”

Jae-hee, his hand still over his mouth, murmured with a deeply moved expression. “A true romantic…”

“Shut your face. This isn’t about devotion, it’s about basic human decency.”

Decency, in a prison.

It was a ridiculous sentiment, but Jae-hee thought he understood what Razor was feeling. And that, one way or another, the man was a deeply devoted romantic.

As Jae-hee watched him with a soft, knowing smile, Razor ground his teeth.

“What.”

“Nothing. Not a thing. I didn’t say anything.”

“Then why are you wiggling your eyebrows like that, you little shit?”

“No reason. Heh heh? Ehehe?”

“I still haven’t forgotten that you’re the reason Miss Hellth is dead, asshole. That’s it, we’re finishing that fight we started—”

Just then.

Beep—

A red light flashed on Jae-hee’s Null Cuff. It was a Black Parade summons.

Startled, Jae-hee stared down at his cuff. “Huh? A mission?”

“Ha. Looks like you’re the one exploding with popularity.” Razor exhaled sharply and jutted his chin. “I’ll finish cleaning up here, so get your ass upstairs.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll be back.”

Just as Jae-hee was about to leave the shower room, a desperate voice called from inside.

He turned to see Status Window wriggling furiously on the floor.

“I have to go up as well desu!”

A red light was blinking on his cuff as well. He’d also been called for the mission.

“But I can’t move desu! Help me desu!”

Jae-hee and Razor squatted in front of Status Window with grave expressions. 

The ropes binding his plump body were not only aesthetically unpleasant but also seemed to be tied in knots so tight they’d be impossible to undo.

“How do we get this off?”

“How the hell should I know?”

“I don’t think we can untie the knots… We might have to cut them.”

For that, they’d need a blade.

Jae-hee glanced over expectantly. Razor clicked his tongue in annoyance and brought his fingernails together.

“Ugh, my calcium! Yo, buy a ton of milk on your way back!”

His nails shot out, forming a short blade.

***

Jae-hee and Status Window went up to the Rooftop on the 10th Deck together. 

The ropes binding Status Window had been so tough that they had only managed to cut the parts restraining his arms and legs, freeing him just enough to move. The rest of the rope was still wrapped grotesquely around his torso.

“Window, are you… okay?” Jae-hee asked hesitantly. “I mean, that rope fashion. What did Razor bro call it? Tortoise-shell style?”

“Huhu, it’s not bad desu… It’s a different kind of liberation from when I was a dog last time…”

Clad in his avant-garde fashion, Status Window nodded at Jae-hee with a peaceful smile.

“Boy-kun, you should definitely try it sometime desu.”

“Uh, yeah…”

Jae-hee swore he would rather bite his tongue off and die than ever wear something like that.

When they reached the Commander’s office, they found a large stack of beach towels, likely because of the rooftop pool right next to it. Jae-hee quickly grabbed one, unfolded it, and draped it over Status Window’s shoulders.

Now wrapped in the beach towel like a man from ancient Greece, Status Window nodded in satisfaction.

“Covering the ropes with a thin cloth… this has a pretty nice feel to it, too desu…”

“Right… I’m glad you’re okay…”

As they headed for the office entrance, they saw Jail Mojik standing there. She must have been summoned for the mission, too.

“Oh, you’re the kids I just saw with Razor. Hey.”

She glanced at Status Window’s getup, then scratched the back of her head, looking sheepish.

“Oops. I guess I went a little too far, huh? Sorry about that.”

“No, it’s not that big of a…” Jae-hee started to reply politely, but after another look at Status Window, he just nodded. “…Well, as long as you realize it.”

“Haha. It’s not much of an apology, but let me fix you up a little.”

Jail Mojik pointed her index finger at Status Window and snapped her thumb and middle finger. Snap!

The beach towel covering his body deconstructed and then reassembled itself, transforming into something that looked passably like clothing.

Jae-hee was impressed, but he had to point out a more fundamental problem.

“Um, you could have just untied the ropes on his body…”

“Sorry. I’m good at tying things up, but untying them is hard.”

A very one-way ability.

Status Window, wearing a benevolent and gentle smile, spoke up. “Huhu, I’m fine with all of it desu.”

