Well at Least I’m a Magic Pirate Now

Sareneth 21 Moonday

I scurried, still on my hands and knees, into the cramped chambers of Mistress Longfarthing. Eldritch knick knacks lined the shelves to overflowing, illuminated by a single suspended lantern filled with eternal fire. A small bed sat across from a cluttered desk, dressed in fine gray linen and accompanied by a tall chest of drawers. Peppery looked down at me, considering an appropriate punishment, as I assessed the task before me.

I had angered her, and I needed to make amends immediately. The shards of glass had scattered across the room, but I could gather them together. A brush and dust pan allowed me to gather the majority of parts, while mage hand was enough, if only just, to pick up the small pieces that had flown under her bolted-down furniture. Unfortunately the dropped bottle hadn’t been empty, and there was little I could do with the puddle of oil. 

Is… is Autopilot having a panic attack? We fucked up introductions but I don’t think we are about to get flayed for making her drop a bottle. Smells like soybean oil; it’s probably not anything too important. She hasn’t come off as totally unreasonable; maybe I can roll with Autopilot’s idea? Learning more about how all this works isn’t a bad idea.

“I have magic, obviously, but I’ve never worked with someone to really develop it and practice it.” I explained, trying to force the incongruous fear out of my voice. “I like cooking just fine, but it’s not exactly getting me ready for my future, you know? I don’t want to be a galley cook for the rest of my life.”

“Please explain how any of that is my concern.” She commanded in clipped tones. “And don’t miss that bit in the corner.”

I snapped to get the shard of glass. I had already noticed it but if I had given her the impression I’d forgotten about it I needed to rectify the mistake immediately. 

“From everything I’ve seen, just about any job in the world is easier with a competent assistant.” I pitched, “I can detect and identify most magical effects, I have a passing familiarity with most arcane topics, and I can actually enchant magical weapons and armor myself with the right materials.”

“Alright. I’ll bite.” She agreed, pursing her lips, “Let’s see how you cast first, and I’ll consider how to verify the rest of your claims.”

I had gathered all the pieces of glass, as far as I could tell, so I began mending the bottle with a short chant. The parts could easily recall their true form; they had not been broken for long. I invited them to return to that shape, and they agreed. Thankfully for me, objects do not care for sudden changes, so a mundane break can usually be addressed with minimal fuss. Mistress Longfarthing watched appraisingly as the shattered glass flowed together, each piece returning to its familiar home and fusing with its neighbors. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that there were no holes; this had gone as well as could be expected. 

I held up the bottle, and had autopilot pick up what he could of the oil. Mage hand scooped up globs and put it into the bottle; it was probably contaminated, but at least it wasn’t on the floor. I stood up and offered it to her to inspect. I could hijack autopilot’s voice, but he’d been continuously chanting for the last ten minutes, so I’d let it be.

She took the bottle, running her fingers across the surface and holding it up to the light.

“Minimal irregularities.” She noted, “It’s a bit thin here, so there’s probably a chip missing somewhere in the room.”

“Sorry.” I said, “I hope it’s still usable?”

“Hopefully. I’ll use something else for precision measurements.” She said as she placed it on her desk. “So you can cast. Let’s check the rest of your claims, shall we? I have magic on myself right now. What is it, and how long has it been active?”

I channeled my energy to examine the magical aura around her. She had simple mage armor active; if something moved too quickly towards her, a plane of air would harden and deflect the blow. Far from foolproof, but it was a level of protection I envied. I couldn’t tell how long the aura had been active, but it would likely last around four more hours. Most variants could last anywhere from one hour to twenty based on the strength of the user. (Spellcraft 5+7=12)

One to twenty? So it would be one hour per level in game terms. Four more hours… assuming that she’s not level sixteen, that means she didn’t cast it first thing in the morning. Logically, she probably buffed her AC just before leaving the ship so she wouldn’t get shanked in a back alley. 

“I only see Mage Armor.” I said, “I can’t be certain, but I’d hazard around four hours?”

“Impressive.” She clapped slowly. “You managed to assess the remaining duration of my active spell while completely missing the magic items.”

“I’m sorry, did you want me to assess the items?” I asked innocently, frantically trying to parse their auras out from the enveloping cloud of mage armor, “I assumed you only meant the active spell, especially when you mentioned duration.” (Bluff 17+19=36)

“Fair enough,” she said, nodding, “so, magical topics? Let’s try an easy one. What are the seven classical schools of Thassilonian magic. To be sure you aren’t just reciting a list, also give me their modern equivalents, and their primary uses.”

“Wrath or Evocation,” I began, “to generate or manipulate arcane energy directly. Generally in the form of an elemental manifestation designed to harm a target, like the iconic fireball spell.”

I focused on her for a second, checking to see if she was pleased with this format. She raised an eyebrow and moved her fingertips in a circle, indicating that I was wasting her time. I ran through the rest with as few pauses as I could manage.

“Sloth or Conjuration, to manipulate space or create matter. Most uniquely it can be used to teleport or temporarily summon servants from the outer planes. Envy or Abjuration, focused on the suppression of energy. It’s primarily oriented around defense, such as negating elemental extremes or ending hostile spells.” 

