Accountant Isekai

My back ached as I sat on an uncomfortable seat at the dragon port with Dr. Minos. The minotaur got all sorts of strange looks from the people nearby us; however, he ignored them and kept reading his architecture book. Minotaurs look strange when they’re wearing reading glasses.

“I’ve got to ask. Why are the dragons okay with us using them to fly around?” I thought.

“Some dragons are too weak to compete with other dragons. They get jobs from humans,” Dʰéǵʰom explained.

I heard footsteps marching towards me in the distance. When I turned in their direction, Joanna was standing there. A sense of awkwardness flowed through me. She gave a deep sigh and shook her head.

“Gustav,” I could tell it was taking her everything she had to avoid shouting. “What are you thinking? You’re traveling all the way across the continent with just that minotaur to accompany you.”

“I’m an adult,” I said. “And my parents couldn’t come because they had to manage the estate and be ready in case his majesty or a duke calls upon them.”

Joanna groaned, “I understand that, but why that minotaur? He almost killed you!”

“He almost killed me when you were protecting me. So, he must be a skilled and strong warrior.”

She sighed, “I can’t argue with that, but why didn’t you bring me?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to come,” I replied.

Joanna let out a deep sigh and shook her head.

“Gustav, is this about the dungeon?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“I will admit that I’m still a little mad about what you said to me, but I don’t blame you for it,” Joanna stated. “You didn’t actually mean what you said. You were just trying to save my life by being very harsh.”

“If I ever actually order you to die,” I said. “Kick me in the balls and run away.”

She chuckled, “I don’t think I’ll ever need to do that.”

There was a moment of awkward silence before I spoke.

“I’m sorry that I said those things to you.”

Joanna replied, “And I’m sorry that I tried throwing my life away out of secondhand guilt. Honestly, even if Caedy had killed me, you’d have ensured that she wouldn’t live long after. And I doubt it would have settled her desire for vengeance.”

“Really? That’s why you’re sorry you almost threw away your life?” disappointment flowed through me.

“No, it isn’t,” she said. “It’s just a thought that came to me. My death would have just made everything worse if I died back there.”

“I suppose I should introduce you to Dr. Minos now,” I decided to change the subject.

“Dr. Minos? I swear, no noble in the world except you would even consider traveling around with a minotaur. And you’ve named him Dr. Minos on top of that?”

“His full name is Dr. Asterios Minos,” I stated. “And he really is a doctor. He has Ph. D.s in engineering, architecture, and classical literature.”

Dr. Minos gave us a thumbs up.

“3 PHDs? Where could he possibly study at?” Joanna questioned.

I said, “He went to Manny’s Malevolent Monastery for Moronic Monsters.”

“I’m not sure about the credentials of that place. It doesn’t seem like a proper university.”

“Well, it’s good enough for me.”

Joanna nodded, “I already bought a ticket for this dragon flight. Where are we going?”

“The barbarian lands far to the North,” I explained. “I have a plan.”

“It’s a good thing that you brought this minotaur. Some of the barbarians might have a grudge against our kingdom,” she admitted.

“Yes. I’ll introduce you to Donny on the flight over.”

A while later, we were called to our flight and entered a large, enclosed platform on top of a dragon’s back.

The dragon said, “Please remember to turn off your crystal balls before takeoff.”

I did as much, and we took off into the air. I gazed over the ground far below us. It reminded me of the times when I flew in an airplane in my past life. Another thought came to me as I observed the scenery below.

“Not many people travel here,” I noted. “Even compared to the Middle Ages in my original world.”

Dʰéǵʰom said, “That’s because of all the monsters. People don’t have to worry about them in your world. But here, they’re such a threat that merchants rarely travel more than a few cities away from their hometown. Commoners only go on pilgrimages when they’re desperate. The only people who regularly travel are nobles and adventurers. Nobles bring large groups of guards to protect them and have to travel anyway, and adventurers make a living killing monsters.”

“That’s another thing I’ll have to fix sooner or later.”

We arrived at a large city in the barbarian lands. Ice and snow surrounded it, and the air was so cold that I could see my breath.

“I’m freezin’ my ass off out here!” Donny complained.

Joanna pointed out, “You’re wrapped up in three layers of animal furs.”

“And I’m still freezin’! I’m gonna find a nice, warm tavern we can stay at.”

“A tavern is beneath Gustav’s dignity. He is a saint,” my wet nurse stated.

“I’m fine with it,” I said. “I’d rather not draw attention. Besides, the taverns probably need the money.”

“Normally, they would, but a big event like the Mr. and Mrs. Barbarian contest means that a lot of nobles and their retainers will be traveling. The most minor nobles and their retainers will fill the taverns.”

Donny asked, “Where else are we supposed to stay, my lady?”

“A temple,” Joanna answered. “They’ll gladly house saints and their entourages there.”

Dr. Minos raised his hand.

