Congratulations on Your Magical Girl Duties

73 – A Quiet, Though Not a Holy, Night

“Hoo.”

The Magical Battalion Commander exhaled a deep sigh. A viscous fatigue steeped from the sigh.

‘I’m going to die.’

The reason for her difficulty was nothing special.

The Magical Emergency Moral Training and Magical Military Discipline Education, which had been ongoing until today, had been more challenging than expected.

Especially since a general-level magical girl was involved, the intensity was considerable.

She never wanted to be dragged into that again.

Even being dragged in the first place was strange, though.

‘No, damn it, why me?’

She still couldn’t understand it.

It was absurd enough that some harebrained magical lucky charm text was circulating, but even more so that it apparently originated from the Magical Battalion Commander himself.

This was all news to me.

Only after being dragged to instruction did I find out.

I belatedly protested, but that didn’t change a thing.

No, this was a blunder.

In the process of protesting, getting entangled with the magical girls who sent out Magical Help Calls, Kim Si-yul’s injury was inadvertently unearthed.

And it wasn’t something you could just brush off.

Apparently, she was close to dying.

Thanks to that, the repercussions were immense.

The severity of Magical Punishment skyrocketed, and what was supposed to be a one-day sentence was extended.

‘Those b*tches should’ve just kept it buried.’

If it hadn’t been discovered, all would have been well, but it got caught, and now they had to go through all sorts of hardship.

Anyway.

After twists and turns, the wretched Magical Disciplinary Action was finally over as of today.

However, the Magical Battalion Commander couldn’t rest.

‘Damn it.’

Magical tasks had piled up.

Of course. Just because he was receiving Magical Disciplinary Action all day during Magical work hours didn’t mean his duties vanished.

Therefore, today too, the Magical Battalion Commander was whipping his tired body to work.

– *Ppyororong.*

At that moment, a ringtone sounded.

It was still a bizarre ringtone he hadn’t gotten used to, but the instant he confirmed who the caller was, that sound was incredibly welcome today.

“Magical Battalion Commander, it’s me.”

“Yes, Magical Company Commander.”

The person on the line was the Magical Company Commander.

A magical girl who took care of Magical leftovers.

“I’ve processed almost everything you ordered.”

“Is that so? What about the Magical civil complaints?”

The Magical Battalion Commander cautiously brought it up.

“Was that all processed as well…?”

No choice but. Even for a Magical Battalion Commander, a Magical Grievance was quite the burden.

Burdensome for two reasons.

Having to check and necessarily respond to content sent by an anonymous party, unknown to him.

The sheer time it took, thanks to the glacially slow Magical System.

‘Emotions get frayed, it’s a pain.’

However, simply ignoring it or tossing off a flippant reply wasn’t an option.

If the sender of the grievance lodged a Magical Objection to the response, it would escalate upstairs. And that inevitably meant getting chewed out for a Magical Joint error.

‘Gotta end it here, somehow.’

A situation the Magical Battalion Commander absolutely had to avoid. Especially now, when his standing was already so precarious.

「Magical Battalion Commander, I’ve drafted Magical Replies to most of the Magical Grievances sent to you, and submitted them for your approval. What’s left are only those that require your direct attention, based on their content.」

“Good. That’s a relief.”

Not an empty compliment, but sincere.

He’d palmed off Magical Crapwork, and the Magical Company Commander had confidently handled it.

In truth, the Magical Grievance the Magical Battalion Commander was currently reviewing was the kind that would have been difficult for the Magical Company Commander to answer.

The title alone made that clear.

【Is it TRUE that Pale Crows have a Magical Cloaca? Or is it NOT TRUE?】

He guessed the Magical Company Commander had left behind Magical Grievances that encroached on such personal territory.

“Hoo.”

The Magical Battalion Commander quickly drafted a reply, breathing a sigh of relief. He secretly hoped he could get home before midnight tonight.

“Thank you, Magical Company Commander.”

「No problem. Oh, and about that Magical Deadbeat Dorm. There’s something urgent I need to tell you about it.」

Magical Deadbeat Dorm, huh.

That was definitely the dorm Kim Shi-yul was in.

“What is it?”

「Magical Girl Rainbow Chameleon, who resides there, was rushed to the Magical Capital Hospital tonight with a Magical Acute Cerebral Hemorrhage.」

“Is that so?”

Strange. From the occasional checks he’d made, that Magical Girl had seemed to be in perfectly good health.

So how, exactly?

「She claims she saw a Non-Magical Black Hole, but I’m not sure what that means.」

Even with the explanation, it wasn’t easy to understand.

“A non-magical black hole? What the hell is that supposed to be?”

Still, first things first, I roughly organized the intel.

“So that means there are only four people in the living quarters right now? And they won’t be back anytime soon.”

「Most likely. Even from a quick glance, Magical Girl Rainbow Chameleon looked to be in truly dire straits.」

“Understood. I’ll keep it in mind.”

「Then I’ll log out of the Magical Intranet account. Please call again if you need anything.」

“Alright. Thanks for the help.”

The Magical Battalion Commander offered a faint smile.

He seemed to have a knack for all things magical admin, which was why he hadn’t replaced the Magical Company Commander. Good thing too, seeing how helpful he was being.

