World After Worlds

Tiana was stoned at her spot. This is not you. It kept on echoing in her head. His voice and the way that he looked at her seemed broken on her vision and it was replaying non-stop. This is not me? Then, what am I? Who am I supposed to be? What kind of person does Lyndon think of me? A sucker? People pleaser? An easy target? He said it himself, I can't even fight Ejai. He thinks I'm weak! However, that is not who she really was. She was not weak, she hated pleasing people. She could fight for herself! …can she?

She clenched her hand to a fist, choked trying to fight her tears. The aggravating sensation she had when she was surrounded by Safa and Ejai was overwhelming. She was disparaged and they said all things that weren't true but she remained silent and docile. She was angry at them and she was scared as well. It was a terrifying moment when she thought of them hating her.

Then, Lyndon came to save her. After all… I needed to be saved? Am I weak… I can't save myself? Because I don't want anyone to hate me, am I a pleaser? Who can't even stand up for myself?

"You can't get away from this fact forever Tiana. Kraig will not come back to you." Lyndon told her with intensity. She stared at his eyes that held no restriction. He would bomb her, she felt like he would say everything that would break her.

In this situation, she could not understand Lyndon. He said he likes her, he said he was her ally. But why? Why does he keep on hurting me like this? Why is he so cruel to me? I know! I know! I know it! Kraig will not come back to me! He used me! But why Lyndon… you have to rub salt on my wounds?! You should have comforted me. You should say good things, coax and entice me. You should be nice to me if you want me to love you. Why are you so heartless to me?! You are the only person I can lean on but you're so harsh…

"STOP SAYING THAT! What's your problem? Are you having fun seeing me in this situation?! Is it fun?! You know Kraig is all I have!" She struggled to get off Lyndon's finger gripping her.

"That's not true." She unconsciously looked up at him and saw how cold his eyes were. It was chilling, it was grinding her heart to pieces. She did not want to hear anymore from him. No more, please…

"I'm going to class." She stuttered and was about to run away from Lyndon. She wanted to evade the truth. She cannot handle it all at once. "Lyndon! Let me go!" But before she could even have her step to escape, he caught her. He pulled her to him, she landed on his arms. He wrapped her tightly in his embrace. It was warm… "You are wrong," she broke down. Her tears streamed at her cheeks like it was a river. "I'm not desperate! I'm not weak! You are wrong, I'm not like that! That's not true!"

"Tell me what's true." He said softly, enclosing her in his embrace. "Tell me, Tia. What's the real you?" She gasped and turned her head to look at him.

"...you won't understand me," realizing how close they were, she abruptly looked in front. She was embarrassed and was about to ask for him to loosen his hug. However, before she could even say a word, she felt his chin on her on the top of her head. She could hear his heart on her back, it was loud in their silence.

"You have me, Tia." He uttered slowly, his low voice making a surging quake on her chest. "I never left you. I'm here. Why do you always forget me?"  It was weird, she felt so strange that she was so vulnerable and secure right now. He whispered to her ear like it was a melody that could calm her nerves. And it did, she gradually stopped crying as his hand was caressing her arm casually. He voluntarily set her free and she stepped back and faced him.

He was solemn, Tiana was cognizant that Lyndon was sincere with her. But that was not it, it was… Kraig. It was Kraig who she liked. "Y-you are different, Lyndon. You are my friend." His expression did not change, his eyes were fixed on her and she could feel the intensity of those stares. She had to look away but she was too drawn at him. Her heart trembled. No, she liked Kraig not Lyndon. She should not get swept by this moment… No.

Run. Don't do it. A voice screamed at her. Don't. Not him. Everyone but him, Tiana. It was giving her the same premonition that she should run away. Do not listen, turn her around and never look back on him.

There was that time, where she had thought she liked Lyndon. But there was always this wall that she built for him. Unconsciously there was something warning her to beware of him. Be careful in getting too involved in Lyndon. That there was a danger in risking her heart to him. She forgot that because Kraig came, she thought she could finally have her romance but unexpected things happened and everything swerved. Something was pulling her back to this very moment? To fall for Lyndon? At the same time, she can't fall for him? She cannot. She should not cross the line.

She shook her head, it was unsettling. Lyndon's a friend and she cannot allow him to get further than that. She did not understand why she felt that way but she had to listen to that voice if she did not want to get in trouble. But how could she… how could she run away if he was the only way where she could go? He was all she had.

"I am your friend and I could be your lover as well," he took a step towards her, Tiana was about to step back but he smiled. Smiled so warmly that it froze her. "Tia, I love you."

"Lyndon…" you can't love me. She moved her lips to tell him to stop but she could not find her voice.

He said it. The three words that she wanted to hear so badly from the person who sincerely yearned for her.

"I love you," he repeated and before she knew it, he was standing so close to her. She looked up on him while he guided her chin to get closer… just like that, his lips touched hers. Tiana's mind blacked out. She could not think of anything, it was fast. It was confusing, it was more than overwhelming.

They were quarreling and right now, he kissed her after confessing. How could she have processed this?

His hand went on her back, he pushed her to him. The hand that was holding her chin went on the back of her head and he drew her in. Tiana forgot how to breathe and her heart which had skipped a beat began to thump violently. Her hands were against his chest and as she regained her senses she tried pushing him but her arms were gooey, it did not have any strength.

"Breathe." He whispered to her, she blinked her eyes and as if she was bound on the spell, she heaved for air. His eyes flashed dangerously… she had to get away. Run, run…

"Lyn—hmm," she was attacked, her knees wobbling in the deeper kiss. Not like the first one he gave, this time, it was more sensual. His tongue forced its way in between her lips. Tiana forgot about pushing and just held onto his shoulders while he held her firmly. She closed her eyes, she retreated. She tried to hide herself from him but he was such a rogue. He found her tongue and with no hesitation claimed her. He was rough but it was gentle. He tasted her with enthusiasm, she felt that she melted on his arms, she was no longer able to think straight, it was as if she was paralyzed on her spot but she was floating on from the ground.

When he stopped, Tiana remained unmoved. "Did you like it?" He asked, and her mind replied, it was electrifying. She opened her eyes and saw how calm his eyes were. While she was there she was lost in her blank thoughts. But she still could hear hearts beating loudly, though she was no longer in rationality to discern if it was his or hers.

All she could think was how he kissed her, it was good, it felt great that she was so ashamed to look him in the eyes. She could not answer his question, she wanted to evaporate but judging the welfare of her knees, she could no longer run…