Apocalypse’s Teacher

Chapter 101

The back of the head scribbling with a pen is round.

The eyes fixed on the book the entire time appear vacant.

'Interest.'

It was an action that the timid Dayoon showed to draw attention.

The moment I noticed it, I had to calm my fidgeting hips.

The child wants attention, so it should be given.

These thoughts stemmed from a memory that crossed my mind.

It's not something I learned in university.

Nor is it something I heard from a friend who was an elementary school teacher.

What came to mind was my own past.

A very long time ago, a memory from when I was exactly Dayoon's age.

I understood.

-Hello! Seokho? Your name is cool. I'm someone who came here to meet Seokho.

The kind of attention given by college students who occasionally came to fill their volunteer hours, that disappeared as soon as they turned around, how painful it was.

-Seokhyeo... Ah, Ho! Sorry! I'm bad at remembering people's names. See you next week!

The fact that the people who smiled at me wouldn't come back even if I waited, how painful it was.

-Hmm? Ah... That guy said he's too busy to come....

The choking feeling during the cycle of hoping, being betrayed, hoping again, and being betrayed all over again.

'Attention given as charity hurts.'

Of course, this situation was different.

I would continue to stay with Dayoon and could also provide continuous attention.

However, it should not be in the form of throwing it to her like charity.

I calm my fidgeting body.

Then take a deep breath in and slowly exhale.

'I have to do this slowly.'

Already, it's been nearly half a year.

During that time, Dayoon had likely harbored bitterness, being overshadowed by other children.

At this age, children carry even small scars as permanent marks, so approaching recklessly should be avoided.

I needed to think.

How to approach Dayoon and what kind of relationship to form with her.

Pfft-.

A hollow laugh escapes me.

'...I haven't even formed a relationship yet.'

It was self-deprecation.

*

I knew nothing about Dayoon.

So, I started by first getting to know the child.

"Dayoon, are you studying again today?"

"Yes...."

"Dayoon is amazing. Hyesung and Dabin can't even last an hour before they give up."

"...."

"What's that book? Can I take a look too?"

Dayoon glanced at me.

Then she subtly slid the book she was looking at to the side, allowing me to see it.

"It's in English."

"Organic chemistry...."

"Ah, this is chemistry too?"

"...."

"I see. What do you learn in organic chemistry?"

Dayoon's body twitched nervously.

Her eyes alternated between the book and me, as if anxious.

'Did I delve too deeply?'

No, that's not it.

Dayoon seemed to be gauging my reaction.

Perhaps, because up until now, I hadn't shown much interest in what she was learning, she was worried I might lose interest and move elsewhere if I did.

Feeling a sense of frustration, I offered a bitter smile and spoke.

"I'm just curious. Can't you teach me?"

Dayoon's lips pressed tightly together.

Her still babyish cheeks quivered slightly.

At last, cautious words spilled out.

"Microorganisms. Bacteria, cultivation, structural analysis...."

Fragmented words tumbled out, outlining the field of organic chemistry.

Dayoon seemed to be trying her best to simplify things, picking out only the key words that I could understand.

'Even with that, I don't really get it though.'

I simply maintained a smile while listening to Dayoon, who was speaking more at length than ever before.

"Yes, and then?"

"And then...."

I listened patiently.

The ability to actively listen, developed with age and experience, proved helpful in moments like this.

I echoed some of the key words Dayoon mentioned.

If her expression brightened, I smiled along with her.

When her cheeks flushed pink.

"That's amazing. Dayoon knows more than I do."

I said what I genuinely felt, expressing my sincerity.

Dayoon fidgeted.

Then, after some effort, she shifted from her lying position to sit upright.

"...I'll stop for today."

Dayoon suddenly stood up and said that as she headed to her room.

I didn't try to stop her.

'Slowly.'

Taking it slow is the right approach.

*

Even as I worked on getting closer to Dayoon, I carried on with my duties.

Sorting supplies in preparation for the beginning of spring.

The final exploration to mark the end of the season.

And being Hyesung's playmate and Dabin's first private tutor.

I tried my best not to miss anything.

And today.

"Here, a gift for you, Dayoon."

I handed a small box to Dayoon, who had now opened up to conversation to some extent.

"...What is it?"

"Wanna open it?"

It was a fountain pen.

I had visited a department store—which I wouldn't be able to go to for a year after winter ended—and bought a shockingly expensive one.

Fortunately, I also found well-sealed ink for it.

