Young Flame

I hate repetition.

I hate it, but it seems my life is destined to fall back into it.

First, when I lost my tribe, I had gone near mad with grief. I pushed myself into a painful, endless cycle that I couldn’t see the end of. Lost and directionless, only moving forward because there was no other choice.

I find myself in the same repetition. Every day spent in a cycle without possibility of ending. Maybe life is doomed to repeat, going on and on until death finally claims me. I am lonely. I miss Leal like I do my family.

“No,” I say to myself. “You’re not alone this time. You have Gloria.” While she has her flaws, Gloria hasn’t abandoned me. She has been with me while all those I care about are gone.

Even if she doesn’t visit often.

Like when I had aimlessly travelled the desert, I’ve lost track of time. I am more conscious now than I had been back then, but there was no day or night to track the passing weeks. There are ursu that supply coal every so often, but the time between visits feels like years.

I never let them see me, instead hiding out of sight in the furnace. It would be so much easier if I could just lock myself away, but doing so is dangerous.

During one of their visits, the ursu closed the hatch on me, and while I could open the lock from the inside, I lacked the strength to open it again. I’d grown exhausted after slamming myself into the hatch for hours. Eventually, I couldn’t keep the furnace burning any longer. Gloria’s anger is not something I wish to experience again, but at the door had been opened and I didn’t starve. Now, I make sure I have coal wedged between the hinges to stop the ursu closing me in any time they come down.

In the brief moments she comes to visit me, Gloria still talks to me. She is the only one I can talk to, so it is particularly painful when she is angry at me, even if she’s never physically violent.

The monotony has been horrible, but not unproductive. Constant flexing of my flames has both increased my capacity and control. I can keep my flame going for much longer than I used to without a fuel source, which I’m not sure is because of the large amounts of coal I consume or the constant use of my flame.

My control has reached a point where I’m sure my elders would be proud. I can now freely control my inner flame within the bounds of the furnace, even while separated from my body. Are my flames hot enough to eat cobalt or any other of the adult ore yet, I wonder? I know my fire is hotter now. It is a lot more orange than the bright red it used to be. Next time I got my hands on some, I’ll have to try, not that I imagine that time will come soon.

I create a ball of flame in my hand, putting effort into making it as spherical as possible and suppressing the fire’s nature to flicker. I throw it at the wall where it bounces and passes over my head and bursts against the wall behind me.

For a while now, I’ve been trying to make my flames act contradictory to their nature. This exercise is supposed to give my fire a more physical property, so that it bounces like a leather ball. My body is essentially that: a fire with a physical form, so I assume it’s possible.

The way I’ve been doing it, I doubt will help me towards that goal though. I kind of cheat by changing the flame ball’s direction myself on impact with the wall. It looks physical at first glance, but it doesn’t have the weight, nor has it interacted with the world as anything but fire. All I’ve succeeded in, is creating an illusion.

I have no other actual idea on how to get it to work though, other than imitating how physical things work. My body’s physical form is the only reason I think it is possible.

So, for now, I continue to throw the imitation ball to distract myself from my surroundings while I keep the room at a constant temperature lest I attract Gloria’s wrath.

At least, that is my plan until I hear footsteps from the other side of the hatch.

I hurry out of sight from the doorway, hopeful to avoid a confrontation should whoever it is decide to open the furnace.

And open the door they do, although it doesn’t seem like they were smart about it.

“Ah! Ow! Ow!” I hear a girlish cry of pain. A moment later, they open the stone hatch. The clatter of coal dropping from between the hinges enters my ears. I hope they don’t shut the door on me now.

I am already out of sight, having shoved myself into the corner. This isn’t Gloria, she would’ve yelled at me to come out instead of touching the handle herself. Whoever this is, I want no part in whatever aggression they may have. It’s not like this will be the first visit from an angry ursu. I had long since learnt never to even let them know I am here.

“Solvei? Are you there?” the voice calls.

Of course, my dedication to hide crumbles when I hear that voice.

“Leal?” I cry, jumping out to see her standing there crouched over the hatch entrance.

I have to stop myself from running towards her. I don’t want to burn her, and I didn’t know if she has become just as aggravated as the other ursu seemed to be.

“You were actually here,” Leal says, tears lining her eyes. “You were here all along.”

I don’t know why she was crying, but I am so thrilled to see her. I snap my form back to physicality and control my temperature to be manageable for her. Dashing forward, I hug her.

“I missed you. It’s been so long,” I say, sobs rising to join Leal’s.

