A Depressed Kendo Player Possesses a Reckless Aristocrat

Wounds and Wounds

“What? You’re going to visit the Filer estate?”

Eyes, blue like the sea, freeze coldly.

Beyond the rigid gaze, negative things like shock, sorrow, and repulsion lurked.

Lucy stared at me, frozen still.

Her reaction was one of complete disbelief.

Regardless, I placed the teacup I was holding on the table and opened my mouth.

“I received a summons.”

“…Are you out of your mind?”

At my nonchalant answer, Lucy furrowed her brow.

The girl’s attitude was hostile.

Probably because of the animosity evoked by the name ‘Filer’.

It wasn’t just her.

Ariel, sitting next to her, was also humming in displeasure, as if she didn’t like it either.

“Oppa… I don’t think this is right.”

Perhaps it’s because of the memory of ‘that day’ when I was driven to the edge of a cliff.

The two of them expressed strong opposition to my saying that we should head to the Filer Duchess’s estate.

“……”

Rachel was silently keeping her peace, but her expression made it clear she wasn’t pleased either.

I quietly maintained my silence.

It was the reaction everyone expected.

As I rubbed the corners of my mouth, a bitter smile slipping away, Lucy tried to dissuade me again.

“Ryden… have you already forgotten? What the Filer Duchess did to you…!!”

“Your Highness.”

“We almost lost you because of the Duchess…!”

A single word, dropped like a stone.

It touched a wound that hadn’t yet healed.

“After going through that… do you still have it in your heart to help the Duchess?”

Her frail voice held a raw, suppressed sadness.

Her emotions seemed to be escalating.

I watched the girl’s shoulders, which were gradually trembling, and released a complicated sigh.

I didn’t not understand this reaction.

Because the others wouldn’t know.

That just as much as Maharet had been a bad person to me, I too had been a bad person to her.

We had always been blades pointed at each other’s throats.

-I’m exhausted.

-I want to stop… I want to stop loving you…

A weeping hallucination echoed in my ears at that very moment.

The scars of the past remained vivid.

I wore a painful smile and, as if savoring yesterday, muttered,

“……I hate her too.”

Yes.

I hated Maharet.

Whenever I recalled the memory of that moment when she nearly destroyed everything, I couldn’t help but resent her so bitterly.

However.

“That’s probably the case with her too.”

It wasn’t that I didn’t understand her.

Between us, there remained an unresolved, deeply rooted knot of ill-fated karma.

And it began with me.

That’s why I had to go and see Maharet.

To put an end to all this tragedy.

“Your Highness… Do you know what’s more important than remembering the wounds inflicted by others?”

I asked quietly.

The blonde girl frowned, as if wondering what I was on about.

Oblivious, I recite the answer.

“It’s remembering the wounds you’ve inflicted on others.”

Words my mother had repeated until they were etched in my ears when she was still in this world.

Humans are selfish.

They feel more pain from a paper cut on their fingertip than from seeing another’s arm severed.

That’s why they live, fixated on the wounds they’ve received, not the ones they’ve inflicted.

The seeds of resentment eat away at affection.

They twist the eyes that once looked in the same direction.

The sprouting hatred grows little by little, and eventually severs the relationship with a foolish disconnect.

“She and I… we’ve given each other far too much pain.”

It wasn’t an exaggeration.

If Rachel was the one I tormented most viciously during my reckless days,

then Maharet was the one I left the most cruel wounds on.

“…So, I thought a conversation was necessary. For her sake. And for mine.”

“Leiden…”

“Of course, it’s not like I’m going to forgive her outright. Perhaps this journey to the Piler Estate might even lead to a future where I cut ties with her completely.”

I still hadn’t decided.

How I should approach Maharet in the future.

“At least, I thought we should have a chance to explain our sides… that’s what I think.”

This wasn’t a decision made on a whim.

It was Maharet I had been contemplating every single day without fail for the past two weeks.

If Raymond hadn’t called for me, I was planning to send a letter saying I’d be visiting him first.

“I am never moved by the whims of circumstance,”

I stated calmly.

Before me were girls glaring sullenly, but I didn’t flinch.

I knew what was woven into their stares was, in fact, worry.

I simply let a faint smile play on my lips.

I rose from my seat.

And then, slowly turning my back, I knelt before my people.

