Xyrin Empire

(Dear mother, almost forgot again… Asking for monthly tickets!! Every month, there's always a few days to ask for monthly tickets, and then I'm gone…)

There are always many regrettable things in this world, which makes this beautiful and peaceful world exceptionally colorful. Napoleon lost Waterloo because of hemorrhoids, Cao Cao died quite unscientifically due to disbelief in medical science, and we… ended up eating Dingdang's new product due to Qianqian's spur-of-the-moment suggestion.

Well, we didn't finish it, there's still a bit left, but it's meaningless to Dingdang—she's about to bite the Qingming River Painting out of my head.

Dingdang mumbled while gnawing away: "Eaten, eaten, A-Jun ate it, only bones are left…"

"Leave me some space," Mercury Lamp held my head, watching Dingdang gnaw around on it, carefully negotiating, "Give me the left half…"

For the first time, I realized that Mercury Lamp is even more out there than Lilina when she turns bad!

Besides, didn't this little girl eat some too? Why is it that I'm always the one getting punished in the end?

"Because you're the parent," Big Sister, across the sofa, poked my forehead with a face full of helplessness, "Ah Jun, aren't you the leader of them? Without you stirring up trouble, I really don't believe that just one whimsical idea from Qianqian would make everyone agree."

Lin Xue sat next to me, bowing her head obediently, but upon hearing Big Sister's words, she immediately mumbled softly: "Actually, you betcha, everyone really agreed this time."

"I'm sorry." Qianqian, sitting on the other side, spoke in a whisper under Big Sister's pressure (did I use this word correctly?), "But fishing is really fun."

Because of this sentence, Big Sister completely lost hope in Qianqian's understanding and logical thinking.

The atmosphere in the living room now really felt a bit like a trial of sorts, with me, Lin Xue, Qianqian, Sandora, and Mercury Lamp, who was clearly a suspect but acted more dignified than anyone else, directing at my head, sitting on the sofa, and on the other side sat Big Sister as the chief judge, Dingdang as the plaintiff, Lilina as the intellectual auxiliary staff for the plaintiff (what a subtle role), and Bingdisi and the rest of the Tiaozi Five, who came over as the jury and to drink tea and crack seeds—how did so many people fit into one place?

By the way, since the trial began, Dingdang had somehow climbed on my head and has been biting since then; one could say that this was an unjust trial conducted amidst continuous torture—any protest was ineffective, and I swear by the countless tiny tooth marks on my head.

The trial started after Lilina brought back a tearful Dingdang, and it's been half an hour. When Dingdang and her ghost maid returned home with us, this poor little thing could only muddle through like Xiang Lin repeating, "Eaten, eaten, eaten…" almost leading Bingdisi to creatively imagine a ghastly .avi based on those three words, while Lilina dramatically recounted the harrowing barbecue incident by Fairy Lake to Big Sister. We all know that Big Sister is the highest authority in charge of internal affairs in this family, and as soon as she pointed to the sofa, even Sandora had to sit quietly.

And so… it came to this.

Big Sister earnestly and righteously pointed out how terrible and wrong the poaching incident led by Qianqian and aided by an irresponsible parent and an overzealous glutton was, and Bingdisi's group explained from the perspective of the Divine Race's strict exam system, emphasizing the dreadful consequence this severe incident would have—mainly that Dingdang would fail her creation science retake for the umpteenth time. Lilina, existing as the intellectual supplement to Dingdang, narrated the entire "crime incident" to the effect of cosmic gloom, and at one point became so emotional that she burst into tears—though I pinched her face to stop her—it almost felt like those who didn't know the story would connect us with doomsday, thinking we had just destroyed Earth or something. I couldn't understand how eating a fish linked to global premarital pregnancies among women or how the cumin used to grill fish linked with discussions on post-2000 teenage abortions. Nonetheless, one thing was clear: now that it was her time in the spotlight, she had grown self-inflated almost to the size of the Hulk by Big Sister's authority to reprimand us parents.

And us few "suspects," could only hang our heads and listen pitiably.

"Uh, what are we going to do this time? There are only a dozen left, not forming a population at all."

Little One leaned weakly on my head, tugging my hair intermittently, "Ah Jun is such a big dummy, why eat them all!"

"But the problem is, aren't fish meant to be eaten?" Qianqian muttered under her breath. She was the proposer and first implementer of the fishing plan but was now also downcast. True, Qianqian lacks some wits, but not to the point of having none left whatsoever.

"Oh, that's true." Dingdang was startled for a moment, then suddenly sat straight, nodding while crossing her arms, "Come to think of it, those fish are indeed for eating."

"Hey hey, aren't you the Life Goddess? Is this an appropriate way to define your creations?" Lin Xue poked Dingdang's small face, almost tipping the Little One over, "Shouldn't a typical Life Goddess be compassionate towards all life, treating even flies and mosquitoes as her children, feeling heartache for three months over the accidental squashing of a single grasshopper, and being willing to fight anyone they see poaching?"

