A Murder Wizards Adventure

So much has happened lately that sometime I wake up and forget all of my new responsibilities.

The responsibilities of the Hokage that is.

You see, my name is Hanari Senju and I am now twenty years old. I am also the Fifth Hokage of Konoha as well as the youngest Hokage ever.

You see, three years ago, the traitor Orochimaru decided to crash the party during the Chunin exams.

The fact that he ruined my brats' big day pisses me off, even more with the knowledge that the bastard got away.

Though it seems the vengeful Uchiha has managed to put down the snake if what I hear is true, and Itachi..

I am willing to admit that I cried when I heard of his death.

I won't however, admit that this was why I have declared that Sasuke is a missing-nin and S-class criminal and failure to kill him on sight will be counted as treason.

Itachi should have just finished the job back then. Maybe that way my closest friend would still be here.

At least, I think I can understand how Tou-san felt, all those years ago when he lost Hound.

It hurts.

But anyway, Orochimaru attacked the village, and while I was busy making sure we avoid a high casualty list, Hiruzen went off to fight his student, oh, as well as all the previous Hokage, dying in the process.

I won't lie, my heart skipped a beat when I saw the other Hokage, not out of fear or awe or even a desire to fight them, though that is definitely there.

But if people can be brought back to life like that...

Well, we all have people we've lost, but that seems like the direction madness lies, and I think Tou-san would be disappointed in me if I focused on bringing him back when I am not even the strongest yet.

Also, I'm convinced that the old geezer died on purpose so that I would have to take the stupid hat.

At least I have Mantis, Tou-san said I could trust him so he's my right hand now, which is perfect because my right is my writing hand.

What I mean to say is that he does all the paperwork and I just sign stuff most of the time.

Unfortunately, Danzo was rather uppity about the whole thing, but since I'm Hokage now and my word is law, no one questioned me when I gutted the bastard for the part he probably had in my fathers death.

Then after I got the hat, that was naturally when a group of exclusively S-class terrorist decide to show up, because it can never be easy can it?

Then again, it wouldn't be any fun if it were.

Some time passed and Jiraiya for some reason decided to go after the Akatsuki by himself, which obviously lead to his death.

I don't know what he was thinking but it pisses me off that he did it.

Death is easy, that's why it's called the cowards way out when you kill yourself. Life is much harder, and my Kaa-san is still alive.

After Jiraiya went and got himself killed, she was a mess. To be honest, she still isn't really over it yet.

Mentally I sigh, thinking of my mother. She really is a wreak of a person, pushed father than she can handle over and over, only barely being pulled back by someone else.

Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, just as she loves me, maybe even more, but taking care of her is exhausting.

The only reason I still make sure to see her everyday is because of Tou-san's letter that I still read to myself sometimes.

Not that I wouldn't visit her without him telling me to, but it would probably be more of a weekly thing.

Anyway, then this guy calling himself Pain decided to attack the village, spouting some shit about his pain being greater than ours.

What a pussy, pain doesn't bring people together, it just breaks them all enough that they no longer feel like fighting, that isn't peace, that's losing.

Unfortunately he used his ultimate attack right at the start rather than in the final climactic moment like he should have.

Which means Konoha was pretty much levelled, which kind of sucked, but at the same time meant I could finally fight without worrying about collateral damage.

I fought alongside Kaa-san too which was awesome.

It was only after we beat Pain around for a bit and were about to end the fight that Naruto showed up.

Seriously, way too late.

But then the weirdest thing happened, Naruto joined the fight, well, I let him join the fight, since he is constantly talking about being Hokage and considering his parentage, I was curious how he would fare.

It was kind of disappointing to be honest, I had hoped we might be able to keep to tradition.

Both of our fathers were the strongest and they could fight each other equally, I had hoped Naruto would be like his father was to mine.

Unfortunately he falls short, but who knows, he might grow even stronger.

Anyway, the weird thing that happened, is that after punching him a bit, Naruto basically just called Pain an idiot, like I did but with different words and then Pain was just like 'ok' and sacrificed himself to bring back all of the people he killed.

Which isn't really a good deed, more like balancing out a bad one, but even then there's all the property damage to consider.

And I'm the Hokage damnit! Do you have any idea the amount of paperwork I have had to force upon poor Mantis!?

The guy needs a break, unfortunately that would mean I would have to do the paperwork so I guess that's just too bad then.

But now, even after the supposed leader was defeated, the Akatsuki seem to be more active than ever in their effort capture the Bijuu, worryingly even led by someone calling himself Madara.

I know it isn't actually Madara himself, even if I have no proof, because Tou-san once told me about Hashirama and Madara and just how incredible they are.

This man calling himself Madara? He is not enough for my father to respect his power, so either Madara has weakened, or he is a fake.

But it doesn't matter, because the fact is that the Akatsuki is a threat. Even if I'm confident I could take any one of them on by myself, even up to three of them, but all of them together?

A girl has limits you know?

So we need an alliance, not to mention whatever their plan with the Bijuu is, and Madara's name will help in getting everyone to cooperate.

Which leads to now, the five Kage summit.

