Wife, Don't Be Like This!

Chapter 24 - Congenital Green Hat Saintly Physique

The latrine?

Even though Song Yan was considered quick-witted, he couldn't react right away. Could it be that Luo Tianyang, a big and burly man, needed someone to accompany him to the latrine at night?

While he was puzzled, he saw Luo Tianyang scratch his hair in frustration. A look of resolve suddenly appeared on his big, dark-red face. His eyes sharpened, his heart hardened, and he gritted his teeth.

Then he strode to a large tree, where there was an earthenware pot. Luo Tianyang opened the lid. Curious, Song Yan couldn't help but move a little closer.

And then... Holy s***

Song Yan really couldn't hold it in. His body, like a nimble rabbit, quickly put distance between himself, Luo Tianyang, and that earthenware pot.

Inside the earthenware pot was half a pot of filth, probably just recently scooped out from the pit. The smell was so rich, and he almost threw up everything he had eaten earlier.

Is there really nothing wrong with this guy's brain? He mysteriously brought me over here just to look at shit?

But Luo Tianyang showed no self-awareness, and was even a little proud.

"Brother-in-law, I've come to fulfill my promise."

"Promise?"

"I said before, if the medicine brother-in-law gave was really effective, I, Luo the Third, would eat shit while doing a handstand. Three jin." Luo Tianyang proudly puffed out his chest:

"Although I'm a boorish man, I keep my word. If I said three jin, it's three jin."

[N: 1 jin = 0.5 kg]

As he spoke, Luo Tianyang picked up the pot and walked towards Song Yan:.

"Brother-in-law, do you want to weigh it?"

An indescribable vapor could be seen around the earthenware pot. Terrified, Song Yan hurriedly backed away a few more steps. He could even faintly see some white worms floating on top.

Was he worried about not getting enough nutrients, so he added some extra protein?

He hadn't taken this bet to heart at all. Who would have thought that this Luo the Third would actually get serious about it.

You're really going to eat it?

You shouldn't be called Luo the Third, you should be called Luo the Eighth.

And you're proud of it?

What's there to be proud of in this shitty business?

For a moment, Song Yan's face twitched, and he waved his hands continuously.

"No, no need."

Hearing this, Luo Tianyang also let out a heavy breath.

It's great that brother-in-law isn't going to weigh it.

When he weighed it earlier, he had included the weight of the pot. If he really had to tare it, he'd probably have to drink a lot more. Thinking this, Luo Tianyang couldn't help but feel smug. Who says I'm stupid? Isn't this quite clever?

As witty as I am.

Luo Tianyang didn't understand the many twists and turns of Song Yan marrying into the family. He only knew that the medicine in Song Yan's hands could save his Eldest Sister. He had already been very disrespectful to his brother-in-law before. If he broke his promise and angered his brother-in-law again, and he refused to treat Eldest Sister, that would be trouble.

As long as he could save Eldest Sister, even drinking fecal water was no big deal.

Thinking this, Luo Tianyang couldn't help but grin, letting out a foolish laugh.

Seeing that Luo Tianyang was already preparing to do a handstand, Song Yan was helpless.

"Tianyang, put that damn thing in your hands down first. That was just a joke before. I never took it to heart, and you don't need to do this."

But Luo Tianyang was stubborn, yelling that a real man keeps his word, and that not even the Three Pure Ones could stop him, and so on.

"Brother-in-law, I was the one who was rude to you before. Eldest Sister never said a single bad word about you. I'll down these three jin today. I just hope brother-in-law won't hold it against a boor like me. Even if you do, it's fine, just don't delay Eldest Sister's treatment because of me."

"If you're still not satisfied, I'll sleep in this latrine tonight..."

Song Yan was taken aback. This Luo Tianyang was a bit of a simpleton, but he wasn't someone you could dislike. He thought for a moment and said:

"I know you're worried about your eldest sister, but your eldest sister is also my wife. Would I neglect my own wife?"

"How about this? We'll change the terms. In the future, you help me with one thing, and we'll be even. How about that?" After thinking for a moment, Song Yan added.

Luo Tianyang was still a bit hesitant: "But..."

"Are you not going to listen to your brother-in-law's words?"

Scratching his hair, Luo Tianyang finally put down the earthenware pot. After all, the smell of this thing was truly terrible.

