You must be this old to enter the Dungeon

28) A day in the sun and other dangers

The sun was blotted out by a shadow and a voice woke me up asking “Is that the guy from I Dream of Jennie on her shirt? Why does he have a cowboy hat on?”

Blondie and his friend were there, his buddy was looking around with a fancy rifle in his hands while Blondie was looking at me with a blank expression.

“You really shouldn’t lie out in the sun like that Sir. Your face is a little burned.”

His friend shot him a look of disbelief. “Yeah, and the face eating evil monkeys wandering around isn’t what he should have been worried about here.”

Stan shrugged. “He’s got a full grown coyote that came out of the dungeon with orange blood all over its muzzle and his own pint sized dryad. I don’t think he’s in much danger.”

He moved my work chair over to where I could reach it. "Besides, he's a Kami on his own land. It's his place of power."

I ignored their jawing at each other about how my house was “Like the Lookout?” or whatever “That would make you Mr. Popo." and “Aw man, don’t be saying messed up stuff like that.” was about, as I struggled to get to my feet.

At least half of that struggle was not knocking over the forty pound little green girl trying to ‘help’ me.

Why do women always have to get in the way while trying to help? If you are tiny and weak, just accept it and get out of the way until there’s something you can actually help with.

Was it just because they were trying to be included, to be a part of something…

Fucking Intuition... Stop it. I. Don’t. Care.

Blondie gets it, if the old guy who passes out on the ground out in the sun for hours is able to struggle to his feet with a chair, some groans, and a sit down to catch his breath before he tries to stand up all the way, all on his own. Let him do it.

He does carry the chair in for me.

I could have stuck it back into my storage bin, but I forgot and didn’t want to fuss about getting it away from him.

Why let him know that him cleaning up my messes bothered me?

Inside I had to endure him asking me questions, checking out the mess from breakfast, and giving me a long look after seeing the licked clean plate on the floor.

“Your back lawn is still looking pretty long Sir…”

I glared at the floor. “Been pushing magic into it to keep the monsters away. Makes the grass grow too but I ran out of gas for the mower.”

The friend perked up. “Can you do that anywhere?”

I gave him a disappointed look, then waved my hand at him while looking over at Blondie like, ‘What is up with this guy.’

“It’s a Kami thing. It only works on the land I’m bound to.”

At least I think that’s how it works. The line between what I know about how the Hermit thing works and the bullshit I’m making up is getting thinner all the time.

Or Hermit is changing into the bullshit I’ve been saying...

“The bunnies are eating the grass since it’s enhanced with Life Essence, and that helps keep them from turning into monsters like everything else is. It should carry over to anything that eats the bunnies as well. Circle of life you know. Hakuda Banana.”

The two men gave each other a look, before Blondie pulled out a chair from the kitchen table, sat down across from me, and leaned in to set his elbows down.

“Could you expand on that a bit Sir.”

I opened my mouth, then closed it while I thought that over. “Yes, and I can ask the Squares some questions for you. But I want the rest of my lawn mowed in return.”

He went still. “Won’t the bunnies just eat it for you?”

I shrugged. “I don’t like things looking untidy. Besides, they can just nibble on the clipping. I got a mulching mower.”

His friend gave me an odd look and then eyeballed the insides of my house with a look of disbelief. I wondered what that was all about.

The boys had a lot better ideas than I had of what to ask the Squares, as well as some that were either dumb or just didn’t get answered.

Anything about the people that set this up, or any other people out there?

Nothing.

Did the people who set all this up use a base five counting system?

[ This is self evident information ]

[ So, yes ]

How much time did we have before bunnies became dangerous?

[ Uncertain ]

[ The very nature of Primordial Essence is that it is uncertain ]

[ To measure it would be to define it, and it doesn't like that ]

[ But your world is entering an area dozens of light years across which we know it to be at since the area is difficult to observe ]

[ It could be as little as a few months before things outside of the dungeon become dangerous, or just as possibly several years ]

Blondie looked past me after I passed that on to the two of them.

“Do our superiors already know this and just decided not to share it with us.”

[ This is self evident information ]

[ So again, yes ]

From the look on his face, he had known he didn’t even have to ask.

The boys did finish my lawn after they made a gas run for me and got over the disappointment of finding out that the people they had entrusted their lives to had been keeping them in the dark and outright lying to them.

They seemed more resigned than upset over it, I guess time in the military had gotten them used to it.

Even earlier than life in general would have.

The friend did the back lawn while complaining about being, “A black guy at Kami’s and I end up dealing with all the plants. Typical.” while Blondie and Wylina stood guard. Blue and Chubby again chased down, or at least tried to chase down, the small animals and bugs fleeing the blades of the mower.

Then Blondie and his friend switched off with Blondie working the weed wacker and leaf blower after I told them where I kept the outdoor extension cord. The one with all the electrical tape on it.

The place needed the work, and I was glad to see it getting done as I sat and watched them work while sipping on a glass of ice and sugar free lemonade mix. Just the one tube meant for a small pop bottle mixed into a pitcher since I liked a lighter taste. Cheaper that way too.

They even got the clippers out and cut back the worst of the overgrown bushes and kicked the whipped down weeds back up against the fence line where they were out of the way.

Above and beyond work. I even offered to make them dinner, or at least throw something frozen in the oven, but…

Blondie shook his head. “We’re already going to be late getting back to base camp Sir. But you’re still looking a little shaky. Let me throw one of those frozen pizzas in the oven for you."

Then they headed off.

Twenty minutes later I polished off half of a frozen pizza from a brand I didn’t care for all that much.

The crust was crunchy but thin and tasty like cardboard, But they had been on sale, and it had been so many years since I had been able to eat even bad pizza that it was worth how much it made the left side of my jaw hurt and the clicking sound it made in my ear while I chewed.

The green girl had spent all day dancing around with a big grin on her face as she ran back and forth trying to see what both men were doing between running back to check on me.

But after the two men left, and the sky began to darken she started to lag.

I guess she was solar powered after all.

As I finished my last slice while tossing torn off bits of the other half of the pizza to my triple threat canine cohorts, this brand was ever worst reheated, I told her, “Time for you to return to the tree little girl.”

That made her smile without even looking up at me for some reason, which was kind of creepy.

Leading me by the hand out the front door, she made her way up to her apple tree, got a look of satisfaction on her face as she patted the little mound of freshly turned dirt that covered the little hole the boys had filled with coyote poop, and then slipped her hand out of mine as she stepped into her tree.

Leaving her shirt behind in a crumpled pile.

I leaned against the tree to pick it up, twitched as someone reached out to give my hand a last squeeze, and then folded the shirt up.

Looking around in vain for a place to hang or set it down that would be in her reach, I finally dropped in, neatly folded, in the same spot she had left it.

"Hope it doesn't rain… The dew is going to get it damp isn’t it.”

Oh, well. I had plenty more clothes that Reed had outgrown. Once people knew he liked shirts with stuff from TV on them he had gotten tons of them over the years for birthdays and Christmases.

Even after he had tried to make it clear he had stopped liking them.

I frowned as I caught myself smiling at the memories.

Hating the man he became didn’t make me hate the boy he had once been, but it did hurt to remember.

After letting the beasts out one last time to do their business, and readying another load for the tree, I locked things down for the night and lost myself on the computer for what I had planned on being just a few hours.

But once again, I found myself going down the rabbit hole.