Accountant Isekai

I was in a very secure place. It was a room at the top of a tall tower on the outskirts of Gran Kuraz, carved from a massive cave column. Numerous magical wards and countless guards protected it. If the city was under siege, the queen of the Dark Elves herself would stay there.

"There. Thou wilt be safe here. Even an army ten times the size of Gran Kuraz's garrison wouldst have trouble penetrating Lenda Tower," a Dark Elf woman smiled.

"I'll have to thank Her Majesty for letting me stay here, Kiptin Myrana," I said.

"There ist no need for that. Shouldst an ambassador or a saint come to harm while in Gran Kuraz, it wouldst be a stain on Her Majesty's honor. This ist her duty as queen."

A voice came from the door.

"Kiptin Myrana, some humans and a minotaur hath arrived. They claim to be Saint Gustav's retainers. They did not use magic to disguise themselves," it said.

"Let them in," I ordered.

The moment the door was open, Joanna ran over to me.

"Thank the gods, you're safe, Gustav!" she breathed a massive sigh of relief.

Joanna pulled up my hair and placed her hand on my forehead. She cast a healing spell on me, but I didn't have any injuries to heal. Her shoulders slumped over as solace overtook her body.

Astrid, Johannes, and Dr. Minos followed her inside. Dr. Minos made a bull noise.

"I see. Kless is still dealing with the crowd," I nodded.

"We were barely in the city when we heard that you were attacked," Johannes said.

"Kless did everything she could to make sure we could get to you as soon as possible," Astrid clenched her fists. "If only we were there."

I waved it off.

"You don't need to worry. Karnom did a great job of protecting me," I assured them.

"Yes. She hast done her duty well," Kiptin Myrana stated.

Joanna narrowed her eyes.

"Don't need to worry?" she questioned. "Someone tried to kill you, Gustav! What if they try again? You might be safe here..."

Her tone told me that she didn't believe I was fully safe.

"...but what about when you have to leave? You have to do some religious ritual and attend to your diplomatic abilities," Joanna pointed out.

"I meant that you didn't have to worry that you weren't there," I clarified. "You really do need to worry now. For all we know, there could be hundreds of assassins in Gran Kuraz."

Terror pulsed through Joanna. Astrid and Johannes looked nervous. Even Dr. Minos was coated with apprehension. Or at least, I assumed he was. It's kind of hard to tell with minotaurs.

"You are not helping," Dʰéǵʰom said.

"I'm just being realistic," I thought.

Kiptin Myrana gave a proud smile.

"None of thee needth to worry while thou art in here. This tower ist the pride of Gran Kuraz. And we will increase security when thou travel outside of it. We've already flushed Gran Kuraz with warriors and spellcasters. No saint shall be assassinated in a city of the gods' most devoted followers," she stated.

"I'm sure we will be safe in here," I said. "Now, could I be alone with my retainers for a bit? I want to speak with them in private."

Kiptin Myrana bowed.

"Of course, Saint Gustav," she replied.

The Dark Elf left the room. I then sighed.

"Something weird happened," I said.

"What?" Joanna asked.

I explained the details of my assassination attempt to my retainers. By the end of it, looks of confusion were on their faces.

"What's a ninja?" Johannes questioned.

"They're a type of spy from my old world," I answered. "Specifically, from a place called Japan. Japan is on the other side of the word from where Dionysus was worshipped."

Joanna pondered.

"And what sort of god is Dionysus? Is he like Poseidon?" she wondered.

"They're from the same pantheon, but they're very different gods," I stated.

Confused expressions crossed everyone in the room.

"And what's a pantheon?" Astrid spoke up.

"It's a group of gods. In my old world, different people worshipped different sets of gods," I said before thinking. "Right. The people of this world all worship the same gods. The idea of different groups of gods wouldn't even occur to them."

Joanna contemplated for a moment.

"I recall you saying people stopped worshipping Poseidon in favor of Jesus," she said.

"Yes. It's a bit like that except a lot of sets of gods coexisted with each other," I replied. "But people tended to not believe in gods other than the ones they worshipped."

