ANBU: Card System In Naruto

Looking after the village's Jinchūriki wasn't a bad job per se, but,

"KAORI-ONEESAN!!!"

Kaori braced herself for a world of pain that came in the form of an excitable redhead slamming into her full force.

*BANG!*

*CRASH!*

[Oof...]

Five minutes into her guard duty Kaori was lying flat on the ground... and she probably didn't feel like getting up.

"Kaori-onee! You never told me you got into the ANBU! You big meanie!"

Kushina Uzumaki, the princess of the Uzumaki clan and the ultimate weapon of the Hidden Leaf village, was an excitable little redhead in her childhood, and from the looks of it, passing through teenage had no major effect on her temper.

"Kushina-sa..."

*BANG*

Faster than Kaori's eyes could follow, Kushina's fist planted itself mere inches from her head. The floor cracked and a fist-sized hole was dug into solid hardwood, the mere tremors of the blow caused Kaori's ANBU mask to shatter into pieces,

"What. did. you. say. Kaori-oneesan?"

[The system suggests compliance.]

Kushina was... an outsider, in her childhood at least. She was ostracised and bullied for her foreign nature and red hair. Rare few people ever showed her kindness, these examples, however, could be counted on one hand. Minato-san, Tsunade-oneesan, Mito-obasan, and... Kaori-oneesan.

She took to calling Kaori an elder sister despite them being only six months apart. Perhaps it had something to do with that one time when Kaori slapped the hell out of a girl she found annoying and gave the excuse that the girl was bullying Kushina... only she didn't know that the girl really was bullying Kushina by frightening her with Minato's likings.

Ahh~ young love.

From then on Kaori formed a rather pleasant bond with a particularly sticky younger sister that she only couldn't get rid of, that is, until Kushina became the Jinchūriki and was put under house arrest. By the time her condition stabilized and she was allowed outside again, Kaori had already joined the ANBU and was living in the assigned Dorms.

Now imagine her surprise when she met her favorite... second favorite oneesan on her favorite, no doubt about that, ramen shop. She was ecstatic but she couldn't drop her polite manners before the three Sannins so... well, that didn't matter because it would seem she would be seeing a lot of Kaori oneesan from now on,

"Hmm?"

[DANGER! The system suggests surrender!]

"W-well, you see, Kushina-sa..."

*BANG*

The other fist was planted on the other side of her head,

"HMM?"

'Eek!'

It wasn't that Kaori was oblivious to the point that Kushina was making, it's just that calling someone the same age and stronger than themselves with the word 'Chan' felt a bit awkward.

[Awkward my bonnet! This is a critical situation!]

"K-Kushina-chan,"

Kushina smiled proudly,

"Yes, Kaori-oneesan?"

Kaori gulped before forcing a smile on her face,

"Can you get off me please?"

Kaori asked as nicely as she could, without escalating the awkwardness of their situation, Kushina, however, smiled brightly

"Don't you have something to say to me, oneesan?"

'What now!?'

[An apology perhaps?]

'Why though?'

[The system doesn't fully understand human female nature as of yet.]

'Yeah, me neither.'

[...]

"U-um... I'm sorry?"

Kaori half expected the redhead to headbutt her into next week but instead, Kushina huffed contently, scrambling off of her and offered her a helping hand,

"Seriously now, Kaori-oneesan! You couldn't take some time out to spend with me in the past five years? Not even an hour?"

It was true, Kaori's predecessor felt bad for having tricked Kushina so she tried to distance herself from the redhead for good. Who would have known that Kaori would awaken the memories of her past life and become a completely different person?

She cautiously accepted the helping hand, having had her fingers broken one too many times by an overly excited Kushina seemed to have made that particular bit instinct to her body. 

With a strained sigh, she got back to her feet, dusted her uniform, and saw the fragments of her ANBU mask lying about on the floor.

'Great, another mask gone just like that.'

[Better the mask than your neck.]

*Sigh*

The system was probably right about that, she could get a new mask after listening to a small lecture, but a broken neck would probably give her a permanent holiday from life.

"I'm sorry Kushina-chan, it's just that..."

But before she could make her confession and get herself out of that potentially sticky situation, Kushina said something unexpected,

"You were worried about how you lied to our sensei? About why you hit the girl who was constantly bugging you about diet?"

'HOW THE HELL DID SHE KNOW THAT?'

Kushina chuckled mischievously,

"You are an open book Kaori-onee! I wonder how you got into the ANBU?"

*CRACK*

Kaori felt something crack inside her. Her eyes twitched and she glared at the redhead who was laughing so hard her eyes were watering.

'Oh hell no! Then all those embarrassing stuff that she did...'

[Seems so, my database shows that the scene of you paying for Kushina Uzumaki's and Mikoto Uchiha's candies with your entire week's lunch money because you were the 'elder' sister seemed to be the most embarrassing one.]

'One more word, and I swear I am going to punch a hole through that smug screen of yours.'

"U-hum!"

Kaori felt a shiver run down her spine as Kushina stared at her with those cat-like eyes of hers. She felt like a cornered rat being played around with by a cat,

"So? How are you going to make up to me for lying that time?"

'HELP!'

[Searching for potential survival routes... searching... searching... *Error* *Error* Found none! Error! The perfect response had been located! 'You are Fucked!']

'I will take care of you later!'

For now, her main goal was to survive.

'Think! Think! What's the best bribe for Kushina?'

Her most prized possession? The 'Kunoichi's Secret' limited edition fashion magazine?

'No, She would burn it!'

Money? She had a couple hundred thousand ryo left in her account.

'She's an Elite Jonin! What's the point of bribing someone who makes ten times more than me?'

So what did the redhead like?

'RAMEN!'

Her eyes were rolling around to avoid eye contact with Kushina, but they finally stopped and stared right into the redhead's face,

"How about lun..."

"ALRIGHT THEN! Come one, Kaori-oneesan! Let's go get some of Brother Teuchi's ultimate deluxe mega spicy beef and rice cake combo ramen! Your treat."

Something told her that there was more to the noodles than just their crazy name, but to please Kushina she might as well do her best. But she had to go and get her spare mask, without it there was no point in the whole 'Anonymous ANBU Shinobi Protector; thingy,

"Yes. Right. My Treat. Kushina-chan would you mind if Iiii-uhhhh..."

Before she could finish her statement, the redhead grabbed her hand and jumped out the window and into the streets, all the while dragging her behind.

'H-help!'

[Error! No data was found on the current situation! Apt response is being generated! 'Good luck!']

'Fuck you too!'

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