Antidote

I stood by the window, gazing outside. A cold wind was blowing. A lone dark cloud floated across the bright blue sky.I saw a hawk plummeting swiftly along the jagged black ridge of the mountain. My gaze followed the tail of the diving hawk, tracing across the middle of the sky until it landed below the window.Far below the window, a sheer cliff stretched downward, with a faint mist hovering at its base.Glenberg Castle was a fortress built along the Gorge. This natural fortress had long served as both the southern defensive line of eastern Karlac and the gateway to its heart.The castle walls stretched along the sharp peaks of the mountainside. Twelve towering spires rose at various points along the walls, encircling the grand central castle.I stared at the walls and towers for a long moment, then turned with a sigh.At that moment, I heard the sound of heavy footsteps approaching from outside. My shoulders stiffened. The door rattled as someone fumbled with the handle, then burst open with a bang.Lister stood there, his face twisted with a menacing scowl.I deliberately turned my back on him.Lister stomped loudly across the room, making a point to sit in the chair opposite where I stood. Tilting my head slightly, I glanced at him from the corner of my eye.He was draped in a thick red cloak. His black tunic and pants were embroidered with the Glenberg crest in silver thread. Looking at the same crest embroidered on my own sleeve cuff, I turned away in disgust and returned my gaze to the window.“There’s a rumor going around Glenberg Castle that you’re a madman.”“That rumor’s true, so do you think I’d care?”“You should. If you want to keep living quietly.”At his harsh tone, I bit my lip. After a brief silence, Lister asked in a mocking voice.“I heard you tried to escape through the dining room window this time? Have you suddenly decided windows are doors?”Still keeping my eyes on the view outside the window, I replied.“What difference does it make whether I go out through a window or a door?”Suddenly, Lister grabbed my shoulder roughly and spun me around. His eyes blazed with anger as they bore into mine. I straightened my shoulders, refusing to shrink away.“Don’t look away when you’re talking to me.”“Why don’t you just gouge out my eyes, then?”“Think I wouldn’t?”Lister growled. I let out a scoff.“I know you could. With Lisbeth gone, who’s going to stop you now? Do you know how people see you? Or how you act? You act like you’re the lord of Glenberg, even with Lisbeth’s heir still alive and well!”“Shut up!”His thunderous shout shook the room.His shoulders heaved with rage. Harsh breaths blew from his nose and mouth, ruffling the hair on my forehead. I clenched my lips tight, glaring back at him.After a moment, he let out a short, hollow laugh, as if drained of energy, and stepped back. Though I stayed tense, watching his every move, I knew that even if he lunged at me and slapped me, I didn’t have the strength to stop him.“Do you think you can escape?”“…”I neither answered nor looked away.Lister started to laugh quietly to himself.“You can’t escape. Everyone thinks you died in Karlac that day.”“As long as people have eyes, don’t you think they’ll notice I’m clearly alive here in Glenberg? Why? You want to gouge out their eyes too?”As I mocked him, Lister shrugged.“Not everyone remembers your face, young lord of Karlac. Especially not here in Glenberg.”The name he called me by sent fury rushing to my head. Unable to contain my anger, I lunged at him. But he easily grabbed both of my hands, twisting them. A scream escaped my lips as my wrists were wrenched.“Let go, let go!”With my wrists still in a painful grip, Lister leaned in close, whispering in my ear with a cruelly amused voice.“The people here don’t know who you are. To them, you’re just a slave in Glenberg.”“Then treat me like a slave!”At my desperate scream, he laughed heartily.“I can’t do that. You’d be better off accepting your fate. I intend to carry out my sister’s final wish.”“W-what…”“You’re going to marry me, Slan. Sooner or later.”My face flushed with anger and fear. I panted, glaring fiercely at him, but Lister only seemed to find my defiance even more amusing.He released my wrists, and I immediately backed away from him. Lister returned to the chair and sat down. I measured the distance between us and the door behind him.“Don’t bother.”Lister spoke casually, leaning his elbows on the armrests.“I can catch you before your hand even touches the door handle. If you want to be thrown to the stone floor, by all means, try.”I gritted my teeth. It was nearly impossible for me to overpower someone who had been trained as a knight.After casting one more glare at him, I turned and leaned against the window frame, looking out once more.