Zoey’s Story

“When I saw the initial prototype for RoEM for the first time, I knew that I had to become a part of this project. I knew that this would be the chance to finally make something unique. I was terrified when I gave the pitch to Reina [the RoEM LLC CEO], but she actually listened and spoke up for me with the rest of the staff. I had assumed that after my speech at the GC2 conference about all the abuse in game dev circles that I was going to be untouchable for the rest of my life. But finally, I was able to make what I’ve been dreaming of for years.

The anti-MMO experience. All the players in the world keep on bitching about “realism”. They want “realistic” graphics, they want “realistic” characters, they want “realistic” combat and crafting and magic and on and on and on. But do any of them actually think about what realism means? What would it be like for a bunch of these people to get isekaied into a world of elves and dwarves and shit, only to realize that they have no idea what they’re doing? They’re not some hero at the center of the universe with magical god powers. The world isn’t in peril and in need of saving. NPCs aren’t going to give you piles of gold pieces because you gather eighteen goblin dicks or whatever.

They have to learn that real power comes from community and working together.”

-Alexis Zhang, RoEM LLC Chief Creative Officer, launch day GameMantra Interview.

__________________________________________________________ 

I all but leaped off my bed when I woke up that morning. My head was buzzing with the possibilities of what our day together would bring. It was me, Gavin and Marianne... and Syd, I supposed. But the most important part of this day was that I would get the chance to be Zoey alongside him. I would have the opportunity to build a new relationship with Gavin as the real me.

Everything was so vibrant now. The once cramped apartment felt cozy and homey. The freezing cold shower now felt refreshing. My usually mixed preparation of scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast now tasted amazing. 

“Well well well...” said Marianne, shuffling out of her bed. “Never thought I’d live long enough to see you wake up early. And being elfblooded, that’s saying something.” She peered down at the buttered skillet I was cooking over the wood-burning stove. “Uh... wasn’t it my turn to cook?”

“It’s fine,” I said, grinning ear to ear as I plopped down some toast and listened to the sizzle. “I was already up.”

Marianne raised an eyebrow, “I mean, I’m not complaining or anything... and I have to say, you’ve improved.”

I chuckled. Somehow, even the memory of scorching the last breakfast I cooked didn’t phase me. “Here...” I said, slipping the toast onto a plate and handing it to her. “Eggs are on the table. I’ll get this cleaned up first.”

Marianne looked genuinely dumbfounded as she ate her breakfast. She kept glancing at me as I took the pan over to the washroom to rinse it out. When I was finally finished, I sat down to finish my own breakfast as Marianne continued to stare, wide-eyed.

“So...” I said, smiling at her across the table, “I have a favor to ask.”

She instantly sagged with relief, nodding enthusiastically. “Ah, there it is...” she sighed. “Okay Zoey, what do you need?”

“Hey... I didn’t just do all this for a favor, you know!” I said indignantly, “I am trying to be a good roommate...”

“I know, I know...” said Marianne, waving it aside, “but what was the favor?”

I bit my lip. “I need a little help. I’d like to make a good impression on Gavin and show him I’m not constantly covered in soot.

Her smile widened into a knowing grin. “Oh... Oh... I see...”

“What?” I said, working through my plate of eggs.

“I would be happy to help...” said Marianne, pushing forward her empty plate. “Okay, first things first, let’s see if we can do something with your hair.”

I stopped in the process of taking a bite of toast. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

“It’s fine, Zoey... but you could actually do some lovely things with it, too,” she said, taking her own hair and working through it behind her head. “A good braid always does wonders and can really frame your face...”  After a few more deft movements, she had worked her hair into a simple plait that hung on her shoulder.

I didn’t know what to say. On one hand, it actually did look great and gave Marianne a noticeable look of class but honestly, Marianne just seemed to look gorgeous no matter what she did. Either way, I nodded and let her get to work in teasing my hair into shape.

“Okay, what else...” Marianne mused, working her fingers through my hair quickly. “Hm... well for a start, I can lend you some jewelry. I’ve got some bracelets and a nice crystal pendant that would work... but it doesn’t quite match any of your clothes... unless...” 

She nodded to herself as she tied off my hair in place. It was a different feeling. It was a strange sensation of tension as if someone was always slightly tugging on my hair. 

“Follow me,” said Marianne, stepping over and throwing open her wooden wardrobe. I was shocked by the sheer spectacle of some of them. While a sizable part of her clothes were plain and functional, there were still a few pieces that really showed some style.

On instinct, I pulled a particularly vibrant lavender-colored dress off the hanger. It felt like silk as I felt the fabric in my hands, even if it didn’t quite shine like it. As I held it up, I saw that it had a sort of corset worked into the abdomen of the dress, with a plunging neckline. The waist had a sort of sash tied around it with a bow in the back, and the hem of the dress only came up to my kneecaps or so. There were no sleeves, but the shoulders had small bows to match the one on the back. 

“You are lucky that we are friends, Zoey,” said Marianne, putting an arm on my shoulder, “because I would never allow anyone else to wear this.”

“I mean...” I stammered, pushing the dress to her, “you can-“

“Nope,” she snapped, pushing it back to me, “You try this on right now.”

I nodded, stepping aside to do so. When I was decent enough, I called for Marianne to help me finish the process. She had to lace me up the back and kind of squeeze me into the corset of the dress. It wasn’t bad, but it was snug.

“And finally,” said Marianne, looping a necklace over me. “We have this...” She slapped a pair of bracelets on my wrist. “And this... Okay, Zoey... go look in the mirror.”

I nodded and moved over to the full-length mirror set in the corner.

I finally got the chance to see the results of Marianne's handiwork.

In the mirror I saw a young woman with her hair drawn into a sort of braided crown. She hugged her body and her cleavage was noticeably cradling an amethyst pendant. Her thin wrists had a pair of silver bracelets hooped around them. She looked radiant, and as I put my hands up to my mouth in shock, it truly hit home that the girl in the mirror was me.

I looked beautiful. I didn’t think such a thing was even possible.

I actually had to take a moment to breathe it in and not just burst into tears. Marianne looked over my shoulder, concerned. 

“Do you not like it?” she asked, frowning, “we can pick something else.”

“No...” I said, shaking my head, “it’s perfect... I just... I’ve never looked like this before. I’ve never looked this pretty. It’s... it’s a lot.”

She placed a warm hand on my shoulder, smiling. “Oh come on, you’ve always been pretty, Zoey. You’re just too hard on yourself.”

From the mirror, I could see her smiling. AI or not, I felt the warmth of her presence in the depth of my chest. I felt happy in a way that I never had been before. It felt impossible to believe that this elf wasn’t a real person.

Her smile faded for a moment, “Are you okay?”

I sighed, wiping away a tear at the corner of my eye. I remembered the conversation on the Guardian Discourse channel. Why wasn’t the AI fixing things? Was it possible to ask her directly? “Can I ask you a question?”

“Uh… sure?” she replied, raising an eyebrow.

“The… gods…” I began, not quite sure how to ask her about the AI that was literally controlling her actions, “why do you think they let the grief eaters do what they do? Why don’t they stop them?” 

She heaved out a weary sigh, shaking her head. “Truthfully, I don’t know. Some priests say that the gods have rules or limits placed upon them, as they are necessary for the balance of the world. Others say that they stay their hands to give the wicked a chance at redemption… like Steven, for instance.”

She gave a weak smile, and it was impressive that she had apparently seen the possibility for change in Steven that I had.

“Honestly, though,” she continued, “I think there are larger forces at play. Things that even the gods cannot stop. We cannot rely on them to do all the work.”

There was a chiming as the clock in the square announced it was shortly going to be nine-o’clock. I winced. We were going to be late.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Marianne, waving it aside. “Better to give the boys something to wait for. Come on, we’ll make it in a few minutes.

I nodded, strapping on my boots and belt. “I still don’t quite know where we’re going to go,” I said, nervously, “I really don’t know the landmarks of Whiteoak Falls all that well.”

“Just follow my lead. I know the right spots,” said Marianne, pulling up her own bag. “Come on.”

I nodded and we hurried over to the town square.

Being the weekend, it was fairly busy as everyone was shopping at all of the various stalls and stands. The crowds were dense, making it a little difficult to find Gavin in the press of bodies, but his companion, Syd stood out immediately as the only scalefolk present.

We pushed forward and finally broke through the crowds, standing right in front of them.

Gavin didn’t speak immediately, just looking at me wide-eyed for a moment. I saw his mouth open, but no words escaped as he helplessly looked me up and down. For a moment, I was once again terrified that he had recognized me, but I quickly realized that was impossible. My own parents wouldn’t recognize me looking this pretty.

