Working Out Issues

"I do," I said.

"Bullshit!" shouted Dilruk, "I'm gonna ask again! Do you wanna get shredded?!"

"I do!" I yelled, and summoned the last of my strength to lift the barbell one last time.

"Hell yeah!" said Dilruk, and quickly helped secure the bar back in place. I laid back on the bench and tried to catch my breath. Fuck! That was intense!

It was so crazy to think that I used to be terrified of going to the gym. Then again, a lot had changed in the past couple of years. I had gone from being a lonely, insecure straight guy who had weird feelings about his roommate, to a friendly, happy bi girl who was totally in love with her amazing boyfriend. I mean, I still wasn't completely over my insecurity. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night with this sick sense of dread. Of course Adam didn't actually like me, he was just settling for me because he was too scared to go after someone he actually wanted, or he thought I was his only option, or I had just tricked him into thinking he was happy...

Those thoughts were still always there, deep in the back of my mind. But now I was getting better at dismissing them. Adam and I had been back together for almost two years, and he had proven over and over again that this wasn't just some mistake he kept on making. He loved me, and I loved him, and when I woke up with doubts, I just snuggled closer to him and pushed them aside.

And that had worked, until a few weeks ago. Recently, Adam had been acting really nervous and secretive about something, and whenever I asked him what was wrong, he just said everything was fine.

"That was sick, dude," said Dilruk, "Adam better watch out. You're gonna be kicking his ass soon."

"Ha," I panted, "Totally."

As I laid back, I took a look around the gym. Mirrors lined one wall of the gym. Upbeat techno music played over the speaker. The gym was full of people exercising, still mostly dudes, although there were a few more women these days. A couple months ago Adam had finally managed to get rid of the last boxes of merch he had been keeping in his room.

Weirdly enough, Adam himself wasn't at the gym today. But he hadn't mentioned anything about taking the day off.

"Hey, Dilruk," I said, "Has Adam been acting weird recently?"

"Uh, what?" Dilruk said, "Uh, nope. Nah, I don't think so."

"Are you sure?" I asked, "He hasn't seemed nervous, or stressed out about something at all?"

"Nope," Dilruk said quickly, "No way, dude. Definitely not nervous or stressed. Everything's normal. Hey, time for another set."

I sighed and repositioned myself back under the bar. As Dilruk counted me through the reps, I thought about what he'd said. Adam had definitely seemed anxious about something for the past couple of weeks, but if he was only acting that way around me... that didn't sound good.

I couldn't let myself freak out about it. If something was wrong, Adam would tell me. We told each other everything. Right?

"Dude!" I heard a familiar voice say, "I got it! And, it's perfect, look—"

"What the fuck, dude!" Dirluk yelped, "Put that shit away!"

"What?" said Adam, "I— oh my god! Hi, babe."

Dilruk helped me re-rack the bar, and I sat up and wiped the sweat from my brow. Adam was dressed casually, not in his gym clothes, but in a button up shirt and jeans. He was smiling guiltily, and awkwardly holding his hands behind his back.

"Hey," I said suspiciously, "Where have you been?"

"Uh..." Adam glanced at Dilruk, who shrugged helplessly, "Nowhere? I, uh, I thought you were at work."

"We had some server maintenance, so I left early," I squinted at him, "I actually came here to see you. Seriously, what have you been up to?"

Adam shifted uncomfortably, "Nothing, I swear. I was just... I had to... I was just, uh..."

As he struggled to come up with something to say, his eyes darted around the room like he was looking for inspiration. Clearly he couldn't find anything, because he gave up and looked back at me. And then he stopped. His shoulders, which had been all tensed up, relaxed, and as he gazed at me I saw a familiar dreamy, goofy smile spread over his face.

I turned to look at myself in the mirror. I had no makeup on, and my face was all red and puffy. My hair was a mess. I had some actually stylish workout clothes that I wore to the gym sometimes, but I had just come straight from work, so I was wearing the ratty grey t-shirt and gym shorts that I had left in my car, which were both now drenched with sweat. It had been a while since I shaved my legs, and I could see now that the prickly stubble was more noticeable than I had thought. And, despite everything, despite all my hard work over the past few years, I was still fucking fat.

I turned back to Adam, who was still staring at me with that blissful, mesmerized look on his face.

"Bro," said Dilruk, "What the fuck are you doing right now."

Adam shook his head slowly, "She's so beautiful, man."

"Dude!" Dilruk said urgently, "No! We have a plan! Two weeks, dude! We made the reservation!"

