World Boss: Break the Narrative

The rest of the goblins quickly took the clothes and vanished into the storm. Janky hugged Spine tightly before leaving with Nanny Shiv. That left the rest of us standing in the burning remains of a village Brunhilda… depopulated.

I looked at the dwarf. She had forced a neutral expression on her face. She saw I was watching her, “Let’s get out of here.”

I nodded before turning to Spine, “Which way do we need to go?”

Spine looked at me and then slowly turned in a circle. He kept turning. After the third revolution I began to have concerns. By the fifth revolution the rest of the group was also losing hope in our “guide”.

Brand turned to Brunhilda, “Do you know the way?”

“Yeah, just west of here,” Brunhilda said, pointing.

“No, not there!” Spine piped up immediately.

We all paused, when it became clear everyone expected me to ask, I spoke, “Why?”

Spine froze briefly before explaining, “It is a bad way to go, but there isn’t a goblin village that way. Nope. Not that way. No village at all.”

We all exchanged looks. I was willing to believe Spine, but it was clear the rest all suspected that there was a Goblin village nearby, possibly to the west.

“How about we go close to the not-goblin village, then skim around the edge without starting anything?” Brunhilda suggested to Spine.

“How about you fuck off and die!” Spine shrieked back at her. He immediately realized that was a bad idea and slapped his hands over his mouth.

Brunhilda’s expression slid from her normal jovial grin to one of forced neutrality. When she spoke her voice was also forced to a neutral tone, “I don’t normally let people talk to me that way. How about we start over?”

Spine looked like he was going to snap back. Rather than let this devolve further I stepped in.

“Let’s all just back off,” I stepped between them. “Brunhilda, cut the kid a break. From his perspective, this situation has to be… well, fucked.” I turned to the Goblin, “Spine, please do not antagonize the others. I don’t think I can stop any of them.”

Brunhilda stepped back. Spine looked at the others. Brand seemed to be thinking I could probably stop him. Angelica looked to be on the fence on which of us would win in a fight. Brunhilda was clearly comfortable in the knowledge she could kick my ass.

“Fine,” the goblin said in a way that was close to whining but far enough away that if you accused him of whining he could deny it, and then claim you were the worst parent ever.

“So which way are we going?” I pressed Spine.

Spine sighed but stopped himself from rolling his eyes, “I guess we should head west, but we will need to stop after about five miles, and then go north for a bit to then go west some more. Then just for the heck of it we should go southwest before going west.”

And we traveled. Now you would probably measure distance in meters, or feet, or miles, or rods if you were agriculturally inclined. I measured it in snow lions. Everything in my life can be measured in snow lions. We encountered roughly 4 snow lions per mile. So after twenty violent cat deaths we moved north. That lasted for three more felicides. After that we took a short break in our travels to slaughter a Pride that spawned.

The first time Angelica and I fought one of these epic Scale bosses was about 30 minutes of high impact violence. In the dungeon with Brand's help we were able to reduce that to twenty minutes of mostly me turtling and the others killing when pragmatic. This time I dropped the shed around Spine and me. The cats hyper-focused on me and paid no attention to the little goblin behind me. In the space of about 8 minutes Brunhilda, Angelica and Brand wiped them out. Yeah sure, I bludgeoned a baker's dozen but then the door got clogged.

Spine was trembling as I tossed bodies into my inventory. I had so much more space. No idea what I was going to do with literal tons of bodies, but the gamer instincts were strong. Must loot, I may need 1,318 snow lion hearts later. They could help in a puzzle maybe… in a circulatory dungeon perhaps.

“You okay, Spine?” I asked.

“I… just leveled” He managed.

“Oh. Cool,” I replied. That made me wonder about the mechanisms of experience. Spine had sort of taken part in the righteous massacre of these foul felines, but the level implied he was getting more than 1 point of XP per dead snow Lion.

“Three Times!” Spine shouted. “I’m level Ten now! I got a perk! Just for standing there! Apparently I just survived an Epic encounter.”

“...congratulations?” I offered.

“I am going to die out here!” Spine shouted again.

“I am going to work very hard to prevent that.” I soothed.

Spine was unconvinced. “Don’t pretend like you care, you kidnapped me!”

