Antidote

He persuaded me.“If you take this medicine, your madness will be cured.”My body, exhausted from crying, naturally slumped downward. I dropped my head as I knelt weakly on the floor. Lister knelt on one knee beside me and gently patted my shoulder. His hand lifted my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. My face reflected in his eyes.Tears stained my face, and I sat there, dazed, mouth slightly open. Lister gazed at me and continued speaking.“You’ll forget everything and feel better. Why are you making a fuss now? It’s always been like this, hasn’t it? The coronation three years ago, Helga’s Tower, your parents, even me and my sister…”His face drew closer, lips pressed against my ear.Every time his breath touched my ear and cheek, my body flinched.He repeated, as if brainwashing me.“You’ll forget all of this too. Once you forget, you’ll feel better.”No…My small sob was so faint that I wasn’t sure if it even left my lips.Lister pulled me up by my arm. Then, with one arm around my waist, he supported me as he led me to a chair. I stumbled after him, following his lead.Once I slumped into the armchair, Lister softly placed his hand on top of my drooping head. His hand hesitated for a moment, then slowly began stroking my hair.“It’s alright, Slan.”He whispered, as if soothing me.“Everything will be alright. You’ll be fine again. Once winter passes…”He continued to ramble on about weddings, memories, medicine, madness, East Karlac—words that buzzed in my ears, disjointed, swirling together with no pattern, and then fading into meaninglessness.***It was a late morning, the sky thick with clouds ready to spill snow at any moment. Because I had skipped breakfast, an old deaf man brought an earlier-than-usual lunch and opened my door, stepping inside.Without looking at him, I just stood by the window, leaning against the sill, staring outside. The black kite that had been soaring between the walls and the mountains throughout the seasons from autumn to winter was nowhere to be seen today. I blankly gazed at the empty gray sky.Then the rustling behind me abruptly stopped.I didn’t pay much attention to it. I had no interest in the meal or in the deaf old man who treated me like a ghost, so I merely waited for him to put the food down and leave.But after a moment, suddenly, someone tugged on my sleeve.I jumped up in fright.“Ah!”The short scream wasn’t mine.My eyes widened.The person standing there wasn’t the deaf old man.It was a short boy.I examined his face thoroughly, as if seeing a ghost. Bright black eyes, messy short hair, a slightly upturned nose, and unusually rosy cheeks…I knew this child! But who was he? The only boy I knew around this age was Kirsten.“Slan!”The boy called my name in a small voice.I racked my brain desperately.Who is he? Who was this boy calling my name?My chest tightened, swelling as if my heart would burst through my ribs. I clutched my collar tightly with one hand, trying to calm myself.Then the boy, still holding onto my sleeve, leaned in close and whispered softly.“That old man fell down the stairs and hurt his back. It wasn’t me who did it. Well, some people say a big lizard with a tail grabbed his ankle, but hmm, who knows?”He murmured. His familiar, friendly tone rang in my ears.“Anyway. It’s been a while. How have you been? Though it seems like you haven’t been well. When we left Karlac that day, I came along too. When the knights told the squires to gather things and follow, I snuck in, hiding a gauntlet. I figured if I stayed in Karlac any longer, my head would roll.”“Ah…”Was this boy someone who knew me from Karlac?I looked down at him with suspicion. But the boy chattered on, like a lark, undeterred.“That old man is groaning because of his back, and everyone’s just standing around awkwardly. That’s when I raised my hand. I said I’d bring the meal… You know, Slan, people here think you’re suffering from severe madness. Last time, one of the maids gave you the wrong medicine, and the master… Hmm. I guess this story isn’t that fun?”“By ‘master,’ you mean Lister?”“Ah! Yes, the young master. Well, I mean, not the younger one, but the older master’s younger brother.”“The lord of Glenberg is Kirsten, not Lister.”“Ah! The younger master.”Then, the boy glanced up at me, rolling his eyes.“Really? Everyone here says the young master is the lord of Glenberg…”“He’s not.”“Well, anyway. High-born people are all high-born, so how would I know who’s really the lord?”He muttered quickly and slipped back. The boy returned to the table and began opening the lids of a few dishes.