"Then we'll do as brother-in-law says. Whatever brother-in-law wants done, just tell me. I'll go through a mountain of knives and a sea of fire for you. From now on, you are my, Luo Tianyang's, real brother-in-law. No, my real big brother. Luo Tianshu will have to step aside."

He thumped his chest loudly. Then, as if he had thought of something, Luo Tianyang walked over with a grin.

"Brother-in-law, I'll take you somewhere fun later."

Song Yan, however, looked a bit disgusted.

"Go change your clothes and take a bath first."

Gu Banxia was already waiting at the door, perhaps because Luo Tianyang's loud voice had been heard.

She nodded at Song Yan, called out "Young Master-in-law," and then stood silently by his side.

She was actually a very quiet girl. Although she would act very passionately in the bedchamber, the everyday Gu Banxia was like an exquisite doll.

The crescent moon climbed to the treetops, and the ground was painted a frosty white. Even Gu Banxia's side profile was covered in a hazy luster. Her quiet figure was like that of a fairy, with only her long eyelashes occasionally trembling.

"Did your bra get stolen?"

Gu Banxia subconsciously puffed out her cheeks, a little aggrieved, but then she remembered that Luo Yuheng was the master and she was just a handmaiden, so she really shouldn't be showing such an expression.

Song Yan smiled: "No need to be sad. I'll just give you another one later."

A hint of a smile appeared on the corners of Gu Banxia's mouth, but then she felt that this was too obvious and forced the corners of her mouth back down.

"Where did the Young Master-in-law get these... womanly things?"

Before Song Yan could answer, she continued on her own:

"It would be better if the Young Master-in-law studied these things less in the future. The Young Master-in-law is a man. If you're always studying these women's things, you'll be laughed at."

These were very serious words. Gu Banxia knew that it wasn't her place as a handmaiden to say them, but she didn't want to see her young master-in-law be looked down upon.

Although they hadn't known each other for long, she knew that the young master-in-law was a very good person.

Song Yan smiled and didn't take it to heart. He didn't much care what others thought of him. He was planning to find an excuse in the next two days to start a small business and earn some silver. The money of women and children is the easiest to earn, so it was inevitable that he would have to deal with women's things.

Gu Banxia glanced at Song Yan, her fingers gently hooking a strand of black hair, which had been stirred by the night wind, behind her ear. A hint of helplessness appeared on her face. She could see that the Young Master-in-law definitely hadn't taken her words to heart.

Although the Young Master-in-law was young, he had a stubbornness that was difficult for others to understand.

This, then, was her man.

She couldn't say if she was satisfied or disliked him... It should be that she didn't dislike him.

She had never thought about what her future husband would be like. Now, it seemed he wasn't bad. To be his bed-warming maid, and then stay by his side for a lifetime. She didn't have many other things to think about or to do. Just a normal life like this. If everything developed along its natural course, in a few more years, she might be elevated to a concubine. In a few more decades, she would grow old before him, her beauty would fade, she would be an old pearl, no longer favored, and then she would die a little lonely. That would be her whole life.

However, in the end, she had started to care about his affairs.

Luo Tianyang's appearance broke the tranquility.

He had taken a bath and changed his clothes, and that nauseating smell was finally gone. Coming out with him was a horse carriage.

Song Yan raised an eyebrow: "Aren't we just going for a walk?"

"It's more than ten li from here to Song Prefecture! How long would that take to walk?" Luo Tianyang said, as if it were a matter of course.

[N: 1 li = 500 meters]

Song Yan had thought Luo Tianyang was planning to take him for a walk in Ningping County, but he hadn't expected his little brother-in-law to have set his sights on Song Prefecture. Such grand ideals.

Looking at the sky, Song Yan said: "Isn't it inappropriate? It's already late."

Luo Tianyang laughed.

"It has to be at night. The twentieth of every month is the night market in Song Prefecture. It's very lively. Don't worry, I've already asked for permission. Mother said, just remember to come back."

That's just like Luo Yuheng's character.

Saying this, he pushed Song Yan's shoulders and shoved him onto the carriage.

Song Yan extended his hand to Gu Banxia. Although she was a bit shy, she ultimately placed her small hand in Song Yan's palm.

The carriage trembled slightly. No one noticed as a figure silently landed on the roof of the carriage, her white long dress fluttering in the night wind.

Song Yan had still underestimated the appeal of the Song Prefecture night market to the surrounding county towns. After leaving the county, he could see many carriages on the official road, most likely all heading to Song Prefecture.

