Wife, Don't Be Like This!

Chapter 28 - The Bed-Warming Handmaiden

By the time they returned, it was already the middle of the night.

Luo Tianyang was punished; he had to kneel in the main hall until dawn... As a little brother-in-law, to actually take his brother-in-law to a brothel was truly too outrageous.

After helping Song Yan finish his bath and making the bed, Gu Banxia did not leave. Instead, she silently lifted the blanket and lay down on the inside of the bed. A personal handmaiden has the duty of warming the bed.

But it was still summer now, so there should be no need for bed-warming.

Apart from warming the bed, unless the master requested it, a handmaiden was not allowed to get into the master's bed at will.

This was called 'climbing into the bed,' and was considered a deliberate attempt to seduce the master. In some families with strict rules, she could even be beaten to death.

Song Yan wouldn't be so cruel, but for Gu Banxia's transgressive behavior, a profound lesson still had to be taught. Therefore, that night, Gu Banxia cried out miserably.

Perhaps because too much energy was consumed during the night, when Song Yan woke up the next day, Gu Banxia was actually still asleep.

The sun shines on the lazy swallow, stretching with a touch of charm.

The wind brushes the languid oriole, unfurling a stretch of allure.

Her full figure was a stunner capable of driving a man mad. The fair skin of her full thighs was a little dazzling. He couldn't resist reaching out and poking one. It indented, and when he moved his finger away, it bounced back to its original shape.

After teasing her like this for a bit, he pulled the blanket over to cover the beautiful scenery.

Although they had tossed and turned for most of the night, perhaps because of the ‘Hundred Treasures Compendium’, Song Yan didn't feel tired. On the contrary, he was full of vigor.

The internal breath circulating in his body had increased a little more. Although it wasn't much, he could tangibly feel himself getting stronger.

A basin of clean water, a toothbrush, and a towel were placed at the door, probably prepared by Kong Chan and the others.

The toothbrush was something that had actually been invented long ago. Generally, solid wood, animal bone, or bronze was used for the handle, and then the bristles of some beast were inserted into it. Its shape was very similar to a modern toothbrush.

But there was no toothpaste. Dipping it in some coarse salt could also achieve a cleaning and sterilizing effect.

Of course, ordinary families couldn't afford these things. Just like the previous Song Yan, he just used a willow twig or something similar to poke at his teeth, rinsed his mouth, and that was considered brushing his teeth.

After washing up, Song Yan practiced a few rounds of Tai Chi in the courtyard.

Although it was a superficial imitation, it was still a bit better than things like 'Kun Boxing' or the 'Lightning Five-Consecutive Whip'. As he practiced, Song Yan felt his whole body grow hot.

The not-so-vigorous internal force circulated freely in his body. The more he practiced, the more exhilarating it felt, and the smoother it became.

As his palms swept through the air, the surrounding airflow faintly showed a strange distortion.

……

The Luo family's main courtyard.

A woman stood on a tall, old tree. A white robe, a light gauze covering her face, her black hair scattered behind her like a waterfall. Her clear eyes silently watched the distance. The wind blew through the treetop, and her body swayed with the branches in the wind. Her slender pinky finger would occasionally hook a long strand of hair by her ear, but a few mischievous strands would inevitably float across her face, revealing a hint of disarray.

Watching Song Yan's slow movements, she found it amusing.

This fist technique, as slow as a snail, by the time he raised his arm, he probably would have already been beaten black and blue.

If my husband wants to learn martial arts, I can just have Tianyi teach him some. It would be better than this slow fist art.

But as she watched, the woman's expression began to turn serious, and her gaze became solemn.

She had a feeling that was hard to describe.

Involuntarily, her body fell from the old tree. She slowly raised her arms, mimicking Song Yan's appearance. Her movements were even slower, yet they stirred up even more power.

At some unknown time...

The wind rose.

There was clearly only a gentle breeze that could stir one's hair, but around this woman, a fierce wind began to sway, and even that ancient tree rustled in the wind.

An invisible force pulled, and leaves fell from the air.

She didn't know how much time had passed, but the woman slowly withdrew her posture. The leaves fell all around, spiraling down.

The woman's brow was tightly furrowed. She had an extremely distorted and unnatural feeling. This set of fists her husband was practicing definitely had many errors. She tried to correct them, but it was not an easy task. Her eyes were already closed, and her whole person just stood there blankly.

Song Yan still didn't know that his techniques had been stolen. After finishing another set of Tai Chi, he felt comfortable all over.

Then he raised his hand and scratched his arm hard. Rolling up his sleeve, he saw a big red bump... A dignified martial arts master was actually being bullied by a mosquito. Truly pitiful. But then he thought of another bald man who was also bullied miserably by mosquitoes, and his heart felt much more balanced.

It was strange. The night should have been when the mosquitoes were most numerous, but after sleeping all night while holding Gu Banxia, he hadn't been bitten.

Thinking this, Song Yan pinched a star shape onto the red bump, and it felt less itchy.

Although he had mosquito-repelling sachets, their effect couldn't be said to be 'better than nothing'; one could only say they were 'completely useless'. He still had to make something like toilet water*. For him, this wasn't a difficult matter.

[N: Toilet water here refers to “eau de toilette”, a type of light perfume or cologne. The word "toilet" comes from an older French term for a personal grooming and dressing routine, not a bathroom fixture.]

Before transmigrating, during the 'twelve-choose-six limit,' the fourth option he had casually filled in was: All famous poems, essays, and classics in history. At first, Song Yan felt this option could only be used to recite poems and be a plagiarist.

But gradually, he discovered that this was the most exaggerated cheat.