“Eat before it gets cold. I said I’d bring back the empty dishes, so I have a bit more time.”There was no need to tell him that I didn’t remember him. Instead, I had to extract as much information as possible. Other than Lister, there was no one else in this Glenberg castle who spoke to me— not even Kirsten, whom I hadn’t seen in a long time.It had been so long since I had a proper conversation. My eyes welled with unexpected tears. Blinking a few times, I slowly limped toward the table. When I sat down, the boy handed me a neatly folded napkin. I unfolded it and placed it on my lap, then picked up the spoon.The food was mostly soft and easy to eat. A potato soup that seemed to have been simmered for a long time caught my eye first. On a large plate, there was a big piece of salted, grilled salmon, boiled carrots, and green beans. The food gave off a savory, fragrant smell. For the first time in a while, I felt a little appetite. The boy quickly placed a large cup in front of me and poured steaming tea into it.As I slowly sipped the soup, I looked at the boy.“You volunteered to come instead of the old man who hurt his back?”“Yes.”The boy answered brightly.“The master… I mean, the young lord cares about you, doesn’t he? That’s why I remember what I said before. Do you remember? I told you the young lord would make you his lover. It seems I might have been right after all…”“No.”I quickly cut him off. The boy glanced at me cautiously.“So, why did you volunteer to come here? Just to talk about that?”“No, not that. Actually…”Suddenly, the boy came closer, holding a pewter jug in his hand, pretending to pour tea into a cup. He leaned in and whispered into my ear.“The truth is, a wizard who uses dark magic is here. He came without anyone knowing. He knew who I was. And he knows you too. According to him, he’s someone you’re well acquainted with. He said his name was Ismion. Do you know him?”As soon as I heard that name, my heart began to race. I nodded vigorously.“I know. I know! Ismion is here? Was he alone?”My breathing quickened.Ismion is here! He must be here to help me. Without thinking, I grabbed the boy’s hand tightly. His face flushed red.“You know him. I wasn’t sure if he was lying… He seemed to be alone. He came with some idiot delivering hay, but that fool didn’t even realize someone was hiding in his cart.”The boy chuckled and retreated, hugging the pewter jug.My mind was racing. My heart pounded, and the blood coursed through my veins so fast that my hands and feet tingled with heat from the excitement.“What did Ismion say? What did he tell you?”“He told me to deliver a message to you. Tonight, put a lamp by the window. Make sure it stays lit all night. Tonight is important. He repeated many times that you mustn’t miss it.”I swallowed hard.“Is that all?”“Yes.”The boy stepped back. I scooped another spoonful of soup into my mouth.“How have you been? I’ve heard some things, but none of it was good. You look thinner. Does the master… I mean, the young lord, really hit you?”I flinched at that. I turned my head aside and pretended to chew a piece of salmon, trying to seem unaffected. My split lip and the flesh inside my mouth, still sore from a previous beating, ached with every bite.“I’ve been fine. And you? That day…”I tried to recall this familiar boy. At the same time, it felt like someone was pulling my ribs apart and stuffing gravel between my lungs. Just as Lister had said, the drug was surely stealing my memories bit by bit. Thank goodness I still remembered Ismion’s name—if I hadn’t remembered that…But in a way, it was fortunate that he appeared while I could still remember his name.Memories of my reunion with Jiyod in Karlac last autumn resurfaced. Hadn’t I completely forgotten about him until then? A shiver crawled up my arm from the back of my hand. Just thinking about forgetting him again sent a heavy weight of fear pressing down on my shoulders and neck.“As for me, nothing much has changed.”The boy smiled awkwardly, forming a playful expression like a child pretending to wear a cute mask.“Glenberg isn’t too bad. The food’s not great though…”Then he lowered his voice.“The atmosphere’s a bit heavy. But the current master, I mean the young lord, isn’t as strict as the old master. It’s manageable. Sometimes he gets really angry, but that has nothing to do with someone like me. There are more knights here too. I really hate them. I can’t believe I once wanted to be a knight! My talents are definitely more suited to reconnaissance, like now.”The boy grinned. He chatted on and on while I sat there listening, occasionally responding, and soon I had cleared my plate. As he gathered the empty dishes back onto his tray, the boy winked at me.“I’ll come back again.”