NOVEL WEB Chapter 15: Silver Tray
Rayne closed the door to her sitting room behind her and sighed. Today had been a rather good day, but it was tiring. There was so much work to get done so that she wouldn’t have to stress too much about the family business during the season. She was getting through it, but it was still draining. Maybe not as mentally draining as her conversation with Kaden though. Things had gone well and that continued all throughout dinner. She still wasn’t happy with him, but those thoughts could wait until after she’d played with Hannah’s ears and had a good full night's sleep. The only problem was that Rayne had discovered over the past few nights, after Hannah and her had parted ways, that her mind would still be stuck on the fox. Normally she would have fallen asleep soon after climbing into bed, but now she could be up for hours just thinking about Hannah. Sometimes those thoughts led to actions that ended up helping Rayne get to sleep after, but some night it just wasn’t enough.
The gentle pitter patter of rain hit the windows of the room and drew the lady’s attention from her more frequent nightly activities. She liked the sound of rain, but she dearly hoped the rain wouldn’t last through tomorrow. It would be a bit of a pain to spend the day going around the market with Hannah in the rain. She most certainly hoped this wouldn’t turn into a large storm that could show up from time to time during this time of year.
Rayne made her way to her favorite seat to wait for the arrival of her vixen. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too long. Just as she was about to sit down, there was a knock at her door. With a smile on her face the lady said, “Come in.” The door opened and instead of the fox, or even potentially Eda with a tray of tea, in stepped Hamish. “Hamish, I wasn’t expecting you.” She did her best to not let the disappointment of it not being her fox show in her voice.
“Yes,” Hamish said with a smile. “Well, I wanted to have a bit of a private conversation with you.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “You could have come to see me in the office earlier.”
The eldest son opened his mouth to say something, but closed it and sighed. “I could have, but I had not built up enough courage then.”
“You need courage to speak to me? Well, either that doesn’t bode well or I’ve failed to make you feel like you can talk to me about anything. I am your big sister, afterall.”
Hamish stepped deeper into the room and nodded. “I wouldn’t say it’s not that I feel like I can’t talk to you, I just know you’re going to get really mad at me.” Rayne took a deep breath at her brother’s words. She didn’t want to get mad at him. “I need to confess something and then talk about something I know you don’t want to talk about.” He took a deep breath. “And I’m not going to back down from it this time.”
Rayne pursed her lips as she wondered what all this could be about. She had an idea but she didn’t want to assume anything. Especially because the idea she had would make her very upset. Maybe not mad, but she knew she might lash out. “Alright, Hamish.” She gestured from him to sit down.
“If it’s alright with you, I would prefer to remain standing.” He gave a nervous smile. Rayne returned on herself and nodded her approval, not that he needed it. “For the confession, I happened to be standing outside of the door while you and Kaden were having your talk.”
That made the lady smile. That confession was nowhere near as bad as had prepared herself for. “You don’t need to confess to that.”
The lord nodded. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t be mad about that. I actually wanted to thank you for your talk with Kaden. I know neither of us are too happy with him at the moment, and I can’t help but blame myself for not stepping in earlier when I first heard of his views. I hope we can… I don’t like saying ‘fix’ his view. Maybe "improve" might be a better word.” Rayne nodded her agreement. “Either way, what you did was very kind and I feel like it was truly the right thing to do. Thank you for having the patience and gentleness to have such a conversation. I feel like we can actually move forward as a family now.”
Rayne felt her face heat up ever so slightly. “You’re welcome,” she said, meeting her brother’s eyes. Though it felt a little hard to do and eventually she looked away and wished she had a teacup to hide her face behind. Eda would normally be showing up with a pot soon enough.
“And now onto the topic that is going to make you mad at me… There was one moment of your talk with Kaden that really stuck out to me.”
This was already going in a different direction than Rayne feared, which was good. She couldn’t help but feel he would somehow tie it back to that though. “And what would that be?”
Hamish looked at her for a solid three seconds before he spoke. “Motherly…”
The lady felt her body freeze in place at that single word. Her mind struggled to put a thought together as feelings from earlier today came bubbling back up. “W-we aren’t talking about this.”
“Yes we are, Rayne,” Hamish said.
“No, we are not.” Rayne refused to let her eyes get misty like they had with Kaden, but it was a fight she was clearly losing
“I’m not backing down from this,” the lord said sternly. “I know you very well, sister, but I have never known you to get so choked up about something. Except for mother and father. One could say you got choked up because you were thinking about Mother, but I don’t think that’s the case.”
“Hamish, stop this now. I do not want to talk about this.” Her face had hardened as she continued to fight not to cry.
“You don’t want to, but you need to, Rayne. You’ve clearly been holding all of this in,” he said. “You weren’t and aren’t crying because you miss Mother.”
“Please stop this.”
“You’re crying because you want to be a mother.”
