Accountant Isekai

After the incident with the kobold, some time passed without any issues. Bloodcaca actually followed the map, and we were able to avoid any encounters with monsters. My party eventually made camp in an empty room. It was one of the places the map designated as a safe sleeping spot.

Joanna created a magic fire that wouldn’t produce smoke, and I reinforced the room’s door with magic. Caedy would stay on guard.

I couldn’t get any sleep. The shadows seemed to move with evil intent. Every sound made me jump. As night went on, I couldn’t tell what noises were real and what was my imagination. Joanna noticed this.

“Are you feeling alright, Gustav?” she asked.

“This is nerve-wracking,” I answered.

“I could use a sleep spell on you if you’d like. It isn’t very strong, but it should be effective on a willing target or someone taken off guard.”

“Not yet,” I said. “Right now, I’d like to ask you a question to calm my nerves.”

“What is it?”

“Why are you a wet nurse? That doesn’t seem like the sort of career a noblewoman would go into.”

Joanna took a deep breath, “That’s a painful story."

I replied, “If it’s too painful, you don’t have to tell me.”

“No, you deserve to know. It started with my grandfather. He was born a commoner, but he could use magic. We nobles want to have a monopoly on magic. So, we knight any commoner who can use magic, making them a noble.”

“That’s the case in every kingdom but one,” Dʰéǵʰom said. “Motteburh is the exception. The first commoners who became nobles there fixed the classes so no new commoners could become nobles. Commoners with magic in Motteburh are conscripted for life into their Common Mage Corps.”

“Even though my grandfather became a noble, he didn’t have any land. This wasn’t helped by him convincing a duke to pass some reforms that helped peasants at the expense of the counts. The duke wanted to give him land, but he was worried that it might make grandfather’s peasants targets. So, he kept him at his court instead," Joanna continued.

She sighed.

“I’m sure you know about the barbarian tribes to the North. They’re renowned for being incredibly strong and muscular. Their men have arms bigger than your whole body, and even their women have abs you can grind meat on. They started building up their muscles to become better fighters and intimidate their enemies. But his Majesty figured out their secret.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“That their muscles didn’t make them better fighters,” she answered. “As it turns out, the muscles you get from weightlifting aren’t the same muscles you use when you thrust spears or swing swords. More than that, their own muscles got in the way when they were fighting. His majesty realized that conquering them would be easy.”

“Are unprovoked wars of conquest like this one of the reasons why a lot of gods want us dead?” I thought.

Dʰéǵʰom replied, “Some of them do, but most of the gods who hate humanity for fighting wars hate you for not fighting wars in their name. A lot of gods are in favor of war as long as they are used to justify those wars, regardless of whether or not the wars themselves are justified.”

Joanna continued, “My grandfather had to stay with his duke, who was a Marcher Lord tasked with defending our border with Vandalland.”

“Marcher Lord?” I asked. “I wasn’t educated on that.”

“That’s because Marcher Lords are very rare. Almost no one gets made one. Marcher Lord is a designation that any noble can have. It’s typically a temporary status given to a noble who’s on the border of another kingdom that His Majesty is worried might attack us. As long as a man is a Marcher Lord, he doesn’t pay taxes, but he’s expected to use the money he’d have paid as taxes on military spending. In essence, the Marcher Lord is someone who defends a border.”

I made a mental note to remember this.

“Because grandfather couldn’t go, my mother went instead. His Majesty is happy to give conquered lands to the people who help him conquer them. So, this was the perfect opportunity. Then there came an even better opportunity. The Benchpress Tribe had lost a village to Sea Elves, and they agreed to swear fealty to His Majesty if he reclaimed the settlement for them.”

Hearing a noise, I turned my head to the side and saw that Red Caedy was leaning in our direction with her back to us. I turned back to my wet nurse.

“What are Sea Elves?” I asked.

“They’re a group of elves that went to sea so they could escape from war,” she answered. “Then they got bored of peace and decided to become pirates.”

“Violence is in the nature of all things. Even things like republics and democracies are systems where the majority forces the minority to do what they want them to do,” As much as I preferred those systems to monarchies, I wasn’t naïve enough to think that they weren’t based around violence.

Joanna nodded before a weight came upon her, “Mother was given such a large force that the Sea Elves surrendered right away. She was ordered by his majesty to spare them if they surrendered, but she had a problem with elves. Aside from the nobles, who are spellcasters like us, only female elves fight. Their males stay back where it’s safe. Even when the Sea Elves surrendered, the women were the only ones who went out to meet Mother.”

