ANBU: Card System In Naruto

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[The intelligent fox who didn't get sex 'ed, remember.]

Heck, even if he did succeed in doing that, how the hell would the children thingy work? Isn't he a giant fox? 

Kaori pondered over the topic, lost in her thoughts, not paying any attention to the fact that Kushina and Mikoto had used a spool of ninja wire to tie up Hebi and were trying to hang her upside down from the ceiling.

***

Kaori's thoughts were drifting off into a more and more idiotic direction, the absurd situation she had just been through almost pushed the memory of her missions out of her mind, almost but not quite...

'God damnit!'

She rubbed her temple angrily, groaning at the thought that she might be forced to stay back and report to the old man... again!

BANG

A loud noise drew her attention from her thoughts to what the two women were doing behind her back,

SIGH

'These two kids!'

They had accidentally dropped Hebi while she was only half-way to the roof, making her fall headfirst into what remained of the dining table,

"Ouch... she is going to feel that when she wakes up."

Mumbled Kushina, wincing slightly as she kicked the sleeping Nara to see if she was awake yet,

"Nothing."

Good.

"Let's get her up again."

Mikoto said excitedly, she hadn't been in combat for over three months now, and her instincts were getting dull... even though the Nine-Tails was suppressed considerably, it was still a nice warm up in her opinion.

"You sure about that? What if she drools all over the floor? Who's gonna clean that?"

'Or rather, how about you lot deal with the bum and I get going.'

[What's keeping you?]

'I just wanna see her face when I tell her my mission is going to last at least 2 months."

[That's evil.]

Kushina took that instant to turn the half-eaten cup of ramen over Hebi's face,

SPLAT

"Wha... what happened?"

The Nara kunoichi sat up with a jolt, still tied with ninja wire, she looked like a particularly dirty caterpillar... a particularly dirty and naked caterpillar,

"Here,"

Mikoto threw a tablecloth over for her to cover her body with, even if all of them were women, it was still embarrassing to walk about almost entirely naked... speaking of which,

 'Where did Mikoto's bra go?'

[Don't know.]

"Hebi-baka! You ate my ramen!"

Kushina shouted, her cheeks puffed out in frustration. Somehow, she doesn't seem to notice that most of her home was ruined.

"What just happened?"

Asked Hebi,

She was already out of the wires and searching for her ANBU clothes past the broken bathroom door.

"I don't know Nara-san, do you think the seal might be getting weaker?"

Kushina shouted at both of the speculating women,

"I told you I let it out to play! Now quite speaking as though you know anything about sealing jutsu!"

They... ignored the redhead and continued their discussion while trying to salvage all that they could,

"Do you think the seal might be affecting the Kyuubi somehow?"

Hebi paused in her search, wrapping the white overcoat of the ANBU Captain rank around herself,

"It's possible. The seal does suppress its chakra, maybe it's affecting the beast's mind too?"

'So you lot are calling the Nine Tails a retard, huh? Nice.'

Thought Kaori as she changed from Kushina's one-size-too-big clothes into her tight-fit ANBU uniform,

'If I start right now, maybe I can reach Otafuku Gui by sundown.'

It was one of the 'Large Towns' nearest to the Hidden Leaf Village. She could probably secure accommodation and armament in that Town, they sold stuff at a cheaper price than the merchants in the village.

"And where do you think you're going, Kaori-senpai?"

'Ah, that's probably Mikoto right?'

Mused Kaori while trying to climb out the window, but of course, the Uchiha found her out,

"Nowhere in particular."

Hebi's head popped out from behind the door, she grinned upon seeing Kaori fully dressed and mouthed the word, 'Going somewhere?'

Kaori felt a nerve bulge after seeing her smug smile,

'I think it's time...'

[Poor Nara.]

"Ah, yes, Hebi-senpai. I almost forgot to inform you that I will be gone for about two months. The missions Hokage-sama has assigned me are quite a handful, so I will be gone for a long time. You will need to look after Kushina-chan on your own while I'm away."

The grin on Nara's face disappeared, followed by the light on her face, and her eyes dulled considerably. She turned pale like a ghost and barely managed to mumble out a few incoherent words,

"I... we... we will be getting a replacement... right?"

[Don't do it! Don't kill the poor woman's hope.]

"Nope!"

Her eyes went dead, looked up at her and said,

"You... traitor..."

The ANBU Captain lifelessly slumped down against the door, a whiff of white smoke escaping her mouth,

'Is it just me or I've been seeing that stuff a bit too much lately.'

[Maybe it's because you are a sensory Ninja now?]

Anyway, Kaori had to go as soon as possible, before Kushina could grab her and drop-kick the old man into suspending her from taking any missions,

"Gotta go, too-do-loo!"

"WAIT! SHADOW PARALY-"

But Kaori didn't wait for her to finish the restraining jutsu and jumped out of the window, landing on the roof next door nimbly as a cat. 

'Haha! Freedom!'

***

"But... but... two months?"

Hebi stammered, her voice almost cracking from disbelief,

"I'll have to look after that... woman!"

Mikoto fought back a smile as she stood over the collapsed form of Hebi, her eyes filled with a strange sort of mirth,

"Come now, it isn't all bad is it Nara-san~"

She tilted her head, giving a closed eyes smile that sent a shiver down Hebi's spine,

"It's not like you can do anything about it, Hokage-sama's orders remember. Just,"

She paused searching for an appropriate term to use, she wasn't as tactless as her husband or the two stupid children she would have in the future,

"think of it as quality bonding time for you two."

Hebi scoffed, pushing herself off the ground,

"Bonding time? Seriously? The only thing we'll be bonding over is how much we want to strangle Kaori!"

Mikoto groaned, tossing a broken picture frame into a growing pile of rubble,

"It isn't all bad..."

Hebi grunted,

"Two months of babysitting a glorious hothead who's also a walking disaster, you tell me."

Mikoto chuckled awkwardly, thinking of saying something that might defuse the situation,

"Come now~ don't be so harsh, Nara-san. Kushina's just..."

"Emotionally violent and prone to unleashing a tailed beast on a whim because of some missing instant ramen?"

Hebi deadpanned, raising an eyebrow,

"Ah~ hahahaha~"

That was all Mikoto could do at the moment, laugh awkwardly,

'By the way... where's that thing?'

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