"Walid" The Supreme Idiot

The tea house was in chaos.

Masked assassins lunged from the shadows, their blades gleaming under the dim candlelight. Jingfei stood at the center, her golden eyes cold as ice.

And Walid?

He was screaming and running in circles.

"H-H-HAAA! 😱🔥 WHY ARE YOU ALL CHASING ME? I DID NOTHING WRONG!"

One assassin growled.

"Stop running, you little rat!"

Another assassin snarled.

"Face your death with dignity!"

Walid?

He was already on the other side of the room.

"Dignity?! BRO, I DON'T EVEN HAVE BREAKFAST YET! 😭💨"

He zigzagged between tables, tripped over a fallen cushion, and accidentally dropkicked an assassin in the face.

"AHHHH—" BAM!

The poor assassin flew across the room and crashed into the wall. KO'd instantly.

Another assassin charged from behind, swinging his sword—

Walid tripped on a loose floorboard.

"WAAHH—"

His flailing arms smacked the assassin across the jaw.

CRACK!

The assassin collapsed.

Jingfei's face twitched.

How… how is this fool still alive?!

And WHY is he defeating my assassins BY ACCIDENT?!

DING!

🔊 [SYSTEM NOTICE: You have gained +100 Points! 🎉]

🔊 [SYSTEM NOTICE: You have gained +100 Points! 🎉]

🔊 [SYSTEM NOTICE: You have gained +100 Points! 🎉]

🔊 [SYSTEM NOTICE: You have gained a 'Teleportation Talisman'! 🎟️✨]

🔊 [SYSTEM Murmur: STOP REWARDING HIM! HE'S NOT EVEN TRYING! 😭]

Walid, now giggling like a madman, kept dodging, slipping, tripping, and punching—all by accident.

The assassins?

One by one, they collapsed.

Their bodies strewn across the room, defeated not by skill, not by power—

But by pure, brainless, divine stupidity.

Jingfei massaged her temples.

This was beyond humiliating.

The Dumbest Escape in History

Panting, Walid leaned against a table, wiping his forehead.

"Hah… hah… I survived! 😤🔥"

The system groaned.

🔊 [SYSTEM: HOST. USE THE TELEPORTATION TALISMAN. NOW. 🚨]

Walid tilted his head.

"Teleport-a-whut? 🤔"

🔊 [SYSTEM: TELEPORTATION. SHEET. PAPER. USE IT. 😡]

Walid pulled out a strange golden paper from his pocket. It had weird symbols all over it.

"Oh, this? What's it do? A free meal ticket? 😋"

🔊 [SYSTEM: NO! IT'S A TELEPORTATION TALISMAN, YOU DUMB BEAST! JUST TEAR IT, AND YOU'LL ESCAPE! 📜✨]

Walid grinned.

"Ohhh, sounds fancy! Okay then—"

And then…

He ATE it.

CHOMP.

🔊 [SYSTEM: ...]

Jingfei, watching from the side, froze.

The last conscious assassin stared.

The entire room went silent.

Walid chewed slowly.

"Hmm… tastes like old socks. 🤢"

🔊 [SYSTEM: ...…ARE YOU INSANE?! WHY DID YOU EAT IT?! 🤬🔥]

Walid blinked.

"Wait… was I not supposed to? 😅"

🔊 [SYSTEM: NO, YOU BAFOON! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO—"

VRRRRRMMMMMMMMM!!!

A golden light erupted from his stomach.

The air distorted. Reality warped. The symbols on the talisman activated INSIDE HIS BODY.

And then—

FLASH!

In a blink, Walid disappeared from the tea house.

Walid's Arrival… in Heaven?!

A cold breeze brushed against his face. The scent of flowers and incense filled the air.

Birds chirped.

Butterflies danced.

And in the distance—

The sound of giggling women echoed.

Walid opened his eyes.

He was lying on soft grass, surrounded by cherry blossom trees.

His vision cleared…

And what did he see?

Women.

Women EVERYWHERE.

Elegant ladies in flowing silk robes. Disciples practicing martial arts with graceful movements. A group of fairy-like beauties, sitting by a koi pond, sipping tea.

Walid's jaw dropped.

"GASP! 😳✨"

His eyes sparkled.

"Is… is this… HEAVEN?!! 😍🔥"

🔊 [SYSTEM: …oh no.]

Walid leapt to his feet.

"ALHAMDULILLAH, I MADE IT! 🎉"

A group of disciples turned to stare.

A woman with long, midnight-black hair frowned.

"Who… is that?"

A red-haired girl squinted.

"A man? In our sect?"

Another disciple whispered.

"But this is an all-women's sect! How did he get in?"

Walid, completely unaware of the danger, spread his arms wide.

"Ladies! I am Walid, the Great! A lost soul in need of love and guidance! 💕🔥"

The disciples exchanged glances.

Then, the black-haired girl pointed at him.

"SEIZE HIM!"

Walid froze.

"Wait, wait, wait! Hold on, ladies, let's talk about thi—"

A storm of flying swords shot toward him.

"AHHHHH!!! 😱💨"

🔊 [SYSTEM: HOST. YOU. ARE. DOOMED. 🤦‍♂️]

Walid turned and ran for his life.

The cherry blossom trees shook as he sprinted through the gardens.

Behind him—

A mob of angry martial artists chased after him.

Epilogue: System's Breakdown

🔊 [SYSTEM NOTICE: HOST HAS ENTERED 'Jade Blossom Sect' – AN ALL-WOMEN'S SECT.]

🔊 [SYSTEM NOTICE: SURVIVAL CHANCE – 0.0001%.]

🔊 [SYSTEM Murmur: This boy… this boy is going to give me a heart attack. 💀]

As Walid sprinted for his life, the system officially broke down.

Because even in the face of certain doom…

Walid was grinning.

"BEST. DAY. EVER!!! 😆🔥"

🔊 [SYSTEM: SOMEONE KILL ME FIRST. 😭]

[TO BE CONTINUED…]