"That makes no sense," Astrid stated. "Why didn't the gods all just tell people they exist?"

"Dʰéǵʰom, why..." I started.

"That is something that varies from world to world. It has a lot to do with various diplomatic agreements gods make," he interrupted me.

I nodded.

"Dʰéǵʰom says that it's because of god rules," I said.

"Right. Got it. So, Dionysus and Poseidon know each other?" Astrid asked.

"Dionysus is Poseidon's nephew," I confirmed.

Dr. Minos made a bull noise.

"They might be working together, but they might not too. Dionysus is a god of wine and insanity, so he could just be drunk or going through some insane fit," I said.

"Wine and insanity," Joanna sighed. "I'm not even surprised there's someone who's the god of both."

I nodded.

"Most people in my old world think of Dionysus as a friendly wine god who just wants to party and have fun. But that comes from later depictions of Dionysus. Earlier Dionysus was a darker god. His followers sometimes did some pretty horrible things, according to the stories about them."

"And this is why gods shouldn't go through edgy teenage phases," Dʰéǵʰom said.

Joanna pondered.

"What sort of things?" she asked.

"There was a poet called Orpheus, and he didn't want to have sex with women after his wife died. So, a group of Dionysus' female followers tore him to pieces."

Complete and utter shock crossed the faces of literally everyone in the room. I never knew that it was possible to recognize when someone with the head of a bull was shocked.

"That is horrible! I'm glad Dionysus doesn't have any followers here!" Astrid said. "They really killed him for not having sex with women?"

"According to Ovid, they did. Aeschylus, in one of his lost plays, wrote that Orpheus was killed because he started worshipping a god named Apollo and stopped worshipping the other gods. And Ovid had a political agenda with what he wrote," I replied.

A sigh of relief escaped her mouth.

"Well, that's good. Then, this pantheon of gods probably didn't kill men for not having sex with women," Astrid smiled.

I said nothing. She noticed my silence.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Astrid asked.

"So, I think you're about to be very grateful that the Greek gods aren't allowed to do things in this world," I said.

A look of sheer terror crossed her face. Joanna clasped her hands in prayer.

"Thank you, Dʰéǵʰom, for keeping those gods away from us," she uttered.

"You're welcome," Dʰéǵʰom replied.

"So, there's a goddess named Aphrodite. She is either Poseidon's niece or his aunt..." I started.

"She's both," my patron god informed me.

Shock came over me.

"What? I thought in one version, she was born from Oranos' severed ballsack. And in another, she was a daughter of Zeus."

"Yes. Both versions are true, and you know what Zeus is like," Dʰéǵʰom said.

I shivered.

"Okay, Aphrodite is Poseidon's niece and his aunt," I stated. "And no, it's not what you're thinking. It's worse."

My retainers looked like they were going to vomit.

"Aphrodite is a Greek goddess of love, sex, and beauty. And there's another Greek goddess, Aphrodite's sister, called Artemis. Artemis is a virgin goddess of the hunt. She has a group of huntresses who serve her but take oaths of chastity. Artemis had one hunter who served her," I said.

Astrid shivered.

"Please, gods, no. Don't tell me that Aphrodite killed Artemis' hunter for refusing to have sex with women," she stated.

"Okay, I won't tell you that," I replied.

A moment of silence passed.

"Just continue the story," Astrid sighed. "I'm already feeling much more grateful for the gods of our world. I want to keep feeling that gratitude."

"Aphrodite did not kill that hunter for not having sex," I said.

"Thank the gods."

"She made his mother-in-law fall in love with him and beg him for sex."

Astrid was at a complete loss for words. Joanna sighed.

"How...why...what..." Johannes was trying to comprehend what I just told everyone.

"The hunter, Hippolytus, refused. So, his mother-in-law killed herself and left a suicide note saying Hippolytus raped her."

Everyone but me was dead silent. Well, Dr. Minos was nodding along with fascination in his eyes. He was recovering from his shock pretty quickly. Not surprising, considering how minotaurs were from Greek Mythology in my world.