“Did not!”

“Then why does the Pact have a Hostage exchange built into it?”

I made a mental note to not kidnap people in the future,“...hostages are different from kidnappees. Technically you came here of you own accord.” Changing topics quickly, I asked, “What perk options did you get?”

“What?” Spine asked.

“Do you want to die?” I asked. That probably sounded threatening. Oops.

“I do not,” the goblin confirmed. Clearly threatened.

I need to work on not intimidating others.

I forced my tone to be supportive and patient, “Then let’s focus on doing everything we can to keep you alive. Perks give power. Let’s use that to stack the odds in your favor.”

“Oh, yeah that makes sense.” his eyes went glossy. “Huh. is this normal?”

Accept invite from Spine Spindle-Bite to view perks?

Yes/No

I hit yes, and examined the prompt:

Note: Perks empowered due to pact with Left Hand of The Titan. Perks will be both raised in Scale and adjusted to elements of the Titans (Dark and Cold)

Select Perk

Sneaky Git*Bulky**

* Note: Sneaky Git will be empowered to Shadow Assassin

** Note: Bulky will be empowered to Heroic Physique.

That didn’t seem normal. Is that something I was doing?

Titanic Lore Check… Successful

“Okay so that is on me.” I admitted to Spine. “The perks are being changed because you have a pact with me. The first perk you have will default to Heroic Scale. If you get a second one. It will be at least epic Scale, with a fifty fifty shot of it being upped to Heroic. After that it defaults to at least rare, with diminishing chances of Epic or Heroic Scale.”

“Will the perks go away when the pact ends?” Spine asked.

“Nope, so long as you don’t break the pact that is yours for life.” I explained.

“Holy shit,” Spine muttered, “You just get all this stuff?”

I shrugged. “Do you know what you want?”

Spine thought for a moment, “hypothetically what would you pick?”

I looked closer at the perks.

Shadow Assassin

Servants of the Titan Spawn can be both Cunning and Brutal in their work. This perk will unlock the skill needed to be the thing people fear in the night. Unlocks the following Skills: Blend In, Move Silently, Ambush, Detect Weakness, Terrify, and Manipulate Shadow.

Heroic Physique

Heroes often require an ideal physical vessel as they strive to fulfill their quests. Increase Power, and Body Attributes by 5. Having this perk will also grant an extra level of Scale to rolls for skills based on Power and Body Attributes

I almost answered, but then Angelica’s words hit me. Finally I said, “You have to live with the choice. I don’t feel comfortable telling you what to take.”

“I think I should take Shadow Assassin,” Spine said after a beat. “As a Scout I would get a lot of benefit from the skills.”

“Do you not already have Blend In?” I asked.

Spine shook his head, “You start with Hold Still, then move up to Camouflage, then Blend In. It is a lot of work getting to that level. This perk would be a huge shortcut. I would become way better at what I do.”

“Yeah, that is sound logic,” I agreed.

“But Heroic Physique would basically give me ten levels all at once, plus Scale… I would be almost as strong and tough as a snow lion, the regular ones anyways.” he realized.

“That has potential, too,” I acknowledged.

“But which should I take?” He asked.

“I am not sure. Let’s walk while you think,” I recommended.

This led into a cycle of Spine offering one of the perks as a good choice. I would agree. Then Spine would realize the other option was also good. I would agree again. About forty minutes and eight dead cats later Spine finally realized I was going to simply agree with him no matter what he said.

“You’re not helping!” he yelled.

“Not true,” I disagreed.

“How do you figure?” he demanded.

I stopped walking, when the others paused I waved them on, “You probably don’t realize this but you are trying to get me to pick for you.”

“Why would I do that?” Spine demanded. He was trying to be confrontational but he seemed to be listening as well.

“It is scary when your life changes. Most folks tend to conceptualize that in a negative way. Opportunity causes the same stress. For some reason most of us try to push the choice to someone else. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism. An emergency exit if things go wrong. I didn’t choose this. If you truly want me to pick the perk I will, but do you really want someone else picking parts of your life for you.” I paused when I realized I had just quoted Marnie. Technically she was paraphrasing Hank, but that… should have triggered a Willpower roll.