“Sure.”It was the first proper conversation I’d had in ages, and I hoped he really would come back. And though it was an embarrassing and guilty wish, I also prayed that the old, deaf man’s injured back wouldn’t heal anytime soon.That evening, Lister came to see me. He seemed busy and didn’t stay long. After watching me take my medicine, he placed his hand under my chin and stroked it, like one might pet a hunting dog. Dazed from the effects of the drug, I let him touch me without resistance. Lister spoke with satisfaction.“I heard you finished your entire dinner plate tonight?”“Yeah…”I responded sluggishly.My mind was filled not with the Lister standing in front of me but with the thought of Ismion, who had secretly visited earlier in the day.“Good job.”Lister praised me. Then he said a few more words—something about his evening plans and a visit from the lord of one of Glenberg’s nearby towns, which had nothing to do with me. I let all of it go in one ear and out the other.Lister left the room.I paced around nervously, then went into the bedroom and picked up the glass lamp by the bedside. I tilted it—there was about half the oil left. I took it and returned to the sitting room. There was another lamp there. I opened its lid and poured the remaining oil into the glass lamp, filling it nearly to the brim.A new anxiety surfaced.The instruction to place a lamp by the window was likely so that someone outside could see the light and figure out where my room was. But the flame from this small glass lamp seemed too faint, and I wasn’t sure it would be visible from outside.Moreover, the outside of my window opened directly to a steep, sheer cliff. Ismion would likely view it from some distance away, but with just this tiny lamp’s light, I doubted it would send a clear signal.I picked up the empty lamp and stepped out of the room.Lister hadn’t locked my door. But as always, eyes followed my every move.A knight, sword at his side, silently followed me as I descended the darkened stairs.There was a lamp halfway down the stairs, mounted on the wall. Someone had already been through and lit it earlier, just before sunset. I lifted it, opened the lid, and poured out the oil. I left only a small amount to puddle at the bottom and transferred the rest into my lamp. After returning the now much lighter lamp to the wall, I held the full lamp close and walked back up the stairs.The knight who had been following me looked at me suspiciously. Worried he might report my strange behavior to Lister, I deliberately spoke to him.“The oil ran low.”“…”The knight said nothing, but his suspicious look eased a bit.“I’m keeping the lamp on late tonight. I hate the dark. It seems like the darkness makes my madness worse too…”As I continued to babble while climbing the stairs, the knight finally spoke.“Shall I fetch more oil for you?”I quickly nodded.“Please bring me another lamp. The one in my room is too small.”“Understood.”At that, the knight fully withdrew his suspicious gaze.I hurried back to my room and closed the door firmly.My heart was pounding.I moved the oil-filled lamp to the bedroom and paced around the dark room for a while. How much time had passed? Suddenly, there was a loud knocking at the door. I quickly opened it. A young servant girl stood there holding two lamps. With a slightly intimidated expression, she handed one lamp to me. My hand snatched it up like lightning.“Thank you.”Perhaps it was the effects of the medicine. A smile automatically spread across my face toward the girl. Her face turned red, and she dashed away.I closed the door and brought the new lamp into the bedroom.I felt a little more at ease.I took off my long coat and hung it on the wall before crawling into bed. The space under the blanket was slightly cold.The warmth from the fireplace was weak. Instead of picking up a poker to stoke the fire, I chose to huddle deeper under the blankets. The furry cloak I had received from Jiyod came to mind. I missed his embrace, even the faint scent of musk that wafted from his chest….Had Ismion come all this way alone?Did Jiyod send him? Or had they perhaps come together?A storm of thoughts whirled through my head.Then I dozed off.When I woke up again, the bedroom was dark. The back of my neck was damp with cold sweat, and my spine felt icy, as if it had been passed through with ice.I quickly kicked off the blanket and rolled out of bed. My knees wobbled as I stumbled around the floor. There was no time to feel pain. I went straight to the shelf where I had neatly stacked the lamps, like a squirrel hiding food for winter, using both hands to steady myself. With trembling hands, I struck a spark to light one of the lamps. I moved each one to the bedroom window.Worried that the flames might spread, I threw the curtains wide open, and a cold