Convict Unit: Black Parade

The midday sun beat down, quickly drying the carefully wrung-out laundry.

Razor felt a piece of clothing, then nodded. “Laundry’s about dry. Time to go inside and clean our rooms.”

Jae-hee shuddered. “Do we really have to clean, too?”

“There’s a whole damn flock of inmates who think just like you and try to get away with it. But if your immune system takes a hit and you catch a cold—well, getting sick in prison is a straight shot to the grave. And unless you’re coming or going from a mission, seeing the Doctor costs a shit-ton of Credits.”

Razor tried to spook him—“We don’t have health insurance here, you know?”—but since Jae-hee had never had anything like that in the first place, he just tilted his head in confusion.

In any case, the prisoners had to handle all the chores that came with daily life. Laundry, cleaning, washing their own dishes after every meal in the mess hall…

Frankly, Jae-hee found it all a pain. Sure, he’d done his own laundry, cleaning, and dishes when he was a petty thief, but always in a much more slapdash way.

“Is it a pain? Annoying? Then spend your Credits.”

Razor let out a dry laugh. “Pay with Credits, and someone else will do it for you.”

“Feels like Credits are draining out of me with every breath I take…”

“That’s just the way of the world desu. Gonna offer me some Credits? Then I’ll do it for you desu.”

Waving away Status Window’s offer, Jae-hee looked at the crowd of prisoners sitting on the deck.

“But not everyone here goes on Black Parade missions, right? If they don’t go on missions, how do they earn Credits?”

“You can get assigned to labor details.”

“Oh, like the cooks from yesterday?”

“Exactly.”

Snapping a freshly dried shirt, Razor began to explain.

Since Paradise Lost was a prison ship eternally floating on the ocean, it was in constant need of repairs. Manpower was always useful, and the ship called on prisoners as needed for manual labor, much like hiring day laborers.

“The pay is peanuts most of the time, but hey, it’s better than sitting around doing nothing. At least you can earn enough for smokes.”

“I see…”

And because it was a prison at sea, it sometimes offered sights completely different from any other penitentiary.

“A school of tuna!”

This was one of those times.

“Over there, by the bow! Coming in on the starboard side! See it?!”

At someone’s shout, the prisoners let out a collective roar and rushed to the edge of the deck.

It was true. A teeming school of tuna had approached the ship, swimming right alongside it.

Thirty years had passed since the world had shattered. The number of fishing boats had dwindled, and animals, having forgotten the memory of being hunted by humans, would often approach without fear.

And the prisoners, who still remembered how to hunt, were practically drooling.

“I want some tuna sashimi…!”

“It’d be amazing grilled, too!”

“Get a net! Tell the guards, hurry!”

While there were times they could fish with the guards’ permission, there was no time for that now. The school of tuna was moving too fast.

Growing impatient, the inmates began activating their abilities, launching them at the school. Most of it amounted to little more than tossing pebbles, and none of them hit a single fish.

“Dammit! I’d die happy if I could just get one bite of tuna!”

Unable to hold back, one prisoner actually dove into the water. A few more followed, splashing in after him.

Watching the scene, Razor chuckled disdainfully. “You always see a few dumbasses like those. How do they plan on getting back?”

The prisoners swam furiously toward the school of tuna, and then…

KHOOM!

A Sea Serpent shot out from the depths and swallowed them in one gulp. The terrified tuna frantically fled in the opposite direction.

The onlookers, now treated to a spectacular execution of the would-be escapees, burst into applause and cheers.

Status Window put his hands together in mock prayer. “May our water-purifying Sea Serpent feast well desu.”

Finding that statement deeply unsettling, Jae-hee quickly asked Razor, “Hey, wait a minute. That Sea Serpent eats escapees, right?”

“Yeah. Eats a lot of other things, too, I’m sure.”

“So… what it eats… it doesn’t get mixed into the purified water, does it?”

Razor and Status Window both turned to stare at him.

A moment later, they sighed in unison and patted him on the shoulder as they walked past.