And that was what had left Gavin speechless. It was what caused him to break eye contact and press his lips together.

He thought I was pretty, too. My best friend thought I was a pretty girl.

I found my own face burning as my stomach spun in circles. I had no idea how to process this new feeling, so I just decided to not think about it. “Hey!” I said, chuckling nervously.

“Hi...” said Gavin, looking at me from the corner of his eye. He swallowed. “Uh... uh... you look nice.”

I beamed. “Thanks. You too.”

In truth, Gavin was dressed in the same kind of pirate/sailor attire, but it seemed like the right thing to say at the time. Regardless, he took the compliment in stride, smiling back at me. “Uh... so where are we going first?”

“We start right here!” boomed Marianne. “Welcome to the Cavemarket. Every Sun’s Day we gather here to sell and buy our wares. This is the beating heart of commerce for the cave district. Here we sell rare finds and strange curios. The fruits of our labors. You never know quite what you’ll find here, but you’ll certainly leave with a lighter wallet.”

Gavin whistled in appreciation. He glanced around the stalls and I closely followed him. Truthfully, this was a new experience for me as well. I certainly was aware of the Cavemarket, but we hadn’t visited it before. There were produce stalls overflowing with fresh vegetables from the deeper cave farms and the open air farms on the Whiteoak outskirts.

“Miss Human!”

I turned around to see a surprisingly familiar face. It took me a moment to place it, but with a start I realized it was the little girl I had first seen when I started in RoEM.

“Hey...” I said, smiling at her as she sat behind a pile of potatoes (marked at a gold piece a bushel). “Melody, right?”

“You remembered!” she said excitedly. 

It was the first day that I really got to feel like a girl. Nothing would ever make me forget it.

Melody peered at the rest of us. “Miss Marianne?”

Marianne nodded, smiling. “Goodness, Melody, you’ve grown. What has Liam been feeding you?”

“Potatoes!” Melody said proudly, picking one up. “Do you want one? Daddy says we have to sell this harvest because we may not get another one.”

“What?” I said, shocked. “Why not?”

Melody’s smile faded slightly. “A bad human hurt daddy and now he can’t work as good,” said Melody, her eyes wide. She looked into my eyes carefully. “But you’re a good human, right?”

I leaned in close and offered a hand. She nervously took it. “Melody... I promise you that I’m going to try to stop those bad humans. I mean it.”

Melody’s eyes widened. “Really?” She looked at Marianne. “Is she like a Guardian? From the old stories?”

Marianne nodded. “Yup. Trained her myself. She’s going to smack all the bad humans and make them go away.”

“Wow...” said Melody, awed. She looked past me to see Gavin. I traced her gaze to Gavin’s belt where a sword was hanging. She edged away from him slightly. “Is... is he a good human too?”

Gavin blinked in surprise, but I stepped in. “Yes, Gavin is a friend,” I insisted, “we stop the bad humans together.”

“Melody...” 

A sharp voice cut through the crowds and a lean elf quickly followed. I recognized Melody’s father, Liam, but he seemed noticeably changed. His face seemed thinner and noticeably paler. He placed a hand on her shoulder, in a protective gesture. The other hand was nonexistent. There was only a wrapped stump. 

I remembered the story of someone losing a hand to a griefer. A farmer. Now I knew who it was.

Melody had said that there wouldn’t be another harvest. These monsters had broken Liam’s life. This was someone I knew. This was someone I had met. Someone who had been kind to me the very first day in this world. And it was one of my own kind who had hurt him. Who had stolen his livelihood from him.

I felt sick. “I’m sorry...” I said, looking him in the eye, “I... heard what happened.” 

It was terrible. Stopping Steven had been a close call, and I was visibly reminded that I couldn’t be everywhere and the griefers would always be ready to find another victim.

Liam’s gaze was icy. “Are you going to buy anything?”

I reached into my wallet and handed him a gold coin “Here...”

He eyed it. He sucked in a breath and accepted it. He passed us a heavy bag of potatoes which Marianne picked up and slung over her back. “Thank you...” he said as blinked a few times distantly, “can... can you just go, please? I... I need some distance from humanity right now.”

I nodded, feeling sick. We all wandered away in a daze. I think we silently agreed that we needed time to breathe. The brief glow from this morning just evaporated.

Syd was surprisingly the first to speak as we stepped out into the sunlight. “So it’s happening everywhere...” he said quietly.

Gavin forced out a sigh. “Yeah...”

Syd flicked his tail in agitation. “Our people have stories about them. Humans driven to madness.” He gritted his teeth, which I noticed were jagged and razor sharp. “We call them the Laughing Dead back home. They feared neither blade nor flame, and when they died... they simply laughed. Like it was a game...”

Me and Gavin exchanged glances. Neither of us could come up with anything to say in our defense.

Marianne crossed her arms, “I wouldn’t be standing here if it wasn’t for the bravery of the Guardians. Humans can be heroes, too.”

Syd looked at her, tilting his head to the side. “Yes but it’s rather difficult to tell which human is which, at a glance.” His tail flicked again. “You and I both know that before the Ser-Varr Purge, they all seemed perfectly sane. Just doing their jobs and playing nice.”

Gavin stepped forward. “Syd...” he said, his voice level, “you know me. I saved your life, dude. You’ve saved mine.” He rolled up his sleeve, showing a tattoo with a similar design to Syd’s body paint. “Remember? Remember what this means?”

Syd nodded, eying Gavin. “I remember. But you’ll forgive me if there’s still some fear. My brood still talks about the day of madness. They smashed our hatcheries apart, Gavin. If even half of the stories at this time are true, you can understand my fear.”

Gavin nodded, but looked as if he’d been forced to drink something unspeakably vile. He stomped off towards the tree. I looked back to Marianne helplessly, and she nodded as if to indicate that I could follow.

I did, picking up pace to join Gavin. 

“Sorry,” said Gavin, nodding back to Syd. “He can sometimes get a little shitty. Not as bad as some NPCs, but fuckers can be seriously racist sometimes.”

“I get it,” I breathed without thinking. Gavin raised an eyebrow at me, which immediately caused me to frantically backpedal. “I mean! N-no that’s not to say I know what it’s like to be… I mean, I… uh…”

He stifled a small laugh as he shook his head. “Nah, I get it. Honestly, it’s a little refreshing that the white folks here are finally getting a taste of their own bigotry. I mean, they’re still going to be pricks, but it’s cathartic to see a little payback.” 

“I don’t understand,” I sighed, shaking my head. “Why can't we just treat people equally?”

“Because our entire economic system is built around the people with everything siphoning off the wealth of the underclass,” breathed Gavin, crossing his arms over his chest. “And because it’s easy to consolidate power around the persecution of feared minorities.”

There was another pause as I sheepishly fell silent. Given that my homeschool education taught that black people were happier as slaves and that BLM was some kind of terrorist group, I didn’t think I knew enough to comment.

“Uh, sorry,” he breathed, shaking his head. “Kind of a topic that gets under my skin.” He smirked, pinching the brown-skinned flesh on his arm.

I snorted, hoping I was allowed to laugh at that joke. “It’s fine. I have a lot to learn about stuff like that.” I said, shaking my head, “But I’m still having fun talking. It’s nice just to hang out a little.”

Our eyes met again, and, like before, some unidentifiable feeling seeped through me. I felt my face flushing and I had to turn away. I saw that Gavin did the same, and I wondered, vaguely, what the hell was going on.

I was trying to be friends with him again. To open up. But something just kept getting in the way. I knew Gavin, completely. This shouldn’t be hard!

But it was.

Because all the time we spent together was from another life. I was another person. And now I had to start from square one.

“So... you play much REMbox?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Yeah!” I said, grateful to be talking about something I was confident with. “I used to play RoR.”

“No shit?” He said, surprised. “I used to play that all the time with my friends. We’re still trying to start up a guild here, but it’s been hard because we’re spread all over the place.”

“Right...” I said, nodding. “Everyone spawns into places at random around the world, right?”

He threw up his hands. “It’s so stupid! Like... in any other game we could just teleport to one another, or at least message each other. But I gotta spend a week in-game traveling to this place just to find someone that isn’t even-” He fell silent, noticing me.

I had stopped. I stared out over the forest, the trees spread in all directions, unable to meet his gaze. He was mad. He had every right to be. I had let him down. His friend was missing because I had abandoned him. I felt a tightness in my stomach and had to blink back a little to keep tears at bay.

