While Waiting to Wake

“No.” She lifted her chin. Clutching the necklace. “I want to know. Even if it hurts.”

He raised a slow eyebrow. Watching her. Finally, he shrugged.

“At the risk of being the tactless adult, I suppose I owe you at least that much.” He pressed his lips together. “The first Baroness-”

“Your mother,” Em interrupted.

“Yes, my mother. Father and Mother married on contract, like many nobles do. When Mother was alive, Father didn’t even pretend to be faithful or considerate. He took advantage of her, had two children with her, and did whatever else the hell-heck he wanted. It left her lonely and angry.”

Em opened her mouth and closed it. Fiddling with the necklace.

“Did Mother and Father-?”

“No. Your mother came around long after my mother died and was completely innocent of the mess. By then Father had reformed a lot as well. I’m the one who never forgave him.”

“Is that why you resented me?”

“Pardon?”

Em looked down at her lap. It may be a dream, but she wasn’t sure she could ask while looking at his cold stone face. She just kept going because she was fairly certain he wouldn’t come around the desk and kill her.

“They were happy with me. And they were good parents to me. Did you resent me?”

There was a long, long pause. She flinched when he suddenly chuckled.

It was a bitter, hard chuckle.

“You know, perhaps I did. That wasn’t fair, was it?” There was a creak as he got out of his chair and came around the desk again. “Is there anything else you want to know?”

“Not-not now. No.”

Flint held out his hand to her, and she slowly took it. Letting him help her off the chair, which was too big for her.

Like yesterday, once the door closed behind her, she stared at the wall for a few minutes outside the office.

Chewing on the revelations.

Maybe she should’ve asked more. Because after today, she wouldn’t get another chance.

She just didn’t think her heart could take anymore.

The image he’d painted of a neglectful, perhaps emotionally abusive father, was in sharp contrast to her own memories of him. It made her feel confused and… disappointed.

The disappointment ran so deep that she felt depression just behind it.

Black and dark and empty depression. The kind she used to fall into when she had to stay in the hospital for days. Wallowing in thoughts of dying and fear of what might or might not come next.

She made it back to her room just minutes before Tracy arrived.

Unaware of Em’s truancy but noticing her mood, the maid cheerfully tried to cheer Em up as she checked Em’s hair and dress. Then led the girl downstairs.

Tracy’s effort’s partially worked. Though something gloomy sat in Em’s stomach as she followed Tracy away from her room.

From the stairs, Em could see guests gathered outside and in the front hall. No one would go into the reception room until her brothers came and opened the doors. Ah, and there was the priest.

She was just wondering if he served the god of the dead specifically or was just doing the rites today, when there was an angry shout upstairs.

“What the hell are you talking about?!”

Startled, she turned toward the shout with about half the guests. One hand on the banister for balance.

Pause. “No! I will not be quiet! How dare you accuse me of such a thing?!”

Now there was no one who wasn’t paying attention to the drama happening somewhere just out of sight.

Then Felix came out of a hallway. Stomping to the top of the stairs and glaring over his shoulder.

“You call that proof!? You won’t get away with trying to frame me like that!” Then, he turned to the people watching him from below. Melodramatically, he said for the entire room to hear, “My dear brother just accused me of embezzlement. I’m formally challenging that bastard to a duel.”

Em could imagine what the other guests were thinking.

How inappropriate for the dirty laundry to be aired out like this! And on their parents’ death memorial day!

But Em was not surprised.

What little information she had on the event didn’t tell her what it was over, but she’d expected something to happen.

She’d expected to be calm about it.

Expected to watch dispassionately as the two horrible brothers faced each other.

But as Flint emerged from the hallway, a vein popping out of the side of his neck and his hard gaze fixed on Felix, anxiety grew in her stomach. Overtaking the emotions from the morning.

“A duel? Have you gone mad?”

Em could barely hear Flint’s growl from where she was, so she knew the guests couldn’t hear.

“Yes, brother, a duel. You’re good at those, aren’t you? So you should feel at an advantage.”

Felix wasn’t bothering to lower his voice.

“I have no desire to drag this to bloodshed-”

“But you’d rather drag my name through pig muck?!” This time Felix shouted. He looked like a madman, practically frothing at the mouth with rage. “Either accept the duel or admit dishonor.”

Ah. So that’s how he was going to play it.

If Flint had gone straight to the proper authorities instead of confronting Felix, then Felix would have been dragged to prison or put on house arrest while an investigation occurred.

It would have still been dishonorable to the family name, but not irreparably so. Because such scandals happened often enough that it was food for passing gossip, but not surprising.

However, challenging a war veteran to a duel and the veteran turning it down, that was a socially marring circumstance. A confession that the veteran either was no longer fit for service or had somehow cheated his way to the top without the proper skills.

For someone in active duty, it could be career damaging.

Flint clenched both fists by his side, staring at Felix with a flat glare. Then nodded. Just one sharp jab downward with his chin.

“Get your sword, brother,” Felix seethed. “I will meet you outside.”

Felix swept down the stairs and Tracy had to hurry to get out of his way before he could push her over. Em hugged the banister, mutely watching her once favorite brother throw a fit all the way outside.

Then she looked back up the stairs at the hulk of the other brother.

The negligent one. The one who was supposed to be her guardian but hadn’t kept enough tabs on her to know what Felix had been doing.

He was staring after Felix with a hard, unreadable expression. Then, as though he felt her gaze among all the other people staring and whispering in the room, he looked at her. Met her eyes.

He gave her a small nod, turned, and went back down the hallway and out of sight.

“A duel is no place for a child,” Tracy whispered. For the umpteenth time as she tried to follow Em’s nimble dashes through the gathering people.

Em found a place out the outskirts of the growing circle. Watching Felix bounce on his toes.

The stupidhead was trying not to smile.

Em wondered if she was the only one who could tell he was excited, not angry or nervous.

How do you intend to win? She watched him. As far as Emmaline’s memory knew, Felix was not well known for his swordsmanship. And as far as she knew, Flint had always beaten him in sparring matches when they were boys.

And since the time he’d been sent off as a squire, Flint had taken part in wars and monster hunts with scary success.

So how?

The priest anxiously took a position at the edge of the circle, just a few feet away from her. The man was wringing his hands and muttering under his breath. She could almost swear his face grew paler and paler as the time passed.

Finally, Flint appeared, and a hush fell over the crowd.

As people made a path for him to get through, Tracy finally reached Em’s side and put a hand on her shoulder.

Flint strode through, fixing his eyes on Felix.

She was sure the oldest brother hadn’t even looked her way. But without looking away from Felix he called, “Maid, take my sister away. This is no place for her.”

“That’s what I said,” muttered Tracy. Relieved. She gently grasped Em’s arm and tugged.

All Em had to do was nothing.

That was all she had to do. Then her cards will be dealt differently. Her life will change. And she won’t end up in the miserable circumstances that she’d be in at story’s end.

Letting Tracy take her away shouldn’t be a problem.

So why did her stomach clench in fear?

She yanked her arm out of Tracy’s grasp and pushed her way back through the crowd.

“Miss Emmaline! Miss Emmaline!”

She ignored Tracy and broke free of the guests. Only to lift her skirts and continue her mad dash toward the building. Even though it wasn’t far away, she was a little out of breath by the time she got there and ran around the corner.

There she promptly threw herself to the ground and crawled under the bushes that lined the outside wall.