“Yes, even minotaurs they’re traveling with.”

Dr. Minos pumped his fist.

“Dʰéǵʰom, is this a good idea?” I thought.

He replied, “Probably not. I don’t want to take any chances with another god finding out you have Godslayer or knowing and trying to kill you.”

I asked, “Joanna, I’m not too keen on a temple myself. I don’t trust this land’s gods, and neither does Dʰéǵʰom. Do you have any other ideas on where we could stay?”

“Yes. We could go to a hospital. I’d personally rather go to a tavern, though.”

“Then tavern it is,” I said.

We found a strangely empty tavern. Aside from the bartender, the only person there was a woman about three years older than me. She had a stern look on her face, white hair, clothing made for combat, a longsword on her hip, and a sheathed greatsword next to her.

“A two-handed sword, a commoner warrior woman,” Joanna whispered.

I questioned, “Why is that strange? Every woman I know is a warrior.”

“All nobles are expected to train in combat because we have magic,” she explained. “But the same can’t be said of commoners. Common women being warriors is exceptionally rare unless they’re an elf or similar race.”

Dʰéǵʰom added, “This is why noblewomen have more rights than they did in your world’s Middle Ages. Honestly, they’re only treated a more inferior than men are by comparison. On the other hand, women’s rights for commoners are about the same as in your world’s Middle Ages.

”

That made sense. The ability to inflict violence is a path to many positive things and possibly many negative things. Such is the nature of the world.

“I’ll go get us a room, Your Excellency,” Donny said.

He walked over to the inkeep, and the woman gave him a strange look before her eyes turned to me. She stood up before stomping right over.

“You there, you’ve got a family crest on your cloak. Are you a noble?” she asked.

I answered, “I am.”

She knelt down and looked at my sword, “Your sword’s wrong too. Yup, you’re not him.”

“You should talk with more respect,” Joanna glared. “Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?”

“If he’s in a tavern like this, there’s no way he’s some big name.”

The woman smirked.

“You’re probably the bastard son of some knight.”

I said, “I am Saint Gustav von Blitzburg, son of Count Luthor VI von Blitzburg.”

The woman’s smirk turned upside down and she went deathly pale.

“I’m so sorry, saint! Forgive me!” she got on her hands and knees. “I’ll buy you dinner, pay for your room, just forgive my trespass!”

“It’s fine, really,” I stated.

“I insist! Just forgive me, saint!”

“Fine, you can do something for me,” I said. “I want to talk to you and hear your story.”

“It’s…not a pleasant story,” she looked to the side.

“Alright, then you don’t have to tell it.”

The woman begged, “Please, let me do something to make up for my trespass!”

“Make up your damn mind,” I groaned.

She ran over to a table in the corner of the room, “I’ll tell you. Over here. I don’t want anyone overhearing us.”

I decided, for no particular reason, to show off a bit of my kineticism. This is a form of magic based on enhancing your physical body. I moved about five times as fast as she did to the corner. Dejection crossed the woman’s face for a moment before disappearing. She became dead serious.

“This is a painful story,” she said.

“Don’t tell me anything painful. Just tell me your name, what you’re doing here, and why this tavern is empty,” I stated.

Relief crossed her face, “I am Astrid Cobbler. My goal is to become the world’s greatest sword fighter. I understand that it’s a far too ambitious goal for a commoner and a common woman at that, but I’ve still taken it upon myself.”

She pointed at the greatsword that was still leaning against the bar.

“I specialize in greatswords. I’m certain that I don’t need to tell you about the benefits their reach gives.”

“You don’t.”

Astrid took a deep breath, “A swordsman named Johannes Talhoffer will be arriving here soon. He’s fought 30 duels and never lost once. He’s my age, and he’s known for using a sidesword and dagger. I’m here to challenge him to a duel. One of us will die and the other will prove to be the superior swordsman.”

I questioned, “Is he known for anything else?”

“Yes,” she said. “He’s known for using dirty tricks and never fighting fair. If I can beat someone who’s fighting unfairly with my own skills, it’ll truly show how strong I am.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I thought.

“What is it now?” Dʰéǵʰom asked.

“This is Miyamoto Musashi and Sasaki Kojiro!”

Someone who specializes in a greatsword against someone known for using two weapons who doesn’t fight fair.

The god stated, “It is similar.”

I said, “Astrid, you can’t win this fight.”

Her expression turned to a glare, but she turned the glare into a softer expression almost instantly.

“It’s not because you’re a woman,” I explained. “Someone who’s fighting fair cannot possibly beat someone who isn’t.”

“I hope you aren’t the type of noble who gets a grudge when you’re proven wrong,” Astrid stated.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

The tavern door opened. A fairly unassuming man the same age as Astrid stepped inside. He had a sidesword and dagger on his hips. She stood up, her face grim. Astrid walked right over to him. Their eyes met.

