NOVEL WEB Chapter 503
When honesty is taken as the standard of masculinity, there is no government agency less masculine than the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
People who have had their feelings hurt might throw insults and criticisms at each other without a care, but at least a diplomat couldn’t afford to do that.
So, no matter how ridiculous the conversation got, diplomats would often dodge by saying things like, “We had an open and honest dialogue.” (Which roughly meant they said just enough.)
(Of course, that didn’t mean they were having ridiculous conversations in the conference room either.)
Anyway!
This exhausting and unmanly way of speaking is referred to as “diplomatic rhetoric” or “euphemistic language.”
It’s often used in international affairs where interests are sharply opposed, as it helps avoid hurting the other party’s feelings and leaves room for multiple interpretations.
Of course, if you used such a style in everyday conversations, you’d better be prepared to face consequences. Engaging in power struggles, diverting issues, or shirking responsibility is not considered manly behavior.
Naturally, diplomats didn’t go home (especially in front of their wives) saying things like, “We had an open and honest dialogue.”
However, there are times in international discussions when this euphemistic language just doesn’t work.
There come moments when a genuinely honest conversation among men is necessary!
When the phone rang from the ambassador from the Kingdom of Abas to the Kien Empire, the Director of the Foreign Ministry (in charge of Abas relations) instinctively relied on his animal-like diplomatic senses.
“Um, senior? Could you repeat that?”
“The Duke abducted their military attaché! Right from the Embassy!”
“So… you’re saying… they took a foreign military officer who entered our embassy… is that correct?”
“No! Why can’t you understand?! The Duke kidnapped a diplomat who was sleeping in the Embassy’s duty room!”
“You’re saying they didn’t take a diplomat who entered our embassy? They broke into a foreign embassy and took out a diplomat?”
“Exactly!”
“This is a disaster.”
And that’s where we are now.
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Episode 18 – The Manly Club
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The military attaché has been kidnapped!
And it’s even worse—he was abducted while sleeping in a foreign embassy!
Regardless of whether it was a defense attaché or an intelligence agency agent, the fact that a sacred and inviolable territory—the “embassy”—had been breached was enough to make many people clutch their necks in shock.
“Director Leoni, we’ve received an urgent report from the Mauritania Continent.”
“Our staff at the embassy was kidnapped by the Archmage?”
“Colonel Frederick was abducted? Surely, the embassy’s security division was supposed to be on guard during the day?”
“Yes, Colonel Clevenz. It looks like the incident occurred in the early hours when the embassy was empty.”
The commanding officers of Military Intelligence Agency were left in a daze after this unimaginable disaster (the Archmage’s embassy raid + intelligence agent taken out).
What kind of lunatic attacks another country’s embassy? Okay, I get it—an embassy can be violated. But if you’re going to go through the trouble of raiding it, wouldn’t you at least take some confidential documents (like codebooks or diplomatic credentials) instead of just a regular employee?
High-ranking officials of the Abas Information Agency could do nothing but fall into deep confusion.
What is this? A new kind of provocation?
Does the Duke have some weird, twisted hobby of collecting young men?
I heard he took someone else last time too, and it looks like he did it again.
Did he sweeten them up somehow?
Is it possible one of our employees committed some kind of faux pas and got dragged away?
But what do we do now?
—
Of course, the agency most perplexed and upset by the situation wasn’t Intelligence—it was the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
“Ambassador! The Duke has invaded our embassy in the Jamria Federation and kidnapped the military attaché sent by the Ministry of Defense! What is going on?”
“…What?”
“Duke Alexandra Petrovna, the Archmage of the Empire’s royal family! He has taken our military attaché from the Abas Embassy, a place where no government can interfere—by hell, not even the local police can enter! Did your Ministry of Foreign Affairs know about this incident?”
“Um… I had no idea…”
“Then did the royal family know? Was this an act done unilaterally by the Duke? Or was it something agreed upon after discussions with the royal family or the Ministry of Foreign Affairs? Please clarify!”
“……”
“Please ensure the immediate return of our military attaché!”
The Kien Empire’s Foreign Ministry was on the brink of passing out.
The Abas Ministry of Foreign Affairs was furious, claiming that unless they provide an explanation right away, they would not shy away from cutting diplomatic ties! (After all, if an embassy was raided, it was understandable to terminate diplomatic relations. In fact, there are cases in Latin America where police burst into embassies, leading to broken diplomatic relations.)
The Jamria Federation’s Foreign Ministry, meanwhile, was in uproar, firing questions like, “Why did this happen in our country?” demanding apologies.
It seemed that disaster was striking all over. Calls were coming in from countries left and right.
Your Highness, what on earth are you doing? I thought only Abas was contacting us. Now, cults, magic towers, Al-Yabd, and all sorts of places are protesting too!
At that moment, the Minister of Foreign Affairs was internally agonizing over whether to down a drink in his office and seriously consider resigning.
Meanwhile, amidst the chaos, the commanders of Military Intelligence Agency gathered to seriously discuss the charge of failure in defense, which even brought anger to the usually calm Colonel Clevenz.
The grand event called “Joint Censorship” had begun.
Rank insignias flew and uniforms were shredded amidst the storm!
“Senior, you’ve already heard the news… Have you reported it to the Director of Intelligence?”
“I just did. It has already gone up through the Minister to the Office of the Prime Minister. The Royal Intelligence Department has been informed through a junior as well.”
“As for the domestic side, we’ve relayed it to the contacts. We’ve sent people to families as well… But what will happen to those who were responsible for embassy security?”
“Tell those bastards to grab their heads, report to the security chief, and get out here immediately.”
“Let’s do just that.”
Tears of many fathers, ready to be stripped of their responsibilities, were flowing like rivers and seas.
In an effort to soothe their grief and anguish, the alcohol-stained lobby was only voicing silent cries of, “Just kill me…”
“Is there anyone who can contact the Duke?”
“No one is reachable. The Ministry of Magic, the royal family, the Ministry of Defense—they’re all dead ends.”
“The nation’s state is well in disarray! How can there be no one who knows the whereabouts of Duke Alexandra?”
Regrettably, they could only wait anxiously for the Duke’s explanation, while the officials of the Kien Empire’s Foreign Ministry fidgeted impatiently.
—
The staff in the Foreign Ministry who had thrown away diplomatic rhetoric found themselves able to speak their minds and engage in truly honest, manly dialogue for the first time in a while.
(??? : Make it right and return things to normal before your embassy gets run over by tanks. / ?-??? : If something blows up in the imperial capital, just consider it fate. / ?? : What did you do without the Archmage on your side? The Empire shouldn’t be doing this to us, you bastards!/ ?? : I feel like leading a crusade…)
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Of course, there was nothing the Empire had done wrong here. It wasn’t a joke; it was sincere.
No matter how much they begged for proper education for their children, which parent would remain calm when the teacher barges in at dawn and kidnaps their sleeping child?
For the record, the Abas government held the most unjust position. Abas had never entrusted Frederick to the Duke. The Duke simply took him with a 1+1 (or, more accurately, 4+1) deal.
It truly was a bolt from the blue! As the rotten officials of the Empire uttered “the nation will fall!” from their mouths, a voice in their heads screamed silently, “Just kill me!”