Casual Heroing

“I truly miss working with Flaminia. She was so nice. She is the first person to chat with me without any restraints or without looking at me differently.”

“She’s a very nice person,” I hear Lucillus sigh wistfully.

I look at him with a foxy grin.

“Does someone have a little crush on Flaminia? HOHO!”

My laugh is sharp and high-pitched, grating that Lucillus already looks like he wants to beat me up.

“I do not have a crush on Flaminia.”

“Sure, pal, sure. So, that’s the mysterious lady who’s got your heart, ha? Well, don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. Consider me the Batman to your Robin.”

“The what? And don’t even think about saying or doing anything, Joey! I have barely spoken with the woman. She’s a star [Baker] and [Chef] in Amorium. I have no idea how my cousin snatched her up for her bakery. But she’s out of my tree.”

I blink.

Wait.

I blink again.

I put a finger in my ear, twist it around to remove the possible blockage, and ask.

“Did you just say ‘out of my tree’?” I ask.

“Yes?” Lucillus nods, unsure why that phrase should bother me.

“I have never heard that. Where does it come from?” I look at him.

“Elves used to live in houses on trees. The nobility would stay on the bigger trees, so, if someone was too far up the social ladder, they would literally be ‘out of your tree’.”

Wow.

I make my impressed-De-Niro expression and continue measuring. I need someone to partition this place better if I want a café inside and the bakery part in the back.

“I need to buy some wooden planks for this place. I need a freezing rune, wand or whatever, and I also need… butter, eggs, sugar, flour…”

I look to the kitchen.

“The guy said that they already have pots, trays and most of the common stuff. Check if they have some whisk while I finish here.”

Lucillus grumbles something about not being my [Assistant] but still goes in the kitchen.

“No whisker,” he announces a few minutes later, with a lot of dust on him.

“Do you have any parchment or paper on you, or whatever you people use to write?”

He nods.

“Ok, start writing this stuff down before I forget. We need to be methodical if we want to make some money tonight, don’t we? I’ll pay you back for that stuff, don’t worry.”

“So, from the top again. This is going to be our shopping list. First, let’s go with the ingredients. Butter, eggs, sugar, flour, milk, vanilla or the equivalent of stupid Elves—”

“I know what vanilla is,” Lucillus says.

“Perfect. Then, Vanilla, any fruit similar to cherries or peaches. Did I say eggs? Yes? Ok, great. Then, that should be it for the cooking stuff. We will start with something simple. Then, we need a freezing rune/wand before the end of the day, not too strong, something to cool the food off. Then, I need someone to clean this place. Are [Cleaners] a thing?”

“Yes.”

“Nice. Then we hire a [Cleaner], an [Enchanter]… a [Woodworker]? Yes? Great. Even a [Mason] in the future. Plus, tell Camilla she’s going to help me work on this stuff tonight.”

“Camilla?”

“Yeah, Camilla, and Flaminia. I want to show them one of my many tricks. I’ll forbid them from reproducing it if they want my recipes, but this should bring my price sky-high. This recipe kind of conquered the whole old continent where my family comes from. It’s the breakfast. And it’s great for late-night people too. We are going to make a killing with the Adventurers’ Guild. You said they are open pretty much at every hour and that they have an inn inside the place serving drinks, right?”

“Yeah,” Lucillus shoots a glance at me. He apparently doesn’t know how much money a bakery can make from hungry drunk people before they go to bed.

“Aren’t you their competitor? If they see your tricks right away, you’ll go out of business pretty soon.”

“Oh, right. Did I say we need to go to a brewery? If not, jot that down too. Beer brewery.”

"What for?"

"Nothing much, just a revolution for the whole baking world, you know."

I can feel Lucillus’s stare on my back while I take some additional measurements. I’m going to blow everyone’s mind with yeast. To hell with magic, baking is definitely the most important—

Shoot, I need to practice the Cantrips!

As soon as the realization hits me, the tape almost falls from my hands.

Oh man, how many days has it been? Two? I am already behind schedule! Dammit!

“Did you write everything down?” I ask Lucillus.

“Yes, Joey. I would like to point out that I’m not your [Secretary].”

That would be nice, though, wouldn’t it?

I need to think about my future hires. I can’t do everything on my own, nor do I want to. I’m a good baker, but I’m also lazy if I can afford it. And good employees could help with that.

There are two additional thoughts on my mind, on top of all the other stuff that I need.

Chocolate.

Coffee.

You might not need both if you cross the threshold to a magical world, and you might think it’s okay not to have such amenities. Well, you are clearly thinking wrong. Maybe you can afford that kind of thinking if you are not a baker, but that’s not my case, is it?

Well, I’ll start doing some research as early as tomorrow. I think I’ll involve dear Lucinda in it.

Thinking about her, my heart still aches and longs for her.

I finish taking the measurements with the tape and tell Lucillus to jot everything down. They use the Imperial System, these Elves. Go figure. As always, America number one, buddy. Europeans complain that our system doesn’t make sense? Well, it sent people to the moon, and apparently, even the Elves have adopted it.