Accountant Isekai

I sat at a table with Queen Tynzia in front of me. There was a long sheet of paper between us, containing the trade deal we managed to put together. Just finishing reading it, I decided to give a summary.

"Tariffs will be lowered between the Kingdom of the Dark Elves and Greenrivers, all major merchant guilds engaging in international trade between the Kingdom of the Dark Elves and Greenrivers will adopt the financial reporting standards I proposed, tariffs on precious metal and lumber will be dropped, and farmers from Greenrivers will be given plots of land to grow certain mushrooms here," I said.

"That ist the deal, yes," Queen Tyznia replied.

This was perfect. I got pretty much everything I wanted. And it was all there on paper. I dipped a quill pen in a bottle of ink and signed my name. Then, I signed a copy of the paper. Queen Tynzia did the same.

"All that's left is to bring this to His Majesty, King Eduard the Defenestrator. When he signs it, this deal will be complete," I said.

"As much as I wouldst like thee to stay, Saint Gustav, I understand that thou must wish to not keep thine king waiting. Thou hast mine leave to go," Queen Tyznia stated.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," I bowed.

Soon enough, I was traveling through the Dark Elf tunnels. I talked with Kless, talked with my retainers, and put up with Loonia and various other ultra-religious Dark Elves who were saying their goodbyes.

Throughout the whole long trip back, a pallor hung over me. I kept looking over my shoulder. Every few hours, I checked as many places as I could for potential assassins. My sword was never far from my hand. But there were no incidents. Even Dionysus' Dark Elf ninjas didn't make any other appearances. That just made me worry more.

The time to part ways with Kless came eventually.

"Thou wilt write to me, correct?" she asked.

"Yes," I answered. "I'll send you a letter when I get back to Blitzburg."

"Thank thee, Saint Gustav. I shall write to thou whenst I get a chance too," Kless said.

"Goodbye, now. I'll probably see you again eventually," I stated.

"Yes. With our possibly infinite lifespans, we shall surely meet again."

After we separated and my caravan was on its way back to the surface world, Sir Wilhelm von Stenkarr rode over to me. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"That trip was painful," Sir William said.

"I didn't see you for most of it," I noted.

"The Dark Elves would only let your personal retainers stay with you. I had to keep a relative distance," he stated.

"Sorry about that," I replied.

Sir William shook his head.

"There's no need to worry. Diplomacy is about making sacrifices, to an extent, at least. It's why I told your retainers to not tell you about this," he said.

Joanna rode over on her horse.

"At least this trip wasn't all bad," she said. "Negotiations went well, and you have some contacts among the Dark Elves."

"That's the problem. Things never go this well," I replied.

"Yes. The universe tends to balance out good fortune with bad fortune," Sir William nodded.

I remembered what Dʰéǵʰom told me. As we got closer to the surface world, I braced myself for anything. Nervousness flowed through me. Sweat trickled down from my brow.

Then, sweat poured down my brow. I felt warmer as I got closer to the surface world. At first, I thought this was just me getting a bit too used to the cooler conditions of the underground or just feeling things. Then, Sir William spoke up.

"Something isn't right. It shouldn't be this hot," he said.

He rode ahead, moving out with several knights. They cast a spell, and a large shield appeared in front of us. The heat dissipated. Coolness flowed through my body.

"Stay behind us, Saint Gustav," Sir William stated.

We moved forward at a slower pace. Johannes and Astrid moved to my side, weapons at the ready.

"Do you think a monster's behind this?" Astrid asked.

"It might be, but it's too early to say for sure," Johannes answered.

"Well, at least you got some magical and sword training," I sighed. "Hopefully, it'll help us if we're attacked."

Smoke started filling the air as we got closer to the cave exit. When we reached the mouth of the cavern, we saw...

...that a good chunk of the surrounding landscape was on fire. The smell of smoke wafted into our noses. A squirrel ran by us, holding a leaf filled with water on top of it. Utter panic flashed through the army. Sir William barked orders.

"Defensive formation, most of you! Anyone who has water magic, with me!" he called out.

Several of the knights stayed to bolster the magical barrier. The rest rode out, summoning water to quell the inferno. I just sat there, turning to Joanna. She had her hands clenched together and was uttering an incantation.

I was about to talk to Dʰéǵʰom when my crystal ball buzzed. Pulling it out, I saw Hildoara on it. She looked incredibly stressed and concerned.

"Please tell me that Vandalland isn't on fire too," I said.

"This is about the orphanages being flooded, right?" Hildoara asked.

What the fuck?

"Orphanages are being flooded?" I questioned.

"Yes. Someone's been flooding orphanages in Greenrivers. I'm surprised you didn't know," Hildoara stated, a look of even greater concern crossing her face.

I sighed.

"Give me a moment. I need to talk to Dʰéǵʰom," I said before thinking. "Dʰéǵʰom, what is going on?"

"A lot," he stated. "Here's a basic summary..."

One explanation later, I felt like I was going to have an aneurysm.

"And things in Motteburh are going to go a bit slower because of that. I still need to stop her from drinking," Dʰéǵʰom finished.

"Fuck," I said.

"Fuck is right," the deity replied.

A voice I didn't recognize came out of the crystal ball.

"Please refrain from using such language in the presence of Her Majesty," it stated.

"I will excuse it this time, Duke Carini," Queen Hildoara said. "Because I think it's warranted. Judging from Saint Gustav's expression, things are worse than I thought. Why are you just finding this out now, Saint Gustav?"

"I was out of Greenrivers on a diplomatic mission," I replied.

One of my hands pressed to my face. I pulled down, letting out a deep sigh.

"So, Your Majesty, what do you need?" I asked. "Rhetorically speaking. Dʰéǵʰom told me about your financial issues."

"I need your help with that," Hildoara answered.

Turning inward, I contacted Dʰéǵʰom.

"Dʰéǵʰom, the Sea Elves have some deal with the god of the ocean, right?" I thought.

"Yes. They can travel in the sea as long as they stay close to the shore."

"Thank you that your God of Exposition title is relevant again. Do you think we could get them involved in Vandalland's trade war with Motteburh?"

"Maybe someone else could, but not someone from Greenrivers. That massacre is still in recent memory for the Sea Elves," Dʰéǵʰom said.

And the daughter of the woman behind that massacre is my wet nurse. I'd be one of the worst possible people to get them involved. Hildoara could do this on her own, but I also need to think of Greenrivers' interests. I let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"I am going to need to call a meeting with you, Queen Hildoara, and His Majesty King Eduard the Defenestrator," I said.

"Okay. Let me know when the meeting is, and I will make time for it," she replied.

"Alright. In the meantime, to keep your economy afloat, look into your officials. Find out if any of them are corrupt, are embezzling money, or anything else. I'm sure there are a few, and you should be able to use magic to find them without it costing much. Fire them, and it should help out at least a little bit," I instructed.

A look of shock crossed Queen Hildoara's face.

"You want me to burn them to death?" she asked.

I quickly waved my free hand in a desperate placating motion.

"No, no, it's just an expression. It means remove them from their position," I explained.

Hildoara breathed a sigh of relief.

"That is significantly more reasonable," she said.