“Uh... sorry,” Gavin said, stepping closer, “it’s not your fault.”

I was too pained to speak what I was feeling inside. That it was my fault, and I couldn’t fix it.

“Honestly... things have been kind of weird between us,” said Gavin, sighing. “Like... we used to spend every single night gaming together. We were totally stoked for RoEM’s release... but then when it finally goes live, he just... starts fading away. He isn’t on our guild channel anymore. He doesn’t respond to my DMs all the time and even when he does, he stonewalls.”

I kept staring out into the distance, the pain of words unspoken tearing up my insides.

“He’s always been quiet, I guess,” said Gavin, scratching at his head, “and his parents are insane Jesus-freaks. I know he doesn’t have anyone else to talk to... I... I just wanted to know that he was doing okay.”

I barely managed to choke out the words, “He’s lucky to have you.”

Gavin just kept staring at the horizon. “Sorry... I shouldn’t be dragging this drama onto you. I mean, you barely know him.”

I took a deep breath. “I know a little. I think he’s going through something... difficult. From what I’ve seen of him... he looks like he’s really struggling.”

Gavin looked at me, pensively. “I wish he was here... I wish I could be there for him. I wish he would just let me in, for fuck’s sake.”

Another breath, still barely able to push through the storm surging within me. “What would you tell him?” I looked at him. “I can pass a message along.”

“I... I just want to know if we’re still friends, I guess...” he said, sniffing, “I want to know if he’s doing okay. I want to help him.”

I froze for a moment, until finally, something broke inside me. In a single sweeping motion, I wrapped my arms around him.

He was warm, his breath fell on my neck as he gasped in surprise. I was just as surprised, myself, but I needed to do this. I needed to be there for him, even if I couldn’t be who he expected. 

“He’s lucky to have you,” I said, “You’re a good friend... You obviously care so much about him and... I think you need to trust him. Give him a chance to get some things worked out. I’m sure he’ll open up when he can.”

We just sort of stood there, me wrapped around him. Our warmth mingled for a small eternity before we broke apart.

“S-sorry,” I sputtered, blushing, “you... you looked like you needed that.”

He laughed. “Yeah... thanks...” He looked me over for a moment. “Sorry, Zoey... here I am completely screwing up a perfectly good day together with my issues.”

“Hey,” I said reproachfully, “nuh uh... you’re allowed to have feelings, Gavin. And I don’t mind helping you through a difficult time. That’s what friends are for.”

His smile widened and my heart melted. “Thanks... that means a lot.”

We walked a little further. “So... uh... you’re in high school right?”

I nodded. “Yeah... sixteen.”

“Same...” he said, chucking, “I mean that’s the best part of the whole digitized avatar thing in RoEM. Everyone is who they are. Nobody is pretending to be someone they aren’t.”

I winced internally. I knew he didn’t mean it to sting, but it still hurt. “Uh huh...” I said more distantly.

Gavin picked up on my discomfort surprisingly quickly, frowning. “Uh... did I say something wrong?”

I sighed, quietly trying to arrange words in my head as we approached the tree. “I... it was kind of hard going through digitizing. I’m not really super comfortable with how I look and it’s really rough to be around all these people.”

Gavin blinked at me, brows knitted together. “Seriously?”

I rounded on him, outraged. How could he be so blasé about it?! “Yes…” I said, hands on hips. 

He held up his hands. “I mean... you look incredible though... beautiful...” He slapped his hands over his mouth. “I mean.... sorry... I didn’t mean to come off like that... I mean you are, but I don’t want you to think that I’m a creeper and... shit...” He snapped his mouth shut, took a deep breath and resumed speaking. “I don’t want to minimize your feelings, but in my humble opinion, I think you look great.” He looked at me, uneasily searching my face for any kind of tell or hint of anger.

Instead, I found myself bursting out laughing. It was just so impossible to react in any other way. It was so refreshing to see Gavin, the calm and confident one between the two of us get so flustered.

Of course it was because I was a girl now. Because no matter how confident he was, he was still talking to a pretty girl and all his brains had been scrambled by my feminine charms. It was just so funny to see. And... I had to admit it...

“You’re cute...” I said, the words just flowing out without hesitation or fear. “And I appreciate it. Really...” I found my face heating up a little as something began to sink in. Gavin... couldn’t have a crush on me... could he?

“Excuse me!?”

Marianne’s voice carried out behind us and as me and Gavin looked over our shoulders, we were alarmed to see Marianne stabbing an accusatory finger at Syd. Syd was holding out his hands defensively, but I noticed his tail was arched like it was ready to snap like a whip at any moment.

The two of us rushed over and I had to nudge Marianne backwards a little before she leapt on the scalefolk man. “What’s going on?” I asked, trying to keep a level tone.

“Did you know?!” said Marianne, turning to face me. “Did you know what these two do?”

I blinked, confused.

“Did you know that these two were pirates, Zoey?” 

I didn’t know how piracy was looked at by the rest of the world, but  judging from Marianne’s reaction, she had objections. 

“Is... is it that bad?” I asked, backing away. “I mean... they don’t hurt anybody...”

“Don’t hurt anybody?!” said Marianne incredulously, “Zoey, they steal from ships! They attack them, fight their crew and capture them. They ransom their captives, and if they don’t pay they KILL them! Pirates are VERY bad!”

“I was just about to say...” hissed Syd, “that it isn’t like that before you jumped into a tirade to bite my head off.”

Marianne shot an ugly look at Gavin, and pointed to the sword hanging from his belt. “See... now I have half a mind to take that weapon from you here and now. I helped Zoey make that because I trusted you, and now I find out that you could be using it to butcher innocent people?! No... hand it over.”

Gavin looked down at it for a tense moment, before nodding and unbelting it and handing the blade over to Marianne. “Can I say something? Before we go anywhere further with this?”

Marianne snapped it out of his hands. “Fine. It would give me plenty of time to call up the guards to have you hauled away.”

Syd’s face drew together tightly and he looked at Gavin with a very hard glare. “We should go.”

“No,” said Gavin, his voice firm. “I have nothing to run from.” He looked at me. “Zoey? Can you please hear me out here?”

I nodded and placed a hand on Marianne’s shoulder. She was tense, but I saw her purse her lips and fall silent, nodding a fraction of an inch.

Gavin took a deep breath before speaking again. “I don’t know if you know what it’s like around Duneport. I’m sure that you know it as a den of thieves and scoundrels and all of the worst kinds of people. It’s a pirate haven, after all.”

Marianne nodded.

“We steal... it’s true...” he continued. “We take things that don’t belong to us. But the people of Duneport don’t have any other way to live!” He balled up his fists. “They lost everything after the Purge! The place was looted and burned to the ground! And after the humans left, it was the crooked Council that picked up the pieces! They tax everything and everyone! They bought up everything and now the city lives under their cruelty! Everyone lives in poverty! So yeah, we steal... but only because they’ve stolen from us first!”

I blinked in shock. Gavin had never told me that. He’d made it out to be a life of adventure on the high seas, but he never said it was about some kind of rebellion.

“You could leave...” said Marianne, her stance less firm. “That’s what my family did when Stonebridge fell. You don't need to stay there.”

Syd gave a mirthless laugh. “Where would we go? The Wastes of the desert are a week's worth of travel to cross, and even if they could afford to leave, they’d be completely unable to find work or shelter elsewhere.” He crossed his arms, “we know what you people think of us. Who would hire or shelter someone from a land of thieves?”

Marianne bit her lip, “...But... you... you hurt people...” she said, much less sure of herself.

“Listen, Marianne... I’ve never taken a life before. And I hope I never have to...” said Gavin, leaning down a bit to draw to eye level. “Our captain is extremely clear that we are never to take a life unless absolutely necessary.” He sighed. “I won’t lie... there are other pirate crews that are worse than us. They do some awful things. But that isn’t us.”

Marianne seemed to consider it for a moment. She looked at me. “Do you really trust them?”

I nodded. The Gavin I knew was nothing like those “grief eaters” or the “laughing dead.” He was and still remained the kindest, sweetest and best friend I’ve ever known. “I do...” I said simply.

Marianne nodded, hesitantly, “Okay... so you two are here because Zoey trusts you...” she handed back Gavin’s sword, “but to be clear... the people of this city don’t need any more violence. Don’t start trouble.”

“This isn’t like Duneport,” Gavin said, shaking his head as he belted his sword again, “I don’t see the kind of poverty and pain here. I wouldn’t take away the peace you have here for anything.” He frowned. “Just remember that while you have this peace, others aren’t so lucky.”