“You sound like my Dad,” Spine scoffed

“Wise? Patient? Ruggedly Handsome?” I joked.

“More like obnoxiously perfect, oppressively overbearing, and easy to disappoint,” Spine muttered.

“...You seem like a good kid, Spine,” I tried.

“That’s the problem! You don’t get it! You can’t! My Dad is Heroic Scale! You’re Titanic!” He forced himself to calm down, “I’ll never be anything but just a kid to you guys.”

There was a lot of stuff I wanted to say. The go-to truth of ‘it gets better’ came to mind. Trouble with that is while it is true, it always rings hollow to kids. Especially for teens. They have factually seen their lives get worse with time. Sure everyone ages but the teen years just suck. No more carefree childhood, just stress, responsibility, awkward uncontrolled emotions, and that new existential dread. All their experience is shit just gets worse. Telling them three years from now things will get better when three years ago they were happier. It sounds like a con. Factoring in Spine was literally being hunted by monsters and a high Scale player could just annihilate him and everyone he knew, I should probably go with another truth.

“You have a pointt.” I admitted.

Spine hadn’t expected me to agree with him because he started with, “See you are ju-! Oh!”

I should probably clarify, “About me anyways. I don’t know your Dad. I have been treating you like a kid. How about this? I try to treat you as a peer, and you agree to pick the perk you think is best.”

“Uh, yeah that sounds like a good deal.” Spin managed he was trying to make his voice deeper when he said it.

“Cool, let’s catch up with the others,” I said.

“Do I need to pick the perk now?” he asked, falling into step with me.

“Nah, take your time.” I advised. “Make it feel right to you.”

We had fallen about two hundred yards behind the rest of the group. Enough space for privacy but close enough to jump in if something dumb happened. That would have been correct except we weren’t banking on something truly bad happening.

Crack! Boom!

A massive chunk of ice snapped and about a hundred yards of ice collapsed into a dark void. Spine and I were on one side, everyone else on the other. That was inconvenient. Two massive forms appeared from a flash of light. Bigfoots! …Bigfeet? They hefted massive clubs and swung. One at me and one at Spine.

Assholes. The correct term for these guys is Assholes.

Attack from Bigfoot Crusher A blocked.

Knockback Resisted.

Attack from Bigfoot Crusher B blocked.

Knockback Resisted.

Ow! Strangely enough, having the equivalent of a baseball bat slammed into my hands didn’t feel great. The impact almost knocked me backward but luckily having two hit from either direction was a balancing force of sorts. These jerks were strong, but sort of dumb. Yeah, the force of the attack almost buckled me, but instead of taking a second swing they just kept pushing. Maybe it wasn’t that dumb. I couldn’t reach them with a kick and my hands were too busy to counter attack.

Nope, that was oddly smart, because four more of the big cryptids were charging toward me. That was a problem. A quick glance across the chasm showed me the others splattering north american great apes. While they were fine. Spine and I were in a bit of a rough spot.

Desperate times like this require desperate measures. Using all the tools available to me.

Claws of Darkness Activated

Titanic Regeneration reduced to 20 HP per second

Rough Great Club Destroyed x2

My shadow sort of rose off the ground and draped itself over me. My hands were instantly covered in thick but knife-like claws. They immediately bit into the wood of the Great Club and as the brutes continued to press the wood was simply cleaved into multiple chunks.

That was cool. The really nifty bit was the second pair of arms I had made of shadow. Each felt like a natural extension of myself. You would think suddenly having extra arms would be difficult or an adjustment. Nope hyperintutive. So it was really easy to take the tenebrous hands and use the claws to stab the Bigfeet- I am going with Bigfeet - in the solar plexus, hooked their rib cages, and pulled. That brought their necks closer to my actual hands. I used those to tear out some throats

Attack…Successful x2

Bigfoot Crusher A takes 67 points of damage.

Bigfoot Crusher A is slain.

Bigfoot Crusher B takes 62 points of damage.

Bigfoot Crusher B is slain.

Really hoping these were mobs, I dropped the corpse. “Spine! Stay Behind me!”

All of them flung big damn rocks at us. I placed myself between Spine and the incoming ordnance.