wind rushed in through the window.I forcefully pushed up the wooden storm shutters fixed on the outside of the glass door. The thin windowpane was frosted over. The chill seeped inside. A shiver ran up my arm, starting from my wrist and quickly rising to my elbow.How much time had passed?I held the lamp and peered outside.A fresh drop of cold sweat rolled down the back of my neck.Outside, darkness enveloped everything; I couldn’t see a thing. A fleeting beam of moonlight pierced through the thick clouds but vanished almost immediately. I desperately widened my eyes, peering outside, then sighed and set the lamp down on the windowsill.In my anxiety, my fingers instinctively rose to my mouth. I began biting my nails, pacing around the bedroom. After thirty spins… or maybe three hundred, I finally came to a halt.The anxiety was so intense it felt like my chest would burst. What if Ismion had already left? What if he had looked around the castle walls while I slept and had left because there was no light? I’m crazy; I’ve ruined everything. I’ll never see Jiyod again. At this rate, I’ll be intoxicated by the medicine, becoming an idiot, and live out my life trapped in Glenberg Castle, not even knowing what I’ve lost….I bit down on my fingertip and approached the window again. I pushed open the glass window.The cold wind rushed in fiercely. In an instant, goosebumps spread across my neck. The flame inside the glass lamp flickered wildly, casting shadows. I gasped and quickly closed the window again.I felt like I was about to burst into tears.I desperately held back the urge to pull my hair out and returned to bed. Without thinking, I lowered my hand, and my nails were a mess, bleeding. I swallowed my cries and wiped my bloodied fingertips on the sleeve of my shirt.I crawled back into bed and pulled the blanket over myself.As my face pressed into the pillow, tears flowed freely.I truly felt like I had gone mad. For a while, I sobbed quietly.After a time, I finally managed to lift my head. My gaze fell upon the lamps on the windowsill. The flames of the three lamps flickered slowly. Each of the three flames cast a different shadow in three different directions.About half of the oil in the lamps had been used. A sense of resignation quietly crept into my heart. At the same time, another thought suddenly came to mind.The boy had merely said to place the lamps on the windowsill at midnight.He hadn’t mentioned what Ismion would do upon discovering them.Looking back, no matter how much of a formidable magician Ismion was, how could he possibly scale this high wall?Perhaps placing the lamps on the windowsill was meant as a kind of signal. There might be some other plan in place. For now, they might be making a note of the location of my room, and then some other plan… preferably one aimed at getting me out of here.Just then, while I was wrapped up in blankets, turning these thoughts over in my head, I heard a sharp sound.Tap, tap, tap.Something hard was hitting against something else.My body jolted upright on the bed.I threw the blankets off and rolled out of bed. My left ankle twisted as I misstepped, sending pain shooting through me, but I ignored it and hobbled toward the window.Tap, tap!Again, there were two knocks on the glass.I rushed to the window without thinking, colliding with the windowsill. With trembling hands, I grasped the window and pushed up with all my strength. With a rattling sound, the wooden window frame slid upward, letting in a blast of cold air. Then, something dark and slick surged into my chest.It clung to my collar.I gasped as I felt the slick thing sticking to my chest. Soft fur got caught between my fingers. Without hesitation, I seized its elongated body and shoved it deep into my collar. It squirmed in my hand.[Lord Slan! Lord Slan!]A black, slick creature writhed and screamed.[Please don’t! If Sir Jiyod finds out I’ve gotten inside your clothes, he’ll kill me….]It was Ismion’s voice. I vividly recalled how he had once appeared before me in this serpentine form using his magic in Karlac. So I wasn’t startled; I pressed his head deeper into my clothes.“You might get caught.”[I won’t be caught. Duke Glenberg is at the banquet. He’ll be there until dawn. The lords of the smaller towns under Glenberg are here too.]“Oh….”It was then that I understood Lister’s earlier remarks from dinner. I could also grasp why the boy had insisted that it had to be tonight.In any case, I shook my head.“Lister isn’t Duke Glenberg. He’s a baron. The master of Glenberg is Kirsten….”