What to do if you find out that you are a cannon fodder in a cultivation novel?

My end is near, I feel it. 

If someone told me 50 years ago that I would die from hunger I would have called them crazy. 

If they had told me at that time that my family would forsake me after taking everything I had, including my dignity and reputation, I would have never believed them. But now… well, I wish I had died earlier. Before all the stupid things I did that lead me to today. 

I start having trouble breathing and my body is shaking. 

The once great, handsome and rich Bai YuShin is dying in a cave that was his home for the last 5 years. Blind, legless and mute; a perfect ending for a villain

~~~~

I feel cozy and warm, it looks like death is not so bad after all. With all this time I reminisce about my past.

In mid plane, my father was the pride of his family as he had reached the late stage of core foundation when he left his sect. He came back married to my mother who was, allegedly, from a family of powerful cultivators.  My maternal grandparents and uncle were murdered during a power struggle when I was 5 years old. My parents knew that we might be next so they entrusted me to my father's family then entered a secret realm. Their plan was to train - and hide - until they were strong enough for revenge. I prefer to think they left me for my protection

I never saw them again. I always hoped that they were still training in there even at my time of death

My paternal grandparents, uncles and aunts took good care of me, at least this is what I thought at that time. I was raised with no rules, I was a self centered kid who did whatever he wanted with no fear of punishment as long as I gifted a little something to my elders and cousins. I thought that was how it should be. Anyway, I had a lot of money and treasures given to me by my mother before she left. It was only after I spent it all that their true feelings toward me showed. 

Because my father chose to give me my mother’s surname instead of his, I was never considered as part of the Yu family. For them, AShin was only a cash cow. I found out that they even removed my name from the Yu Family ancestral book as my father’s son when I was only 10 years old. That was right after the secret realm closed without my parents coming out. Of course I only learned about it 7 years later when I needed their help the most. 

By then, I had lost most of my belongings, part to them and part to my stupidity. 

Not only did they kicked me out of the house that I helped them buy, but also added fire to the rumors against me - to be fair, at least half of them were true…I was a terribly spoiled teenager -

When I was 15 years old, I met a boy the same age as me who I did not like - I don’t remember why - and fought with him a few times. Apart from the first time, I always lost.

I stupidly went back to him again and again to create trouble. And each time, I would lose something important starting with my reputation, wealth and then health. 

I will skip the parts where my eyes were gouged, my tongue pulled out and my legs removed. I don’t need to remember the pain now that I am warm and cozy. 

Still, now I wonder why I did it all… it was like my brain stopped working for decades…even at my lowest in that cave I was still dreaming of ways to get revenge from HIM…it was like…like I was possessed

With this last thought, I felt a force pushing me then a bitter cold hit me. 

There are a lot of other noises. People talking urgently. A woman’s cry. Some weird noise then something is pushed to my mouth and nose “…intubation done…get him to … my baby, how is my baby!…” 

After I got warm again I fell asleep 

I am a baby! I am so happy that I was born again! Not sure why I still remember my past life. Maybe king Yama ¹ Chinese deity of death made a mistake…well I am complaining! I rather not remember that sh*ty life! But now that I have my past memories, I will use my previous life experience to create a plan for this one. My objectives are to: 

1-  Live a peaceful and happy life and don’t make the same mistakes as previous life     

2- Absolutely not get into fights with anyone... if unprovoked  

3-  Get stronger faster and get less stupid… I mean smarter

4-  Start cultivation as soon as possible - I tried now and it is not working. Do I need to wait to get a bit older?

Yep. This is a perfect plan to start a new life!

~~~~

…I had to scrap the plan after a few days because I found out that I was born disabled…

From the talks I heard around me I learned that I was born with no legs, some other organs were not working well and I could only breathe with something in my nose.

On top of that, there is no spiritual energy in this world!

Is this a punishment for all the stupid things I did in my previous life?