As Aizen in Naruto and Joined a Chat Group

Machete Girl: A host club? Isn't that a place for pleasing women? You gave that kind of coupon as a gift to our group leader?

Kotonoha Katsura froze, wide-eyed.

Shark-Faced Guy: Wow, this is one incredible newbie.

Hoshigaki Kisame grinned from ear to ear, really wanting to see what Aizen's face looked like right now.

Curly-haired Guy: Uh, sorry. I don't know this person, and what he's doing has nothing to do with me!

Wiggy: What's wrong, Gintoki?

Curly-haired Guy: Shut up! I have no idea who you are! Kick him out, group leader, please get rid of this idiot! He's a disaster!

If this kept going, Gintoki felt like this guy was going to get him killed. Sending Aizen a host club coupon? What kind of absurd move was that? There has to be a limit to self-destruction!

This is an Actor: It's fine, I'm not mad. But you can keep that coupon for yourself, Mr. Katsura.

Wiggy: Is that so? That's a shame.

Amegakure Village's Angel: Anzen-san isn't interested in men.

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Yep, Anzen-san already has Konan-chan. Oh, and also a concubine.

Doujin Artist: Ruiko-chan, take that last part out!

Wiggy: Looks like I won't hit my target for today's performance.

Curly-haired Guy: You're actually regretting that? And you're still trying to pitch it to the chat group? Just end it already! You're an idiot who needs to just end it!

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Wiggy, really, you're an even worse samurai than Gintoki.

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: Finally got to experience the feeling of "there's always someone worse" today.

Wig Kid: It's not a wig, it's Katsura!

This is an Actor: Even though everyone already knows who you are, it's tradition in this group to introduce yourself.

Wig Kid: I see. Got it. My name is Kotarou Katsura. I'm 27, male. I'm a freedom fighter and also a host club promoter. My wish is to meet Iris here.

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: Who's Iris?

Doujin Artist: I've got no clue. I don't think she ever showed up in *Gintama*.

Wig Kid: She's the honored priestess of the Elf Forest. She uses nature magic to wipe out the evil monsters that try to invade the world.

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Honored priestess?

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: Evil monsters?

Curly-haired Guy: You're never gonna meet her, you weirdo! And seriously, we're in the PS5 era now. Who still plays those ancient NES games? Instead of daydreaming, go check out the memory list, idiot!

Doujin Artist: So Iris is from an old NES game?

Shark-Faced Guy: Wanting to meet a virtual character in a group chat... That's a pretty pure thought, in a way. But maybe it's not totally impossible?

This is an Actor: Wait, Kisame, do you also have a favorite virtual character?

Shark-Faced Guy: Not really a favorite, but there are a lot I'd like to meet. Like the Espada from *Bleach*. I'd love to know how far I still have to go compared to them.

This is an Actor: At your current spiritual pressure growth rate, you'll reach Harribel's level in about 30 years.

What Aizen means by growth rate is the power you build on your own, without buying energy with points.

Shark-Faced Guy: Thirty years just to reach Espada No. 3? Guess my title of "No. 2 in the Naruto world" really doesn't mean much, huh?

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: But Kisame-san, you're already super strong!

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: You should look at it the other way. Harribel trained for hundreds of years. You're what, a few decades in? Catching up that fast is amazing. What are you even complaining about?

Curly-haired Guy: Well... I gotta admit, Harribel is definitely big.

Doujin Artist: Wait, that kind of "big" isn't the same as Sister Mochou's, you perv!

Curly-haired Guy: Hey! I didn't mean it that way! Don't twist my words, you dirty-minded lady!

Machete Girl: Um, I have a question. If I use points to buy Kisame-san's spiritual pressure, will I get a mask on my face too?

Amegakure Village's Angel: Nope, I already bought it and didn't get one.

This is an Actor: Spiritual pressure is just pure energy made from spirit power. If you want a mask, you'll need to also add the Arrancar transformation trait.

Shark-Faced Guy: I haven't uploaded that one yet.

Doujin Artist: Even if you do, I wouldn't dare buy it. Imagine showing up at home with one of those Arrancar masks on your face—how would I explain that?

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Just tell them it's a new fashion trend?

Doujin Artist: Yeah, like that's gonna last forever!

Wig Kid: Wait, really… Gintoki, is that true?

Doujin Artist: What are you even talking about? That came outta nowhere.

Curly-haired Guy: Guess he found out the truth about that thing. Makes sense. Yeah… it's true, Katsura. Master Shouyou, he really did—

Wig Kid: That Aizen Sosuke guy really added Miss Kushina to his harem? I, Kotarou Katsura, will never forgive him!

Curly-haired Guy: What the hell!?

Sakata Gintoki was totally thrown off. He thought his old buddy would be shocked by what happened to their beloved teacher. Instead, the guy took the conversation in a totally weird direction!

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: Are you stupid?

Doujin Artist: Harem?

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: What do you mean "harem"? How did you even come to that conclusion?

Wig Kid: Hmph! Just think about it! A beautiful married woman like Miss Kushina... no man could ever resist! I bet that evil Aizen is forcing her to do all kinds of terrible things right now. This is awful! So awful! A total disaster! (Expression: Maniacal laughter)

[Notice: Wig Kid has been muted by the group owner for 1 hour.]