“Want to hear some interesting news?”Lister spoke again.I tried my best to act uninterested as I listened.In the current state of being cut off from the outside world, even the smallest piece of news he brought was welcome. Since being dragged to Glenberg, I had been practically confined to the end of this castle tower. The old man who attended to me was deaf. The knights and servants I occasionally encountered, for some reason, treated me like a ghost, neither speaking to me nor responding when I spoke. Every morning, when I swallowed the medicine the old man brought, I was overwhelmed by a suffocating sense of madness and fear.This life had already dragged on for nearly a month.I waited with bated breath, hoping that Lister’s words might offer a hint about the current situation.“The Great Commander has ordered the troops to retreat from the Grand Canyon.”Lister’s words were something I had expected.It was already widely known that our Eastern Karlac had drawn the losing hand in the Kirdara succession war. It was absurd to think that Karlac’s Great Commander would participate in a battle destined for defeat, just as a sacrificial pawn. However, retreating now would invite the disgrace of betraying an ally. My prediction that he would stall in the Grand Canyon until the war ended was proving accurate.Still, in an attempt to extract more information from Lister, I forced myself to ask a question I wasn’t particularly curious about.“Retreat? Without even entering Kirdara?”“The war is over. The new Duke of Kirdara has inherited the title. It was fortunate that Selcie ended up like that.”Lister smirked.I remembered how Jiyod had smiled at me that night and how he spoke of his half-sister. My shoulders instinctively tensed.“So, the new Duke of Kirdara won’t hold a grudge against us for sending reinforcements to his enemy?”“There’s no need to worry. The Great Commander never set foot on Kirdara soil. And even if there were a grudge, what could he do? As long as the Grand Canyon is in the way, Kirdara—or anyone else for that matter—can’t attack us.”The image of the bridge spanning the Gorge flashed through my mind, along with the sand bridge I had once pushed and destroyed with my own hands.“When the Great Commander returns to Karlac, all this foolishness will be over. That lowly slave who’s currently occupying Karlac…”Lister ground his teeth, his voice cracking with anger.A moment later, a forced smile appeared on his face.“But don’t worry. You’ll never return to Karlac. Once things are settled, we’ll send Kirsten to Karlac. Fortunately, the Great Commander has agreed to accept Kirsten as his squire.”“Squire? You plan to make Kirsten a squire?”“Yes. Our young lord of Glenberg, like my sister and I, and all our ancestors before us, will be knighted in Karlac.”I frowned. Lisbeth had judged that Kirsten had no aptitude for knighthood, and it was her decision not to subject him to the life of a squire. Now that she was dead, it had become her legacy, rather than just a decision.Lister shrugged, unconcerned.“He’s a bit old to start as a squire, but what can we do?”With that, he slowly stood up.As he walked toward the door, he left me with a final warning.“So stop having any foolish ideas and behave.”The door clanged open and shut.I focused all my attention on the sound of his footsteps as they gradually faded. When they finally disappeared, I felt the tension leave my body. I collapsed to the floor, resting my arms on the window frame. The cold floor sent a chill up my spine as I slumped down. Leaning my head against the wall, I closed my eyes.Another long night of misery passed, and morning came again.The deaf old man entered with a tray. He set it down before me. On a small porcelain dish were three colorless, odorless pills. I put them in my mouth and drank water.After watching me swallow the pills, the old man bowed slightly and left the room.As soon as he left, I immediately spat out the pills I had hidden under my tongue. The three soggy, warm pills rolled in my palm, wet with saliva and water. I quickly opened the window and tossed them off the cliff below.The poison that dulled my mind and stole my memories disappeared into the mist below. I watched as it fell. Slowly, the touch of madness began to knead my brain, whispering in a low voice in my ear. The song it sang started with the glory of my past but morphed into the madness, agony, and misery of my present.Even if I went completely mad, I wouldn’t care. Really…Since I’d grown skilled at pretending to swallow the pills, I had managed to avoid taking them most of the time.Except for the rare occasions when Lister barged into my room, insisting we have breakfast together and forcing me to take the medicine in front of him, I would trick the old man by pretending to swallow the pills, only to spit them out.The number of pills I had thrown off the cliff grew day by day, until one day, madness finally overtook me.I barely remembered that seizure.But I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I welcomed it.If I had to continue living like this, I’d rather lose my mind completely and become an idiot, unaware of anything.I just wanted to ask Jiyod one thing.Was it really you who poisoned me?