World After Worlds

"I can't remember anything when I was a child. However, there are hazy memories but I am not even sure if they are real or just my mind making up things for me to cope with my life." Yanarym had loosened the tension on her shoulders. "Sometimes, I think I'm crazy," she recalled the original's memory, she wasn't devising these statements. The original had these episodes, where she felt like she was dreaming reality or was it a reality? It was inexplicable, it was frustrating…

Yanarym felt Matteo's losing grasp on her, so she took the opportunity to break free. She did not do all this dramatic chaos for just a show or to just test Matteo by pure chance. There was a disturbing thing that happened to her in her dream. Though it was nothing serious, there was something within her saying that she should not take that gaily. Since there were no further clues that the plot could give her with the world's background or history. She had to do the research herself, after all, she can't go into this battle without any information on how she should strategize her attack.

What else? She looked at Matteo, isn't he a mystery? Why was a deity not included in the big play of the story itself? Why was he missing, not in the scene when the original died? Either he could not do anything to save his first love which was the original or he had not done anything at all. Why not follow the plot now? He should do what he did back then. Why is the first son of the powerful god here on Xleyl initially finding his sister but ended up staying because he fell in love?

For Yanarym, he was the most dangerous variable in this world. Her decision to find something in getting him out of her way was not void. She had to do something about Matteo, he can't just keep on barging into her life like this. He wasn't helping Yanarym.

Proving at this moment that his love was not as shallow as she predicted, was useless. You should have been there when she needed you… not now, you're just a hindrance for me, Yanarym thought. Wasn't sure if she should pity Matteo or get angry at him. Better yet, you should have become another villain in the story, you should have been on her side. Nonetheless, he was not there, because maybe he was an extra, his role was not to interfere with the big play. His exposure as she mentioned before was almost for less than five sentences. Not a page for three hundred seventy-three pages of the book. Another thing was the memory of the original. It was not complete.

Unlike the other originals she had inhabited, she could remember all of their experiences, from the moment they started to gain consciousness from their early infancy to the point where they died. Although she could not receive their emotion along with the memories, she could guess those feelings they had assuming from how the events of their lives played out. So far, she did not fail to portray their life.

There was supposed to be no deliberation about Matteo's involvement in the puzzling plot and incomplete memory. However, when she was asleep, she dreamt about somewhere odd. It was not included in the original's memory, she thought it was just a regular dream but it was so strange. Like nostalgia, she had to note that the emotion of the original was not transferred to her but she felt the place was so familiar… like she had been there herself.

She knew that sudden squeeze of familiarity, she felt it a few times. When she was with Alyx, when she was with Lapil, and when she was with Movu. The tinge of ticklish and flattering of her heart where she had mistakenly concluded she was falling in love but she knew those were not hers. Those were from the original…

Although, she was not certain if whenever the original felt that kind of sentiment, the man of that brief spark was 'really' the one meant for them. Like when she felt that with Alyx, did that mean, Alyx and the original on the first world was meant to be? Not Alyana and Alyx? Similar to Movu and the original in the third world. She felt that with Movu because they were meant to be, she could confidently vouch for that. Regarding Lapil, she assumed that Lapil and the original in the second world were for each other. If the original hadn't died, there was a big probability that Lapil would fall for the original. It was just that the original died, they had not met, and he met Tala instead.

Anyways, it was a little different from how she felt in the dream she had but there was a little similar coziness. The man who was with her in that dream was Matteo, a very young Matteo. It was weird, because Matteo was never that young, as far as her recollection could get, Matteo's appearance was always as he was today.

Though she had to say, whether he was a kid or a full-grown adult, the air of his arrogance was always distinct, even his stoic face would never fail him to be distinguishable as Matteo the god. The original was also a child, maybe much younger than Matteo's appearance. If he was recognizable because nothing had much changed from how he behaves from the present. The original was almost unrecognizable if she was compared to her older self. If Yanarym did not see her reflection she would've thought she was a completely different person.

Technically, Yanarym could describe the original's personality as a woman always soaking in the rain. But the little girl was so full of sunshine, like another version of Tiana but more vibrant and innocent… also not irritating. The image that played on her dream was the same broken record of a film from an old cinema, and it was the first point of view.

They were at the meadow of dandelions, near the crystal blue lake, it felt magical or maybe it was a real magical lake. Reckoning how powerful Matteo could be, making a lake out of nowhere was not that hard for him.

Matteo was sitting beside her, they were holding flowers… not dandelions but daisies. The breeze of the air was not that strong but it was causing her hair to fly, she was laughing and saying something, she forgot what it was they were talking about. However she was full of giggles and smiles, and the stern face of Matteo was smiling as he was looking at her with dreamy eyes.

A flash, the next thing happened, Matteo placed the daisies on her head, it became a flower crown. She ran to the lake, to see her reflection; that was when Yanarym realized she was not the original… She was in a dream.

In that split second, she thought she was the kid herself. Like it was her memory, it was her body, it was her emotion… but no, it was not. She was not that little girl; it just felt so genuine. Then, she wondered, was it a dream or part of the original's past? if it was… did that mean they had a mutual feeling? The original liked Matteo? The blurry part of the original that Yanarym couldn't recollect, was Matteo there?

Did the change of personality of the original occur back then? Why did Matteo let her fall out of love? Yanarym could understand the situation if Matteo did not feel anything back then. Back he just answered her query that he was in love with her ever since she was six! The original on that scene seemed like ten or thirteen?

But it could just be a dream… however, what if it was not? If it was not… then, Matteo… What happened back then? If I ask him, will he do something with my memory? Will he lie? I already checked how much of his affection is reliable for me. Still, I am not certain how much I could trust him. How much power do I hold from you, Matteo?

"I can't return your memory, Rym. I already destroyed them." Yanarym was stunned when she heard his apologetic voice. I am, right? He did something to the original's memory?! "There may be some of it left on you, those that you can't demolish. Are they making you confused? Should I remove them as well?"

Remove? He will erase my memories…?

"What? No!" Yanarym immediately backed away as soon as he stepped forward. She quickly analyzed the situation. A surge of sorrow ran through her nerves. "In those memories that were repeating in my dreams… you can't take them away." She shook her head, "why would you do that?" Her voice broke.

Both of them were stunned, Yanarym felt her cheeks flooded by her unwelcomed agony, when she reached out for her wetted cheeks, tears were making her sight blurry. Where did the sadness come from? Oh, why is this so painful? She grabbed her chest, it was shrinking, breaking to pieces. I'm in pain? Yanarym gulped and sobbed, it hurts…