While Waiting to Wake

“What?” He turned his attention to her.

“The bride price. It didn’t happen, did it? They were faking.”

He studied her for a moment and let out an inaudible sigh. “Child, a bit of advice.”

“Yes?”

“Be a little less discerning. Since you can do nothing about it, it’s safer to see nothing. You might survive the politics of court if you keep that in mind.”

Em soberly nodded.

There was no point in telling him she didn’t expect to ‘survive’ anyway. A coma could only last for so long, right? Plus, she already knew too much. A dangerous amount of ‘too much’.

But she’d be leaving Elyana soon, anyway. If she was lucky, she’d never set foot in the Capital again.

Child-like, she wriggled around until her head was on Tracy’s lap.

Despite her nap, she was sleepy again. And she thoroughly enjoyed the feel of Tracy’s fingers lightly brushing her hair as she fell asleep.

***

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Em didn’t have to open her eyes to recognize the sound. Finally, she thought.

A hospital do-dad monitor. She didn’t know if it just monitored her heart or some other vital. In any case, she should have been relieved.

The wait was finally over.

But for some reason, it made her heart hurt and tears prickle behind her eyelids.

Wearily, she opened her eyes. Her felt body oddly heavy after all the dream world’s lightness. She couldn’t move… And everything hurt. Everything from her breathing to the lightest touch on her skin.

A nurse sat by her bed, and Em stared at her for a long moment before groaning.

“I’m still dreaming,” she told the apparition. Resentfully glaring at the woman.

The woman raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you say that?”

“Nurses don’t look like they stepped out of a play boy magazine.”

The woman frowned. “You mean nurses shouldn’t be pretty?”

“No. You realize that’s-that's the lingerie or Halloween costume look, right? You look noth-nothing like a real nurse.”

The woman looked down at her outfit and frowned deeper.

“I was wondering about that. It didn’t seem very practical in an environment that needs practicality. But the advertisement said ‘nurse’ so I assumed it was correct.”

Em groaned and closed her eyes. Even her eyeballs hurt.

“If this is a dream, go away. I don’t feel… well enough to… to deal with it.”

“Your sister is dead.”

Em froze. Then gritted her teeth. “The semi hit my side of the car. And barely clipped… clipped the back… back end. She’s probably just in surgery or something.”

The woman lowered her voice gently. “Your sister is dead, Emmaline Taylor. There is nothing left for you here.”

Em’s bottom lip trembled.

Why were her dreams being so cruel? First it takes away her resolve to accept death. And now it was taking away her last hope.

All she’d wanted was for Maddie to have a good life.

After Em was gone and was no longer a burden holding Maddie back.

“You are so stubborn. It was to my advantage before. If you’d left this life just one day earlier, than I wouldn’t have been able to make Emmaline Grimshaw possible. Do you know how much work it is to inspire a writer to write something they couldn’t have conceived themselves? Or to twist time and space to bring you back to the beginning? Not to mention the negotiations I had to go through with the gods of other worlds-”

Em wasn’t listening to the woman’s complaining and rambling.

Maddie. Maddie had to be alive. This was only a dream…

“But now it’s become difficult to maintain the link. Just let go, Emmaline Taylor. There is nothing left here.”

“Go away.”

The woman sighed and plopped forward so she could lean on her elbows next to Em’s arm. Em forced her eyes open and carefully turned her head to look at the woman again.

“I thought your sister was the stubborn one. But she died without a fuss the instant the car rolled.”

“Why does this matter so much to you?”

The woman smiled. It was an exasperated and pretty smile.

“I made a promise, little one. Unfortunately, that’s a drawback to being a god. You must fulfill your promises… or do everything in your power to. There is a limit before I can give up. Usually it’s not a big deal, I just didn’t realize my brother also made a promise.”

Then she groaned and looked around.

“This world is so much simpler. There’s only one god and he never trips over forgotten or unknown factors like your brother’s promises.”

Em laughed.

Her chest tightened, and the monitor skipped a beep. She wheezed but laughed a second time, anyway.

It was such an absurd dream!

“And you weren’t supposed to dream about the boy,” the woman continued blithely. “That’s some strange side effect to you still being suspended between bodies. It’s been an advantage to my side, but if this continues the link will be lost and I’ll have to make do with only part of my plan. That would really throw a, what do you say? A wrench in things?”

“I can’t leave… until I know… Maddie’s-”

Em ran out of breath. And strength. She closed her eyes.

“I already told you she’s gone.”

“Where? Is she… alright?”

The woman sighed.

“You won’t believe me no matter what I tell you. And I can’t show you, since this body isn’t in my jurisdiction. I can send you to the other body but that’s it.”

“I’m going to wait… for… Maddie.”

For a long time, the woman watched Em as she flickered in and out of consciousness. Her breathing becoming more and more difficult.

Eventually, this body was going to die. It was too damaged to avoid it.

But it may be too late for the link.

She’d have to do something about it.

Stubborn human girl.

She’d hoped that if she showed the child her circumstances, Em would be more likely to accept the reality. In hindsight, perhaps she should have orchestrated an incident where Em encountered a proper nurse instead of the goddess.

Too late for that.

The woman draped her hand on Em’s forehead. Sending the child’s spirit back to the other body and leaving this one more or less an empty shell. Then she gave the monitors and other equipment in the room a dirty look.

Those weren’t helping.

And she couldn’t interfere with them.

Well, she was at the end of her options.

If the child was determined to cling to her denial, then the goddess had no other choice.