***I woke up from a vivid dream that felt too real.No, it wasn’t sleep. It felt like I had fainted for a long time.It seemed like days, maybe even years had passed.My entire body was soaked with sweat, drenching not only my clothes but also the bedding beneath me. I tossed and turned, gasping for breath.For the first time in ages, I had seen Jiyod in my dream.His glittering, beautiful hair, gentle smile, perfect features, and those deep, mist-covered, gray eyes like the sea at dawn. He had a younger face than I remembered as he embraced me.We were riding on the same horse. Because Jiyod had moved onto my horse, it seemed agitated, chewing on its bit, while Jiyod, pretending to know nothing, held me from behind, pressing his lips to the top of my head. Every time he exhaled, his warm breath slipped under my collar, sending a vivid, sweet shiver across my skin. The horse I had gifted him followed slowly behind us, a few steps away.When I twisted my body to look back, Jiyod gazed down at me. As our eyes met, his sharp, chiseled face softened, and a gentle smile appeared at the corners of his eyes.I couldn’t believe it.The man who smiled at me so sweetly—he poisoned me?It had to be a lie.It must be a lie.I kept repeating it in my mind, closing my eyes, recalling that smile. I missed everything so desperately—the strong, warm arms wrapped around me, the faint scent of musk emanating from his chest. Afraid that opening my eyes would shatter the lingering dream, I kept them shut, drifting in a daze for a long time.“Slan!”Suddenly, a loud voice jolted me out of the sweet reverie, like being struck with cold water.I convulsed as if I had been shocked.Rough hands grabbed my shoulders, and I gasped wildly like a rabid dog, struggling to regain my senses.When I opened my eyes, Lister was standing there.His face was twisted with a frown, his eyebrows raised at the ends. His mouth was tightly shut, and a huffing breath escaped from his nose.“Ah…”I let out a small groan.My breathing gradually calmed down.Lister released my shoulders and stepped back. With a jerk of his chin, he signaled a nearby mage to approach me.“Are you awake?”I blinked at the mage, unfamiliar with his face, as he examined me. He checked my temperature, flipped my eyelids, inspected my ears, bent and straightened my fingers and toes, and felt through my hair.“It seems the seizure has passed.”Seizure…That word made me realize I had another one of my fits.It was the third seizure this month.My mind felt strangely numb. My body was sticky with cold sweat, and my limbs hung limp as if all my joints had been broken. Despite this, inside my skull, my thoughts were racing like a wind-up toy being cranked too fast.I turned away from the mage to look at Lister.Lister’s face was tense. He stepped closer to me and grabbed my hand. A cold shiver crept up from the point of contact, but I kept my composure as I slowly spoke.“I want to wash…”Upon my request, a large bathtub and hot water were swiftly prepared.I sat hunched in the bathtub, lost in thought.The steam rose, and with each breath of the humid air, it felt like the moisture seeped all the way into my brain. I reflected on the last night Lister had spoken to me before I left Karlac.Jiyod betrayed me?He poisoned me?He betrayed Karlac, deceived Glenberg, and made a fool of me?Why would he have any reason to?But the suspicion was reasonable.Three years ago, I had my first seizure, and with that one fit, I lost everything. Why had the madness lying dormant in my blood surfaced at that precise moment, and why was my father present there of all times? Was it just a chain of the worst possible coincidences?My thoughts wandered.What had Lisbeth been about to say when she held my hand and tried to speak before she died? Why had she apologized to me?As I pondered, a splitting headache began to overwhelm me, but I stubbornly followed the trail of my thoughts. Madness was like a rabid dog. I didn’t know when it would strike again. I was running out of time.As I groped through my hazy memories, a vivid image suddenly flashed across my mind.A tall tower.The stairs spiraled upward endlessly.I knew this tower…Helga’s Tower.At the top stood my mother. Behind her, a large window gaped open like the jaws of hell. Her long, disheveled golden hair swayed in the wind. I couldn’t see her face, backlit by the light, but I knew what would happen in the next moment. She would soon walk to the window and throw herself out.But then, a scream tore through the memory, one that hadn’t been there before.