He reckoned that the night market was most likely just some snacks, acrobatics, storytelling, fortune-telling, and the like. It was an era with a scarcity of entertainment.

If he had this kind of free time in his past life, he would most likely be lying in bed playing on his phone.

Ningping was very close to the prefectural city. Even though the carriage wasn't fast, they arrived in an hour.

Although it was only a distance of a dozen or so li, and the moon was high in the sky over in Ningping, a light rain was drizzling down in Song Prefecture. But the weather has always been unpredictable. The two sides of a mountain range can be completely different.

There was an inspection when entering the city, but with the Luo family's status, they naturally wouldn't be bothered by such things.

The prefectural city was indeed much livelier than the county town. Large red lanterns hung high. Those who didn't know better might have thought someone was getting married at night.

Gu Banxia bought an umbrella and sheltered the two of them. As for Luo the Third, she couldn't be bothered with him.

The streets were also a hubbub of voices, with a din of gongs and drums. Occasionally, one could hear the roar of firecrackers. There were also children running back and forth. The sounds of greetings, hawking, and idle chatter all mixed together.

Song Yan quite enjoyed this feeling. In his past life, he had really liked to stroll down those food streets. Although most of them weren't very sanitary, they always felt bustling and lively.

Seeing Song Yan smile, Luo Tianyang also let out a simple-minded laugh. Mother was right after all; after being imprisoned for ten years, brother-in-law would naturally yearn for this kind of place.

Originally, he had planned to go to the Yicui Pavilion... oh, that's not right. Ever since the Yicui Pavilion was sealed, it no longer went by that name. It's now called the Red Sleeve Pavilion. Although the girls are still the same girls and the pimps are still the same pimps, it just changed owners and got a new sign.

Along the way, every time Song Yan saw a stall, he would ask the price, but he very rarely actually bought anything. This night market was just like the ones in his past life; the prices were on the high side.

When Song Yan really wanted to buy something, Gu Banxia would take out a small purse and take out a few copper coins.

The young masters, young misses, and concubines of large households all had a monthly allowance. For example, in the Duke's mansion, a concubine's monthly allowance was about ten taels of silver, which was already quite good. For a slightly lesser family, it might be a few strings of copper coins.

The Luo family's was a little higher, but not too exaggerated. However, Luo Yuheng did not restrict Song Yan's spending. She just instructed Gu Banxia that whatever the Young Master-in-law took a fancy to, she should buy it.

Who let her sons and daughters be so heartless? Only this son-in-law knew to save some food for her. She was probably still sulking.

Regarding Song Yan's actions of only asking prices and rarely buying, Gu Banxia thought the Young Master-in-law was still being as cautious as he was in the Duke's mansion. She tried to tactfully remind Song Yan that he didn't need to be like this, but it was of no use.

Then, seeing that Song Yan could be very happy just asking prices without buying anything, she found it even stranger.

Perhaps she was really worried about some fox spirits. Throughout the entire way, Gu Banxia stuck close to Song Yan. But Gu Banxia had clearly overthought things. Although the social atmosphere of the Ning Kingdom was relatively open, there were few women who dared to accost a man on the street, so there weren't many fox spirits.

There were, however, quite a few lechers.

Gu Banxia had a curvaceous figure and a beautiful appearance, attracting many gazes.

But, seeing the way the three of them were dressed, it was clear they were from a wealthy family, and with the big and burly Luo Tianyang there, no one really dared to come up and strike up a conversation.

After a long while, the area ahead suddenly became lively. A crowd of young masters had gathered in front of a pavilion. They wore long robes and, despite the rain, were still holding folding fans.

This was a matter of style, something ordinary people could not understand.

Luo Tianyang chuckled: "Brother-in-law, we're here."

Song Yan's expression was strange. He looked up at the pavilion's sign, and his expression became even stranger.

"This is the 'fun place' you were talking about?"

"Exactly, exactly..."

"Exactly your ass," Song Yan said irritably. "Let's go. We're going back."

A plaque hung on the pavilion, with the words "Jade Gathering Garden" written on it.

This was a brothel.

And it was the one the two old men had mentioned, the most high-end brothel in the entire Ning Kingdom. Its business had already expanded to Song Prefecture!

A little brother-in-law taking his brother-in-law to a brothel. Is this good? This is not good.

Besides, for a live-in son-in-law like him to visit a brothel on the second day of his marriage, did he still want his life to go on?