Glumly, she again wished there was only one supreme god. Or at least one that took more interest in the doings of his siblings. Then she could enjoy being a simple angel and go to him when there were problems.

Instead of crawling to the brother she wasn’t entirely certain she could trust.

She’d just have to have him make a formal promise. And be very careful with the wording, otherwise he’d probably twist it.

He’d definitely twist it.

Because he’d get some amusement out of it.

With a sigh, she left the annoying room filled with beeping objects and returned to the realm of the gods.

Where she yet again had to begin negotiations with another god.

***

Em said little during the journey.

Most of it she spent looking out the window. Or, if she was lucky, sleeping.

There was just too much to think about. And too much of it felt ‘real’ for the anxiety to dissolve.

First, Flint sold the barony.

Or, rather, it was part of the paperwork he'd prepared to pay off the Marquis.

So the last three days she'd spent at the manor was in watching the servants once again going into a tizzy of activity as they moved keepsakes from where they'd just been put in storage and cataloguing the rest.

Things that were catalogued were evaluated and added to the price of the manor. And the keepsakes were moved temporarily to a warehouse, soon to be shipped to the March.

As for the matter of rent and other things affecting the barony’s tenants and residents, Flint made sure the paperwork was in order so that all the arrangements he'd made since taking over as Baron would remain in place. At least, for as long as the agreed on timeframes.

The fact that Flint got it all done in three days said a lot about his efficiency.

Or maybe his foresight.

Em strongly suspected that he might've already been planning to sell the manor and lands. In which case, much of the work might've already been done before the meeting with Prince Thiago and Marquis Harrow.

How much, she didn't know.

The only thing that changed was where the money went.

Flint had given up on the money going to his pocket to save her. Plus, he gave up a handful of other assets that he surely hadn't planned on not having.

These dang dreams had a way of brushing against reality.

It was Maddie all over again. Except now it was Flint, not Maddie, who was shouldering all the financial burden of keeping Em comfortable.

It made her head hurt.

If only she'd wake up for real. Then she wouldn't be dealing with the double guilt of being a burden to both Maddie and Flint.

Second, the hospital dream.

Her anxiety for Maddie had risen until she couldn't eat much.

She knew it was possible Maddie didn't survive the accident. It was an accident, after all. She just didn't expect to hallucinate about it.

That's what she decided the encounter was. A hallucination.

The hospital had been real. She hurt too much for it not to be real.

But the weird nurse, or goddess or whatever she was, was not.

Third was Prince.

Something had changed in her dreams about him. But she wasn't sure what! It was just a… feeling.

She noticed a while back that when she dreamed about him, his time usually corresponded with her time. So if she saw him during the day, it was because she was taking a nap. Usually, though, she saw him at night.

After the events of the day.

Or maybe during something that happened during the evening.

Often when he was asleep. But when he was awake…

While she noticed that his demeanor had changed, growing darker and grimmer, she didn't know why!

And it wasn't as though she could ask.

It was so stupid!

Why?!

Why was she so worried and anxious about dreams and things that weren't real?! Why did she have to feel so sick about it?!

She shouldn't feel guilty at all for Flint having to give up the barony.

She should be worried about Maddie, a real person who could be dying while Em was stuck in a coma. Not a boy that didn't even exist in the novel!

And on top of all of it, she shouldn't be grieving a home she'd never had.

Emmaline’s memories had settled so firmly into Em that she was having trouble remembering that they weren't hers. At the time, saying goodbye to the manor had been alright. But as the long, three-week carriage ride dragged out, she woke up more and more often in tears over the loss.

Lost her parents, lost her brother, lost her home…

Lost Maddie.

She was exhausted.

At least she still had Tracy. She didn’t know why the woman had agreed to come along, but it was comforting to see her nearly every moment of every day.

Speaking of Tracy.

Em, unable to stand her own thoughts any longer, abruptly crossed the carriage and sat next to her maid. Then curled up on the seat to put her head on the woman's lap.

Tracy stroked her hair.

“Motion sick again?”

Em hadn't been motion sick at all, but it was a convenient excuse. Even if she was pretty sure Tracy knew it was something else. Tracy didn’t push when Em said she was fine or kept falling back on motion sickness.

Em nodded mutely.

“It's almost time for the noon meal, we'll take a break then.”

“How much longer?”

Em didn't hide her whine. Unlike Maddie, who'd been deeply emotionally involved in Em’s suffering, Tracy had maintained empathy without falling apart.

Making Tracy safe to whine to.

She also understood Em’s question the way Em meant it.

“We'll enter the March either before the meal or just after. Then it'll be two days to the master's residence.”

Em let out a slow breath.

At least the endless travel was almost over.

And soon she'll see Flint again. He'd ridden ahead a week ago, leaving behind most of the knights and soldiers he'd brought with him to the barony as her escort. It was only 15 people, but she was told they were some of the best and would keep her safe.

Another burden.

If they weren't escorting a carriage, they would have all made it to the March a week ago at the latest.

She was just a burden.

Miserably, she dozed. Getting snatches and glimpses of Prince in a training arena, holding a wooden sword. But she never fully fell asleep, so she never saw more than glimpses.

They felt more dream-like than normal, so she wasn’t sure what kind of dreams they were. If they were the concurrent-in-time dreams or if they were showing up only because she was thinking about him.

It was driving her mad that she was now having difficulty remembering that they were all dreams! Waking, sleeping, it didn’t matter!

“Whoa!”

Em was startled when the carriage stopped so abruptly that she almost fell off the seat. Dazed, she sat up and blinked stupidly around as Tracy sat forward to stick her head out the window.