“No, no! No! Let go of me! No!”My mother’s voice, filled with desperation, echoed, ripping through the tower.Her hands… her two hands were a mess. All ten of her fingernails had been broken as she clawed at the floor. She wasn’t standing anymore. Someone was dragging her limp body along the floor by force. Her ten fingers scratched and tore against the edge of the steps, her nails breaking off and falling away. A long trail of blood marked the rough stone tiles and stairs.I gasped, clutching my hands over my mouth.The headache was unbearable, so I dunked my head underwater. Water seeped into my nose, ears, and mouth, and as I stared through the murky water, the vision replayed itself.Rough hands were gripping my mother’s feet, dragging her along. She clung to the window frame, struggling. Her body dangled like a flag caught on a pole.No, no… she’ll fall!Don’t push her!It was my own scream. The rough hands grabbed my chin, while other hands pinned my body to the floor. A few fingers pried open my mouth. Something fiery poured inside my lips.“Nooooooo!”My mother’s scream echoed deafeningly. Her nails gripped the window frame, but with no nails left, she couldn’t hold on.Her body… down…Ah! Her voice, calling out, was no longer audible.I burst up from the water, gasping.“Mother…”Water dripped from my hair.Even though I was submerged in hot water, my hands and feet trembled uncontrollably. My breathing came in irregular bursts. I crossed my arms and hugged myself. The shaking wouldn’t stop.Mother didn’t commit suicide!That single phrase echoed in my head like a scream.She hadn’t committed suicide! Someone had forcibly taken her and thrown her from the tower.Who? Who had pushed her from the tower and poisoned me?Everything I thought I knew became muddled and distorted, shattering like raindrops on a windowpane.***After my third seizure, my medication was changed. The pills grew larger, and the number increased from three to five.As before, I deceived the deaf old man by pretending to take the medication, spitting or vomiting it out. However, on days when I couldn’t avoid swallowing the pills, an overwhelming lethargy pressed down on my limbs all day. My body felt heavy, while my head became strangely light, as if my skull had opened at the top. On those days, I would laugh uncontrollably like a madman. After the laughing fits, a deep depression would inevitably engulf me.I despised taking the medication.I would rather become completely insane.Not even Lister would marry an imbecile, right?Lister’s mood also swung as wildly as my madness. On days when I didn’t take the medication—though he didn’t know—Lister’s face twisted as if in pain. Conversely, on days when I took the pills and wandered around with a mindless grin plastered on my face, his expression would soften like a spring breeze.It was no wonder the Glenberg servants feared me. How could they not? Some days I snarled like a rabid dog, and on others, I wandered the halls with a dazed smile. The whole castle was abuzz with rumors of my deteriorating mental state.This delicate balance, precariously perched on a taut string, was shattered when the weather suddenly turned cold, and everyone anticipated the first snow.I was attending to Lister during his breakfast in the dining room. He gestured for me to pour more hot water into his large cup. I walked silently to his side, adding more water along with slices of honey-soaked apple and mandarin. He gripped the cup with one hand, leaning back against the chair.The warmth lingered in the room. A large fireplace on one side of the wall roared with flames, heating the air to the point where the temperature outside was impossible to guess.As Lister seemed to finish his meal, I quietly began clearing the empty dishes. Watching me, Lister yawned.The servants whispered about how late the lights stayed on in his study. Perhaps he was busy managing Glenberg’s affairs in place of the late Lisbeth and young Kirsten. I didn’t know the state of things in eastern Karlac, but given how hastily we had to flee Karlac the night Lisbeth died without even holding a proper funeral, it was clear something had gone terribly wrong.As I pushed aside the empty soup bowl, Lister motioned me over.“Come here.”He pulled out a small bottle from his pocket. It was half-filled with white pills—ones I was all too familiar with.My brow furrowed involuntarily.Lister rose from his chair and poured water into an empty cup. My eyes followed the thin stream of water as it trickled from the spout of the pewter pitcher.“Hold out your hand.”Lister commanded casually, and I bit my lip, reluctantly holding out my hands as if begging for the pills. Pathetic. He tipped the bottle into my palm. One, two, three, four, five.His gaze bore into my face.I forced myself to relax my expression under his scrutiny.I tossed the pills into my mouth at once, and Lister handed me the cup. I took a few sips of water, but his gaze didn’t leave my throat, watching for any sign of movement. I swallowed the pills, though I tightened my throat to prevent them from going down fully.If I said anything, the pills caught in my throat might slide down. I clenched my lips and lowered my head.Hurry, hurry, hurry and leave!I silently urged Lister.He slowly rose to his feet. His fingers lingered on the table, picking up the cup I had just used. He drained the remaining water and turned away.