Dingdang was quite taken aback by Lin Xue's reasoning, her brain seemingly jumbled a bit, then waved her toothpick-like arms and shouted: "No way! Those are just the thoughts of those non-mainstream people in the Divine Realm! It's extremely harmful to the entire life system! The cycle of all life should be as it's meant to be, the food chain is necessary, and so is the cycle. The normal demise of life under natural law is part of the flow of the River of Life. They don't disappear but return to the world's system—and besides, Dingdang wouldn't feel heartache for squashing a grasshopper for three months, because Dingdang tried, and Dingdang can't even squash a grasshopper at all…"

All of us were left astonished by the sudden profundity from the Little One. I cautiously poked the little thing on my head, thinking maybe this creature, overstressed, instantly unlocked meridians and doubled its IQ, but the minute I reached out, I howled in pain, my hand recoiling with an extra small attachment: Dingdang, performing another feat, bit my finger and swung around like a pendulum.

It seems her pet attribute hasn't changed.

Bingdisi looked at Little Dingdang, who had just uttered a profound truth with surprise, and after a long pause, she said softly: "That's detailed reference material from a Creation Science branch, from 'How Life is Made', the 1895th edition, Chapter 9, Section 16, exam focus—you remember textbook lines too. Who would've thought?"

Dingdang let go of my finger with a puff, somersaulting in mid-air: "Of course, of course, Dingdang is amazing! Back then, when I didn't get it in an exam, Sister Goddess made me copy it hundreds of times!"

Me: "…"

Is Dingdang's amazement in her eventually memorizing that knowledge point or needing to copy a single point hundreds of times to memorize it?

"Wait a minute, what's happening, is this public trial over already?" Seeing the atmosphere unknowingly shift from the public trial of the poachers to discussing Dingdang's knowledge, Bingdisi, who intended to stir up more chaos, immediately wailed, "Dingdang, don't you care about your creations anymore? And what they're eating…"

"Alright, alright, you're so happy about bad things," I saw Big Sister throw a resigned glance this way, knowing today's matter was settled, so I stood up liberatingly, casually tossing Bingdisi a nut across the tea table, "Dingdang is fine, why are you still worried?"

Everyone got up to do their own thing, except Bingdisi, who sat there a bit dazed. It seems like even though she's been eating and drinking here for some time, she still doesn't understand some peculiarities of this magical family, such as our lively criticism meetings: they're essentially meant to cheer Dingdang up again, similar to coaxing a kid for fun, and after upsetting a child with one's mistakes, a thousand apologies are naturally required. But as long as the child is not crying or fussing, can you really fulfill your promise and have a Wolf Grandma kill the kid's father?

It's understandable that we treat Dingdang like a child. Look at this little one who has completely forgotten those unfortunate little fish; how else could you handle her besides treating her like a child?

The crowd dispersed like birds and beasts. Yelsen saw there was nothing going on here, swiftly pulling cards from under his bottom and inviting everyone for a game of poker. Kenser chuckled, familiarly spreading out the chessboard on the tea table, lit incense at the side, put on 'Erquan Yingyue', and sat opposite Monina, his old chess friend. Soon, we heard the steady voice of Uncle: "Military Chief!"

Bingdisi looked around dumbfoundedly, finally confirming that the elaborate public trial had ended without incident. She shrugged and pulled out Dragon Scale Mahjong from her personal space, calling over excitedly, "Who's up? One missing three!"

Looking at these Divine Race friends transforming from a jury to indulging in poker, military chess, and mahjong within a minute, I felt content: evidence shows that after comprehensive, multidimensional, short-cycle, high-frequency pollution from the First Family, they have successfully upgraded from a bunch of rogues to… seasoned rogues. They'll now sit on the sofa cracking seeds, playing mahjong, cheating in military chess, playing poker with sticky notes, and Yelsen has intuitively learned to peek at others' cards. Considering the countless devotees each has under their name and the unconditional blind allegiance these devotees hold towards their Gods, I can almost envision the detrimental, far-reaching impact my acquaintance with these Immortals has had—perhaps the First Family has invisibly corrupted thousands of worlds.

Evening came, with us well-fed and content—these four words are somewhat redundant, but I just wanted to use them—well-fed and content, the term oddly gives a sense of accomplishment. But in truth, we barely ate anything in the evening, thanks to Dingdang's fish and Miss Lin's cooking skills honed to captivate her husband's taste.

Oh, one person remained unaffected; Sandora, no matter how many tons she consumed a second prior, would still promptly yell hunger when it's mealtime—a peculiar individual. I have no idea where she put that primordial forest she devoured, yet by evening, this girl had nonetheless eaten her fill.