Marianne frowned, but didn’t reply.

I stared at Gavin, awed. I didn’t quite know what had happened to the casual, easy-going boy I used to know. I realized that the game had changed him. Or maybe it was always there and the game just brought it to the surface. It had certainly done something to me.

I found myself staring at him, bringing some kind of fluttery feeling settling in my stomach. I had to look away when he glanced at me. We awkwardly stood there for a moment before, gratefully, Syd spoke up.

“Well, as fun as this has been,” he said, deadpan, “I’m hungry enough to eat a camel. Can we start looking for somewhere to grab a meal?”

I found my own stomach growling sympathetically. “I agree. To the Acorn Pub?”

Marianne nodded and we approached the tree.

Again, we all stepped into the baskets and were essentially catapulted to the upper part of the tree. And, while I wasn’t quite paralyzed like I used to be, I still hated it. My stomach was still settling where it was supposed to be while Gavin and Syd seemed no worse for the wear.

“Wooo!” exclaimed Gavin, his eyes lit up and he threw his hands over his head. “Holy shit that was a rush! You guys do that every day?!”

Marianne smiled in amusement. “Yes, I suppose so.”

“Fuck...” said Gavin, cackling, “that’s awesome.”

I shakily tried to keep my footing, shooting an ugly look at Gavin. Unbelievable.

Gavin looked at me, and his expression changed to concern. He offered me a hand. “Hey, you okay?”

I waived it off. “Fine... just really hate those baskets. Just give me a second.”

Gavin nodded and gave me the space to collect myself. God I hated those damn baskets. I’d rather climb the tree by hand and jump off the branches to get up and down!

We made our way clockwise around the spiraling tree. Gavin looked in awe at the panorama of the forest surrounding us, and the sheer height of the giant tree. “Holy shit, what a view...” gasped Gavin.

“Yeah,” I said shakily, “the ride is awful but it’s still worth it to look at all this.”

He nodded, unable to speak.

“I’m kind of jealous of you, Gavin,” I said, smiling at him, “you’ve seen so much of this world... I’ve never left Whiteoak Falls.”

Gavin chuckled. “Not gonna lie... if I spawned here, I wouldn’t want to leave either...”

We stepped into the Acorn Pub, absolutely packed with people for the weekend. It was still every bit a noisy, raucous bar carved out of the wood around it. The walls had various beasts I didn’t recognize carved into the walls, the tables sprouted out of the floor like mushrooms, and around the central pillar was a spiral shelf of alcohol inlaid into a pillar, with the bar surrounding it.

Gavin and Syd made a beeline for it, as we followed. 

The bartender, a gruff dwarf with an eyepatch, glanced at the two of them. “What can I get you gentlemen?”

“Cactus juice if you have it,” said Syd.

“Honey banana rum, please,” said Gavin.

The bartender chuckled. “You folks aren’t from around here, I take it.”

“They’re visiting,” I said, sitting down beside them.

The bartender nodded. “I think I have some of the specialty stuff in the basement. Can I get you two ladies anything?”

“The usual for the two of us, Alexi,” said Marianne, nodding to him.

“Of course,” said the bartender, “if you’ll excuse me.” He leaned down, opened a trap door and disappeared beneath it.

While he was gone, I rounded on Gavin. “What are you doing!?” I hissed.

“What?” asked Gavin, blinking in surprise.

“You’re not old enough to drink!” I insisted.

Gavin continued blinking for a fraction of a second before bursting out laughing. “Uh, Zoey? We’re not in Kansas anymore. And I don’t think it counts, given that it’s...” Gavin glanced at Marianne and Syd for a moment. “RoEM...” he more mouthed the word than said it out loud.

I nodded, but still felt guilty. Obviously there was no danger of being hurt by drinking alcohol in RoEM, but given my parents, I still felt unbelievably awkward about it. It was like they had shoved tiny versions of themselves in my skull that would constantly criticize everything I did.

I mean, obviously they’d be more upset about the whole “dressed as a girl” thing, but alcohol would be a close second.

After the bartender returned with drinks, he took our food orders. Marianne got a blackberry salad. I got the same pottage I usually got and encouraged Gavin to do the same. Syd ordered something with live bugs that I didn’t want to even think about. 

“So, how was the trip up here?” asked Marianne, looking at Gavin and Syd.

The two of them exchanged glances and came out with the same reply. “Hot.”

“The dune wastes are a nightmare to travel through,” said Gavin, shaking his head. “Bandits, sandstorms and the freaking sand worms... ugh.”

“There’s a reason why caravans charge a premium,” said Syd, taking a pull of his drink. “It’s dangerous out there. The only reason we got a decent rate was because we agreed to act as protection. It’s going to be a miserable trip back.”

“Why not stay here?”

Again, my mouth ran off without consulting me. I had just been staring at Gavin, and quietly wishing for it and it just... slipped out.

Gavin laughed, raising his glass in acknowledgment. “I appreciate the invitation... but we have people counting on us back in Duneport. I can’t leave them hanging.”

“Right...” I said, feeling my cheeks burn as I turned my gaze to the bar. Engrossed in the stained wood grain, all I could ask myself is what the hell was wrong with me?!

I downed my own drink in a single gulp. It burned. I never really took the time to ask if it was alcoholic, and truthfully, I would have had no ability to tell for myself. My head was certainly spinning, but it was more from these strange feelings that were coursing through me.

I chanced a look at Gavin, and upon seeing his face, his smile, I went right back to that dizzying feeling again. What was wrong with me? This was my best friend! I had known him forever! Why would I feel so darn nervous and jittery around him like this? There was no chance that he would realize who I used to be! I mean... he thought I was cute for goodness sake!

And why did that make the dizzy feeling worse? I remembered Marianne complimenting me like that, and I liked it, but this feels different. It feels... more intense.

I gritted my teeth as the blush seemed to burn deeper. What was I doing?! I was acting like a girl with...

with

a

crush…

I snapped upright, alarmed. I nearly lost my balance on my barstool and had to grab onto the person next to me for support.

Who was, in fact, Gavin.

I was grabbing his broad, tight shoulders for balance and he scooped around my waist.

“You okay?!” he said, alarmed.

“Y-yeah,” I squeaked. “I lost my balance.”

“Just be careful, yeah?” he said. He indicated my drink. “What’s in that?”

“Mostly tree sap and flowers,” said Marianne lazily. “Barely stronger than water.”

“I just slipped,” I insisted, not meeting Gavin’s gaze.

“Okay, okay,” said Gavin, raising his hands in surrender. I found myself missing his touch and my imagination supplied me with the image of leaning against him and him wrapping his arms around my waist. My head pushed it away as the revelation hit me hard.

Oh fuck, I had a crush on Gavin. 

I was gay!

Well, I supposed I was technically straight, given the fact that I was a girl, at least on the inside. But regardless, it felt like it had come entirely out of nowhere. Where the hell had these feelings been this whole time? I’d never felt anything like this when we were hanging out before. Of course I liked him, as any friend would, but it wasn’t like I wanted to kiss him or anything!

But, I never really wanted to kiss anyone, back then. Who would want to? I looked gross... disgusting... nobody would like me, boy or girl.

I certainly didn’t like myself.

But, as I glanced into a mirror across from me, set into the bar shelves, I realized that this had changed. I was pretty now. I did like myself. I could be worthy of being liked. And as this new part of me was growing, all these feelings were blooming in me too.

I found myself fantasizing about what it would be like. To kiss him. To run my fingers through his hair. To feel him holding me in his arms. 

I shook my head. No. Stop. Don’t be stupid. Gavin is a guy, dummy! This is gay! You know what he’s got between his legs! You seriously want that?!

But, I realized, if I had something else between mine, then-

My brain shut down for a while at that point. Overloaded. The bartender set down the steaming bowl of pottage in front of me and I spooned it into my mouth without really thinking. Gavin said something, something about the food being good, and I vaguely agreed. My body was on autopilot as I waited for my brain to reboot. There was simply the taste of delicious pottage and the stillness of my own mind. It was strangely peaceful.

Eventually, we finished our meals. Gavin and Marianne both fished out their wallets and eyed each other for a moment.

“You’re our guests,” said Marianne, keeping her eye locked on him. “I’ll cover the check.”

Gavin shook his head. “You’re showing us around the city. At least let us treat you.”

Me and Syd sort of exchanged a long-suffering look between us. I took the plunge in breaking it up. “Marianne, let Gavin pay for lunch. You can cover dinner, okay?”

Marianne frowned for another minute, but nodded and pocketed her coinpurse. Gavin sighed and fished out some gold coins and slid them to the barman.