I said, “Elves are matriarchal. Elf women are larger and stronger than elf men. What’s wrong with their women going out to fight while their men stay home? We humans do the same thing, only with the sexes reversed.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with that. Most people understand that elves aren’t humans and that they operate by different rules. Elves return that understanding towards humans. Mother didn’t care. She believed that men should always defend women, even if the women are stronger than the men, even if the men aren’t rewarded for protecting women, even if the men live in a matriarchy where they’d be laughed out of the room if they suggested that they should fight like the women, even if the men are part of a matriarchal species.”

“What did your mother do?” I asked.

“She had all the male elves in the town killed. When the elf women tried to stop her, she cut the pointed tips off their ears and any other features that would distinguish them as elves. Mother then banished the elf women into the wilderness,” Joanna’s voice broke.

I said, “And after that?”

“Mother had committed a horrible atrocity and defied His Majesty. There’s only one penalty for that: death by defenestration. After grandfather found out about his daughter's death, he killed himself. His wife was a commoner who couldn't use magic, and she died long ago. That left me, the bastard daughter of a disgraced and executed noblewoman. I became a wet nurse because I didn’t think there was anything else for me.”

“That isn’t right. You didn’t do anything wrong. Why are you being punished for what your mother did?” I asked.

“I’m not,” Joanna answered. “I was wrong. People judged me for being a bastard, but they were fairly sympathetic towards me about my mother. I jumped to conclusions and rushed into becoming a wet nurse when I never had to.”

A sinking feeling crushed down into my stomach.

“Do you regret it?”

Joanna smiled, “Not for a second. Now, it’s time for you to go to sleep. Accept my sleeping spell and rest.”

The next day, we continued through the dungeon. Red Caedy walked further forward from us than she did before. It showed me that she had a very nice ass…

No! Don’t think about that! Red Caedy was suspicious! She listened to my conversation last night, and she's keeping her distance now! I’d have to talk to Joanna about this, but I couldn’t find an opportunity to.

As we walked, the dungeon walls changed from cave-like walls to perfectly flat walls. The floor changed too, becoming very smooth. This area was also coated in light as if the walls glowed.

“We’re here,” Richard said. “The shifting part of this place.”

“I’ll kick the fucking ass of whatever’s in here!” Bloodcaca declared.

He marched forward with us following. We turned around a corner, only to find a dead end. When we turned back, the way we came was blocked off by a wall, and a different path was present.

“I can see why no one’s made it past this part,” I stated.

Bloodcaca scoffed, “They’re just a bunch of losers! I’ll punch the fucking walls down if I have to! Come on!”

We traveled through the shifting labyrinth for hours. Sometimes, we’d return to the entrance. Other times, we’d wind up going around in circles. The moving walls impeded us every single step of the way.

Just when we thought we were getting somewhere, a wall cut us off. Another disappeared to form a hallway. I felt frustration creasing my brow.

“This is fucking bullshit!” Bloodcaca said. “How are we supposed to get through this?”

"Didn't you say you could just punch down the walls?" I asked.

"Shut up, man!" he said.

Richard contemplated, “I don’t think we’ll have to wait much longer.”

“What do you mean?”

“The walls have been shifting at a faster rate. Whatever’s causing them to move might be getting frustrated.”

One of the walls opened with incredible suddenness. A minotaur jumped out with a labrys axe in his hand. He swung it at Richard, the attack striking him hard. The spearman let out a grunt before thrusting his weapon in retaliation.

The minotaur jumped back behind the wall. It closed up, shielding the creature from the spear blow.

“Richard! Are you alright?” Matilda ran over to him.

“I’m fine,” he stood up. “My armor stopped his axe.”

“You’re still a bit injured, some broken bones,” she cast a healing spell. “All better now.”

I noted, “Not all of us are wearing heavy enough armor to stop that minotaur’s axe. Everyone, stand back-to-back so he can’t…”

Before I could continue, the wall next to me opened. The minotaur leaped out with his axe. I froze at the sight of that monster. His weapon came right down at my head. Sheer terror overcame my body. I froze.

A magical shield appeared just in time to stop the labrys. Joanna shot a bolt of fire at the minotaur; however, he dodged by a hair and jumped back. The wall closed behind him. My wet nurse shot several fireballs into it, but they failed to do any damage.

“Damn it all!” she shouted.

I broke out of my fear, adrenaline flowing through my body.

“Everyone, stand back-to-back, now! We can’t let him ambush us again!” I said.