“Stay put. I’ll check on you again later… Don’t wander around and go straight to your room. Got it?”I nodded.Yet Lister didn’t leave the dining room right away. He hesitated, his eyes scanning me up and down.“It’ll start snowing soon. We should get you some thicker clothes. A fur coat or two would be good.”He rubbed his chin thoughtfully and continued speaking.“I’ll go hunting. This is the season when the alpines’ fur is at its best. I’ll make a cloak out of it.”I said nothing, staring only at my feet, consumed by the thought of him leaving so I could spit out the pills stuck in my throat.Lister’s intense gaze finally released me as he turned away.I watched his heels head toward the door.The door opened, and he stepped out.Thud! The door closed with a harsh sound.The moment it did, I bent over hastily, shoving my fingers into my throat. As soon as my fingertips touched my uvula, I gagged.“Ugh!”A violent cough mixed with dry heaving burst from my throat, and I desperately muffled it with my hand. I pushed my fingers deeper into my throat, forcing the pills back up. With a painful groan, the pills lodged deep inside finally rose. I coughed and spat them into my palm. One, two, and one more… Two more to go…Finally, the last pill dropped into my hand.Despite the painful gagging, a small smile of relief spread across my face. Gasping for breath, I wiped the mess from my lips with the back of my hand. There should be an unused napkin on the table. I reached up and fumbled for it, catching hold of the neatly folded cloth.At that moment, my body was roughly yanked backward.“Argh!”My body whipped around and crashed to the ground.I fell to the floor with a short scream. A rough hand grabbed me by the collar, lifting me up. As my torso was pulled upright, something hard and hot struck my cheek. No scream came out.As my hand fell to the ground, the wet pill I had been gripping rolled out from between my fingers.Lister’s sneering gaze followed the pill as it rolled between the cracks in the tiles. His fiery eyes turned back to me.I looked up at him, gasping, with my eyes wide open.Lister’s face was contorted with rage.“What the hell!”He roared with a voice like thunder.Thwack! With a sound like a bone breaking, my head snapped to the side again. The slap was so hard it sounded ominous. Blood streamed from my nose, soaking the space between my upper and lower lip. He hit me again. Blood began to flow from my split lips as well.I could barely keep my eyes open. I squirmed in his grip, unable to scream.The shock was worse than the pain.Only after some time had passed did Lister finally let go of my collar, and my body collapsed to the ground. I lay there, my cheek pressed against the cold tiled floor, gasping from both shock and pain. But even that didn’t last long. His rough hand seized my entire jaw. It felt like my jawbone was about to be ripped out. When I screamed, he shoved his fingers between my lips. I didn’t even have the strength to bite down.Lister forced my lips open and shoved the pill that had been rolling on the floor back into my mouth.“P-Please, no…”My tongue had already stiffened, and my voice came out as a hoarse, metallic sound. After forcing the pill into my mouth, Lister snatched up a water bottle and tilted it over my face. Water gushed into my mouth, spilling into my eyes and nostrils.I screamed—or at least I thought I did, though it’s more likely I couldn’t make a sound. My arms and legs twitched violently.Water seeped into my airway, and I started coughing. Lister forcibly closed my mouth. I couldn’t breathe, and my throat convulsed, swallowing the pill that had been shoved into my mouth. My cheeks burned, and my face throbbed with pain. Blood from my split lips seeped into my mouth. The pill tasted like scorching copper or iron.I could feel it passing through my throat and sliding between my ribs. Tears welled up in my eyes. I scratched at the back of Lister’s hand, which was gripping my jaw, but he didn’t flinch.Only after a considerable amount of time had passed, long after I had swallowed the pill, did Lister release my jaw.I collapsed, burying my face in the floor, sobbing. My shoulders shook violently. My slapped cheek hurt, and the bleeding wouldn’t stop, making me gasp for air with each breath.Lister grabbed my hair from behind. I could feel his heavy breathing.“What the hell are you…”His raspy voice growled from behind my head. I scratched at his hand with my nails, trying to pry his grip off my hair as I cried.“Let go, let go! Aah!”He shook his hand violently while still holding my hair. My head shook painfully as if all my hair was being ripped out. As I screamed, he breathed heavily and yanked me to my feet. I barely managed to stand, my hair feeling like it would tear right out of my scalp. He dragged me toward the wide-open dining room door.I didn’t want this.I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, so wretched!