He gratefully took them, but frowned as he examined them. “Don’t see much Duneport coinage around these parts,” Alexi grunted, holding up the coin. He peered closely at the two of them. “What brings you two around Whiteoak Falls?”

I stepped up. “They needed a forging done and we helped. Gavin is a friend, Alexi.” I gave him a level look and the barman nodded and pocketed the coins.

As soon as we stepped out into the fresh air, I couldn’t help but shake my head. “What was that about?!” I asked the three of them. “Who cares where they come from?”

“Duneport has a reputation, girl,” said Syd, shrugging his scaled shoulders, “only kind of folk who have real money from Duneport are criminals.”

“Which you are,” said Marianne, eyebrow raised.

“Please don’t start this again, Marianne,” I sighed, sagging with dread. “Gavin is a friend, okay? Can we please treat him like one?”

She held up her hands. “Sorry.”

Gavin gave me a warm smile. “Thanks, Zoey.”

I felt that warm feeling in my gut again, and I realized that it hadn’t been a fluke or just hunger pangs. This wasn’t going away. I had to put a stop to it. I couldn’t let this drive our relationship off a cliff. 

I had to tell the truth.

“Hey... Marianne? Syd? Can you give me and Gavin a moment alone? We need to talk about something private.”

The two of them exchanged looks. Syd quirked his head to Gavin, who nodded. “It’s okay.”

Syd sighed, and took a step back. Marianne turned to leave. “We’ll be by the butcher, clockwise around the tree. We’ll see you there.” They both gave us the distance and left us alone.

My heart was pounding in my chest, and I felt my body shaking with terror of what I was about to do. I had to forcefully remind myself that Gavin was a friend. And... he would remain one no matter what. He wasn’t a member of my gay-hating church... he was a good person. Like Beth, Anika, Paige, Ruth or Molly. I could trust him.

I took a deep breath and looked him square in the face. Gavin looked confused, staring blankly at me in anticipation.

“This has been fun,” I began, stepping closer.

“Oh... yeah...” said Gavin, smiling in a way that made my stomach start spinning. “This has been great. Like... it’s nice to just have this time to chill... no raids or seasickness... just hanging out...” He sighed. “I wish he could have been here for it... but...” His eyes looked deeply into my own. “I’m glad we met, Zoey. You... you’re really... great...” He blushed and looked away.

I winced. I had to come clean. “I... I have something I need to tell you... something important...” I said, balling up my fists. “I don’t want to ruin this, but I don’t want to give you the wrong idea either...”

Gavin pursed his lips. “Ah... no, it’s fine...” He shook his head. “I get it...”

I laughed. I honestly couldn’t help it. Gavin was completely clueless. “I doubt that... seriously.”

“It’s okay...” said Gavin, holding up his hands. “I’m not upset. It’s fine. I’m totally not that kind of guy...”

I blinked. Wait... did he actually-

“It’s... okay?” I said, eying him closely. 

“Yeah... if you’re not into anything serious right now, I respect that... We can just be friends.”

I continued to stare at him, trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about. Right up until the point that it hit home.

“What?! Oh! No no no no no no...” I shook my head. “That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Oh... oh sorry...” Gavin said, blushing, “sorry... I just assumed...”

“I... uh...”

“Because I might have come on a little strong.”

“No... I...”

“And you looked super nervous... so I just thought... you were going to tell me that you weren’t interested...”

“No! I am! But-“

I slapped my hand over my mouth as it slipped out. Gavin stopped too, not quite meeting my gaze.

“I... I mean...” I sputtered. “I... Gavin...” I had to clamp my mouth shut, take in a deep breath and exhale it through my nose before I could continue. It was so hard to put words together with my heart hammering in my head like this.

Okay... I had admitted it to both him and myself. There was no point in denying it.

“I like you... a lot... and I’d like to continue to get to know you,” I said, forcing my gaze on the ground, “but I can’t do that unless I’m completely honest with you. There’s something I have to tell you first-“

“Nice sword...”

That voice was neither mine nor Gavin’s. It was like rough sandpaper. A growl and a leer all wrapped in a pair of words. I turned to look around for the source, only to have a rough hand slapped onto my face, covering over my mouth and another hand wrapped around my waist and digging in with their fingertips.

I immediately tried to scream and fight through their grip, but they had caught me by surprise and had the leverage. Their arms felt like bars of iron. I frantically looked to Gavin for support who reached for his sword, his eyes locked on the person holding me.

The hand went around my throat and jerked my body towards the balcony overlooking the tree, him walking backwards toward it. “Careful there, loverboy...” growled the voice, “one wrong move and me and your girlfriend go on a little trip to the ground floor.” He chuckled. “She respawns on the other side of the world and you never see her again.”

“Gavin, don’t-“

The hand tightened around my throat. It hurt and the rest of my words were drowned out by my choking. His nails were digging into my throat like tiny arrowheads.

“Wait!” snapped Gavin, his eyes wide, as he went to hold up his hands. He carefully reached for his belt, unclipped in from his waist and slowly knelt to the ground to set it onto the wooden floor. “Okay...” he said, standing up straight, “I’ll walk away... you let her go.”

The voice laughed. “Yeah sure.” He spun around and with a hard shove, he pushed me. The force drove my stomach against the railing. It drove the wind out of me and I felt sick at the blow. And my stomach nearly leaped out of me when I began to lose my balance from the impact and threatened to topple over the railing and onto the ground below.

Gavin rushed over to help me, which kept me from tumbling over. My heart was racing in my chest as I took stock of what was happening. I could barely breathe. It felt like a nightmare. I spun around to see a taller figure, lean. He was wearing an ill-fitting cloak that looked like it had been scavenged from bedclothes or something. He had an unshaven face and a buzzed down haircut with a manic smile on his face which gleamed under his hood.

And most importantly he now had a sword pointed at us. “Thanks, now you two can die together.”

He raised up the sword to swing at us. 

Gavin reacted quicker than I would have thought. He lowered his head and rushed him like a linebacker. He shoulder-checked him backwards and knocked him off his feet. The attacker was more surprised than hurt, but reacted quickly.

Gavin made a move to kick him while he was knocked over, but the attacker caught his foot and twisted to drive him to the ground as well. The attacker leaped to his feet ready to raise the sword again.

As soon as the fighting started, I began frantically looking around for anything I could use to help. And... leaning up against a nearby storefront, I saw it.

A long, sturdy, wooden broom. Probably left by a shopkeeper. I rushed past him, which caused him to again be distracted from his attack. I seized the broom and readied it against him just in time to raise it against his next attack.

The attacker laughed, still brandishing the sword against us. “Seriously?” he choked out between cackles. “You fucking kidding me?”

The pottage inside me sloshed dangerously, but my lessons from Marianne started arranging themselves in my head and muscle memory settled into my body. I gritted my teeth. “Leave him alone,” I said, my voice surprising me with its authority, “I mean it. Drop that sword or you’re going to get hurt.”

“Oh holy shit... I’m going to enjoy this...” cackled the griefer, moving his stolen sword to attack.

But he was slow. Sloppy. He couldn’t hold a candle to Marianne’s teaching. Seizing the broom in both hands, I slapped the blade away with a loud rattling of wood on steel.

The attacker was surprised again, not expecting my speed or skill. His eyes widened in shock as his attack fell wide. But then he started laughing. It was a cackling, poisonous laugh... the kind you heard from people who didn’t care about anything around them... the people who just wanted to hurt others.

It reminded me of Jacob. And as I heard it flow out of him, I knew in my heart that there was no reasoning with this person. Whereas Steven had shown regret and the ability to see the pain in another, this griefer simply didn’t care. He enjoyed the pain, and I had to stop him from creating more.

“Oh come on bitch,” he leered, “let’s go... come on. Let’s see what you can do with that.”

I smirked. I’d show him something, all right.

It wasn’t a move I had personally used, but I’d seen Marianne do it enough times that I understood the basics. A thrust was a difficult skill from what I had seen. You were putting the singular point of your weapon, barely an inch across at best, through your opponent at a distance. It was a way to keep them at bay and attack from relative safety.

But it also meant that if you missed, you would give your opponent an opportunity. One that this griefer would likely capitalize on.

My mind went back to the first lesson. See the advantages of your weapon and use them against your opponent. Wait for your opening and drive it home.

Right now, my weapon was a broom. A broom with a wide brush on the end that wouldn’t do any real damage. But it would be damn uncomfortable.

I lunged forward, pressing the bristles into the griefer’s face. He shouted in annoyance, using his sword to wildly swat it away. They weren’t going to do anything permanent but he would certainly want them out of his face.