“Fuck you, man!” Bloodcaca shouted. “I’m not listening to you!”

“I’m a lord! That’s an order!” I commanded.

Almost getting my head cut off by the minotaur made my voice frantic.

“I don’t give a shit if you’re a lord! I’m kicking that thing’s ass!”

He drew his two tiny daggers and leaped away from the group, “Come out, monster, I’m gonna fuck you up!”

A wall opened, and the minotaur leaped out of the hole. He swung his labrys, but Bloodcaca jumped back to dodge it. The barbarian swung both his daggers. The minotaur didn't try to evade the attack.

He didn’t have to. Bloodcaca’s daggers were far too short for him to reach the minotaur, even with a lunge. The minotaur swung his axe again. His opponent leaned back while pulling up his daggers to block, just for the labrys to crush through his weapons.

The axe struck; however, Bloodcaca had leaned back far enough to avoid taking any real damage. Instead, a tiny cut formed in his cheek. It was less than a millimeter deep and could barely be seen at all.

“You…you…” For a moment, it looked like rage was welling up in Bloodcaca.

Then he started crying.

“You’re being mean to me!”

“W-What?” I asked.

Richard slapped his own face. Confusion flowed through the rest of us.

Bloodcaca said, “This isn’t fair! You’re treating me bad!”

The minotaur looked just as confused as us.

“You’re a meanie! I hate you!” the barbarian stated.

All fear had left me, replaced with confusion, hatred, anger, and frustration. I stormed right over to Bloodcaca.

“Look here, dumbass!” I glared. “This minotaur gave you a slight cut to the cheek! How is that worth freaking out over?”

“He’s treating me bad!” Bloodcaca declared.

“Of course, he is! He’s trying to kill us!”

“This isn’t fair! I’m gonna die!”

“You took a slight cut to your cheek,” I pointed out. “You’re over two meters tall and covered in muscle! How is that even remotely a worry for you?”

Bloodcaca pointed at the minotaur, “I’m not fighting him! He’s too strong!”

I said, “You’re the one who insisted that you walk at the front! If you weren’t ready to get hurt, why the fuck did you do that?”

“You wouldn’t understand, man! That monster’s a meanie!” he stated.

The minotaur dropped his axe and bashed his head against the wall. He let out a deep groan before a hall opened in the wall next to him. It led right to the labyrinth’s exit.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

With his head still against the wall, the minotaur waved.

“Don’t worry,” Richard placed his hand on the monster’s shoulder. “I know what it’s like having to deal with Bloodcaca too. We’ll leave you be.”

We walked down the hallway and into the next part of the dungeon.

There was a vast field of lava in front of us. Several platforms stuck out of the lava. They were scattered all over the place.

Red Caedy said, “We’re going to have to jump on those to get across the lava lake.”

“Hold on a second,” I ordered. “Something’s weird about this room.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Bloodcaca glared.

“The floor is lava. We’re very close to it. Lava's very hot and will burn you to death even if you aren't touching it. Something isn’t right. Does anyone have something we could throw into the lava?”

Richard, Joanna, and Red Caedy pointed at Bloodcaca.

As much as I wanted to see him burn to death, I decided that was a bit extreme. I grabbed a small piece of bread we carried for rations and threw it into the lava. The bread passed right through with no signs of burning.

“It’s an illusion,” Joanna stated.

“Can you get rid of it?” I asked.

She raised her arms and chanted something under her breath.

Joanna said, “It’s too powerful for me to get rid of the whole thing, but I can remove part of it. Also, it’s a one-way illusion. Only people above it can see it.”

“Alright, remove part of the illusion," I replied.

My wet nurse did as much. Under the lava illusion was a pit full of massive snakes. They gazed up at us, coiled for the strike.

Richard said, “If we tried to avoid the lava, the snakes would jump up and eat us.”

“There’s an easy solution to this,” I summoned a fireball in my hands. “Joanna and I will just bombard the floor with magic until all the snakes are dead.”

We stepped forward and rained hell upon the serpents. Fire and lightning blasted down with Joanna dispelling different parts of the illusion so we could aim. However, as we shot, I noticed Red Caedy walking up right behind Joanna. She moved with slow speed and incredible grace, but I saw the rage on her face.

I stopped shooting and stepped between my wet nurse and her. The other members of the party noticed this.

“What are you doing, Caedy?” I asked.

“I’m just backing you up,” she answered, leaning over so I could get a better view of her breasts.

As attractive as she was, I forced all lustful thoughts out of my head.

I said, “You don’t have any ranged weapons. There’s nothing you can do.”