I stopped to breathe for a moment, “Lust or Enchantment, focused on manipulating the mind directly. This can be used to change how someone perceives a person or concept, or compel a certain action. Pride or Illusion, to manipulate others indirectly through emulated stimuli. False images, sounds, and sensations are common, though it is possible for an advanced practitioner to create more concrete fabrications that are capable of physically affecting their surroundings. 

Gluttony or Necromancy, intended to directly interface with the soul and life force. The creation of the undead is the most famous application, but a soul can also be infused with a curse or the like. Finally, Greed or Transmutation to alter the properties of existing matter. The traditional examples are to turn lead into gold, an enemy into a frog, or the caster into a dragon. 

The Thassilonians didn’t recognize Divination, the gathering of information and guidance of fate, as it’s own school.” (Knowledge Arcana 10+6=16. You have gained a point of sway with Peppery Longfarthing.)

“Competent grasp of the basics; there are quite a few exceptions of course.” She muttered with a nod. “So, here’s the part that will either get you promoted or in the hot box. You said you were able to enchant equipment? So, what kinds of enchantments could you place on this?”

Peppery pulled a knife with a brass handle from her belt and placed it on her desk, fixing me with a cold and expectant stare.

Shit. I’ve been so caught up with getting Sandara back that I’d never gone through the rules for magic item creation. I guess I’m committed, though.

“I’m sorry, Mistress.” I winced as she raised her eyebrow, but continued. “This is a competently made dagger, but it isn’t masterwork. It does not have the resonance that comes from a master craftsman treating it as a special project, nor is it old enough to be an heirloom or treasure, and I don’t imagine you recieved it as a trophy. This dagger was most likely mass produced and purchased in a reputable shop; it will serve adequately as a knife, but it will never be enchanted within your lifetime.” (Spellcraft 8+7=15 You have gained one point of sway with Peppery Longfarthing.)

“Excellent.” She said as her face defrosted, revealing a pleased smile. “That’s more than some so-called ship mages know. You’ve earned the new position, I think.”

She’s happy. This is when we take a risk. There’s a level on the line. 

“If it’s not too impertinent, I’d like to prove my competence, not just my knowledge.” I asked nervously, “If you could provide me with a Masterwork item to enchant and loan me a few thousand gold pieces, I’m certain I could purchase all the supplies I need in town.” (Diplomacy 12+4=16. Opposed roll is higher) 

“Yes, but I think I’d like to know how you are spending it.” She drawled, “with a budget like that it’s terribly easy to slip a few coins into your pocket, isn’t it?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t, but you don’t know that.” I smiled, “so, what is the project?”

••••••••••

Twenty minutes later, I was walking through the streets of Goatshead with a beautiful older woman, trying to figure out how to enchant a fine blue armored jacket. The SRD was as helpful as always once I found the correct page, with nearly everything but the extreme basics split off into their own sections.

So there are a few basic enchantments that have to go on basically any armor first; most more advanced spells use them as a basis to work off of. Reinforcement, maintenance, and fitted. That makes them tougher, require less upkeep to maintain peak performance, and perfectly fit anyone that puts them on with some caveats, like number of limbs. Together, that is a +1 suit of armor, mechanically worth +1 to armor class. 

I can supposedly enchant an existing masterwork item with one thousand gold pieces worth of materials, making it a +1 item. There are other enchantments I can put on an item based on what spells I have available, but I’m not going full blast until I know what the hell those are. Why aren’t they sorted by prerequisites, dammit?

I let autopilot make the purchases, which ranged from a bottle of kraken ink, to gunpowder, to authentic silk from Minkai. He picked things haphazardly, and frequently gave both me and Peppery heart attacks with his choices.

One shop, stuffed to the gills with random wares of wildly varying quality, wear, and purpose, kept his attention for nearly an hour. The scarred shopkeep eyed him like a hawk, advertising his shoplifting policy by polishing a rifle behind his counter.

Silk of this quality should probably go for approximately ten gold pieces per square yard in a reputable marketplace, but this was probably stolen. The markup is to be expected in a market that rarely sees silk. 

“Of course. One hundred gold for three square yards seems perfectly reasonable.” I accepted the price after only a token bit of bartering. “I will of course also need fine thread. Would you be able to assist me there as well?” 

He’s fleecing you! Why aren’t you shopping around! 

It costs precisely one thousand gold pieces to enchant a magic item. Shopping around and obtaining good prices would, if anything, extend the trip unnecessarily. 

While my mind was still reeling from that train of moon logic, my body walked out into the street to meet with Peppery, who had been surreptitiously watching through the front window. She looked at the bolt of cloth with a distinct lack of enthusiasm; it was clear that she agreed with my assessment of Autopilot’s bartering.

“You could just point out the right materials.” She complained, “I’m certain I could get a better price.”