The poems and essays were just bonuses; the two words 'classics' at the end were the main point.

This encompassed all four directions.

Want to practice calligraphy? He could directly find Wang Xizhi's 'Lanting Ji Xu' (Preface to the Poems Collected from the Orchid Pavilion) in his mind.

Want to participate in the imperial examinations? He could find the splendid essays of ancient top scholars.

Want to be a doctor? There was the 'Barefoot Doctor's Handbook'.

Want to farm? There was the 'Nongzheng Quanshu' (Complete Treatise on Agricultural Administration).

Want to be a craftsman? There was the 'Tiangong Kaiwu' (The Exploitation of the Works of Nature).

Even if he wanted to rebel, there was the 'Militia Military Training Manual'.

As long as it had left a mark in history, it was there.

The difficulty in making toilet water was high-concentration alcohol, and the process of distilling spirits was, of course, recorded.

After eating breakfast, with Luo Yuheng's permission, Song Yan went to pay his respects to his mother.

That place was a mass grave. There were raised burial mounds everywhere. Among the dense grass, one could still see white bones. It was gloomy and desolate.

When his mother died back then, as her only biological son, Song Yan was not even allowed to leave the mansion to see her off. He didn't even know which grave mound was his mother's.

Luo Yuheng, on the other hand, had already investigated and found out in advance.

That grave mound... to call it a grave mound, it was just a small bump in the ground. Because no one had taken care of it for many years, it was overgrown with weeds. Just clearing these alone took a considerable amount of time, leaving everyone covered in dust and dirt.

Luo Yuheng had even hired a stonemason in advance and had a stone tablet made. On the tablet, besides the name 'Mei Xue,' there were only the words 'Son Song Yan, Daughter-in-law Tianxuan.'

After clearing the weeds and repairing the grave mound, Luo Tianyi and Gu Banxia's group left. Song Yan stood quietly in front of the tombstone. The time he had spent with his mother was only a short six years, but for Song Yan, who had been an orphan in his previous life, the memories of these six years were exceptionally precious.

After a long while, Song Yan sat down in front of the tombstone and began to chatter about everything that had happened in the past ten years:

"Mother, I got married."

"I'm a live-in son-in-law, but I finally escaped from the Song family."

"The Luo family treats me well, especially my mother-in-law. She is a very good person."

As he spoke, he felt his nose begin to sting. He pursed his lips:

"Mom, I miss you."

……

For the next few days, Song Yan stayed obediently at the Luo Mansion and didn't go anywhere.

Of course, he wasn't idle either. He found the Luo family's artisans and had them custom-make some strange things, such as ceramic tubes and some strange jars, which were to be used for purifying high-concentration alcohol.

He then turned and instructed Gu Banxia, Kong Chan, and the other handmaidens to pick a lot of mint leaves, rose petals, and the like, and to air-dry them. It was unknown what he was going to do.

He also had Luo Tianyang get a lot of firecrackers. Everyone thought the Young Master-in-law wanted to play with fireworks, but in the end, he just broke open the firecrackers, poured out some blackish-brown powder from inside, looked at it, and then tossed it aside with great disdain.

He also had people find a lot of saltpeter, sulfur, and charcoal. No one knew what he wanted to do.

They had long heard that the Young Master-in-law had been imprisoned for many years and had some problems with his head, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Now it seemed it was probably true.

Even Luo Yuheng couldn't help but worry. They say a doctor cannot heal himself. Poor Song Yan, with all his medical skills, had no way to deal with his own mental illness. Truly pitiful.

Song Yan, of course, did not care about these rumors.

The last trip to Song Prefecture, he could be considered to have offended that fellow Fang Jun. The Fang family was not to be trifled with. What's more, there were also the three Song brothers. Although hitting Song Lu was satisfying, there was no guarantee they wouldn't secretly make a move on him.

Staying in the Luo family, with his little sister-in-law protecting him, was naturally no problem. But he, as the brother-in-law, couldn't keep his little sister-in-law tied to his side at all times.

In the end, he had to prepare a few little gadgets for self-defense... really just little gadgets to scare people.

What he was missing now was egg whites and eggs. Hmm, and I should prepare some iron sheets, rusty ones.

The days passed one by one, and before he knew it, the time for the seven-day return visit had arrived.

Early in the morning, Luo Yuheng called Song Yan to her. Looking at Song Yan's jade-white face, she felt quite gratified. His complexion was much better than when he had first married into the Luo family.

"These are the return-visit gifts I've prepared for you. See if anything is missing."

Handing the gift list to Song Yan, Luo Yuheng said in a gentle voice.

Although the matter of the dowry that day had made Luo Yuheng very angry, she still gave Song Yan a lot of face. The return-visit gifts were prepared very appropriately. Even if they couldn't compare to the betrothal gifts, they were still worth seven or eight thousand taels.

Song Yan glanced at it and handed the gift list back: "Nothing is missing. I'm just missing people..."

"People?" Luo Yuheng was stunned.

Song Yan nodded.

"Mm, I'm missing people. The things on the gift list are of no use. Let's just carry the dowry sent by the Song family back."

Luo Yuheng's expression changed: "Is that appropriate?"

"I think it's very appropriate," Song Yan smiled.

This wasn't a return visit; this was making an enemy.

But this style of doing things was quite to Luo Yuheng's liking.

"Then we must bring more people, otherwise we'll be at a disadvantage if a fight breaks out. Tianyi, you go too."

"Oh right, quickly go to the back courtyard and invite Daoist Priestess Yushuang."

This way, even if a fight breaks out, they probably won't be at a disadvantage.

She, Luo Yuheng, would eat anything, but she would never suffer a loss.