We just sit there for a while. The loneliness I’ve struggled with so long is finally relieved. I have so many things I want to ask her, so many conflicting words trying to come out my mouth prevent any. So, I say nothing and hug her tight like I would my family.

After we both calm down, Leal rises to her feet, pulling me with her.

“C’mon. Let’s get you out of here.”

I pull away from her and shake my head. “There’s nowhere else I can go.”

She looks at me with a frown. “I can’t leave you here. I can’t leave you with Gloria,” she says and tries to pull me away.

I pull my arm out of her grasp. “Gloria has been good to me. She cares about me. She does what she can for me.” I can’t look in her eye as I say this, “she’s been there for me.”

I know she’d gone to war, but it hurt to know the one I cared for like family hadn’t with me anymore. Old wounds torn open anew. I know it isn’t her fault, but it still hurts, no matter how guilty it makes me feel thinking about it.

“Gloria told me you’d ran away, back into the desert, back to your own kind.” Leal said, just loud enough for me to hear.

“What?” I asked, not understanding why Gloria would do that.

“She told us you were gone. She said that, but still had you trapped here, in the same city as us.” I didn’t understand what she was saying.

“You were here, in the city? But Gloria said they took you to the war.”

“No. I’ve been here since they abandoned Fisross.”

That can’t be right, Gloria lied? But why?

“Why would she?”

“I don’t know, but you need to come with me. I’ll take you somewhere safe.”

But is there anywhere for me to go? This furnace is the only safe place for me, doesn’t she know that? It is horrible and I wish to be back in the desert where I could just wander off, but it petrifies me that I will be caught out in the rain or come across an unfriendly ursu. I didn’t want to go through that pain again.

“But it’s safe here. I don’t know where I can go out there. It’s too far away from my home.”

“You can stay at my home. I’m sure there’s some room. But I’m not leaving you with Gloria.”

“Would your mum be okay with that? The ursu I’ve met have become more and more angry when they see me. Would she not be the same?”

As the thought comes to me, I am once more glad Leal is here. She hasn’t become as hateful as the others.

Leal’s reaction isn’t very reassuring. She breaks eye contact with me and looks into the still warm furnace behind me.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” she says. “She’s already met you, after all.”

She doesn’t seem certain about her declaration, but I’m not given a chance to refuse as she drags me out into the open air by the hand. It’s incredibly unnerving being out in the open once again. I feel vulnerable under the glaring, spiteful eyes of the ursu we pass. I am thankful that Leal doesn’t shy away from their attention as she usually would, instead she pushes past them to get us out of their sight as fast as possible.

She pulls me into a side street, away from the harsh stares piercing my back. With some reprieve, I finally ask the question I’ve been puzzling over for the last while.

“What happened? Why is everyone so nasty now?”

Leal gives me a conflicted expression before bringing me into a tight embrace. I hold her, comforted by the caring touch. Over my shoulder Leal murmurs, “I’m sorry, they blame the non-ursu. The war hit us harder than anyone imagined. In a single day, we lost the entire eastern half of the country. All of our army, my dad, had been out there. They were encircled, trapped, and slaughtered. Almost all ursu had known someone who died out there. When the herald began proclaiming the non-ursu as enemies, as infiltrators of the state, so many ursu — the fools they are — were ready to burn them in vengeance. Now all non-ursu are in hiding, dead, or worse.”

Leal takes a moment to steady her breath. I try to comfort her at the mention of her father.

“Since then, things have only become worse. There is less and less food every bratchina, leaving many to go hungry. The council allocates jobs to unsuited ursu and conscription is incontestable. If you’re chosen, you are required to go. All the mages with even a basic spell marking have long since left. I never got my first, so I was exempted, but only barely.”

It must have been hard for her. I know how hard it is to lose someone so close to you. If I can stay with her, then I will do everything possible to help her move past it.

Reflecting on what Leal said about the perception of non-ursu, then the safest place for me really is down in that furnace. I don’t know why Gloria lied to us, but I’m sure there is some kind of misunderstanding. Well, even if Leal misconstrued the situation, it is still great to see her again. It may be stressful and terrifying, being outside my furnace, but I’ll push through it if I can enjoy some time with her again.

“How did you know I was there?” I ask, as we walk through the scarcely populated streets.

“I, uh, didn’t,” she says, scratching her ear in embarrassment. “Most ovens have been struggling to get enough fuel to run them in the past couple of weeks, what with most of the coal and usable wood being sent to the front lines. Word has been going around that only a single oven was running non-stop all week long. So, when I found out that it was the one Gloria happened to manage, I became suspicious.”