[That’s not important.]Ismion interrupted me immediately and stuck his head out between the buttons of my front collar, wriggling. He looked ridiculous, but at least I could now meet those small, glistening eyes. In his eyes, I saw Ismion. A rush of longing and joy hit me all at once. I wanted to embrace him, but he was already in my arms.Not wanting to let him go, I mumbled softly.“Your body is cold. Just stay there.”[Phew. This is a chimera. I’m just speaking through its mouth. My body isn’t actually here. I’m crammed in a musty corner of an underground storage room. It’s quite a pitiful sight… If you saw it, you’d probably be so shocked you’d fall over.]“You’re saying you’re here?”[Yes.]Absentmindedly, I stroked the back of the beast’s head, covered in soft, dark blue mane, and continued.“Have you been well?”[Of course. Not just me—Sir Jiyod is doing quite well too. Though he’s practically drying up from missing you. Anyway, you seem okay, which is a relief. Honestly, we prepared for the worst.]He tilted his long neck to look up at me.The worst…I shook my head.“No, I’m fine. For now…”My voice choked up. I quickly turned my head to the side, forcing back the tears that almost spilled out.Ismion quietly looked up at me. After a moment, he spoke.[When the time is right, I’ll get you out of here.]“H-how?”My voice trembled, while his remained calm.[Do you remember the magic I showed you before, the one that makes people overlook us?]I nodded.Before, Ismion had cast some sort of magic on me as we walked from the corridor where I had waited for Jiyod to the Ipsen mansion, ensuring we wouldn’t be noticed.“That spell, right?”[It’s not a spell. It’s royal magic.]He responded, a bit curtly.[Anyway, I’ll cast it on you. Things don’t look good today, but the lords currently in Glenberg will leave in a few days, and there’s bound to be a farewell banquet the night before.]Ismion continued as I nodded.[Be ready to leave by then. You don’t need to prepare much. Just pack some warm clothes. Sturdy shoes would be nice too… Don’t worry. I have a synthetic horse. If we ride that, we’ll reach Karlac in a day. Once we get to the Orzen Gate, Sir Jiyod will…]He sighed.[Anyway, don’t worry. So please… stop crying.]It was then that I realized tears were streaming down my face. I felt embarrassed, but I couldn’t stop them. I pressed my sleeve to my eyes, and it quickly became soaked.Ismion wriggled his long body to pull himself a bit more out of my clothes, pressing his long chin against the back of my hand. The soft mane brushed against my knuckles.[I’ll stay around here for a while. I’ll scout the area, look for a way out, and find an escape route. It won’t be easy getting past the walls, Lord Slan.]Ismion babbled quickly.[Anyway, during the few days before the lords leave, I’ll prepare everything. All you need to do is pack warm clothes and sturdy shoes. Don’t skip meals either. You’ve lost a lot of weight. Sir Jiyod would faint again if he knew.]“Sir Jiyod…”My voice caught, and I stammered.“Is he well?”[If you mean his health, yes. Except for crying every night because he misses you. His sobs are so mournful that they echo throughout Karlac Castle all night long.]Ismion was silent for a moment before adding:[Of course, I’m joking. That barbarian’s blood is like mercury; he wouldn’t even know what tears are. But… he’s very worried. Ever since that day you were taken by Glenberg. It’s our fault. We didn’t have to rush like that. But for some reason, Sir Jiyod suddenly hurried things along, and, phew… because of that, even Ida ended up…]Ismion’s voice trailed off.[What medicine are they giving you? What is that fool Glenberg making you take?]At that question, I looked into the eyes of the beast, created through some sorcery, in which Ismion resided.“It’s a good thing you came before it was too late.”The snake-like head opened its mouth, and a sigh escaped. He stared at me for a while, then sighed again.[Try to avoid taking it if you can. Once we return to Karlac, everything will be fine.]After that, Ismion wriggled out from between my buttons and slipped to the floor. His long body slithered toward the shadow of the bedpost, cast by the lamplight.