Originally, seeing Luo Tianyang's enthusiasm, he had been a little interested in the 'fun place' he mentioned. Who would have thought it would be this filthy place? Although his heart yearned for it, he could still control himself.

Just then, a voice came from not far away.

"Song Yan? Is that you?”

Hearing the voice, Song Yan frowned. He turned around and saw three familiar faces.

Song Zhen, Song Yun, Song Lu.

The three Song brothers.

Does this count as enemies meeting on a narrow road? The one who spoke was Song Zhen. The moment he saw Song Yan, he couldn't help but think of the humiliation he had suffered at the Luo Mansion, and his eyes instantly turned red.

Song Yan also thought of Luo Tianshu's words, that Song Zhen was not Song Hongtao's biological son. He wondered what kind of mood Song Zhen would be in if he knew that he, a legitimate son, was actually a bastard. The thought of it was amusing.

In the middle of the three Song brothers was another young man, followed by four handmaidens. The man was dressed in magnificent clothes and looked rather handsome. His status seemed to be even higher than that of the three Song brothers. He just glanced casually at Song Yan before his gaze fell on Gu Banxia.

His eyes shone with a strange light.

A mature woman of twenty-five or twenty-six.

With a male companion, probably married.

This is very good.

Song Yan really disliked the man's gaze. He frowned and asked Luo Tianyang who that person was.

Luo Tianyang glanced over and curled his lip: "He's from the Fang family. His name is Fang Jun."

The Fang family, another aristocratic clan.

A top-tier noble family in the Ning Kingdom.

Originally, the Yang and Fang families were roughly on the same level, but ever since the Yang family split its clan, within the borders of the Ning Kingdom, the Fang family's influence had faintly surpassed the Yang family's.

Fortunately, he had crammed on history before getting married, otherwise he probably wouldn't even know these things.

But, Fang Jun?

This name made Song Yan feel as if he had heard it somewhere before, but he couldn't recall where at the moment.

"His father is Fang Hai, the newly appointed Provincial Governor of Song Prefecture."

The Provincial Governor was considered the top leader of the prefecture. Although he was checked by officials like the Prefect and the Vice Prefect, his power was still immense. But even so, the three Song brothers didn't need to be so humble, did they? They were clearly on an outing together, yet their posture was full of sycophancy.

At the very least, they were the legitimate sons of a Duke. Had they cast away all their dignity?

"His grandfather is the Duke of Lu, Fang De, the current President of the Department of State Affairs."

Song Yan came to a sudden realization.

The legitimate son of the Fang family, and a descendant of a Duke. This background alone was much higher than the Song family's. And he had a grandfather who was the President of the Department of State Affairs. He was naturally incomparable to Song Hongtao, who only had the empty title of Duke without any substantial official position. Although Song Hongtao's younger brother, Song Jincheng, served as a minister in the court, Fang Jun's grandfather just happened to be his direct superior, the President of the Department of State Affairs.

No wonder the three Song brothers were fawning over Fang Jun so much. Although they were all nobles, they were still divided into different ranks.

"Also, his wife is the daughter of the Prince of Fu, Commandery Princess Gaoyang."

Song Yan's expression suddenly became strange. He had said before that the name Fang Jun was a bit strange, but he couldn't remember where he had heard it. But upon hearing the two words 'Gaoyang,' some memories were instantly triggered.

Princess Gaoyang was one of the most famous women of the Emperor Taizong's era in the Tang Dynasty. She was married to the son of Prime Minister Fang Xuanling, Fang Jun. However, Princess Gaoyang looked down on the big and burly, simple and honest Fang Jun. Although they were married, they never shared a bed. Instead, she took a fancy to the handsome monk Bianji and had an affair with him. There was even the grand feat of her tumbling in the clouds and rain with Bianji inside the room, while making Fang Jun stand guard outside.

From then on, the saying that the princesses of the Li-Tang dynasty were mostly promiscuous came into being.

As for Fang Jun, he thus became the eternal king of cuckolds.

For a moment, Song Yan couldn't help but look at that Fang Jun with a bit of pity.

Of all the names to pick, he just had to be called Fang Jun, and his wife is even called Gaoyang. He's practically a congenital cuckold saintly physique.

This world doesn't seem to have a monk named Bianji. I wonder who it will be that gets to put the green hat on this Fang Jun's head.

In any case, it definitely won't be me, Song Yan thought to himself.