You must be this old to enter the Dungeon

Chapter 18) Ramping down

The entrance to the Dungeon was all torn up cement like I had seen in the pictures back in the tent, but unlike those, there wasn’t a wall of darkness sitting at the bottom of the hole.

It was a solid wall of gray. With the blue lettering on it.

[ The Riotous Factory ]

[ Tier 1 Dungeon ]

[ 0 of 5 Harvesters ]

I looked over at Broadnax and muttered to myself a bit as I worked my way up to talking to someone. “What do you see down that hole?”

He glanced down, as did two of his guys, one of whom he barked at “Nelson! Eyes on the perimeter.”

Yeah, I didn’t ask ‘you’. Fucking Nelson.

Then the sergeant got around to answering me. “Same as before. Darkness. Absolute darkness.”

He didn't ask me why I asked. I'm starting to like these military types. Other than Nelson.

I took a few steps forward, up close enough that I could get a look through the translucent gray box to see a Hi-lo ramp going down with chipped yellow painted handrails on each side separating the ramp from the round cement tube it sat in.

It seemed… Very familiar. Right down to the cobwebbed covered metal guards over the overhead lights above the ramp. With every third one either completely out or flickering.

“God dam it” Then I turned around to grab the Battle Cart by the handlebars and pushed it through the transparent wall and lettering, the lettering breaking up into blue dots around me as I followed the cart through.

Looking down, I was surprised to see Wilyna by my side. She gave me a brief “What?” look, then glared down the ramp.

So, she could come through because she’s a spirit animal? Or because she’s my spirit animal? Or can any living thing other than a human being without a class come in here?

Do I care? I snorted which made the coyote look up at me again, then snort as well. “Hell no.”

I adjusted my gun belt so that the holstered gun was just to the right of the front of my pants so that my coat didn't cover it up, then jogged forward a few steps to catch up with the shopping cart that had started rolling down the ramp on its own after I let go of it to mess with the belt.

It wasn’t going to go all that far since it took an effort to keep the abandoned cart going in a straight line, but in the strange silence of the dungeon, the occasional high pitched screech from the one wheel seemed a lot louder.

Wilyna looked up at me as it made that noise again like she expected me to do something about it.

The ramp seemed to go on forever and the effort to keep the cart going slow enough to not race ahead of me was tiring me out a bit. So when the bottom of the ramp came into view I turned the cart to the side and brought it to a stop against the handrail before I took out one of the overpriced looking bottled waters I had snagged and stuck into the magic storage bin from the command tent.

I paid for it with my taxes. So it ain’t stealing.

And despite the fancy name on the label, it tasted pretty much like regular tap water, but with less character.

I poured out a bit in my hand and let Wilyna lap it up, but she seemed more worried about what was down the ramp than thirsty.

But popping open the plastic container got her attention, and despite them being vegetarian, the little rolled up burritos smelled awfully nice. And since Bread had been keeping them in his own magic storage bin they were still warm.

The coyote chomped one down in one bite and jerked her head back as a gray box appeared in front of her eyes. She backed away with her tail flat behind her butt and whimpered as the box follow along with her before fading away.

“Did they expect you to read that or something?”

I eyeballed the three left in the plastic tub but put them away in my own magic bin, whatever the salad was made of I think it was doing more for me than the fake burritos would.

Down below I heard a chittering sound, and I slipped the shotgun off the cart. I almost pulled the thing on the barrel down and back to get in the right mood, but there was already supposed to be a shell in it so all that would do it send an unused shot flying off somewhere.

And make a cool click clack sound, but I had to be practical.

In the flicking lights, I could see the first Lasher imp start to stalk forward around the corner of the hallway going across the bottom of the ramp. It dashed up a few steps on all fours, then came to a slow stop before rising up on its hind legs, one hand on the railing, its orange eyes locked on mine.

Then the next one, and the next one… and the next one. There were quite a few down there wasn't there? Like… ten or more.

Damn, I knew this was a bad idea. Why didn’t I wake just inside the entrance instead of walking down here by myself…

Stupid stubborn old man, you should have known going off on your own it would all go downhill.

Yeah, I said it. Life was a bad joke, so I might as well go out on one.

Wilyna whimpered, and I could see her turn her head towards me as if pleading, then she set her shoulders as she lowered her head and growled.

"Sorry girl. I can't outrun them, but I can outsmart them."

With a wave of my hand, two open topped coffee cans of ball bearing hit the floor and began spilling out ten pounds each of little round metal balls down the ramp.

The Lashers flinched as the cans hit the ground, and a few backed up a bit as the balls began rattling down the ramp towards them… then they began to charge forward on all fours, hooting and screaming as they came.

Raising the shotgun… I saw the first Lasher do a face plant as its leading paws landed on the rolling balls and slipped.

I began to laugh, then shoot.

Oh, look, more little round things. Just coming at you a lot faster.

Ow. Pump, shoot. Ow! My goddam shoulder. Pump, shoot.

Little gray squares began to appear off to my side, out of my line of sight, but stacking up on top of each other as if waiting for me to have a moment to look at them.

Whoever did this to me, drafted me into this fight, at least they were thinking about what would happen if those things were popping up in front of my face in the middle of a fight. Someone must have had the bright idea to have them stack up off to the side and set it up that way before their bosses could stop them.

For all the shooting I was doing, I wasn’t hitting much. Oh a lot of them were bleeding and screaming, but I think I only really did two of them in with direct hits, and that was only because those two got that close.

As I pumped and pulled the trigger and nothing happened, I dropped the shotgun and tried to fumble out the revolver, a third Lasher who had been crawling until the ball bearing rolled past it got up and charged me. Just as it got close, Wilyna jumped it.

Screw it, I gave up on the gun and grabbed my putter, with my heart near to bursting in my chest I took two steps forward to the two of the rolling around and… could not get a clear swipe at the Lasher.

"Dam it!" Instead, I hooked the putter under its chin and pulled its head back long enough for Wilyna to bite down on its throat and begin to throw her head back and forth...

“Good gir-”

Then a bleeding Laser was on me and took me down backwards to the ground, tearing into me through my coat.

Just before the back of my head hit the cement, I thought about how Beryl said I had to go in for everyone to come out alive, but she never did say anything about me being part of ‘Everyone.’