[I’ll be back when the time is right. I’ll make my own preparations in the meantime.]I wanted to talk to Ismion more. There were so many things I wanted to ask. How was Karlac? I’d heard that Jiyod’s army was outside Karlac Castle—what was that about? How was Jiyod doing? Was he healthy? Did he miss me? And… was it true that they had given me poison?But I suppressed all those questions and nodded. Ismion glanced up at me one last time, twisted his body, and jumped into the shadows. The tip of his long, maned tail twitched in the air once before disappearing completely into the darkness.I knelt down and felt the spot where Ismion had vanished with my hand. The cold, hard floor bore no trace of magic.My heart pounded.I placed my right hand over my left chest and gripped my clothes tightly.I had to ask Ida directly. I had to confirm it myself.Everything I knew, everything I thought I knew, everything I’d forgotten or thought I’d forgotten—it wasn’t the truth.After that, I spent each day as obediently as possible. Lister was busy. Occasionally, when I peeked down the stairs to the courtyard or hallway, I’d see several knights or nobles in fine clothes, and sometimes stiff-nosed servants scurrying about. The castle was bustling with people. If I stuck my head out the bedroom window and looked at the distant castle walls, I’d see carriages and horses crossing the drawbridge dozens of times a day.As Ismion had said, I packed my things. Not that there was much to pack. A thick coat to keep out the cold was all I had. I hung it on the wall so I could grab it quickly if needed. To the guards, I excused it by saying I was feeling chilly.On the evening of the third day since Ismion had come and gone, I was pacing back and forth between the bedroom and the sitting room, in a heightened state of excitement, intoxicated by the lingering effects of the medicine. My heart was racing, and I felt so elated that I wanted to jump up and down. My mind was languid.I climbed onto the bed, barely suppressing the urge to leap, and instead leaned against the window frame, looking out. Torches, dotted along the outline of the fortress walls that curved around the mountainside, flickered in the distance.I started counting the number of those torches, then turned and went back to the sitting room. After humming a tune absentmindedly in front of the fireplace, I suddenly felt bored. Returning to the bedroom, I reached under the mattress and pulled out a small piece of cloth. Unfolding it revealed the insignia of a beast with a bluish mane. I pressed it down with my fingertips, focusing on this task until a loud noise came from the sitting room.Thud! The sound of the door being thrown open roughly.Startled, I stood up.Thud, thud, thud—the sound of heavy footsteps approaching the bedroom quickly. In a panic, I stuffed the Ipsen insignia into my sleeve. Just as I scrambled to my feet, the bedroom door burst open.“Have you finished your meal?”Lister walked toward me, asking.I swallowed nervously and nodded. He didn’t seem to notice anything. He moved to the armchair near the fireplace and sat down.“What are you doing? Come here.”He called me, and I slowly approached, tense, afraid that the Ipsen insignia might slip from my sleeve.“Why are you just standing there?”Lister asked in a fairly gentle tone. I swallowed again and sat in the chair next to him. He seemed to be in a good mood, possibly because I had been obedient these past few days. It was partly due to the medication and partly due to Ismion’s warning. Either way, I didn’t want to provoke him and have his watchful gaze become even sharper.“It seems you’ve been eating well lately…”Lister reached out and touched the back of my hand, which was resting on the armrest of the chair. As his heavy hand rested on mine, a faint chill ran through me, but the unpleasantness quickly faded under the drug’s effects.Instead of pulling my hand away, I forced a smile. The tension of hiding the Ipsen insignia in my sleeve began to ease. The drug was starting to take effect again, stripping away all my negative emotions. I tilted my head slightly and smiled once more.Lister stared at me.For quite a long time.Clunk!Suddenly, the chair legs scraped loudly against the floor as Lister stood up abruptly, taking a large step toward me. Before I knew it, he was standing right in front of me. I looked up at him blankly.His fingertips touched my cheek. They were cold. Disliking the chill, I frowned and turned my head away to avoid his hand. At that moment, Lister let out a long, rough breath as if he couldn’t stand it anymore. His hand grabbed my chin roughly. His hard fingers crushed my lower lip painfully.“Ouch!”I let out a small cry as I jerked my head back, and he grabbed both my shoulders and yanked me to my feet.“Stay still.”He commanded, looking down into my eyes. I couldn’t understand what he meant, so I blinked in confusion. But just a second later, Lister bent down and pressed his face against mine. His hot lips clamped onto mine. I nearly screamed, but his hands on my shoulders tightened first.“Stay… still…”He muttered in a low voice.I pressed my lips tightly together and turned my head, but Lister gripped my jaw firmly and pressed his fingers against my cheek. His other hand was still pinning my shoulder down. His face came closer again.I tried to push him away with both hands.But at that moment, I suddenly remembered the Ipsen insignia hidden in my sleeve. My eyes widened. My hands hovered awkwardly in the air, not knowing what to do. In that moment of hesitation, Lister pressed his lips onto my upper lip forcefully.