Of course, fully trusting him was something else entirely.

It just felt instinctively off.

He didn’t know why, but every time he entertained such thoughts, the back of his head would start to throb.

‘What the hell is this, really?’

He’d never actually been hit there, not even once.

A truly bizarre phenomenon.

‘Still.’

For now, there shouldn’t be any problems. The Magical Battalion Commander cleared his mind and checked the Magical Complaints.

Feeling lighter than before.

“What the hell?”

And, immediately, his heart grew heavy once more.

The title of the Magical Complaint before his eyes was particularly grating.

【Pale Crow this b*tch, she didn’t even announce it and now she’s flipping out, unbelievable.】

‘Which son of a b*tch, dares…’

Trying to die, are they? The Magical Battalion Commander bit his lip.

He didn’t remember making any Magical Announcements or flipping out about anything, so why would there be a complaint like this?

The Magical Battalion Commander opened the complaint.

–

Be careful, Magical Girl.

I’ll let it slide this time, but be careful about clicking on messages like this in the future.

Grandma could be lurking. Got it?

Closing this text, leaving it, is to forget everything.

And do not, without thought, open it again.

If you ignore my warning and once more trifle, it will not end well, for you. Including all those whom you love.

Now, the answer?

I just saved your life.

What answer should I give?

–

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

The Magical Battalion Commander spewed forth thanks, repeatedly.

The reply, too, was inscribed with gratitude.

Thanks from the realm of instinct, not cognition. He’d nearly crossed a river he could not recross, he felt, in that instant.

“Hoo.”

Once his heart calmed somewhat, the thought struck him: why hadn’t the Magical Company Commander filtered out such a Magical Complaint?

But the question did not linger.

【If you do it with a mascot, you don’t need to worry about contraception, right? It’s urgent, seriously.】

A sudden curiosity eclipsed the question.

‘What is this?’

The question of why *that* had been filed as a Magical Complaint, why the Magical Company Commander hadn’t filtered *that* out, rose, but soon vanished.

‘What on earth.’

What could be written there? Only that curious question filled his mind.

As if bewitched, the Magical Battalion Commander opened the complaint.

–

Magical Girl,

There will be no second time.

(Attached Photo)

–

And immediately, he clutched at his eyes.

“Khhhaaahhh!!!!!!”

The horrific image just etched onto his retinas mercilessly assaulted his brain, riding the optic nerve.

There existed a terrible cosmic mystery, a cosmic horror.

A black hole, its end impossible to fathom.

Beneath it, a colossal speck settled like an asteroid.

Literally, a non-magical cosmic horror.

“Uwaaack!!!”

The Magical Battalion Commander squeezed his empty stomach, spewing up bitter bile. Before he knew it, his eyes were shedding blood, too.

The price he paid for dabbling in forbidden knowledge he would never, under normal circumstances, have encountered.

“Huuuh…! Huuuh…!”

At last, the Magical Battalion Commander bit his lip until it burst, and urgently made a call.

Desperately suppressing the urge to pluck out his eyeballs, stubbornly pushing the question of why such a thing even existed to the darkest corner of his mind.

On the third ring, the other end answered.

“Hello, Magical Supp—”

“It’s me.”

The Magical Battalion Commander cut the words off immediately.

“Yes, Magical Battalion Commander.”

Because there was something more important than hearing his magical rank and name.

“There’s something atrocious in the Magical Complaints, why did you say I had to confirm this…?”

He understood that being given magical leftover tasks wasn’t pleasant, but if you were assigned the work, shouldn’t you at least see it through?

But, why didn’t they filter something like this out?

They could just give a vague answer and be done with it.

The Magical Battalion Commander was genuinely curious.

“Because I’m the only one who can’t see it.”

That son of a b*tch.

The Magical Battalion Commander gritted his teeth, forcing down the harsh words that surged up in a flash.

There was no good to be had from making a fuss here.

Besides, wasn’t it useful in its own way?

He had already taken the hit, there was no point in chipping away at the cards he held.

‘Be patient, be patient.’

The Magical Battalion Commander steeled his heart with superhuman endurance and confirmed the remaining Magical Complaints.

‘Still, they helped a lot.’

Not even a few minutes had passed since then.

The Magical Battalion Commander’s resolve shifted, ever so slightly.

From enduring and moving on, to…

“That goddamn b*tch.”

One day, he would absolutely kill her.

The remaining Magical Complaints that the Magical Company Commander passed on were no different from the one he’d just suffered.

Titles that, once again, piqued the curiosity.

Horrendous contents that defied description.

These Magical Complaints went on and on, endlessly. Naturally, the Magical Battalion Commander’s suffering went on endlessly too.

He couldn’t even adapt if he wanted to. There were too many, far too many variations.

“Pop Art style, what the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

In the end, the Magical Battalion Commander received new stimuli every few minutes, reacting intensely each time.

And so, the night deepened.

“Ah, I’m really going to kill her.”

Along with the Magical Battalion Commander’s murderous intent.

*

“Hoo, hoo. Ahem.”

“Announcement from Magical Administration.”

“Effective immediately, all Magical Girls are to gather with their personal Magical Wands.”

“A Magical Mock Battle will be held today.”