Adam shrugged, still smiling, "I can't wait two weeks, bro."

"Oh my god," Dilruk groaned, "Alright, give me a second."

He headed off towards the reception desk. I looked at Adam warily.

"Adam, what the fuck is going on?"

Adam took a deep breath.

"Okay. So. The reason I wasn't here today Is cause I had to go pick something up," he said, "From the jewelers. I actually bought it... a while ago, but then I realized I had to get it resized."

The thumping techno music that had been playing over the speakers suddenly cut out. After a moment, a new song start playing. Something slow, calm, and romantic. Some of the people working out around us started looking about, confused. I glanced over to the reception desk. Dilruk gave a thumbs up. I looked back at Adam. He was down on one knee, holding a small black box in his hands.

I clasped my hands over my mouth, "Oh my god."

"Mel," Adam said, "I love you so, so much."

"Okay," I whispered.

"When we— when we first met, I was just looking for a roommate," Adam said. His voice was shaking. I started shaking too, "And I knew you were nice, and really funny, and so fucking smart that you made more money than me without even having to work..."

I choked out a laugh, which almost turned into a sob.

"But I didn't realize you were also the most caring, and, and brave, and selfless, and, and, b-beautiful..." Adam's voice was almost a whisper. The gym around us had gone quiet. There were no weights clanking or people grunting with exertion. Adam's eyes were wet with tears.

I could feel my knees trembling. It was lucky I was still sitting down, or I honestly might have collapsed. I tried desperately to steady my nerves. This... this wasn't real. It couldn't be. No matter how much I wanted... this... it just couldn't be possible. Adam was just... he was just...

My mind scrambled to come up with something, anything, to explain what was going on, but nothing could find a foothold against the screaming tidal wave of certainty about what I wanted this to be.

But there was no way Adam was actually proposing to me right now.

At some point, Dilruk must have come over from reception, because I heard him now, quietly whispering to Adam, "You got this bro."

Then another murmur, and I realized it was from Kevin, "Come on man, you can do this."

It spread throughout the silently watching gym bros, a murmured chorus of encouragement, "Push through, dude." "Bring it home, man." "No pain, no gain," from a guy who must have been a little too far away to see what was going on.

Adam took a deep breath, then exhaled shakily. Another deep breath.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm not... I'm not good with words."

"That's okay," I whispered, "I love you."

Adam smiled up at me, then opened the box. I couldn't even bring myself to focus on it. All I saw was a glimmer of something golden, then I looked past it, into Adam's eyes.

"Mel," he said, "Will you marry me?"

Dead silence.

When you perform the same exercise enough times, your body adapts. You grow stronger, you develop muscle memory, and the movements become easier and easier to repeat. Over the course of my life, I had done thousands of reps of telling myself I was worthless, and that no one could ever love me, until performing that motion was as easy as breathing.

But there's a limit to how much strain your muscles can take before they give out, and when I looked into Adam's eyes and saw the wanting, and passion, and pure, unadulterated, irrepressible love...

Denying that it was real would have been like trying to lift the sun.

"Yes," I whispered.

Adam's eyes widened.

"Yes," I said again, "Yes, yes, oh my god, YES, Adam! Yes!"

Adam sprang to his feet and grabbed me around the waist, lifting me up into the air. I wrapped my legs around him and clung on tight, hugging him like my life depended on it.

"Fuck yes!" yelled Dilruk. The gym bros started whooping and punching the air.

Adam set me down and kissed me. My heart fluttered, knowing that this was something special, something new. My first kiss with my fiance.

I squeezed Adam tight, "Oh my god. I love you so much."

Adam smiled at me, then blinked, "Oh fuck. The ring! I gotta put the ring on you, sorry!"

I giggled, and stepped back. Adam got on one knee again, and carefully slid the ring onto my finger. It was gold, or gold-colored, and shiny, and, look, it was a fucking ring. I couldn't give a shit what it looked like. I watched Adam's beautiful fingers as he put it on me.

"What do you think?" he asked nervously.

I beamed at him, "It's perfect."

I kneeled down beside him and we kissed again, softly, sweetly, and held each other as the cacophony of celebrating dudes around us faded away.

We had come so far since that day, so long ago, when Adam had innocently complimented my hair. I was so excited to see where we would go from here. The two of us. Together.

"Hey, Adam," I said.

He smiled at me, eyes glistening, "Yeah?"

"This definitely isn't just a platonic thing, right?" I asked.