While Waiting to Wake

Still in her nightgown, Em explored her new surroundings. Dodging people wherever possible. Though she wasn't sure if she went completely unnoticed or not.

The building had once been beautiful. She was sure of it. Not elegant like the Imperial Palace. Since this building was obviously meant for defense not show.

The building was strong and covered in motifs molded into the stonework.

But war had done a lot to destroy it.

Walls, especially the outside ones, were marred with signs of magic. Burnt walls, water stains, places where an earth elemental mage has collapsed the wall.

Half the main building and other buildings were burnt down. Some under repair. Most were simply patched up, so the elements didn't damage what was left.

And the graveyard.

Em didn't go inside. But she saw line after line of newer graves and felt a touch of her grief return. This time in empathy.

How many people lost loved ones here? How many mourners were left behind?

And all so one selfish man could be Emperor?

… Why did her dreams have to be so real?

Unwilling to give up the warmth she'd recently regained after slowly losing it, Em bowed to the graveyard and left it behind. Instead, she crawled through an opening in the outer wall and outside.

Outside was a little better. There was a wide field on this side of the compound, with a forest about half a mile away. While the field was pockmarked with signs of the most recent battle, from this distance the forest looked untouched.

Em couldn't resist.

Before she got sick, she and Maddie often went on hikes. At first, Em thought Maddie hated them and was only indulging Em. But after a while, Em realized Maddie's complaining was simply hot air, and she neither liked nor disliked the hikes.

Though she and Em tended to both be out of breath by the end of them. Even when Em was still at her healthiest.

Em, however, loved those hikes.

While everyone was abruptly put on alert to look for the young miss, Em was wandering around the edge of the forest. Looking at plants she'd never seen before, picking up pretty rocks she carried in her fists to take back with her, and listening to bird songs she didn't recognize.

Forgetting for a moment all her sadness and just allowing the eleven-year-old have her moment.

Then she found the tree.

It was easily the biggest tree she'd ever seen. So wide around that if it were hollowed out, the gazebo back home would have fit snuggly inside.

The best part was the bark.

Thick and sturdy.

She put down her treasure trove of pretty rocks and tested the bark with her fingers. When it didn't tear or shred, she attempted to pull herself up.

It held her weight fine. But her fingers and arms weren't strong enough. She noticed, too, that while her healing has done a lot to increase her stamina, she was still weaker than normal from being sick.

After a good fifteen minutes, the highest she could climb was about her own height. Which she thought was amazingly good, considering the circumstances.

Admitting defeat, she dropped and patted the tree.

“I'll be back,” she promised it.

“I found her!”

Em had barely crawled through the opening and back into the yard when someone yelled. The next thing she knew, a woman in a worn out dress had gently grabbed her around the shoulders and marched her back to the building.

Tracy scolded her until her ears rang. But the woman kissed Em several times on the top of the head as she got Em ready for a bath. And, Em noticed, Tracy didn't throw away her collection of pebbles.

Which was good, because as soon as Em could, she scooped them up and ran off again.

With Tracy calling after her.

She found Flint in his office. Compared to Father’s office, it was depressingly bare. There was only a desk, two chairs, and one shelf. And the shelf was technically an extension of the mantlepiece. With only five books.

It made her wonder what happened to Father’s books.

Emmaline’s father’s books.

She shook herself and raced around the desk. Where she dropped her handful of pebbles on the desk before Flint had time to acknowledge her.

“Look what I found! I’ve never seen rocks like these.”

Flint stared first at her and then at the rocks. With such a blank expression, she wondered if she’d accidentally spoken English.

“How’re you feeling?”

It was her turn to go blank. “What?”

“You were sick. How are you feeling?”

“Oh.” She picked up one rock and fiddled with it. Tilting her head to consider the question. “My limbs are all in place and I’m still breathing. Oh, and today I’m upright. I feel very good.”

Her brother huffed. Did he just laugh?

Deciding to test her luck, she thrust the purple rock in his face. “Don’t you think it’s pretty?”

“It’s…” He struggled to find words. Flustered by the sparkle in her eyes. “It’s… very nice.”

She laughed. “What you want to say is, it’s a rock, Em. A normal, not precious gem rock. And you want me to think its anything else?”

This seemed to fluster him even more.

She put it on the desk with the others.

“Just wait,” she promised. “I’ll put them together and make some really beautiful. Then you’ll have to put it on your mantelpiece and tell everyone that your lovely little sister made it for you.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes,” she said. Firmly.

His eyes softened, and he stood up. “We’ll negotiate when the time comes. Meanwhile, have you had breakfast?”

“Breakfast?” She looked at him, aghast. She’d forgotten breakfast! How?!

Em trotted next to him as they walked down to the dining hall. Telling him all about her morning.

And receiving a four word scolding. “Don't do that again.”

The part of Em that wasn’t regressing into a child noticed the hallways and the gloomy state of the dining hall. Even here, in the functional part of the old castle, there were the unmistakable signs of war.

But was it the most recent war? The one where the last owner of this castle was probably killed?

Or was it the scars of past wars?

Flint stopped to talk to a knight just before they entered the dining hall. While they talked, Em intently studied a scarring in the doorframe's wood.