“Let go of me! No!”As I desperately struggled and resisted, Lister grabbed me by the collar with his other hand and slapped me again.“Ah…”This time, I truly had no strength left to resist.I staggered and fell.There was no strength left in my knees. Desperately trying to crawl away, I clawed at the floor with my arms, but Lister violently yanked at my left ankle from behind. Pain shot through my body, making me jolt.Tears streamed down my cheeks, dripping onto the floor.Lister dragged me down the hallway like an animal.A swarm of flies buzzed in my ears. Maybe it was people whispering about me as they watched.My body bumped against the edge of the stairs. Lister bent down, scooped me up by the waist with one arm, and my limp body draped over his shoulder. He carried me up the stairs like a sack of goods.When we reached my room, he opened the door and threw me inside. My body rolled across the soft carpet, and somewhere in the process, my head slammed into a piece of furniture, making me scream again.As I flailed on the floor, trying to escape, Lister stomped after me. He knelt beside me, grabbed a fistful of my hair again, and yanked my head up. My head tilted back, and our eyes met.Even through my blurry vision, I could clearly see his twisted face.Between pain and fear, sharp anger surged up inside me. I mustered whatever strength and courage I had left and spat at him. But my tongue was stiff, and I could only manage to flick a drop of blood onto his chin.Of course, even that small amount seemed enough to make his blood boil. Lister yanked on my hair with brutal force. I could hear a few strands snap.“Are you out of your mind? Are you insane?”Lister asked the question I had wanted to ask him. I forced my bloodied lips into a twisted smile. The split in my lips stretched, sending a wave of pain, but I managed a faint smile.“Who’s really the crazy one here?”“What the hell are you…”Lister’s chest heaved up and down. His eyes gleamed like lightning flashing across the sky.He grabbed my jaw with his other hand. His rough thumb pressed painfully into my lips. The pain made my body jolt involuntarily.A twisted smile crept onto Lister’s lips. That smile sent a shiver down my spine.“Slan. I told you. Just stay still, please, okay?”He shook my head by my hair. The throbbing in my head intensified, and the blood dripping from my nose splattered across my face.“Do I really need to remind you of your situation?”“If you’re going to kill me, just do it…!”I spat the words at him, fueled by pure rage.Lister let out a chilling, low laugh. The sinister sound sent ice-cold fear racing down my spine. I raised my weak hand and tried to push away the hand gripping my jaw. In that moment, he let me go. I fell to the floor. I gasped for breath, pressing my right cheek against the ground. My shoulders shook violently. Each breath came out as a wheeze from the water and blood that had gone down my windpipe.Lister’s hand approached me again, but this time it wrapped around my neck.I closed my eyes.If he was going to strangle me to death, I would almost be thankful.What difference was there between living as a madman after refusing the pill or dying here, strangled to death?But instead of choking me, his hand slithered over my neck like a cold vine, caressing me with a soft and terrifying touch. His fingers slipped inside the collar of my shirt.A chill ran down my spine as a creeping sense of dread washed over me, and my limbs, which had been limp, stiffened like stones. I twisted my body to escape that touch. But before I could, Lister quickly pinned me to the ground with his other hand on my shoulder. Harsh, rasping breaths escaped my mouth and nose.“Kill you?”Lister chuckled.“Do you want to be treated like a slave? Fine. If that’s what you wish for….”His hand reached for my collar, undoing the buttons with a sharp snap. My hands and feet began to tremble uncontrollably.“D-don’t. Don’t do this….”A fragile plea escaped my lips.But Lister moved as if he couldn’t hear me, opening my clothes one button at a time. My collar spread apart, and my long tunic was pulled off. My belt slid down with a soft hiss. As the cold air touched my bare skin, goosebumps rose all over.His hands, cold and hard as stone, explored my skin.His fingertips dug between my arm and my side, pressing into my armpit. The sudden cold against my warm skin made my body involuntarily jerk upward.I struggled desperately to resist, but my limbs were powerless, like they were caught in a trap. All I could do was flail helplessly; it did nothing to stop what was happening.The cold hands finally pulled off my pants and stripped me of everything, even my underwear.Tears streamed down uncontrollably. I cried as I curled up, trying desperately to shield my body from his gaze.“Why are you crying? Didn’t you want to be treated like a slave?”Lister massaged the back of my thigh as he spoke.“What else can you do if not this?”He began to toy with my fingers.