“Are you Johannes Talhoffer?” she asked.

He answered, “Yes.”

“I am Astrid Cobbler,” she said. “I assume you’ve heard of me?”

“Yes, I have. You’ve fought 40 duels and never lost,” Johannes nodded.

“Then I’m certain you know what I’m here for.”

“I do.”

Astrid said, “One hour from now, at the hill outside the city gates.”

Johannes stated, “I’ll see you there.”

He left the tavern, and Astrid went right to her greatsword. She exited too. I followed after her.

“What are you doing?” Joanna asked.

“Getting involved in something I don’t have to and that I really shouldn’t,” I answered.

I explained what it was as we and Dr. Minos followed Astrid.

Joanna told me, “You’re right. This is something you shouldn’t be involved in. So, what’s your plan?”

“I’m going to use my powers of oration to convince Astrid to not go through with this. If that fails, we’re going with Plan B,” I wrote out a list with incredible speed. “Dr. Minos, follow this list’s instructions to the letter.”

He grabbed the list, saluted me, and walked off.

I said, “Now, to unleash my grand powers of oration.”

My grand powers of oration did nothing, and as the hour passed, Astrid stood on top of the hill.

“Please, don’t do this!” I begged.

“Great saint, I apologize for this, but I have to go through with this fight. I must become the world’s greatest sword fighter,” she replied.

More time passed, and Johannes was nowhere in sight. Astrid’s anger flared up.

She gritted her teeth, “Did he run like a coward? No, that isn’t like him. He must be up to something.”

I said, “Joanna, Astrid’s lost the fight.”

“I apologize for contradicting you, Saint Gustav, but I haven’t lost yet. The fight hasn’t even started,” the woman could barely contain her rage.

“Gustav, are you sure that she’s lost?” Joanna asked.

“Yes.”

“No! No!” Astrid started pacing. “That damn bastard, I’ll cut his head off!”

She kept pacing. A total of an hour passed before Johannes showed up. To my surprise, he was wearing very fancy clothes that were completely unsuited for sword fights. Johannes also didn’t have a boat oar with him; however, one of his hands was behind his back.

Astrid shot him a glare that could shatter a castle, cut ice, and burn cookies.

“You’re late,” she said.

“I apologize for my lateness,” Johannes stated while looking down. “I was pretty nervous and couldn’t figure out what to give you, so I settled with these.”

The hand behind his back came out, revealing that it had a bouquet of flowers in it. He handed them to Astrid. Her anger evaporated like snow placed in a furnace. A massive blush covered her face.

“Do you like them?” he asked.

Astrid grabbed the flowers with a trembling hand while holding her greatsword over her shoulder with the other, “Ummm, they’re great! Wonderful!”

Johannes said, “I have to ask: why did you bring a greatsword to a date?”

“Oh, this?” Astrid held it in the crook of her arm and rubbed her forehead. “Self-defense! You can’t be too careful, you know?”

“I can’t believe this,” Joanna stated. “Just a moment ago, you were going to…”

Astrid ran over to Joanna, grabbed her, and whispered right into her ear, “This is the first time a man has ever been interested in me. Please don’t ruin this for me.”

“Hey, Johannes,” I walked over to him.

“Yes, my lord?” he asked.

I hated that I was happy that he showed me the respect nobles claimed they deserved.

“I’d just like to know your logic,” I said. “A woman who’s been going around, fighting people in duels approached you, and your first assumption was that she’s asked you out on a date.”

He replied, “That’s why every other woman I met approached me.”

“You’re both undefeated swordsmen.”

“That’s right,” Johannes smiled. “It means that we have a common interest. We’ve both also been traveling around a lot and in a bunch of duels, so we understand each other’s experiences. In all honesty, I don’t think there’s a woman more suited for me than her.”

Astrid ran back over, trying to hide her blush behind her flowers.

“So, uhhh, what brings you around here?” she asked.

He answered, “I’m here to see the Mr. and Mrs. Barbarian contest.”

“What a coincidence!” Astrid lied as naturally as she breathed. “I came all this way to see this too! I just happened to be here at the same time as you!”

“I guess it should be expected that multiple people are here for the same event,” I said.

“And that’s why I was talking to Saint Gustav here! He’s going there too, and I figured that we could travel together for safety!”

“That’s a good idea,” Johannes stated. “I have a lot of experience fighting monsters.”

Astrid grabbed his arm with her shaking hand, still holding the greatsword in the crook of her arm.

She forced a smile despite her blush, “Now, I have some plans for our date. Just give me a few moments to remember them while we wander in the city.”

5 seconds after they left, Dr. Minos walked out of the city. He was wearing a jester suit with bells hanging from his horns. His entire body was covered in butter and olive oil. Dr. Minos was also carrying a plate filled with oysters.

“Don’t worry,” I assured him. “We won’t have to use Plan B.”