Dayoon's eyes grew wide as she stared at the fountain pen.

"Dayoon always studies so hard. That's why I brought this for you."

Dayoon stared blankly at the fountain pen before eventually fidgeting with her lips.

Then, hugging it tightly to her chest.

I asked, feeling overwhelmingly proud.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah...."

"That's a relief."

A hand reached out.

It was to pat Dayoon's head.

Then, I hesitated and stopped.

'Is this okay?'

Although Dabin liked it, preferences could differ even among twins.

Besides, I wasn't certain if I had gotten close enough to Dayoon for this.

I stood frozen, my hand lingering in the air for a moment.

Poof-.

Dayoon, blinking her eyes, lifted her head and placed it under my hand.

"...It's fine."

"Ah."

She was giving this much permission.

'...Thank you.'

I was grateful.

Honestly, I thought she had every right to express resentment for the lack of attention I'd given her so far.

I thought she could complain more.

But Dayoon didn't.

She just purely accepted my goodwill.

Timid but kind, and always trying not to trouble others—that was her personality.

"...Thank you, as always."

"Thank you...?"

"Yeah, Dayoon is amazing. You do well on your own, you're smart, and you're kind."

"No, I'm not...."

"Yes, you are."

When I chuckled, Dayoon's cheeks turned slightly red.

Watching her like that, I suddenly remembered something I hadn't asked before.

"Hey."

"Yeah...."

"Dayoon, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

For Dayoon, it was just studying.

Even while other kids enjoyed hobbies or lazed around, she studied.

'But....'

Her purpose lay in drawing attention.

The fact was evident, as her progress slowed whenever the attention faded.

What Dayoon truly enjoyed, the work she genuinely loved to do.

I was curious about what Dayoon wanted to become when she grew up.

For that reason, I stepped on a landmine.

"Uh...."

Dayoon couldn't utter an answer.

Her expression was....

"Dayoon?"

...Yes, it was painted with confusion as if failing to answer my question was an enormous mistake.

*

I couldn't talk more with Dayoon that day.

Dayoon abruptly stood up, stayed in her room, and only came out for meals, which she barely touched before retreating again.

"Dayoon, aren't you eating more?"

"...."

"Are you feeling unwell? No dizziness or stomachache or anything?"

"...."

I spoke worriedly in front of Dayoon's door, but no response came.

'What is this? Where did it go wrong?'

I was flustered.

I thought we had been getting closer smoothly so far.

I didn't expect such a strong reaction to the question about her dream.

Ah, a headache struck me.

Holding my aching head, I continued to think.

'Defense mechanism. It must be a defense mechanism. Dayoon isn't assertive. This is probably an avoidance from something she doesn't like....'

Thinking on, I paced around the house.

Then.

"Serco?"

Helen spoke to me.

"Ah, yeah. Why are you calling me?"

"Are you okay?"

Helen looked up at me quietly.

Her bright blue pupils pierced straight through me.

I awkwardly laughed and nodded.

"Ah, well. I'm fine. But Dayoon...."

"About Dayoon. Dayoon is very sad."

"Huh?"

"Serco, why did you do that?"

I had a blank look on my face.

It wasn't for any other reason.

It was because Helen continued speaking in a voice that carried a sense of reproach.

"Serco."

"Uh, yeah...."

"Serco, why did you push Dayoon too hard?"

Thud-.

I felt my heart sink.

'Push her? Did I?'

"Serco, you only praise Dayoon for doing well. You make her keep studying."

At those words, I felt my mind go blank.

"Serco, why don't you spend time playing with Dayoon?"

A sudden realization hit me.

Only then did I become aware of something.

My intention to fulfill Dayoon's need for attention through praise might have inadvertently conveyed to her that she should keep studying without rest.

I had overlooked the possibility of burdening her.

Helen approached me.

"Serco. Dayoon likes you very much. She doesn't care about me or Parkshi."

"...."

"No, me and Parkshi. She doesn't like us. Because we keep making her study, it's wrong."

"...."

"Still, we make her study. Because Dayoon needs to learn."

I listened absentmindedly.

During that time, what I had done became increasingly clearer.

"But Serco, that's not okay. Serco, you need to play with Dayoon."

I reflected again.

I had praised Dayoon for her academic skills.

I praised her for being quiet and kind.

And I revealed my expectations for Dayoon.

This was.

"Serco, you must not burden Dayoon."

An act of placing a burden on the child.