“I’m not sure you could, Ma’am.” I smoothly deflected, “I look younger than you and you have a distinct aura of wealth and power. He would try to squeeze either of us for as much as he thought possible, but I don’t look particularly wealthy. I can pretend to be a servant with a strict budget. If he saw me pick something out for you to pay for, he might even think that it was a lover’s gift and hike the price still higher.” (Far fetched Bluff 14+19-10=23)

“You’re awful at bargaining, but perhaps you’re right.” She grumbled. “It’s impressive if you can manage to enchant something with materials like these. Remember; if you are wasting my money the hot box will be the least of your concerns.”

“Don’t worry.” I assured her. “I’m not dumb enough to piss someone like you off. Next I need to go to that alchemist.” 

••••••••••

An hour and precisely one thousand gold pieces later, we returned to the ship. I had finished the mission the moment that I borrowed the money from Peppery, and the level up felt damn good, but I didn’t have time to examine my spoils just yet. Overall, I felt like I’d spent the day very productively, but a pit formed in my stomach when I saw Kroop unloading a small goblin-pulled rickshaw full of packed meat and grains.

Shit. I just abandoned him out of the blue, didn’t I? He’s been a good boss, I should have at least told him the plan. I don’t even know what I’ll be doing as Peppery’s assistant, but I assume it’ll take up a lot of my time. Damn it! I need to ask more questions!

“Kroop,” Peppery called out to him, “I need a moment.”

She gestured at the cart, and his bags began floating out and onto the deck one by one, to the general applause of the goblin dock workers. Kroop took one look at the invisible force unloading his groceries for him and shrugged.

“What do you need?” He asked, shooting me a questioning glance. “Did the boy do something?”

“Yes. He wants to be my apprentice.” She responded in a bored tone. “He seems to have a lot more talent than we thought. Unfortunately for him I’m not much of a teacher, but I wouldn’t say no to a half competent assistant for some of my projects. I’ll be stealing him from you when I need the help. I’ll try to let you know in advance. Like now. He’s working for me tomorrow; he has some boasting to live up to.”

I gave my best sheepish smile, scratching the back of my neck. I answered his questioning gaze with a nod, and got a sigh in return.

“Blasted inconvenient.” He grumbled, “I hope you won’t need him too often?”

“If he does well I’ll make use of him progressively more as time goes on, but I don’t have anything scheduled that strictly speaking needs an assistant.” She said, “If this hunting trip goes well and I decide to take him long term, I’m sure we can find someone else for you. Competent cooks are far more replaceable than competent arcanists.”

He let out an involuntary snort. “He overstated his existing prowess with me, but he’s a quick study.” He confided, “the only thing I’d warn you about is that he gets distracted sometimes, but he usually catches himself before he does anything too stupid.”

“He had better.” She shot me a dirty look, “the materials I work with are sometimes worth more than all the food in the hold.”

“Of course, ma’am.” I bowed my head, “I will do my utmost to please you in any way you desire. My body is at your disposal.” (Diplomacy 19+4=23 +1 sway with Peppery Longfarthing)

Everyone present, myself included, started at the brazen implications of that statement. Thankfully, what would have potentially gotten me written up for sexual harassment in the firm I interned at in my past life just made Peppery laugh. It was a quick, surprised bark that she quickly suppressed, but at minimum she wasn’t offended.

Good enough for me. 

“If you intended to make a pass at me, good fucking luck.” She informed me with a smirk. “I certainly hope you didn’t come to my door with that in mind! Kroop, work out whatever you need to with him. I’ll see you after breakfast tomorrow, boy.”

Kroop gestured at the pile of bags on the deck, and we began the process of schlepping them down to the galley. We focused on packing everything and updating the inventory. When everything was squared away, Kroop sat in his chair, picked up his chicken, and regarded me.

“How’s Quinn?” He began. “Did you manage a miracle after all?”

“What can I say?” I said, “I’m pretty good at finding people.”

“That you are.” He agreed with a smile, “and with Asmodeus’s own luck. Speaking of which, what’s your angle with Longfarthing?”

“Honestly? I went to her hoping to borrow some money for a project and accidentally made her drop something.” I admitted. “So I tried to flatter her, showed off my magic, and ended up asking to be her student. One thing led to another and now I need to enchant a coat for her.”

“Enchant?” He demanded, “I hope that’s not something else you learned in Cheliax.”

“No, I actually can do the basics.” I assured him, “the start up costs are a bit more than I expected to get on a galley assistant’s salary, though. That’s actually what I was planning on borrowing money for.”

“Never borrow money from a pirate, lad.” He warned me, deadly serious. “It’s a good way to get yourself indentured. Take it from someone who knows.”

“Indenture?” I asked nervously.

“Yeah. That’s why I’m here, lad.” Kroop scoffed, “I’m here cause I got drunk and bet too much at cards. That’s how you pay debts in the Shackles.”

“Right.” I nodded thoughtfully. “Like with Scourge paying off Jerry’s fee.”

I put on a show of calm for Kroop’s sake, but I was starting to sweat.

Autopilot, do NOT fuck me on this magic item crafting thing. I can’t afford to be a thousand gold into the red before my career even starts.