But most importantly, it blinded him. It would cause him to swing at random. And put him off-balance as he defended himself.

The moment his weapon was entirely out of position to defend, I drew back and cracked him over the head with the full force of the handle.

It broke the broom, which snapped with the sound of a gunshot. The attacker looked more confused than anything else. He attempted to fight back, but he waved the sword around as if he had briefly forgotten how his arms worked.

Me and Marianne hadn’t really covered much hand-to-hand stuff, but she did teach me a useful technique to use when you had an empty hand to spare.

I dodged to the right, out of the direct path of the sword, and the attacker was too dazed to follow my movement as I closed in on him.

I drew back an arm, curled my fingers back to reveal the flat of my palm, and slammed the heel of my hand right into his jaw.

Something snapped rather unpleasantly, and his body collapsed, with his chin very visibly out of alignment as his head slammed into the ground.

I sagged, feeling the world slip back into place with a horrible, sick feeling in my guts.

People were screaming, shouting for the guards. I could see Gavin struggling to get to his feet, his eyes wide. There was a crowd that was now drawing closer since it appeared that the human attacker had been defeated.

I heard a single voice cutting over the noise.

“ZOEY! OH MY GODS! ZOEY ARE YOU OKAY!? GET OUT OF THE WAY! SHE’S MY FRIEND!”

Dimly... I turned over to see Marianne pushing frantically through the crowds. I felt Gavin wrap his arms around me, and while it was warm... I couldn’t really get my head around the sensation at the moment.

Everything felt cold. I just stared at the still-unmoving body of the griefer. Underneath his cloak was the same white tunic all new, male players spawned into the game with. Was he new? Was he a seasoned griefer who had just respawned and wanted another shot at stealing and killing their way to victory?

Did he have a name? He was maybe a few years older than me, from my best estimates. He was angry... angry that I had ruined his fun. Taken away his chance to play the game his way.

And if he died now... he’d just come back and do it again to someone else.

Another one. They had kept coming. And there was no stopping them.

I shuddered. I pressed myself into Gavin, looking for any kind of comfort. And it all just fell apart. The wall holding back all the fear and pain just crumbled. I started crying... big wet, hot tears just pouring out of me... I sobbed and sobbed into his shirt, and he held me against him.

I don’t know how long it took me to pull myself together again, but when I looked around us, there were a few things that had changed.

For a start, a few members of the town guard had arrived, Leon and Frieda among them. They were talking to the surrounding people, apparently trying to get statements.

One of them was in the process of tying up the griefer in thick rope, binding his arms and ankles. He was moaning in pain, but aside from that he offered no resistance.

The other change was that Gresh was now here, talking at length with Marianne as she stood some distance away. They hugged, clearly grateful for each other’s presence.

Leon, who had been talking to Syd, noticed I wasn’t a sobbing wreck anymore and excused himself to approach me.

Gavin pulled me a little closer, protectively. I set a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay,” I murmured, “he’s a friend.”

“Zoey...” breathed Leon, “thank god... Are you okay?”

“I’m... not hurt...” I hedged.

“I heard that you put up a hell of a fight,” said Leon, grinning, “Marianne’s been training you well.”

I kind of shrugged. It wasn’t the kind of fight you saw in movies or other video games. It wasn’t a flashy, choreographed sequence. It was just a tense moment followed by a blurred, sloppy mess of moves that only barely resolved themselves into me being upright and the other person being knocked out.

“I guess...” I said, still not quite feeling the reality of the situation, “He... he grabbed me from behind... he wanted Gavin’s sword. Threatened to throw me off the tree. So he gave it to him... and he tried to kill both of us. I grabbed a broom and...” I shook my head, the fight had felt ponderously slow in the moment, but looking back, it was all an ugly blur.

“Got it...” said Leon, “that lines up with what everyone else is telling us.” He looked behind me to Gavin. “Uh... sorry, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Leon.”

Gavin nodded, tersely. “Gavin.” His voice was cold and he didn’t say anything further.

Leon didn’t seem to take the reaction personally. He just nodded and turned back to me. “So... uh... in a normal situation we would take you back to the guardhouse and take a full statement, get all the paperwork sorted... the usual... but right now, things aren’t exactly usual...”

He leaned in closer. “Have you had the chance to catch up on the Guardians server? You got the invite, right?”

I nodded. “I really only got the chance to skim it. There was a lot of stuff.”

He nodded, sighing. “Fair... well here’s the scoop: all of the griefer channels are lighting up and talking about a big, coordinated event. We’ve talked with Steven and he’s confirmed that his friends in the Steel Crusade are out for blood. They’re all looking for weapons for a massive raid. I’m assuming they wanted Gavin’s sword to add to their arsenal.”

I winced. “It’s... it’s going to be another Purge... isn’t it?”

He shook his head. “Not if we can help it. We have more people now than we did during the beta... and now we know that they’re planning this. We aren’t unprepared this time, Zoey... we’re going to fight this.”

I nodded, pushing myself to my feet. I was still shaky, unsteady and leaning against Gavin for support, but I knew what I needed to do.

“What can I do to help?” I asked, my voice firm.

Leon chuckled. “Well clearly fighting isn’t going to be a problem for you...  and you’ve already proven yourself able to talk people down... so the only other thing we need right now is information. We need to figure out what they’re planning. They’re going to have targets in mind and strategies to inflict the most damage. We need to be prepared.”

He looked over to Gavin. “We could always use more help.”

Gavin considered it for a moment, but shook his head. “Sorry... I already have a calling waiting for me back in Duneport, lawman.”

He held up his hands. “Fair enough. I’ve heard it’s the toughest spawn in RoEM. I’m all for seeing it become safer.”

Gavin raised an eyebrow. He glanced at me, as if trying to see if Leon was joking or not. “You do know that saving Duneport means fighting the...” he cleared his throat and put on a sort of upper-crust accent, “‘duly appointed authority and law keepers of the great city of Duneport’?”

“Pardon my French, but fuck the authority,” said Leon, crossing his arms, “and yes that includes me. I’m working to change it, but there’s a long way to go. I’m not thrilled about being what amounts to a cop, but it gives me resources to actually get our voices heard. Of course, the Mayor and guard captain of the town aren’t taking this threat seriously and it’s only a handful of us who don’t have our heads up our asses, but it’s something.”

He shook his head. “We’ll do what we can. If we have to go back to fighting our last stand to save others then we will.”

I nodded, determination burning through me. Gavin sighed helplessly.

“Well, given that the caravan back to Duneport isn’t going to be back for a while, I guess I’m stuck here... you need a sword, you got one,” he said, throwing up his arms. He looked to Syd, expectantly. “You hear that Syd? Long as we’re here, people like that...” he stabbed a finger at the griefer as he was carted away. “We’re taking them down.”

Syd sighed wearily. “You said this was just going to be a visit. I wasn’t expecting a war, Gavin.”

He crossed his arms, “Captain told you to keep me safe.”

The scalefolk grinned, his jagged teeth clearly visible. “The easiest way to do that would be to knock you out and tie you up alongside Zoey.” He pointed at him. “I have half a mind to tear that blood bond off your skin, given the trouble you’re causing me.”

Gavin rolled up his arm to show the tattoo. “Come and take it.”

I looked from one to the other, not quite sure if they were about to fight or not. Even Leon, tough as he was, didn’t quite seem to understand it. But after a moment, the both of them broke out laughing and seemed to come to some sort of agreement, as Syd raised a claw and waved him off.

“Tell Steven...” I mumbled to Leon “I’m sorry for not visiting.”

“I will... I think he’ll understand that you’ve been through a lot,” said Leon, nodding. “I’m hoping that with the upcoming court case, we might be able to get him out on bond. Seamus said that he was willing to drop charges if Steven made amends for lost business. It’s definitely a start.”

I sighed in relief. “That’s good...”

“Well... as long as you’re unharmed, I would say you’re free to go, Zoey,” said Leon, straightening up. “Take care and keep an eye out. Check the server when you wake up, yeah?”

I nodded. “Thanks Leon. I... I think we’re going to be able to stop this.”

He smiled, “I appreciate your enthusiasm. Truly. We need that attitude more than anything.” He gave me a salute, “keep up the fight, Guardian.”

And with that, he left. Leaving me and Gavin standing arm in arm.

I realized that I had been in his arms since the fight ended and I was torn on how I wanted to address the issue. On one hand, I was entirely too exhausted and confused to try to unpack my feelings for Gavin at the moment.