Attack from Bigfoot Brawler A-D blocked.

Attack from Bigfoot Warpriest successful.

You take 2 points of damage.

Knockback successful.

Titanic Regeneration heals 20 HP

HP: 420/420

I swatted the rocks out of the air like wads of paper. Then a fist made of mystical energy clocked me upside the head. It didn’t exactly knock my block off but it absolutely took me off my feet and sent me toward the chasm.

That was suboptimal. One of the Bigfoot brawlers hucked a rock at Spine. The other three were planning to pelt me. Now that I could see the Warpriest I was distressed to see it was targeting Spine also.

No help for it. I jumped between the magic and the Spine again.

Attack from Bigfoot Brawler C-D Successful

You take 7 total damage

Attack from Bigfoot Warpriest successful.

You take 3 points of damage.

Knockback successful.

Titanic Regeneration heals 20 HP

HP: 420/420

Spine took the first rock to the chest, yeah, he wasn’t instantly killed but that certainly was a lot of blood. Both of us were knocked back. Still closer to a hell of a drop.

The Bigfeet Brawlers, having only two hands, had exhausted their rocks. So now they were charging us in earnest. The bigger one with a staff followed behind obviously winding up another mystical punch. I really hope these jerks weren’t secretly people also, because i was going to kill them once they got in reach.

The country cryptids were obliging in that regard. This I knew. I got to my feet just as they rushed me.

Attack from Bigfoot Brawler A-D blocked.

Counter attack against Brawler A Successful x2

Bigfoot Brawler A takes 125 damage and is slain

Counter attack against Brawler B Successful x2

Bigfoot Brawler B takes 136 damage and is slain

Counter attack against Brawler C Successful x2

Bigfoot Brawler C takes 114 damage and is slain

Counter attack against Brawler D Successful x2

Bigfoot Brawler D takes 120 damage and is slain

Attack from Bigfoot Warpriest successful.

You take 2 points of damage.

Knockback successful.

I was developing a fighting style comparable to being a retaliatory bomb. The claws seemed to be doing well… I had assumed they would double my damage output at the cost of my regen. That wasn’t quite true. For one, it didn’t account for the World Breaker Bangle. Two, while they clearly were adding twenty more points of damage, I was still rolling 3d12 and keeping all of it. So I had about a twenty-five percent increase per hit that swelled to fifty percent per round increase, which then just expanded as the counter attacks piled up. That is a math way of saying my counter attacks split them like pumpkins and they fountained blood in a squall of gore.

Trouble is things got less ideal with each suckerpunch. That last hit almost put me over the edge. That said, I was trying to grip the side with my toes. Another hit like that and I was probably gonna fall.

The Bigfoot Warpriest leered as it wound up… and then he bellowed in agony. Spine had shot him in the eye with a crossbow bolt after the little goblin popped out of the snow. Strangely, that looked to have done some significant damage. Don’t get me wrong it was a shot in the eye, a notoriously bad place to be shot. But that took a massive brute from happy and murderous to profoundly unhappy… and murderous. It blundered toward Spline but he vanished into the snow.

Seizing my moment I charged the big ape. It probably expected me to shoulder check it or punch him in the dick maybe. The warpriest certainly hadn’t expected me to fling a live snow lion at it. It had ambushed me at some point during the Bigfeet brawl. I had ignored it because other things were happening. It basically just held on for dear life after the first hit from the warpriest.

It landed claw first onto the warpriest and went straight to the rip and tear. The massive Cryptid not to be outdone, bludgeoned the cat to death with its …ceremonial staff i guess.

Nomenclature of the womping stick was less important than what happened next. I struck like an opportunistic goon. Shadowy claws cut deep into the boss monsters spine.

Attack…Successful x2

Bigfoot Warpriest takes 105 points of damage.

It tried to clock me but missed. The missing eye must have messed with its depth perception.

Spine popped out of the snow and shot him in the other eye.

It was like turning off a light. The Bigfoot Warpriest went quiet and fell limp to the ground.

“I picked a perk! I went with Shadow Assassin!” Spine said a bit too loud. Clearly the adrenaline was pumping.

“Yeah. Good choice,” I said, proud of the little guy.