Red Caedy started crying, “Why are you trying to stop me from helping you, my Lord? I’m just trying to be a good girl!”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Bloodcaca marched over and got right in my face. “Making a girl cry like that?”

A great sympathy welled up in me when I saw Red Caedy's tears, but I held firm.

“Why were you approaching Joanna from behind like that?” I asked.

Caedy replied through her tears, “Why are you suspecting me? Is it because I’m a woman or because I’m an elf?”

“You’re an elf?”

Her eyes changed to those of someone who realized how badly they messed up.

“Of course, she is, man!” Bloodcaca said. “Don’t you know that Sea Elves don’t sleep?”

Joanna turned around. I kept my eyes fixed on Caedy.

“It's strange that a Sea Elf is this far inland,” I said.

“Everyone, calm down,” Richard stepped over to us with his hands forward. “I know it’s strange, but Sea Elves have adventurers too.”

I ignored him, “Red Caedy, explain to me why you were sneaking up on Joanna.”

“That should be obvious,” my wet nurse sighed. “She’s one of the Sea Elves my mother mutilated. She wants to get revenge on her by killing me.”

“Is this true?” I asked.

“You…you…damn human nobles!” Caedy shouted. “I hate all of you! You sent a woman like the butcher to my hometown! And then you thought killing her would absolve you of guilt!”

“Your hometown? Didn’t you take it from the barbarians?”

“That town is ours by right of conquest! Now, step aside! I’m killing the butcher’s daughter!”

I pointed my arm right at her, ready to incinerate her with a fireball, “No. Now, die.”

“Stop!” Joanna grabbed my shoulder.

“What? Why?”

There were tears in her eyes, “I don’t want any of the elves my mother hurt to suffer anymore. It’s why I didn’t tell you she was one of them before.”

“This is ridiculous!” I said. “Why is Joanna responsible for what her mother did?”

“The sins of one person carry over to another. Among us Sea Elves, if one person does a crime, their entire group is guilty,” Red Caedy stated.

“Then doesn’t that mean the men of your town were guilty of the piracy your race engages in? The penalty for piracy is death.”

“Of course, they’re not guilty!” The Sea Elf shouted. “To us Sea Elves, if a man commits a crime, his wife is the one responsible.”

I replied, “You’re not among the Sea Elves. You’re in Greenrivers and subject to our laws, not your own.”

She smirked, “I read a book on your laws 350 years ago. In Greenrivers, if a woman commits a crime, her husband is responsible. Since elves are matriarchal, that law should be reversed for us.”

“That hasn’t been the law since His Majesty took the throne,” Joanna explained.

“What?”

“His Majesty abolished it at the same time that he made a law allowing women to inherit property.”

“Oh, come on!” Red Caedy said. “Why the hell would your king do that? A human woman inheriting anything is as ridiculous as an elf man inheriting anything!”

“You know?” I thought. “I really hate this world right now.”

Dʰéǵʰom replied, “Oh, right, people in your part of your former world believe in sex equality. The people here must seem like a bunch of primitive screwheads to you.”

“They sure do.”

I sighed, “Honestly, did you really think the laws would stay the same after 350 years?”

“My group of Sea Elves’ laws haven’t changed in 1,000 years,” Red Caedy stated. “Now, let me kill your wet nurse!”

“Even try that, and I’ll turn you into a pile of ash.”

“Red Caedy, would killing me make you feel better about the massacre of your men and your own mutilation?” Joanna asked.

“You’re damn right, it would! I must get justice for our men who were cruelly slaughtered by your mother!” the Sea Elf answered.

“Gustav, let her do it.”

My glare could freeze lava.

I said, “Joanna, you hid the secondhand guilt you felt very well. I never suspected a thing. But you’re forgetting that I’m a Saint, the son of your lord, and from the family of a count while you’re from the family of a knight. I outrank you in three ways, and I say that you’re not allowed to die.”

She objected, “Gustav, please, this is my decision to make!”

“It isn’t,” I snapped. “You’re in my family’s service!”

I realized that the only way I could save her was by being as harsh as possible. While I didn’t want to do this, there weren't many options.

“You’re our vassal! You belong to us! Your life is ours! If I ordered you to die, you’d have to do it without hesitation! And now, I’m ordering you to live, so…”

Before I could continue, an incredible tiredness came over me. I realized right away that Joanna had cast her sleep spell. She put far more magical energy into it than I expected, and I drifted off.

I uttered two words between my tears as I collapsed, “Please, don’t…”