Something sharp had hit this spot.

Something sharp and heavy enough to sink several inches inside. Maybe an axe? She touched it.

Next to her, the knight bowed to Flint and walked away.

“Brother?”

Flint flinched but Em, who wasn’t looking at him, didn’t notice.

“Yes, Em?”

She traced the nick in the wood. “What happened to the people who lived here before?”

Flint was silent for long enough that Em looked up at him. He put a hand on her head and, without answering, walked into the dining hall.

She’d expected they’d at least been captured as slaves. But if Flint didn’t want to answer her… maybe it was worse than that.

Heart heavy, she dashed after him.

There were practically no servants in the castle. Tracy being almost the only exception.

The people doing the work were the knights (when they could) and their families. Women and children who’d followed their husbands and fathers to this foreign land. So everywhere Em looked there was not a single maid uniform in sight. Even Tracy hadn’t bothered unpacking her uniform when she saw the state of the castle.

It also meant only sections of the castle were being taken care of.

The kitchen and the dining hall were immaculate. As were the individual sleeping chambers, barracks, stables, and the yard. But the hallways only saw a broom or a duster occasionally.

It made her suspect that Flint might be cleaning his own office.

Maybe.

Still, even though it was outside of Emmaline’s experience, the whole atmosphere sort of reminded Em of a day camp she’d gone to once as a child. Except she found out fairly quickly that she, as the young miss, wasn’t expected to do much of anything.

If she’d just been Emmaline, who was used to being waited on, she might’ve read or played all day.

But since she wasn’t, she attempted to find something she could help with.

For the first day, she decided to just wander around. Just looking for now.

With Tracy sticking close behind.

Knights that were ‘off duty’ were working on the rebuilding parts of the main castle. Trading off when it was their turn to train or be on guard. And children younger than her were doing things like ‘waddling’ buckets of water to the kitchen.

It almost escaped her that she hadn’t seen any Lycan in the castle. Until she entered a walled kitchen garden and found the first one.

The little boy took one look at her and abandoned his weeding. Scurrying up a tree with a squeak.

It happened so fast she wondered if she’d seen it at all.

Then she stepped up under the tree. The little boy hissed at her. Swinging a tail so bushy it was nearly as big as he was. When she took a step closer instead of away, he used the tail to hide behind.

Peeking at her through the fur.

“Hello,” she called up the tree. “My name’s Em. What’s your name?”

He looked like he was at least two years younger than her. And extremely wary. It reminded her of some children who’d lived on her mom’s ghetto street back home. Before Maddie rescued her.

It was probably how she’d been as a little kid. Understanding she was in danger all the time on that street, even if she didn’t know why.

He made a strange chittering sound and scurried further up the tree.

“Come on, miss,” Tracy murmured. “You’re scaring him.”

Em hesitated. She craned her neck to see the child and when she could only get a glimpse through the leaves, she shrugged.

If he lived here (and she thought it likely, considering he was weeding when she found him), then she’d have plenty of chances to talk to him in the future.

“Are there any other Lycan in the castle?” asked Em. She grabbed Tracy’s hand as they walked away.

“Just the gardeners. There’s three of them.”

“They take care of the whole garden by themselves?”

Tracy nodded.

Em hesitated then blurted, “They’re not all babies, are they?”

Tracy burst into laughter, and Em scowled.

“I don’t think its funny!”

Tracy wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Still chuckling. “No, no. They’re not all babies,” she assured Em. Trying and failing to keep a straight face. “Todd lives with his grandparents.”

“What about his parents?”

Tracy’s smile faded, and she looked ahead.

“I don’t know.”

Em felt a pang in her heart and she looked back at Todd. Guessing the state of his parents. Considering the state of his country.

“I think he’s a squirrel. Do squirrel Lycan like nuts?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Or,” Em continued, as though she hadn’t heard Tracy, “would he be offended that I thought to bring him nuts like an animal?”

Tracy shrugged. “I wouldn’t know,” she repeated.

Em sighed.

It was so hard! If people could just see good intentions for what they were, there would be no need for walking around like there was glass everywhere and no one had shoes.

She put the dilemma out of her mind because she suddenly noticed she was feeling drowsy. It must’ve been coming on for a while, but her eleven-year-old body and mind didn’t recognize it until she was stumbling.

“I think it’s time for a nap, miss,” said Tracy gently. “You were sick for a few days after all.”

“I don’t wanna,” Em whined.

I sound like a child, she thought. That didn’t stop her from grumbling as Tracy led her upstairs. It was just, she’d slept so much as sick Em! She didn’t want to sleep all the time here, too.

But when she finally laid down and curled her legs up in fetal position, she almost immediately started dozing.

Tracy sat beside her on a rocking chair. Humming as she moved her basket of mending closer to her. Rocking and sewing don’t go together, Em thought with a yawn when she noticed Tracy didn’t rock.

Will I see Prince this time? I didn’t see him while I was sick…

She stood over herself in the hospital. Nurses and doctors seemed to be everywhere as they revived her heart. She paced behind them. Watching with detached interest.

Was this when she finally died?