But on the other hand, I felt safe with him. So I continued to lean against him.

“Uh...” I said, unsure of what to say, “so... I think... our tour of the city is over for the day... um... maybe you and Syd could join us for dinner at our place? I guess we have a sack of potatoes we can do something with.”

“Of course...” said Gavin, nodding, that would be great. “Uh... me and Syd have had enough excitement, I think.”

“Yeah...” I breathed. “Let’s go...”

We regrouped and, with a little convincing, I got Marianne to let us host Gavin and Syd. It was going to be a tight fit, and I wasn’t certain how I was going to cook a meal for everyone, but, at this moment... I was craving something cozy. Normal. Safe.

We walked back to our apartment in silence, and given the scale of the day we’d had, it was understandable. I had more or less recovered from the fight, but in spite of that, I still found my hand wrapped in Gavin’s. It was warm, but his hands were also kind of rough, probably from the work he did on the ship... the fighting. I probably had the same, just from all the hammering and training.

We had so much in common, now more than ever. I was beginning to build up to the trust of telling him the truth about myself.

But not now. Tomorrow. Today was too much.

We stepped into our apartment and Gavin actually whistled in appreciation. “Damn... you got a freaking armory of gear in here, Marianne!”

Marianne sighed. “They’re relics of Stonebridge Pass. Memorials to the fallen.”

Gavin winced guiltily, “S-sorry... I didn’t mean to be rude...”

She set down the bag of potatoes with a thump. “Zoey, you want to help me wash these and get them peeled? Syd, Gavin, could you get that stove up to heat?”

“Aye aye,” said Syd, picking up a piece of wood next to the stove. Marianne nodded and dragged me into the washroom, pressing a knife into my hand.

I really hadn’t done anything like this before. Mom had always done the cooking at home. But Marianne had served as a forgiving teacher and I quickly fell into pace with her in washing the potatoes and peeling them over the “drain” in the floor.

“How are you doing?” asked Marianne, her voice low.

I shook my head, “I’m... I’m just overwhelmed. Like... completely tapped out.”

She nodded. “That’s fair. It’s been a day.” She worked a little more before she spoke again. “I can see why your friendship with Gavin is complicated.”

I froze, looking at her carefully. Had she figured it out? What would she say?

“You like him,” she said, smiling.

I winced. “Is it that obvious?”

“Even the scalefolk caught it,” she snorted, “Look... I know as well as anyone that relationships can be… tangled. But as you learned today... life is short. Cherish those feelings.”

I gritted my teeth. “I... I just don’t want to ruin what we have.”

She shook her head. “Look... me and Gresh are still friends after everything. And I think Gavin is cut from the same cloth. Even if it doesn’t work out... I’m sure you’ll be able to remain friends.”

I nodded. Tomorrow, I reminded myself.

The work went quickly. With the potatoes and a selection of ingredients from the pantry, we made some kind of dwarven mashed potato stew/porridge with loads of garlic that smelled incredible. Syd didn’t quite find it to taste, but ate it regardless. Me and Gavin essentially emptied the pot together, given our appetites. 

As we cleaned up the dishes together, Gavin and Syd actually broke into song. Apparently it was something they did on those long days at sea. It was sort of a shanty that kind of bounced from one singer to the other, and while I couldn’t quite follow the lyrics, I still found myself clapping and humming along.

I didn’t want it to end. I would fight a million griefers, just for more time like this. Just nestled next to Gavin, listening to him laugh and sing. Eating delicious food and just... feeling at home.

But it grew late, and with the apartment cramped as it was, Syd and Gavin had to head back to the inn they were staying at.

“I’ll catch up,” called out Gavin, waving off Syd as he closed the apartment door behind him. Syd nodded and set out, leaving me and Gavin standing in front of the apartment, on the stone balcony. It was fairly dark, as the only light was a scattering of lanterns around the area.

We stood there, staring into one another’s eyes. My heart pounded in my chest. 

“This was fun,” breathed Gavin.

“Yeah...” I said, staring back at him. He was maybe a few inches taller than me, but he loomed at this moment.

“Uh... I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” he said, “Like... nine? I can pick you up here.”

“I... I’d like that,” I said, smiling as my heart felt like it would leap out of my chest.

“Okay...” said Gavin, nodding, “then... I’ll see you tomorrow.” I turned to leave... and my hand shot out and grabbed his arm. I wasn’t fully aware of what I was doing at the moment. I knew there was something I should say... but couldn’t find the words. I just... found myself drawing closer to him.

And he did the same... we were close, and his breath was warm on my face.

I pressed my lips into his. 

I’d never kissed anyone before, and I’m sure it was sloppy and wet and probably uncomfortable. But, Gavin didn’t seem to mind as he returned the gesture, making his mouth soft as he melted into our embrace. My head seemed to explode. My body felt like it was on fire and I wrapped my arms around him, holding onto him tightly and never, ever wanting to let him go.

But, we broke for breath... and as we just stared at each other in the dim cavelight... there was a sort of quiet moment of serenity between us. Things had changed. They were scarier now, more complicated... but I didn’t want it to be anything else. I wanted him. I was in love with him, and gender or virtual reality didn’t make any difference in that matter.

“G-goodnight...” I said, stepping back to the door, “Gavin.”

“Goodnight Zoey...” he said, still looking to be in a daze.

My face still flushed with a torrent of emotions, I opened the door and closed it behind me, leaning my back against it, breathing heavily. It happened. It actually happened.

Marianne peered at me, grinning at me. “Well... that was a bit of a long goodbye.”

I felt my cheeks burn. “Uh...”

“Hey... good for you,” said Marianne, sliding into her bed, “you deserve some happiness. And I think you two make a cute couple.”

Couple. The word felt unreal to me, even if it might actually be true. There really wasn’t time for me to ask if I was his girlfriend or something when we were kissing like that. That was the surreal thing... Gavin might be my boyfriend. I... I could have a boyfriend.

I knew, at least in theory, that it wasn’t gay. He was a boy and I was a girl. But... there was the fact that when I went to sleep on my cot, I would wake up looking like a boy. Maybe it wasn’t exactly gay... but it was in the same ballpark.

And as I lied down, feeling the exhaustion coming over me, I realized that this would make my confession a LOT more difficult. I wanted more of this. I wanted to kiss him more. I wanted him to look at me with those eyes again.

But... how could he ever feel that way about me knowing who I really was?

I was always dreading the process of waking up in the real world. But now... it was a new height of despair.

The dream was going to end now. And it was time to wake up.

_____________________________________________

My eyes opened. Again there was the credits scroll and accompanying music of RoEM that was projected from my REMbox.

I laid there, feeling numb. So much had happened, but the real world remained.

I thought of the kiss. It had felt so real. Granted, I’d never kissed anyone in the real world, but it felt real. I could feel my heart pound in my chest thinking about it.

And other things stirred too.

I winced, as the visceral reminder of my ugly male body set me to sobbing quietly into my pillow. Gavin could never love the real me. He was going to hate me when I told him the truth. He was going to call me a pervert and a freak. He would never speak to me again. I would never feel his body pressed against my own in this world.

My name, the one I hoped to forget, was shouted from downstairs again and I engaged my autopilot and just started trudging through the day. Breakfast. Schoolwork. Lunch. Screen time.

[Hey what’s up?]

I blinked as the message came up on my screen. I looked across the lunch table to a seemingly-disinterested Page who was idly finishing her sandwich and invested on her phone. And yet, she had still reached out.

[What do you mean?]

[Come on, Zoey... you look miserable. I mean, you always look sad when you’re stuck in boy mode, but this looks bad...]

[I... I kissed Gavin.]

[...what?! Like... our old next-door neighbor, Gavin?! When?!]

[We kept in touch after he moved away. Played REMbox together. He visited my village in RoEM looking for boy-me. Met Zoey, instead. We really hit it off and became friends again. Uh... I... I kissed him before I logged off. I think I like him.]

Paige glanced in my direction, briefly breaking her act of nonchalance. Her eyes were wide and she actually mouthed the word “Seriously?” to me. She snapped back to her act as soon as Mom returned to the table.

[Holy shit, sis. Uh... good on him, I guess. Accepting the real you.]

I gritted my teeth, awash in a tidal wave of guilt. [He doesn’t know yet.]

[What?!]

[I was going to tell him! I... I just got sidetracked...]

[You really should tell him, Zoey. He’s your friend and it’s not cool to hold out on him. At the very least, he deserves to know what happened to his original friend before you reboot everything with him.]

[I know... but it’s so complicated now! Like... he’s going to hate me! Say that I tricked him into kissing another boy!]