“If you say so… But why do you keep arching your back like that?”

After sorting out Status Window’s wretched state as best they could, they entered the Commander’s office.

The other prisoners had already gathered. The spacious office was teeming with them.

It was a huge turnout.

“Lot of people here today,” Jae-hee remarked.

“Must be a large-scale mission desu.”

Among the summoned prisoners was Ghost.

Jae-hee’s face lit up, and he trotted over. “Master!”

“…What. You’re here, too?” Ghost frowned. She felt like Hae-eun was deliberately pairing them up, and it made her uneasy.

But Jae-hee was just happy to be with Ghost, feeling secure as he grinned from ear to ear.

“Oh, I haven’t introduced you. You’ve seen him before, right? This is Status Window. My roommate.”

At Jae-hee’s introduction, Status Window placed his hands over his navel and bowed respectfully.

“A pleasure to meet you desu. Our Boy-kun can be quite a handful desu.”

Ghost let out a small sound of admiration. “This one gets it.”

“Gets what…”

Ghost jabbed a finger at the grumbling Jae-hee and asked Status Window, “How’d you end up with him? He’s so scrawny, doesn’t look like he can do much.”

“Huhu, the reason is simple desu.”

Status Window pushed his glasses up his nose and declared with a serious face, “Tianxia wugong, wujian bupo, wei kuai bupo!”

“…!”

“‘Of all the martial arts in the world, no fortress is unbreakable, but speed alone cannot be broken.’ In other words, speed is the ultimate condition for strength desu! Boy-kun has the talent to conquer the world desu!”

Coming from Status Window, the slowest-looking person in the room, the statement lacked a certain persuasive power.

“Hmm.” But for some reason, Ghost seemed convinced. “He has a point.”

“Huh? He has a point?”

Now it was Jae-hee’s turn to be bewildered. Didn’t that just sound like the usual nonsense Status Window spouted?

“Anyway, nice to meet you, kid’s friend. Don’t die. Live a long life.”

“Thank you desu. May you also live long and prosper desu.”

“Already doing that…”

Ghost and Status Window exchanged bizarre pleasantries.

As Jae-hee shook his head, he saw another familiar face up ahead. The person spotted him first and raised a long arm in greeting.

“Greetings~”

“Whoa, Shield Bearer bro!”

It was Shield Bearer, who had gone missing during the previous mission. 

Everyone had thought he was a goner, but thankfully, he’d been found alive—drugged and dumped in a nearby trash can, apparently.

“I showed you a disgraceful side of myself on our last mission~”

Shield Bearer waved his long limbs and struck a magnificent shield pose. “This time, I will show you my true power~”

“Ooooh…!”

“You shall not pass~”

“So cool! You shall not pass!”

Jae-hee eagerly mimicked the pose. Ghost watched them with a deadpan look.

The rest of the assembled prisoners were quite a colorful bunch as well.

“Darling~ I’m tired~”

“Ah, allow me to carry you on my back, Lady Bodhisattva!”

“Heehee, I love you, my Lamb. You get a prize!”

“Prize! Prize! Prize!”

Silken Bodhisattva and Little Lamb were at it again, smooching and engaging in some serious PDA.

“Heh heh heh… we’re going out together again, heh heh heh…”

And there was Hangman, waving back at Jae-hee.

All three of the AA-Rank elites mobilized for the “Incheon in Fog” mission had been summoned.

After finishing his frantic waving at Hangman, Jae-hee furrowed his brow. “So, why did they call so many of us today?”

“Beats me… It’s rare to have a mission on this scale.” Ghost also frowned, sensing something unusual in the air.

Most of the prisoners were people they had met on previous missions or in other facilities. But there were two new faces.

The first was an old man standing in the center of the Commander’s office.

“Hohoho…”

He was stooped with age, and in his trembling, liver-spotted hands, he held a dowsing rod. It was an L-shaped metal rod, a tool said to be used primarily for finding underground water.

“Who’s that?” Jae-hee asked in a low voice.

Ghost answered with a bored look. “Callsign Pathfinder. Usually just called the ‘Guide.’”