Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

Topher groaned, leaning forward and squinting for a better look. Sure enough, Ichirou was on his knees being harassed by three guards, while the centaur Topher had seen earlier pointed and yelled something he couldn't make out from here. "Jesus. Maybe he was up to some crime, or something."

"What should we do, Bailey-sensei?" Haruko twisted her skirt in frustration. "He has our stuff!"

"He has some of our stuff," Noboru corrected her. "Luckily Bailey-sensei was smart enough to keep most of it here, or else things would be even worse."

"We should help him!" Haruko jumped to her feet, dashing for the door; Topher caught her arm, shocked.

"Listen, kid, I'm not sure --" he flinched as she rounded on him, her eyes full of tears.

"He was the only one to help us, Bailey-sensei! We have to!"

Topher groaned. "This is nuts. We should just be keeping our heads down." But looking around, he could see he was outvoted; Haruko was practically squirming out of his grip, and Hotaka and Makoto looked grim-faced and resolute. Only Noboru seemed reluctant to get involved. Common sense still isn't common, even in magic worlds, he thought to himself sourly. "Fine. But we're not all going out there." He pointed at the bespectacled boy. "Hotaka, you come with us; Noboru and Makoto, you stay here and protect the rest of our stuff. Don't open the door for anybody except us."

Makoto nodded; Noboru sighed. "Be careful, Bailey-sensei," was all he said. Grumbling, Topher wrenched open the rickety door to the loft and carefully picked his way down the stairs, trying not to trip over his cheap plastic flip-flops while Hotaka and Haruko followed closely behind him. He got turned around for a few seconds before getting his bearings, but eventually it dawned on him that he could just follow the booming sound of the centaur's shouts, and after a moment or two, he rounded the corner of the building and saw Ichirou and the others. The situation had not improved.

Ichirou was on all fours now, blood running from his mouth -- it looked like one of the guards had cuffed him, or maybe jammed him in the face with the butt of his halberd.

The three guards surrounding him looked mostly the same as the one who had escorted them from the castle -- bright yellow tunic (or was it a jerkin?), big spear-axe-type halberd, and stupid metal helmet. They also, Topher noted unhappily, had short swords at their waists, presumably for if things got out of hand. He barely managed to restrain Haruko from running past him, and shoved her back a little roughly towards Hotaka. "You two stay out of this."

He sidled up to the guards, wishing like hell he was literally anywhere else; Topher did not like the police, and they generally did not like him. "Excuse me, officers," he began, trying not to sound like he was whining, "but what's going on?"

One of the guards turned to look at him, sneering. "More F-Rankers? You're coming out of the woodwork like cockroaches." He gripped the heavy wooden shaft of his halberd angrily. "You better move along before you join your buddy."

"Forsooth," rumbled the centaur, in a voice like James Earl Jones on steroids. "Mayhap they are in league with this thief."

"I didn't -- " Ichirou coughed -- "...steal anything, I told you." His voice was slightly slurred, and Topher wondered if the guy maybe had a concussion. "I was talking to --" He didn't get to finish saying who he was talking to, because one of the guards kicked him in the ribs and knocked all the air out of his lungs. Whatever else he had been trying to say was lost in a fit of coughing, and Topher's heart sank. These guys aren't interested in the story, they just want to beat his ass. We should run before they decide they want to add our asses to that list.

Unfortunately, it looked like that ship had already sailed; the two guards who weren't busy kicking Ichirou were turning, with grim expressions, towards them. "Maybe you're right," commented one of them thoughtfully to the centaur. "We should probably hold everyone who might be involved." He grinned nastily, his helmet drooping down over his eyes. "Never know who might be an accomplice, yeah?"

As Topher backpedaled, Hotaka's voice rang out behind him. "How would that be possible? We've only been in this world for a couple of hours." The glasses-wearing boy stepped out from behind Topher, a very reasonable expression on his face. "And even if he did steal something, how could we be accomplices if we only met him about two hours ago and were nowhere near the scene of the crime?"

Topher frantically made shushing motions, but the face of the guard who'd spoken purpled with rage. "You F-Rank pieces of shit. You think you're so smart?" He shoved Topher, who stumbled backwards into Haruko and knocked her down.

Suddenly, Topher's brain lit on fire. "Hey, asshole, what's the big idea?" He turned his back on the guard to help the young girl up, and snapped back over his shoulder, "You're probably F-Rank too, anyway."

The guard's face drained of all color. "How... how dare you! I'm C-Rank, you offworlder scum!"

"No, you aren't."

The cool, steady voice cut through the noise of the conflict like a sharp knife through silk. Topher turned, astonished, to see the most gorgeous and authoritative-looking teenage girl he'd ever seen emerge from the crowd that had sprung up around the whole scene. Her skin was milk-white, and her long black hair tumbled in elegant coils past her shoulders; a gown of soft gray cloth draped her body, and a bright red scarf of thick knit wool wrapped around her neck and shoulders. Topher's brain immediately screamed Jailbait in a warning tone it typically reserved for alligators and oncoming trains, and he recoiled involuntarily.

Tossing her hair arrogantly, the girl pointed at the guard imperiously. "A C-Rank guard would be a captain, or at least a lieutenant. Even a D-Rank guard would be a sergeant by your age." She swept her hand down, making a cutting motion, and the guard collapsed at her feet with a crash. She turned, glancing around with a superior air, but Topher couldn't even register what was happening -- he was busy having an epiphany. They're all lying, he thought, astonished. Every single person in this world lies about their status. A whole world of mostly F-Ranks, all desperately trying to keep other people from finding out. Astoundingly, it buoyed his self-esteem, even if only a little.

