A Real Goddess Would Let Nobody Die

Before reaching the point of mana exhaustion, I managed to resurrect all of the children, and a selection of parents whose children would otherwise have been orphaned. Then, I needed to rest once again, mostly for the sake of mana, partly due to more mundane exhaustion.

Upon returning afterward to confirm if I was indeed out of time, I found that I was able to revive two more, one of whom was the mother of the girl who had been furious with me. She simply had been less severely hurt than others and, relatedly, died more recently, while I was fighting the storm fly. Pure luck.

It was a small consolation. All others had degraded too much, in particular their minds became impossible to reconstruct while remaining faithful to the original. I had expected as much. There were still more disappointed families in that room, than happy ones. The scene with that particular girl had not been unique. I had not been able to revive a single person over the age of 38 years.

I. Hate. Triage.

It had occurred to me that, if I hadn't been so insistent on getting the information from the storm fly, hadn't spent so much mana on it, then I might have been able to resurrect everyone or close to it. Had it been worth it? Could I look those families in their eyes and tell them that some fifty lives or more had been worth what I had learned? That I would spend them all again? Toss them into a ritual circle that summoned the same information?

I could not be sure that my own selfishness was not part of my feelings--I wanted, needed Izena back more than anything--but I thought the answer was yes. I, maybe we, would be able to save far more lives using that information, especially in the very long term.

"It was more important than some fifty Rokeshans' lives," I said to myself in a low voice.

Yup, saying that aloud made me nauseous. I'm not supposed to be, never signed up to be, the Goddess of Sacrifice.

Whatever was in Solenn would burn for this.

Now, it was on to healing the living, who had now been waiting for about two days. This, at least, I could do without restraint. Nevertheless, it would still be a very long day.

This time, Dekel was waiting outside my impromptu bedroom door, along with my bodyguards.

"Dekel!" I said. "It's good to see you! Did the ship land safely?"

"Yes, we all reached port unharmed after the storm dissipated," he replied, smiling warmly and nodding slowly. Before I could get another word in, he added, "I wished to meet You today in part to tell You that, partly to thank You for saving our city, but also because I heard of Your Resurrections, and regrets regarding those You could not save. There is something that we all wish to convey to You, but the others are still too...awed to speak candidly, so I have appointed myself to say it."

He steadied himself before continuing. This was clearly something he had carefully prepared, and considered extremely important. I gulped, bracing myself for possible flows of acid.

"We, I, did not even imagine that such miracles might be within Your Power, and still we revered You, because You bring Salvation where otherwise there would be none, wherever You go. To restore even a single life in such a way is truly a mark of divinity. To aspire to do it for all, and be pained on our behalf when it is not possible, is a mark of uttermost benevolence, and we love You for it. It is out of that love that we built and keep this Temple. Any disappointments are not in any sense a failure, but an indication that hope existed, where otherwise there would have been none. You did that, You created that by Your sole efforts, and that is neither an evil, nor shameful."

We were both silent for some time after he finished, me processing and him waiting for me to process. I was very much acid-free after that.

Somehow, I wasn't blushing. It was exactly what I needed to hear. There was now a bubble of fluffy self-esteem in my chest, absent of the normal bashfulness and reflexive self-deprecation that praise had always caused, that I don't think had ever been there before. I had done that. I truly had. I hadn't cheated, and I hadn't faked it. My abilities were so remarkable, that I had created hope for people whose loved ones had died, and even been able to undo some of that tragedy. That hope ever existed in the first place was a miracle.

"Thank you, Dekel," I said at last. "I have a tendency to ignore successes while dwelling on failures. I spent a millennium doing that, and continue to need to relearn the lesson."

Dekel was very consistent with his smile and nod routine.

Then I asked, "Do you know what happened to Ly--Menelynoi? I've been using her office to rest, yet I've never seen her again."

Dekel smiled more brightly. "She has been busy with reconstruction, of course, but the real reason You haven't seen her is that she has been fretting over whether it is more disrespectful not to provide You with a proper bed, or to violate the Goddess' Sanctuary. This is an example of what I mean, about the others being still uncomfortable speaking candidly. I have told her that, from what I know of You, I think You would not mind if she entered the office, so long as she knocked."

His eyes were twinkling above a grandfatherly smile. I am some 900 years his senior, but it still felt cozy.

"Teetteeteet," I tittered. "Yes, you told her correctly. I'm off to do some healing now, of the living today, if you wish to come with me?"

"If You will have me, I would love to hear from You of what happened while we were separated."

Today's work passed much more pleasantly, my steps a little lighter, my back a little straighter, and mouth smiling more easily.

I decided to keep the details of my conversation with the storm fly to myself. Secrets never shared can't be shared again, even accidentally.

I did tell Dekel that I planned to visit the site of the Sacrifice, and learned that, as I had expected, there was a similar Temple near the site, although much smaller than the one in Rokesha proper. He said that he would send notice to them, to expect me.

After I finished, the people of Rokesha having been fully healed, it was time to heal the city itself.