[You are a girl, okay? Nobody is being misled there. I don’t know what to tell you, but my advice is to come clean. From what I remember, Gavin was actually a pretty cool kid. His parents were definitely not the raging fucksticks that ours are. Hell, the only reason they moved away was because Dad and the neighbors didn’t want to live next to those kinds of people. I think you should be fine.]

[... I’ll try. Later though... I really don’t want to think about it right now...]

[Don’t wait. Me and Ruth learned the hard way that the longer you keep secrets, the worse it gets. We were in denial for a long time and it hurt our relationship the more we refused to handle our feelings for one another.]

[Give me time... please...]

[Okay fine. But in the meantime, how about this: Me and Ruth have been chatting and we think we can get you a little girl time tomorrow.]

[What?!]

Paige chuckled faintly from across the table. [There's a LGBTQ+ meetup at the Rainbow Center downtown. There is also a youth mission trip guest speaker at church around the same time. We tell Mom and Dad we’re doing the church thing and go downtown and be gay instead.]

I considered the possibility. Another chance to dress up and be out and about as Zoey sounded absolutely perfect. [We’re not going to get caught?]

[Dad hasn’t caught me skipping Bible Study for nearly a year. We’ll be fine.]

I wasn’t entirely convinced, but it was the only bright light I had in front of me.

It was at dinner that Paige asked Mom and Dad. “Uh... we’ve been talking,” Paige said, when there was a lull in the conversation, “and we wanted to know if it would be okay to go to see the mission trip speaker at church tomorrow.”

Mom and Dad exchanged glances. “Really?” asked Dad, smiling.

I picked up the thread. “Uh yeah. We’ve been thinking about really stepping into Christian service. Bringing the light of Christ to the people who need him the most.”

“Oh, kids,” cooed Mom, breaking into a watery smile. “That would be fine. We’re really proud to see you taking an interest in your walk of faith.”

“Damn, it’s been forever since my last mission trip,” sighed Dad, leaning back in his chair, “I was about your age. Me and Rich... we had a blast. Really did some powerful work in Mexico.” He shook his head. “Of course we couldn’t send you kids down there now. Place is a hellhole and they’d scoop up a girl like Paige faster than you could say ‘arriba’. Probably want to send you somewhere safer, like Canada.”

Dad seemed to be lost in reminiscence for a while before being brought back to the present. “Okay, cool,” insisted Paige, “so we can borrow the car?”

“Oh, yes, of course,” said Dad distractedly. “You kids would learn a lot. And you have Bible Study with Jacob the day after tomorrow... don’t forget.” He glared at me hard and I nodded in fear. I was dreading it, but there was no way I was getting out of it.

I could only take solace in the opportunity to get some girl time tomorrow to take the pain out of it.

After dinner I took the time to log onto the Guardians of RoEM server again to figure out what was happening. There were a lot of posts being made in the “Current Events” thread and as I really dug deep, I was beginning to see a theme.

Leon had specifically spelled it out.

[As you can see from the above screenshots we pulled from griefer channels, there is a concerted effort to collect weapons caches to arm griefers as they respawn. We unfortunately haven’t been able to find the caches yet, but it does line up with what we’ve been seeing. We have reason to believe they are preparing for a larger scale attack.]

Beth had responded.

[I know there’s been a lot of concern over the number of griefers we will likely be facing, not to mention the cruelty they’ve been showing. There are stories of the griefers engaging in outright terrorism of PCs and NPCs alike. They very much have the power of fear on their side and they are going to be using it.]

HannRKey chimed in.

[For what it’s worth, we have better logistics than they do. All hope is not lost here. We have experienced Guardians who know how to handle online terror both in and out of games. We have resources and knowledge, while the griefers have only numbers and scavenged weapons. The larger trend of time is going to push things in our favor in the end. We have projects like the Hate Register to collect the faces of griefers, you can stop in on the R&D thread to see that we have some technology we’re porting over to RoEM, and we’re working with NPCs to try to get the cities properly fortified. We can do this.]

TwoWheelValkyrie added a post.

[Me and the rest of the Valkyries are still accepting members if you are interested. PM me or GreenWithEnvy. If these assholes want a fight, they’re going to get one. I know not everyone is a fighter, but we need as many as we can get.] 

Leon replied again.

[For those who don’t feel comfortable joining the Valkyries, we do have other options. As the resident human expert on the Whiteoak Falls city watch, I’ve been making progress in getting the mayor and the captain of the guard to take the griefer threat more seriously. We’re going to win this fight as long as we stay together.]

I scanned the channels for any sign of what the Valkyries actually were. I could guess that they were some kind of strike force within the Guardians, trying to take the fight to the griefers directly. There was a channel called “AntiFacistSecretBase” that seemed to be the place to look, but it appeared to be locked save for a single post by GreenWithEnvy.

[This channel is specifically for members of the Valkyries. If you are interested in joining, please PM myself or TwoWheelValkyrie for vetting. To be clear, our aim is to launch pre-emptive strikes on the griefers and take them out. Just remember, It’s gross and uncomfortable work and I don’t expect everyone to have the stomach for it.]

I nodded, wincing as I remembered the fight last night. It still felt jittery thinking about it. The idea of seeking those kinds of fight out… it turned my stomach. I still wasn’t sure if I agreed with their way of doing things… but I couldn’t deny that some griefers simply couldn’t be convinced to stop. I was grateful to see that all the Guardians, despite their differences, were still able to work together.

I actually found myself taking another look at the “R&D” channel of the server but I found myself going a little cross-eyed as I browsed the posts. There was a lot of discussion on chemistry, physics, alchemy and sorcery with messes of diagrams I couldn’t really follow. The major poster, HannRKey, was currently talking about how RoEM’s alchemy system could work to create combustion engines and where TwoWheelValkyrie was talking about the necessary parts of an engine.

They were trying to build something but I couldn’t quite figure out what.

I was interrupted by a message from Gavin.

[Hey.]

I felt my heart race just reading those three letters. The memory of last night in RoEM flooded through me and I felt my body react. I was filled with the memory of the feel and touch and even the scent of that kiss. [Hi.] I replied. It was all I could manage.

[So... uh... I guess I should update you on what happened yesterday. Me and Zoey went on a date.]

I found myself disagreeing even if I couldn’t voice my objection to Gavin. It wasn’t a date! It was... a day out with a friend... which ended in a good night kiss. 

I frowned as I replied. [How did it go?]

[Kind of wild. Marianne kinda got pissed when she found out me and Syd were pirates. We had a good dinner at the Acorn Pub. You were right. It’s good food. And me and Zoey were in the middle of talking when... uh... we got jumped by a griefer. Zoey and me fought him off, though. She kicked his ass with a broom.]

I smiled, swelling with pride. [She’s a good fighter.]

[Yeah. But after everything settled, we went back to Marianne and Zoey’s apartment and had some tasty food and chilled out. And then we left. Going to hang out tomorrow.]

I frowned as Gavin omitted the most important part of the night. Did it matter to him? I felt a little let down that I wasn’t hearing him talking about his feelings. Did he feel the same way I did? [So you and Zoey are really hitting it off?]

There was a hesitation. I could see the indicator that Gavin was typing. It stuttered in and out, as if he was typing and backspacing and typing again. Finally, three words resolved themselves in the client.

[I’m in love.]

I was in my room, and I was grateful because I made a sort of primal noise as I read those words. I felt physical agony at not being able to tell him the same. I found my hands typing out the words, “I love you too” before I forced myself to hit backspace. I’m not Zoey to Gavin, I was forced to remind myself.

[Wow.]

It was the only reply I could imagine.

[I feel like I’ve always known her... but I’m worried I’m going too fast. I don’t want to push her... but I feel like she feels the same way.]

I do! I ached to say. My insides burned with agony. [Cool.]

[We kissed... she kissed me! She leaned in close and kissed me! I’ve never kissed a girl like that!]

The memory filled my head and I ached to do it again. I wanted to be his girl. I wanted Gavin to be my boyfriend. I wanted to-

My body was reacting uncomfortably to these desires and I ground my teeth together in frustration as I was viscerally reminded of the fact that my body was very much still male. I couldn’t do this to Gavin. I couldn’t get his hopes up like this. I had to tell him the truth. Even if he would hate me for it, I couldn’t lie to him like this.

I loved him too much to keep lying to him. [You should tell her how you feel. Be honest with one another. Do you want her as a girlfriend?]

[Fuck yes.]

[Tell her that.]

We would talk. We would come to an understanding. One way or another things would change. And I had to face it.