"Haruko-chan! Are you okay?!" A tall, lighter-haired boy in dark brown platemail came stumbling out of the crowd from behind the supercilious girl, blowing past Topher and rushing to Haruko's aid. "I heard your voice, and I asked Arima-sama to intercede." He blushed as he helped the girl to her feet; Topher rolled his eyes. Oh boy.

Haruko was blushing too, almost to the tips of her fingers. "T-Takano-san..." she stammered, brushing dirt off her uniform. "I was just... um..."

"Foolishness." The centaur, who everyone had almost forgotten, was suddenly there, looming over Topher and the guards -- belatedly, Topher realized that the thing must be over ten feet tall. "If the authorities of this city are not capable of enforcing the law themselves..."

With a flash of movement that belied the creature's size, the centaur snatched up the fallen guard's halberd -- it looked like a fork in the creature's massive hands -- and stabbed it with unexpected violence towards Ichirou's dazed form. But before Topher could even shout, the light-haired boy in the brown armor suddenly just shifted, interposing himself between the creature and his target. A huge shield, taller even than the boy himself, appeared in a flash of light in his hands, and the halberd's spear-tip stopped cold with a deafening CLANG. Though the huge form of the centaur strained, the boy Haruko had called "Takano-san" refused to budge, though his teeth were gritted with obvious effort.

"Enough, Takano-kun." The girl Topher presumed was "Arima-sama" shook her head. "We waste our time here. If your..." -- her lip curled -- "friend is safe, I'd like to be moving along."

Takano glared at the centaur. "If this man -- whoever he is -- is indeed a criminal, let him be taken to the castle and judged there." Their gazes clashed like swords; Topher felt uncomfortable and wished he was watching this on TV.

After a long pause, the centaur emitted a sound somewhere between a grunt and a sigh, and dropped the guard's halberd. "I can see I shall have no satisfaction here. Do as you will." With thundering hoofbeats, it stomped away, and Topher let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"H-hey!" The guard who'd lost his halberd, struggling to reassert command of the situation, snatched it back up and glared at Takano. "Who do you think you are, giving us orders, offworlder?"

"Even as a B-rank, he is impossibly far above you," sniffed Arima. "Now obey, before I lose my patience. My Supreme Gravity Skill can reduce you to a red paste before you even blink; if you continue to annoy me, you'll find out how much more this country values me than it does you." With a toss of her luxuriant hair, she swirled to walk away, gesturing for Takano to follow; there were at least three other kids in her entourage, Topher noticed. Must be the A- and B-Ranks she liked enough to invite to join her Cool Kids Club. With an apologetic glance, Takano moved to follow; as he passed Haruko, however, he muttered something to her. Whatever it was must have been something that made her happy, Topher thought, because her whole face lit up like it was Christmas and she nodded enthusiastically. Hotaka, behind her, pushed his glasses up on his nose and coughed in an embarrassed fashion.

The guards, apparently suitably cowed, dragged Ichirou away; after a few moments, the crowd dispersed. Topher wavered, torn between wanting to follow Ichirou to see if he could help and wanting to get back to the others. Eventually, his indecision made the question moot, as the guards disappeared around a corner. Sighing, he turned back. "So, what was that all about?"

Haruko was beaming. "He said we could visit him! To come to the castle tomorrow!"

"Hey, that could be good." Topher hadn't anticipated that. "If one of the higher-ranked kids vouches for us, maybe the guards won't be dicks like they usually are." As they turned to leave, Topher abruptly noticed that a small leather bag had been dropped near where the guards had been beating Ichirou; surreptitiously, he used his Attract Object skill to scoot it over to him in small jerks, then bent over with only minor creakiness to pick it up. He opened it, and was surprised to see it contained a bunch of coins. He must have gotten it out to try to bribe them, he realized, once he realized they weren't going to leave him alone. But looks like he didn't get the chance.

"Listen, you kids go back to the others." He jingled the pouch at them. "I'm going to see if I can't get us some food, and maybe a few other supplies. I'm sure Ichirou won't mind." After all, better that I spend some of his money than let somebody else take all of it.

Hotaka nodded. "We will. Be cautious, Bailey-sensei; whatever happened to him could easily happen to you."

Topher rolled his eyes. "I'll be fine, kid. You two worry about yourselves."

As the other two hurried away, Topher hefted the pouch and looked around; he kind of wanted to buy some hot food, but his innate sense of frugality wouldn't let him. We should focus on necessities, he grumbled to himself. Water, containers, and the cheapest foodstuffs that'll keep. Probably rice. Japanese kids'll probably be excited about rice. He wandered around for a while, ducking in and out of shops and trying to avoid drawing attention to himself; most people gave him a wide berth anyway, probably not wanting trouble in the wake of the recent scene. It took him a while, but he found a few clay pots of water for a bronze coin, a small lidded metal pot that he could probably heat over a fire for a silver one, and a massive sack of rice that only cost him three copper coins; the merchant even threw in four little wooden bowls for free, presumably to get Topher out of his shop faster.

He was staggering back to the loft, arms full of culinary obligation, when he saw it; the red-orange glint of burning ash. Alarmed, he jerked around -- whole damn place is made of wood, probably burn down half the town -- but it seemed to be fairly small, and coming from behind the corner of a nearby building. Curious, he shuffled closer, his joints groaning under the strain of his load, but what he saw only confused him even more.

A large hoof, with fur still attached, was disintegrating into ash and sparks; after a moment, he recognized it as belonging to the centaur that had tried to kill Ichirou. Jesus, somebody murdered that huge thing, he realized with a shock. And then they got rid of the evidence, with some kind of magic or something. A chill ran up his spine. This is starting to look ugly.

Despite the heaviness of his burdens, he practically ran the whole way back.