“With these hands, what could you possibly accomplish? Want to be treated like a slave? Stop acting like a child. What do you think you’re capable of as a slave?”My sobbing grew more intense, causing hiccups to slip out. All I could do was whisper, begging him to stop.Suddenly, his hand reached between my legs. A shocked gasp escaped me. I tried to close my knees, but he pinned my thighs to the ground with his other hand, forcing them wide apart. My whole body trembled as shame turned my face bright red.“What do you think people thought when they made you a slave?”He whispered cruelly.“I was there when the mages applied the ointment to your body. Do you know what those lecherous old men were saying while they fondled you?”“I-I don’t know! I don’t know! Let me go!”I finally screamed, unable to hold it in any longer. I thrashed wildly, trying to break free from his grip. Lister wedged his knee between my thighs, pushing them outward. My legs were forced apart even wider.“A-ah….”A low groan escaped me, born from a mixture of shock and humiliation.It was unbearable.Lister’s face drew close to mine, and he was smiling. His eyes were cruel. He pressed his lips right against my ear and whispered:“They were betting on how many times you’d already been with that bastard, how filthy and depraved you must have been, and what kind of disgusting things you’d done together.”I sucked in a breath, my eyes widening in horror as my mouth fell open. Painful, ragged breaths escaped through my parted lips.“Don’t play dumb.”Lister smirked.“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten. You threw up the drug because of him, didn’t you?”His hand grabbed my thigh where it met my buttock, squeezing hard. I let out a small cry, which only made his grip tighten further.“Shall I tell you what those lecherous mages did to confirm the winner of that bet?”“Stop it… I don’t want to hear anymore.”My voice was faint, muffled by my sobbing. My chest heaved with the force of my cries. His hand groped between my legs, pressing against my groin.“Haha. You’d want to bite your tongue and die if you knew what those perverted men stuck between your legs. Your hole was so loose from rolling around with that bastard that anything fit inside. Even I was shocked watching it.”“Liar!”“You should be grateful to me. Duke of Karlac sent not only me but other knights as well. His Highness wanted us to witness the fall of a noble High Lord to the level of a wretched slave. If I hadn’t been there, do you think the others would’ve just stood by and watched?”“No!”I lunged at him in a frenzy. But he immediately grabbed my hair, jerking my head back. Lister looked down at me, his eyes burning with fury.“Everyone in Karlac Castle knows you slept with that filthy Ipsen, and now you want to act all innocent with me?”My breathing grew ragged and quick. My lungs swelled and collapsed rapidly, expanding and contracting beneath my ribs. It felt like a dream as my vision blurred, and my mind clouded over. I lowered my gaze. I could see my pale hand, veins bulging blue beneath the skin. My fingernails were a faint bluish hue, like a corpse’s.Lister roughly let go of my hair, and my head dropped. My face hit the cold carpet. My hair, disheveled, fell across my cheek.A low, animalistic sound escaped from between my parted lips, though I couldn’t tell if it was a sob or a breath.Lister tapped my swollen cheek lightly with the tip of his finger.“Stop with the nonsense about wanting to be treated like a slave and behave. If you really want me to treat you like a slave, just say so.”He planted his hands on the floor and leaned down, pressing his lips close to my ear.“I can make that happen anytime.”With that, he slowly backed away from me.The sound of his footsteps faded. The door creaked, then slammed shut.I lay there, naked, curled up on the floor, crying for a long time.From that day onward, I had to take the drug in front of Lister every day. Every time I swallowed it, I could feel that unknown pill corroding my brain and gnawing away at my mindstem.Instead of bringing me the death or complete insanity I longed for, the new drug slowly robbed me of my will and sense of self, turning me into an obedient fool. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling brightly, as if someone were tickling my lungs from the inside, even at the most trivial, unfunny jokes. Everything around me seemed new and exciting, like I was a curious five-year-old, finding joy in everything. And every time I realized what I had become, an unbearable wave of self-loathing and depression crashed over me.I begged Lister, crying, not to make me take the drug. I even got down on my knees and pleaded at his feet.And every time, I saw the flicker of pleasure in his face as he looked down at me. It was despair, written in other words, and also resignation. When I lowered my head, Lister would approach and pretend to be kind, patting my back or shoulder.“It’s okay.”