“Nature is a cycle.”

“That’s just the way of the world desu.”

Jae-hee watched them walk toward the laundry they’d laid out, then turned his head to look at a water tank on the deck.

The clear water inside sloshed and sparkled.

The Boy squeezed his eyes shut.

“I hate the way of the world…”

***

They gathered all the laundry.

As they walked back, each with an armful of clean clothes, Razor spoke.

“Those guys who jumped into the sea earlier? They were idiots, sure, but it just goes to show how starved the inmates on Deck 1 are for a decent meal.”

Jae-hee listened with a serious expression.

“You made improving the meals a campaign promise, but a one-off feast like that spicy stir-fried chicken isn’t going to cut it.”

“Mmm.”

“You’ve quieted them down for now, but if you can’t improve the food somehow…”

Razor drew a finger across his throat. “You could get dragged down from your Deck Leader position, and the spot might just be filled by Wise Leader Razor. You hear?”

A cold sweat trickled down Jae-hee’s back. “Isn’t that just what you want to happen…?”

“Hey, who told you to make a promise like that? What were you thinking?”

There was a reason the mess hall had served slop until now.

It was a place where inmates just trying to earn a few Credits for the day would come and slap together a meal. Not only were there no skilled cooks, but the ingredients were also abysmal.

Even if it was just to get out of a tight spot, Jae-hee had made a promise that was nearly impossible to keep.

“Sooner or later, the problem is going to blow up. The fuckers here are so petty they’ll never forget something like this.”

“Ugh, what should I do…?”

Just as Jae-hee was racking his brain, a loud noise echoed from the sky.

Thwup-thwup-thwup-thwup—

Soon, a transport plane bearing a familiar post office logo flew toward the ship’s rooftop.

“Huh?”

Through the fluttering laundry, everyone turned to look.

Jae-hee asked, “What’s going on?”

“Hmm, based on my long and seasoned experience here…”

Stroking his chin, Razor broke into a wicked grin. “Looks like they’re bringing in some new prisoners.”

***

Razor’s prediction was spot-on.

Several new prisoners, strung together like a line of dried fish, were escorted down to Deck 1 via the elevator. Every one of them wore a grim, soured expression.

“Boooooo!”

The inmates watching the new arrivals unleashed a wave of jeers.

“Fresh meat!”

“Wonder how many of them will survive?”

“Yo, wanna bet on who dies first?”

Listening quietly, Jae-hee tilted his head. “I think I heard something similar when I first got here. Is this some kind of welcoming ceremony?”

Status Window nodded. “That’s right desu. It’s the standard greeting for newcomers. Just the usual WWE desu.”

Razor snapped in annoyance. “The hell is this fatass babbling about? Hey, speak English.”

“This is a template too desu. The pattern where Boy-kun asks a question, I spout some nonsense, and Razor-kun scolds me—that’s also WWE desu.”

“Seriously, what are you even saying?!”

As they exchanged mindless banter and sized up the new arrivals, Jae-hee suddenly gasped.

“Eh?”

There was a familiar face at the end of the line of prisoners.

“Mr. Patissier?!”

“…!”

The chubby young man, who had been shuffling forward with the look of a condemned man, snapped his head up in shock.

It was Patissier, the baker they had rescued from Daejeon.

“Mr. Boy?! What are you doing here?!”

“I think that’s my line…”

While Vice-Deck Leader Razor took over guiding the rest of the new prisoners, Jae-hee and Status Window led Patissier to the mess hall.

After seating him at a table by the window with a view of the sea, Jae-hee handed him a cup of water and asked cautiously, “How did you end up here?”

Patissier, his throat apparently parched, gulped down the water.

Jae-hee recalled the situation. “Back then, the Client specifically requested your rescue, Mr. Patissier. They sent a super fancy car to pick you up. I figured you were off to somewhere nice.”

“Somewhere nice… Yes, I did go somewhere nice. I did, but…”

Patissier answered with a hollow look in his eyes.

“The reason that Client asked for my rescue was because they wanted to taste the legendary Fried Soboro Bread.”