"Hippolytus' father, Theseus, saw this suicide note and his dead wife. So, he told his father, Poseidon, to kill Hippolytus. Artemis revealed the truth to Theseus, but it was too late at that point. Hippolytus was already mortally wounded by Poseidon's sea monsters," I continued. "And Atremis got revenge by killing one of Aphrodite's mortal lovers."

After another moment of stunned silence, Astrid shivered.

"Aphrodite doesn't like that Hippolytus won't have sex. So, to punish him, she makes his mother-in-law fall so deeply in love with him that she kills herself when he rejects her," Astrid started.

"Yes," I nodded.

"Then, she kills herself, and Theseus has Hippolytus killed because of her suicide note."

"That is exactly what happened," Dʰéǵʰom confirmed.

"That is exactly what happened," I said.

Astrid and Johannes both trembled in fear.

"Because he swore an oath of chastity to another god, Aphrodite's own sister...Aphrodite got a woman who had nothing to do with this killed, got Hippolytus killed, and made Hippolytus' father lose his wife and be the one who ordered his own son's death. And to get back at Aphrodite, Artemis kills an innocent man," Astrid stated.

"Yes," I replied.

Joanna clasped her hands tighter.

"Thank you so much, Dʰéǵʰom, for keeping the Greek gods far, far, far away from this world. And please, make sure they stay out of here," she said.

"I am going to have a very stern talk with Dionysus soon. Probably other members of his pantheon as well. If he's working with Poseidon, that'll be trouble," Dʰéǵʰom stated.

"Dʰéǵʰom says that he's going to do his best to keep them away," I relayed his message.

"Thank you," Joanna prayed.

Johannes sat on a chair.

"That's...heavy. I didn't think there were any gods like that," he said.

"I'm not going to mention that a bunch of gods want to wipe out humanity," I thought.

"Good," Dʰéǵʰom replied. "They'd probably all have heart attacks if you told them. It's one thing for people who live in a world where they don't know for sure whether or not there are gods to talk about gods wanting to wipe out humanity. It's another thing if you're from a world where people know for a fact that gods exist."

Astrid sighed.

"This feels surreal. Everything about it is like some sort of fever dream," she stated.

"I feel the same way. I can't believe all this is happening," Johannes said.

A hint of guilt flowed through me. They could end up being targeted by Dionysus, and it was because they were my retainers.

"If any of you want to leave my service..." I started.

Johannes put a hand over his mouth.

"Gustav, you are smart. Don't say stupid things. We're all with you, and we're not leaving," he said.

The boy removed his hand.

"Alright," I nodded. "Right now, we should plan things out in case more of...Dionysus' Dark Elf ninja get into this tower."

I felt stupid just saying that.

"Ninjas are spies. That means they rely on stealth, right?" Joanna asked.

"Yes. Stealth is the main strength of ninja," I answered. "Or at least it was with ninja in my world when they were doing ninja activities. These Dark Elf ninja seem more like..."

I struggled to find the right words to explain to my retainers that they were more like Hollywood ninja than real shinobi. Mainly because no one in this world knew what Hollywood was.

"...caricatures of ninja with very little in common with the ninja in my world," was the best way I could put it.

Astrid raised her hand.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Why don't we just shoot them with magic if they show up?" she questioned.

I looked around. This tower didn't have any windows. You'd need a massive amount of magical power to destroy the floor under us. The roof was a pure cave ceiling, covered in runes. There was only one way in. That was the front door.

"That's a good idea. We could use the door as a choke point, and Joanna could just blast them," I nodded. "But we can't underestimate them. What if they get inside through magic, like walking through walls or something?"

There were runes to prevent that, in case ghosts were sent to attack the tower, but it was still possible to get through those runes with enough effort.

"Then, we can just stab them," Astrid suggested.

"Good idea," I nodded. "Sometimes, the simplest approach is the best. And this room doesn't have much space. There isn't enough space for magical combat," I pointed out.

Joanna smiled with pride.

"Good assessment. Magic is generally better than swords, but for a room like this, swords are the superior weapon," she said.

And with that, our plan had been decided. Now, I just had to wait for the religious ritual where I would meet the queen of the Dark Elves.