Sitting around the table is me in my Hokage hat but otherwise casual wear, wearing one of my tou-san's old cardigans because they are super comfy and of course I have Hound by my side.

Then there's Mei Terumi with her long red hair with bangs that cover one of her eyes and wearing a revealing blue shoulder less dress with fishnet where she is showing skin, honestly she is also kind of hot, no pun intended.

There's A, son of A who died fighting my tou-san. He is a big and muscular dark skinned man with white cornrows slicked back. Thankfully he doesn't seem to be upset with me for the fight of our father, just like I hold no ill will to him for it. He is also kind of hot, but it feels like everyone of importance is hot for some reason.

Also there is Onoki who is a tiny little old man with a big nose and a bad back, he is not even slightly hot, how lame.

Lastly there is Gaara with his short auburn hair and that weird tattoo on his head saying 'love', he's a solid six on appearance and frankly seems about as loyal to Naruto as he does his own village, which is the only reason why Naruto is standing behind me with Tsunade as my 'guard'.

Even though I am stronger than both of them, hell, I'm the strongest person in the room.

But I am still not enough, not enough for you father. I can do better, be better, and one day, I will be as strong as you.

Honestly, I would rather Naruto not be here with how vehement he is that Sasuke receive a pardon, but I made sure to make it clear that he is not to mention it here or face punishment.

Mifune announces the start of the summit and Gaara is the first to speak.

"I shall speak first. Hear me." He says in his honestly kind of hot voice, too bad his friendship with Naruto kind of ruins it for me.

However, Onoki decides to interrupt, acting every bit as childish as his height would imply.

"There's such a difference in Kage these days. To be a Kage at your age is quite an accomplishment, Lord Kazekage. It seems your father trained you extremely well, except in the area of proper etiquette."

Onoki's voice is barely not a sneer as he speaks down on Gaara who doesn't even change expression, giving the insult absolutely no weight as he remains nonplussed.

Frankly it almost makes me laugh how little he cares for Onoki's words.

But rather than Gaara speaking up, I decide to but in.

"Ne ne, compliment me too~ I am also really young you know and I could still kick your ass. Doesn't that make me awesome? Or perhaps, it just makes you weak?"

Despite the childish tone I use to make fun of his agism, I make sure to leak as much condescension into my voice as possible when I speak.

My words make old Onoki turn to glare at me but before he can respond Mei speaks up.

"There's no need to start fighting already. Continue, Lord Kazekage."

I send Onoki a smirk as I lean back into my chair, ignoring the disapproving look I know Kaa-san is sending my way.

Apparently I get my uncaring attitude towards authority and tradition from tou-san, so I never bother to hold myself back.

Gaara, still without changing facial expression or tone, continues talking as if he was never interrupted which I find pretty funny.

"I am a former Jinchurriki. I was captured by the Akatsuki, they took my tailed beast and nearly killed me. So I consider the Akatsuki extremely dangerous. I sought the cooperation of the five Kage many times, but was ignored. Except by the Hokage. At a time where various Lands have had their Jinchurriki stolen, the response by this group has been far too slow!"

Onoki once again just scoffs at Gaara's words and speaks with that tone adults use on children when they think they know better because they are older.

"How can the Hidden Villages of the Five Great Nations serve as an example when they allow their Jinchurriki to be taken? It is an embarrassment!"

Getting bored already I decide to interrupt again. What? It's not like I wanted this stuffy job, if the village wants me as their Hokage then they can deal with the consequences, because I ain't changing for them.

"What's really embarrassing is that your village still hasn't produced anyone strong enough to be a Kage since you got your fancy hat what, last century?" I yawn as I finish speaking in an obviously fake tired voice.

"You brat! Don't think that just because you inherited Hashirama's Wood style that you have his strength! You should show respect to your betters!" Onoki calls out in outrage, floating above his seat slightly.

I make another yawn before responding.

"Maah, what do you know of strength, old man? Your whole village was held back by my predecessor alone. Hell, even if we only count my Villages missing-nin, we have produced more S-class threats than your village has in decades. Really, you should sit down and let those of us with fully functioning brains to the talking, maybe you should write that down for when you forget eh?"

Onoki's face turns red from anger and he raises into the air in a threatening stance.

The moment he does so, every single Ninja, outside the Kage, rush forward to stand between him and us, as do his escorts appear to defend their Kage.

I may not like Naruto all that much right now with how much he is fighting for Sasuke to not be executed, but he at least can do his job. I half expected him to be the only escort not to move.

There is a tense silence for a moment when Mifune sighs and speaks up.

"This is a place of discussion. Please refrain from disruptive actions." His voice level, Mifune calmly treats the five most politically powerful people in the world like unruly children.

"Kaa-san, Naruto-kun, stand down." I speak up and nobody questions me calling Kaa-san, Kaa-san instead of Tsunade because that would be what I should do in order to be formal, but fuck that, she's my Kaa-san and I am not going to call her anything else.

After a moment everyone has stood down and returned to their seats.

"Let us continue our discussion." Mifune says, still calm.

A takes the opportunity to talk, seeing as everyone has calmed down now.