“Ah…”The forced pressure on my cheek hurt.The entire process of Lister licking my lips like a dog and forcing his tongue into my mouth felt mechanical, like it was being imprinted in my brain. All I could do was breathe heavily, gripping my sleeves tightly behind my back.The panting sound wasn’t coming from me; it was coming from him. The hand that had been gripping my shoulder grabbed my waist roughly. His palm rubbed against my side before, as if unable to contain himself any longer, he opened both arms and pulled me tightly against him. Our bodies pressed together as his hands roved over my back. His hand brushed against my wrist, causing my sleeve to loosen.“Ah!”The cloth inside my sleeve slowly slipped out. I tried to grab it with my other hand, but I was too late. The small piece of cloth rolled off the back of my hand.My breathing quickened. But Lister didn’t seem to notice, and his lips descended on mine once again.From the line of my spine, vivid goosebumps rose. It felt like a cold snake slithering across my bare skin, a wave of revulsion crashing over me. I instinctively tried to push his chest away but suddenly remembered the Ipsen insignia that had slipped out and fallen to the floor. He must not notice it.I squeezed my eyes shut and placed both hands on his forearms, which were wrapped around my torso. Lister’s body flinched.He lifted his head and looked down at me. I intentionally met his gaze directly. But all my attention was on the floor. The piece of cloth lay just beside my left heel, almost touching it.One corner of Lister’s mouth lifted in a smirk.“What’s gotten you in such a good mood today?”He asked, his hand still stroking my back. It was unbearable, but I forced myself to hide my discomfort.“Open your mouth again…”Lister’s eyes were hazy.I could barely endure the shame. I hesitated, tilting my head slightly to the side. Even that brief pause seemed too long for Lister, as he hugged me even tighter, urging me.“Hurry!”He shouted, and I had no choice but to open my mouth.As he kissed me again, I used my left foot to slowly push the Ipsen insignia back along the floor. My ankle hurt, making it difficult to apply pressure. The cloth only moved slightly. I shifted my foot again, pushing it once more. Just a little more, just a little further…Lister’s body pressed down harder on mine as his excitement grew. At some point, my waist had bent backward.“Mm…”My breathing grew shallow, and short gasps escaped.Lister’s hand slid down to grope under my tailbone. His kiss was rough, and the intrusion of his tongue was painful as it forcefully roved around my mouth, crushing my tongue. I felt nauseated.Unable to bear his weight, I staggered backward, taking a step. Lister followed. In the midst of this clumsy stumble, I kicked the Ipsen insignia with all my strength, pushing it under the chair. Finally, it slid out of sight. At that moment, I couldn’t take it anymore.“Stop! Stop it…!”I turned my head away from his kiss and pushed him away with both hands.“Just a little more…”Lister murmured hazily as he brought his lips back to mine.“I told you to stop! Ah…!”When I closed my lips, he anxiously pressed my cheek with his hand again. A tear rolled down. I couldn’t endure this horrible torment any longer. As his tongue slipped back between my lips, I bit down on it with my front teeth.Lister’s body jerked backward. A few drops of blood trickled from my lower lip and pooled slightly in the hollow of my chin. Both of his eyebrows shot up in surprise.“You’ve been quiet until now. Damn it!”He grabbed my wrists again, wrapping his other arm around my waist.“What’s the problem now, huh?”“I don’t want this anymore!”“Stay still. It’s not your first time, so what’s the big deal?”Still holding my waist, Lister dragged me toward the bed. As my eyes landed on the half-draped bed, my body froze with terror. My heart pounded painfully.“N-no! No! I said no!”I pushed against him with all my strength, planting my feet firmly.“Goddamn it! What’s your problem all of a sudden? What’s gotten into you?”Lister stopped trying to drag me and looked down at my face. Something fiery, whether anger or desire, flickered in his green eyes. I was frightened by his gaze and turned my eyes to the floor.A low curse escaped from Lister. He urgently cupped my face, bending down again. I didn’t even have time to scream my protest before his lips were back on mine. I clenched my lips shut, breathing heavily through my nose. His lips hovered over my closed mouth before pulling away.