I offer a cautious question.

“…Will you understand me?”

A gentle ripple travels through the silence.

A voice without the slightest tremor expresses unwavering resolve.

Such an attitude from the boy caused those watching to feel complex emotions.

The children remained silent for a moment.

Then, they let out shallow sighs.

“Yeah… who can stop you, Oppa?”

“You’re saying it like that, how could we stop you… and you wouldn’t not go, even if we did.”

“Thank you, Your Highness… and thank you, Ariel.”

Two people half-heartedly conceded, their answers prickly.

I expressed my genuine gratitude.

After bowing my head for a moment, Rachel cautiously approached and tapped my shoulder.

“Wherever you walk, Young Master, I will follow.”

The brown eyes I looked up at shone clearly.

“But… I wish you wouldn’t walk down a thorny path. I don’t like it when you’re hurting.”

The girl smiled quietly, covering her mouth.

I stared blankly at Rachel for a moment, then mirrored her silly smile.

“Thank you, always.”

“It’s nothing.”

She spoke nonchalantly, but truth be told, I was afraid too.

Meeting Maharet was one of the things that forced me to confront the past I so desperately wanted to flee from, most vividly.

But behind me were people.

People who, no matter the situation, believed in me, supported me.

In my foolish days, I denied their existence, tried to push them away, but not anymore.

They were the greatest blessing that had fallen into my life.

The only affection I was allowed to receive.

Knowing that, the corners of my lips could curve into a smile now.

“I’ll do my best. For all of you.”

That short sentence lifted yesterday up from its fall.

I carved an unbreakable resolve and pushed myself up from my knees.

.

.

.

The day after I conveyed my intention to everyone else.

I boarded the carriage headed for the Filer Duchy.

They all looked like they wanted to come, but this was solely an issue between Maharet and I, so I refused.

Ariel, her eyes sparkling.

Lucy, pouting her lips.

It was quite difficult to leave the mansion, leaving those two behind, but in the end, I had no choice but to take a firm step forward.

-Please be careful, young master. I’ll be hoping that everything goes well.

Rachel encouraged me even up until the moment of departure.

She must be anxious.

But the girl didn’t show it.

She just gently pushed me forward with her hand on my back.

It was truly blind devotion.

A devotion I felt I could never repay even if I devoted my whole life.

‘Would she even stay by my side forever…?’

A sudden thought made me bite my lip lightly.

Rachel had more than enough reason to leave me.

After all the hardships I put her through, it was a wonder that she hadn’t run away.

For some reason, my mouth felt bitter.

I turned my gaze to the window, trying to shake off the stinging ache in my heart.

-Rattle…

The only sound echoing through the empty carriage was the quiet rumble of the wheels turning.

As the scenery blurred past, I gathered my thoughts.

‘Maharet.’

In the letter from Raymond, it was said that Maharet was suffering from high fever, nightmares, hallucinations, and auditory hallucinations.

This was probably because she’d stepped into my mental world.

Aevie’s unique talent, ‘Soul Link’, it accepts others.

It shares everything the subject possesses: emotions, consciousness, thoughts, all of it.

Until a few months ago, I was so broken that I couldn’t maintain my sanity without my “iron will.”

So, of course, sharing my mind would make her sick.

‘The bigger problem is…’

It was the memories.

The act of accepting another person inherently includes the sharing of memories.

Given our history, her gaze must have reached the deepest recesses of my memories.

Maharet would have seen through the truth I had hidden.

Which meant, it was highly likely she had already learned the full truth of ‘that incident.’

-I can’t…trust you anymore…

-I’m tired.

-I want to…stop loving you…

Maharet, who had so relentlessly refused to give up on me.

The incident when I pushed her away in such a cruel way.

“…This is difficult.”

This knot was more difficult than any I had untangled so far.

I was a sinner to her.

And she, too, was a sinner to me.

We were in a ridiculous situation where neither of us could unilaterally hate the other.

Or maybe, it was a knot that could never be untied.

The tangled ball of emotions that bound us might be rotten beyond repair.

“Haa…”

I’d said I’d do my best, but.

Even now, ‘my best’ was the hardest phrase in the world for me.

I idly tapped the window frame, lost in thought.

.

.

.

And so the carriage took to the road, and after ten days had passed.

I arrived at the Pyler ducal mansion.