To be honest a little part of me was hoping for a fight, no matter how detrimental it would be.

"Konoha, Iwa, Kiri, Suna, rogue Ninja from your villages make up the Akatsuki! And that's not all! From our investigations, we know that among you, including your previous Kage, there are those who used the Akatsuki!"

Gaara looks up at A's words and speaks in shock.

"Used them?"

And is promptly ignored. Poor guy.

"I do not trust you! I had no intention of even discussing this with you, but the reason I convened this summit is to question your loyalty!" A continues, but Gaara isn't having any of that and is still focused on the previous bit.

"What do you mean, 'used the Akatsuki'?" Gaara says, his voice still the same but with a dangerous glint to it.

"You are the Kazekage yet you do not know? Ask your elders back home!" A says, more shouts really, in clear annoyance at Gaara's lack of knowledge regarding his own villages actions.

"Not that this isn't a riveting conversation, but would it not be better here to focus on the problem at hand, rather than the decisions of an old man and our predecessors? Who gives a shit if anyone here hired the Akatsuki before, they were mercenaries and hiring them is a perfectly valid strategy in a war so it shouldn't be a problem. Now however, they are a threat and must be dealt with, past dealings should hold no importance here."

My voice rings out after A's and bring everyone's attention on me as I lounge on my chair, both legs draped over one armrest.

"It is important because of rumours like the one that the Akatsuki was founded in Kirigakure!" A returns, insulted that I would question his line of questioning.

In response to A's words, Mei looks down for a moment before raising her head with a sad look on her face.

"Since we have come this far, I shall speak honestly. There were suspicions that someone was manipulating Yagura, our Forth Mizukage. And there was a possibility that it was the Akatsuki. No one wanted this to get blown out of proportion."

She sounds genuinely sad but I keep getting distracted by her shoulder less dress and the cleavage it exposes. What? I am a healthy young woman, I am allowed to be horny.

I snap back to attention after a moment admiring Mei to Onoki reprimanding A for being insulting or something.

"Before we go back to fighting, there is something I just remembered that I have to say. Should have started with it really, but Lady Mizukage's sexy body kept distracting me." I speak casually.

The way Mei blushes is super cute but the way Onoki and A flush with anger is even funnier than Mei is cute, but I don't laugh and continue speaking.

"The leader of the Akatsuki is... probably Madara Uchiha."

Gaara is the first to speak up in the shocked silence that follow my words.

"Hasn't he been dead for several decades?" He questions, and Onoki quickly backs his words.

At the demanding looks everyone is giving me I just shrug my shoulders unperturbed.

"Eh, I'm not sure of the details, but the information is reliable."

"Are you saying he's immortal!" A shouts in shock. He really needs to learn about an inside voice.

I just shrug my shoulders again.

"Maybe." I mutter as I lean further back into my seat, practically lying down at this point and I close my eyes and pretend to sleep, just because I know it will piss off Onoki.

The room falls into silence as everyone considers the ramifications of an immortal Uchiha. It's a scary thought after all, Uchiha do have a tendency to the extreme.

Then Mifune coughs in his hand to gather our attention.

"If I may speak on behalf of the Neutral nations. It is rare for all five Kage to be gathered like this, so how about it, turn crisis into good fortune. What do you say? Until the Akatsuki is eliminated, why not establish the worlds first Allied Shinobi Forces of all five Hidden Villages?"

Mifune's suggestion makes people ponder for a moment, all of us agreeing that it is a good idea before the question of who will be in ultimate charge comes up and I decide now is the time for me to enact the masterful plan of avoiding extra work.

"I say we do a vote, cool you all agree, well with that in mind I suppose I will vote first. I vote for the Raikage A to be the supreme authority of these Allied Shinobi forces."

I can feel Kaa-san facepalm but funnily enough it's A that seems the most surprised, and even a little suspicious.

"Why would you want me to be in charge instead of yourself?" A demands of me, not shouting for once.

"It's simple math really. Yours is the only village that doesn't have members in the Akatsuki, meaning you alone hold the smallest possibility of having an information leak, however this is with the expectation that we will all have a say in matters to curb your... shall we say emotional outbursts."

After a bit of back and forth that I mostly ignore, people come to reluctantly accept that with the support of another Kage that A shall be the one in charge.

It helps that Gaara almost immediately agreed with me, which was the whole reason I brought Naruto with me in the first place.

That is when a plant sprouts from the ground in the middle of the room from which a pure white man appears, half his body seemingly broken and without features.

"Hello~" The freaky guy says in a very strange tone.

The next instant, each of our escorts are once again standing in front of us, on the table this time, weapons drawn and ready.

Then the thing speaks and suddenly nothing else in the room matters.

"Sasuke Uchiha has snuck in!"

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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

3.2k words since a lot of the speech was from canon. Also, I have actually been subjecting myself to watching naruto episodes to make sure I avoid too many mistakes, but i don't know jack shit about canon naruto so just consider everything au from now on.

Also it took me nearly three hours to write this cuz of all the research.

It will be Hanari POV before we get back with Hanabira

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