“Damn it! You would’ve allowed that bastard!”My gaze wavered. Without thinking, I looked up at him. A sneer appeared on Lister’s face.“Don’t act like you don’t know. Surely you haven’t forgotten already, have you? If the drug works that well, it’s incredible…”He sneered cruelly. A few seconds later, an artificial smile, as if he were trying to soothe me, appeared on his face. He stroked my cheek with his hand.“Alright. No matter what your past was like, I can understand you acting all virtuous now. If you want to wait until after marriage, that’s fine too.”The words that such a thing would never happen couldn’t escape my lips. His hand, which had been caressing my cheek, moved up to toy with my hair. His gaze was still fixed on me. Unable to bear his stare, I closed my eyes.After a long moment, he slowly pulled away from me.As soon as his warmth left me, I scrambled backward and pressed my back against the corner of the wall.Lister clicked his tongue.“I’ll back off for now, but let’s not waste our energy on this later. Got it?”Instead of answering, I glared at him fiercely. Lister chuckled at my defiant expression. His attitude of treating all my resistance and refusals as childish tantrums infuriated me again, but all I could do was clamp my lips shut and glare at him.“There will be a lot of outsiders in the castle tonight, so don’t wander around unnecessarily. Stay put.”With those parting words, Lister left my room.I listened as his footsteps gradually faded.The sound of the door to the sitting room slamming shut echoed.Even after that, I stood frozen against the wall for a long time. It wasn’t until much later that my stiff body finally relaxed. My shoulders and arms dropped, and my knees began to tremble. With my back still against the wall, my legs gave out, and I slid down to the floor. I sat on the ground, burying my face in my hands. Two drops of tears fell onto my palms.The light euphoria and excitement brought by the drug had vanished, and my whole body felt as limp as a waterlogged sponge.I crawled across the floor and reached under the chair to pull out the Ipsen crest. Pressing it against my cheek, I curled up on the floor.My mind, once so chaotic, had become so clear it felt like there was nothing left in it.I didn’t know how much time had passed as I lay there, hunched over on the floor like someone who had been beaten, when suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door.My body froze on the carpet.Could it be Lister again?I barely managed to push myself up with my hands. I shoved the Ipsen crest under the mattress and, as I walked toward the door, realized that my room could only be locked from the outside. If the visitor was Lister, he wouldn’t need to knock. He would just barge in as he always did, just as he had earlier.As soon as I pulled the door open, a cold gust of wind swept inside, brushing against my cheek and tossing my hair around before rushing out.I blinked as I stared at the doorway.There was nothing.A knight standing at the bottom of the stairs glanced up at me briefly.Awkwardly, I closed the door and turned around, nearly screaming as I did so.The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.There was a man in a black robe standing right behind me like a shadow.“Ismion!”I reflexively called out his name, then, startled by the sound of my own voice, I quickly covered my mouth with both hands.Ismion pushed back his hood, revealing his face. His black hair was tied back. His expressionless face was exactly as I remembered it. Only one eyebrow was slightly raised in faint displeasure, and his lips were pressed tightly together. His clothes were a dull, dark color.Seeing his face, a wave of relief surged through me, and I almost hugged him.Ismion stepped closer to me.A huge ripple seemed to pass through his eyes. His stiff lips twisted slightly, and a faint, metallic sob escaped them.“Lord Slan…”He tilted his head and bowed slightly.“You’ve lost weight. Sir Jiyod will be furious when he finds out.”I shook my head.“I’m fine. Ismion… You haven’t changed at all.”“What is there for me to change?”The conversation was brief. He gestured subtly with his eyes.“We don’t have much time. Hurry and change your clothes.”I nodded quickly and ran into the bedroom.My trembling fingers fumbled as I pulled down the coat hanging on the wall. The tension made the base of my tongue stiff. I hurriedly slipped my arms into the sleeves and rushed over to the bed, reaching beneath the mattress. My fingers quickly found the Ipsen crest that I had been handling just moments ago. I pulled it out and shoved it into the inner pocket of my coat.Ismion, waiting in the sitting room, came closer to me.