Her willingness to look for me, even without knowing I was here, is moving. She found me when I had no other option but to remain trapped in my furnace.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realise sooner. If I’d known, I would’ve come immediately. I’m sorry for not being there.” It seems Leal thought differently about herself. I couldn’t let her think that.

“No! You had no way of knowing, and yet you still came. Gloria lied, sure, but you cared enough to still look, and I am thankful for that.” I reassured Leal that I didn’t think badly about her.

I’ll need to ask Gloria why she lied the next time I see her. I can’t think of a single reason for her to lie, but I’m sure she has a good explanation.

Oh wait, what is Gloria going to think when she realises I’m gone? I hope she’s not too angry again. Hopefully, we can work everything out without raising her ire. The furnace will cool without me there, and I’ll get told off for it, but I want to go with Leal for now. I push the tension and dread of my next talk with Gloria into the depths as I follow Leal through the side-streets of Morne.

Soon, she leads me through a wooden building far smaller than her home back in Fisross. Morne seems to have a much larger part of their buildings constructed from wood than the stone of Fisross.

Leal pushes through the front door and calles for her mum before urging me in. I watch as she glanced around outside one last time before closing the heavy door.

Leal calls out once more, while I stand around, unsure whether I am welcome to move over to the couch. Heavy footsteps come from the other side of the house, followed by Calysta’s voice. “Coming honey. What is it?”

Her voice sounds the same as I remember, sweet and loving, but now laced with exhaustion.

As she turns the corner, coming into the large open area we were standing in, Calysta’s eyes snap to me. Suddenly, I felt like I shouldn’t have come. She looks more tired, more fatigued than even her voice had indicated. The look she is giving me isn’t the one she had when I first met her. It isn’t that kind smile that reminded me of my mum’s. No, it is a mix of concern and fear; a mixture that makes me want to leave.

“Solvei?” she asks, before turning to Leal. “Leal, what is this?” she asks as if the situation bewilders her. Maybe it does? I feel uncomfortable and try to move back to the front door, but Leal blocks me. she guides me to the couch as she answered her mother.

“I found her in Gloria’s oven, mum. Gloria lied to us. She had her locked in the furnace ever since we came here.”

“Leal, that’s horrible, but…” Calysta glances at me before continuing in a hushed voice, “we can’t have her here. Do you know what they would do to us, to you, if they found her here?”

“But mum, we can’t just abandon her! She was almost too scared to come out of the furnace after whatever Gloria did to her.” Leal shouts.

“I’m sure there must be some mistake. Gloria wouldn’t lie about something like this. She was probably just protecting her.” I nod along with her, Gloria kept me safe amongst rain and increasingly aggressive ursu.

“But then why did she lie before we even move cities? You’ve seen how she’s been able to keep her oven running non-stop. She’s been taking advantage of Solvei!”

I had to return the favour to Gloria somehow. That the oven I keep heated is the only one running all the time just means I’ve been doing a good job. Leal is pushing this misunderstanding a bit too far now.

Calysta audibly gulps, “but even if she did, and I don’t believe Gloria of all people would, we can’t take care of Solvei. I will not put you in danger!” she is tearing up as she says this. Turning to me, she continues, “even for you Solvei. I’m sorry.” She bows her head.

Leal is getting frustrated, but I can understand her mother’s perspective well. keeping a loved one safe is the most important thing, even if it means she would toss me into a ravenous crocodile den. I understand, but it doesn’t make it any less terrifying.

Leal raises her voice, “Even if we don’t let her stay, at least help me get her out of the city. Help me get her somewhere safe.”

Calysta doesn’t respond, stuck in her thoughts. Concerned glances keep jumping between Leal and I, but it’s obvious she doesn’t want to put her daughter in danger.

Leal decides she has taken too long. “If you’re not going to help, fine. But don’t try to stop me. I’m going to make sure my friend is safe.”

I am once more being led by the hand towards the front door. Leal’s harsh tugging at my arm hurts as she pulls me along. This isn’t like her. She’s usually more careful than other ursu with her strength.

It takes until Leal is pulling the door open for Calysta to finally act. She puts her hand on the door, keeping it shut.

“No, stop. Fine, I’ll see what I can do. Just please, girls, stay here for the moment. I’ll be back soon.” She pushes past us and leaves us alone in her home.

Leal lets out a sigh of relief and while I am relieved Calysta is willing to help, I don’t like how much I am imposing on them. She said they will be in danger for helping me. Why? Is the hatred of the ursu against other races so great now that they would even go against their own? Leal didn’t give me time to ponder as she took me to her room.

Whatever happens in the future, I can only hope Leal and Calysta won’t be punished for helping me.