“Aha.”

“So I did my absolute best. Following the recipe we patissiers in Daejeon had restored, I baked them the Fried Soboro Bread, but…”

“But?”

Tears welled up in Patissier’s eyes, and he hung his head low. “‘This isn’t it!’ they screamed…”

“Wha?”

“The Client was so incredibly disappointed with the bread I made that they sued me for fraud on the spot…”

“Whaaaat?!”

“You know how there are no trials these days. A sentence is finalized with the security chief’s approval, and since that Client was a rather important person… I was arrested as a fraudster right then and there…”

The memory was clearly devastating. Patissier buried his face on the table and began to sob uncontrollably.

Jae-hee’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “Seriously? Who throws someone in prison over a piece of bread?”

Listening in, Status Window asked cautiously, “So what kind of bread was this Fried Soboro Bread, exactly? What about it made the Client angry enough to throw you in prison? Care to explain desu?”

Wiping his tears with the back of his chubby hand, Patissier did just that.

“You take a well-baked soboro bun, slice it vertically, and then you stuff various kinds of fried food inside. That was the recipe for the thirty-year-old Fried Soboro Bread that we patissiers in Daejeon restored.”

“…?”

“My personal favorite was the one with a fried shrimp filling…”

Huh?

Jae-hee, bewildered, asked hesitantly, “Uh, I just assumed… you fried the entire soboro bun.”

Patissier’s face hardened. He flapped his hands in firm denial.

“Oh, come now~ That would make it ‘Soboro Fritter’ instead.”

“Huh?”

“You know when two or more words are combined, the last word is the essence of the thing.”

Patissier tapped the edge of his hand against his palm to illustrate.

“A tangerine is a citrus fruit, a webnovel is a novel, and a convict unit is a unit! The first word is the modifier; the last word is the essence!”

“Huh. You’re right. He’s right,” Jae-hee muttered.

Suddenly, Status Window took off his glasses and let a single tear of profound understanding roll down his cheek. “So Love Live! really was life…”

“…What’s that now?” A cold sweat formed on Jae-hee’s brow.

Meanwhile, Patissier slammed his fist on the table and argued passionately.

“In other words, in the legendary Fried Soboro Bread, the ‘fried’ part is secondary, and the ‘soboro bread’ is the essence! It has to be soboro bread stuffed with fried food!”

“Th-that does make sense…”

“…But the Client was not satisfied.”

The baker, who had been puffed up with passion a moment ago, deflated like a popped balloon.

“‘This fried bun isn’t what I wanted!’ they roared, spitting fire… They even threw the bread at me…”

“Oh, man.”

“After that, well… I was convicted of fraud and locked up here…”

It was an absurd injustice. No matter how powerful someone was, throwing a person in prison just because they didn’t like a piece of bread was insane.

“Who on earth was that Client?”

“AIEEEEE!” Patissier shrieked and fell to the floor, his limbs trembling violently. “I can’t say! I can never say!”

“Eh?”

“Don’t you understand? That person lifted a single finger and I became a convicted fraudster locked up in here! If I were to reveal their identity, a top-level secret… Who knows what would happen…! Aaargh! I can’t say it!”

Status Window let out an impressed “Ooh,” and began to deduce. “Must be a National Power-level bread-freak bro.”

“Not a ‘he’!”

“A National Power-level lady bread-freak.”

“Aaargh! I can’t say it!”

Even in his state of terror, Patissier still found the presence of mind to correct the gender.

A cold sweat ran down Jae-hee’s back. Was this going to be okay?

“All I ever wanted was one thing. To live a simple, safe life, just baking bread…”

Lying on the floor, Patissier wept bitterly. “Never thought I couldn’t even achieve such a small dream…”

“…Eh.” An idea struck Jae-hee. “Hold on, Mr. Patissier!”

“Yes…?”

“Then let’s do that!”

“I’m sorry?”

Jae-hee patted the dazed baker on the shoulder and said brightly, “The bread! You can just bake it here!”