I slumped myself onto the sofa like a fruit pancake softened by the sun, watching the mildly dull TV program. Anwina occasionally appeared from the TV, trying to surprise her masters. I decided to let her experience some punishment when she got stuck. Dingdang, at this time, had completely forgotten her fish; she found a bottle cap somewhere, delightfully rolling it around the tea table. Her innocent smile made Lilina nearby avert her eyes in compassion. Little Baobao coaxed a bag of chips from Lady Shining, murmuring to herself while tackling the packaging, but clearly, the little girl who could dismantle nuclear bombs single-handedly occasionally had brain lapses (or naturally spent most of her time in this state). Ultimately, she chose to eat the packaging along with the chips—she succeeded, and Ji Shanshan frantically dug things out from Little Baobao's mouth. She only retrieved some chip debris and plastic film, while Little Baobao, startled by the nanny's sudden act, tearfully clutched a chip in her mouth, and Lady Shining covered the little princess's mouth, only to get bitten and let out an 'ouch,' leading the little princess to instantly switch from tears to laughter, making the pair seem harmonious.

Mercury Lamp, as usual at this time, sat on my shoulder, holding a handful of cheap snacks priced at one dollar for two outside, throwing one into her mouth and stuffing one into mine. We were surrounded by the pungent aroma of gutter oil and flavorings. Lilina furiously declared she saw through an evil doll's attempt to poison her father profusely with toxic snacks, while holding a handful of crispy noodles priced at fifty cents a pack.

I somewhat understand Mercury Lamp's fondness for these little snacks; despite her nonsensical few-century lifespan and the small stature akin to a pillow, at heart she is a little girl curious about everything. Of course, her temper might be poor, her personality prematurely mature, her bite might hurt more than average kids—but the last trait doesn't count. Yet the fact that Lilina, whose core is that of a mature sister, also circles around crispy noodles and various fish snacks, puzzled me for quite some time. Certainly, after witnessing one day Qianqian returning with a bag of snacks more exaggerated than all those little ones combined, I felt calm.

On this planet, there is a type of creature whose fighting power will never decline with age.

After a while, the news started on TV, featuring a man with a poker face sitting upright before the camera, reading his speech monotonously: "… The nuclear submarine XX of country X suddenly appeared at port XX this morning for emergency rest, causing local tension. According to the country's spokesperson, the unexpected submarine docking was not planned, but citizens need not panic as it's solely a special non-military supply mission. Later, the spokesperson stated that the submarine's docking was due to some engine failure, forcing an early end to its patrol mission…"

Mercury Lamp bluntly stuffed a salted potato stick into my nose, dumbfoundedly remarked, "Hey, stupid human, is that dark thing your so-called nuclear submarine?"

I tried eating through my nose and urgently signaled: "Anwina, rewind!"

The ghost maid poking around from the screen below hurriedly climbed out of the TV cabinet, rotated her body 180 degrees, fiddling with the TV, eventually turned mournfully, "Master, it seems this thing can't rewind, right?"

"Uh, then forget it."

The TV moved on, and nobody paid attention to it anymore. Our focus shifted to a peculiar subject: a nuclear submarine that had been struck by a Mermaid days ago, yet it only resurfaced this morning.

As for the submarine's damage, no need for concern. Previously, I underestimated Isana's combat power—the princess was evidently involved in more than a mere collision with the submarine.

After some discussion, Lilina drew a particularly speechless conclusion:

"Wasn't the submarine in the South Pacific then? Was it within another country's territorial waters?"

And everyone just said "oh".

"This is filthy international politics," Lilina insidiously nodded, "it's awfully lucky it didn't suffocate."

"However, if forced into a corner, it could submerge anytime," Big Sister serenely concluded, "Isana went easy on it, otherwise, we'd be maintaining world peace tomorrow."

In a situation unknown to humanity, the world evaded a full-scale nuclear war once again—a joyous occasion indeed. But it seemed like none of us cared much. A potentially explosive submarine incident in another country garnered less attention within the First Family than Dingdang's fourth stumble from a bottle cap. Perhaps infected by Qianqian's carefree virus or adapting to constant external chaos, I found myself having no other thoughts besides an "applause indeed" sentiment. The short news cycle sparked a barely five-minute discussion among us, and then the whole family returned to a leisurely yet busily occupied state. Big Sister urged the little ones to rest in their rooms, forcibly dragging Lilina and Mercury Lamp upstairs. Ji Shanshan also yawned, carrying a sleepily oblivious Little Baobao, bid us goodnight, just as a loud sound suddenly drew remaining attention in the living room.

"Bang!"

I looked towards the sound and found Visca bewilderedly lifting her head from the tea table, rubbing her forehead, while a pit was visible on the marble surface of the table. (To be continued. If you like this piece, feel free to visit Qidian (qidian.com) to vote for recommendation tickets and monthly tickets. Your support is my greatest motivation.)