“We are done talking about this, Hamish!” she yelled. She hadn’t wanted to yell at him but it just came out. What was worse was that she was in fact crying now and her lip was even quivering. The very worst part of it though, was that he was right.
“I told you I’m not going to back down, Rayne!” He might have yelled back but he was clearly nervous about it. “I was rather certain, and how you’re reacting now only solidifies that assumption. You want to be a mother, Rayne.”
~~~
Hannah walked carefully as she carried the silver tray with a teapot and cups on it. Knowing that she was going to be teaching Derek during the day, there wasn’t much of a desperation to fill their time after dinner with teaching. That being said, she still did some teaching but they finished in a timely manner. Timely enough that she would be a little early in meeting her mistress. Eda happened to notice this and was about to bring the lady her nightly tea, but passed it off to Hannah saying that it would be a nice surprise for Mistress.
This wasn’t the first time Hannah would be serving tea to someone, but it was most certainly the first time she would be serving anything this nice. She wasn’t sure but she had a feeling that the teapot and cups were far more expensive than anything she had held before, so she was being extra careful. That meant she was walking a little slower than she normally would, but if this ended up being a nice surprise for Mistress that put a smile on her face, then it was all worth it.
Finally, the door to Rayne’s private sitting room was coming up, and Hannah couldn’t help but hurry just a little bit. She was growing more excited for this time with her mistress with everyday that passed, even if this was only the fourth night.
“Hamish, just leave it alone!” Hannah heard her mistress yell from inside the sitting room. The fox froze. She had never heard Rayne yell before.
“I’m sorry, but I won’t. If you want to be a mother, then marry!” That was Lord Hamish’s voice.
“I’m not going to do that, so drop it!”
The vixen was overhearing a fight between the two of them. Hannah started taking steps back. Her hearing was too good to not overhear everything that would be said, even if they stopped yelling at one another. This wasn’t a conversation for Hannah to hear, so she should leave and come back later. She looked down at the tray in her hands. How would she know it was the right time to come back?
“Stop telling me to stop, Rayne. I won’t! Marry if you want to have a child. I know you have someone in mind!”
The fox stopped her gentle back peddling. Her mistress had someone she wanted to marry? What would Rayne marrying mean for Hannah? Would she stop playing with her ears at night in favor of being with her husband?
~~~
“I don’t have anyone in mind, Hamish! I don’t want to marry!” Tears were flowing freely now as Rayne paced back and forth, trying to keep herself contained. Trying not to fully break down.
Hamish was noticeably still as he and his sister yelled at one another. “Yes, you do. I know you’re lying, Rayne! You’ve never even looked so happy as when I brought up the idea of marriage.”
“I was thinking about something else! Not marrying. Not someone I’m in love with.”
“Stop lying, Rayne!” He was clearly getting frustrated. “I just want you to be happy, and you clearly have someone in mind and like the idea of being a mother! Just do it already.”
“There is no o—”
“At this point I don’t even care if he’s not of high nobility! Fuck, I don’t care if he’s not of nobility at all!” Hamish threw his arms open wide. “We’ve faced greater scandal than you marrying someone of lower birth. So just let yourself be happy!”
“I am happy!”
“Then why are you crying?!”
“Because you’re yelling at me! I don’t have a man I want to marry! I’m fine with being a fucking spinster for all I care!”
“Then what about being a mother?” Hamish shot back. Rayne opened her mouth to respond but found her throat tight. “See! You want to be a mother. Then be one! Marry! By the goddess, it doesn’t even matter if you both live here for the rest of your lives and live off of family money. If you want to be a mother, as you so clearly do, then marry and have a child! It’ll be nice to have children in the home again.”
“I can’t!” Somehow Rayne managed to get her voice to work again, only that hadn’t been what she wanted to scream at him. She honestly wanted to tell him to go fuck himself.
“And why not?!”
“Because I can’t be a mother!” Sobs were threatening to break loose.
“Don’t tell yourself you’re not good enough to be a mother. You would be a gre—”
“It’s not that I don’t think I’m good enough, I can’t be a mother, Hamish.” Rayne had stopped her pacing and stood shaking ever so slightly. Her tears were coming in harder now.
Hamish paused for a second before saying, “If you have a seal we can get it removed. I won’t judge you for hav—”
“No, Hamish. I don’t have a seal. I just… I just…” A sob broke free. Then another. “I can’t get pregnant.” She started sobbing more. “I’ve never been able to have children.”
The lord stood still as he stared at his sister while she sobbed. His mouth opened a few times but no words came out. Then he was moving forward and pulling Rayne into a big hug. That only made the lady cry harder as she grabbed a hold of him. She hadn’t cried this hard in front of someone since their parents died.
“I-I’m sorry, Rayne,” Hamish said eventually, as he squeezed her tighter. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” Rayne was still crying too hard to respond. “We… We can go to the Arcina guild and see if there's magic that will help. I don’t care how expensive it is.”
“W-w-we’ve already tried that…” It felt good to hold onto her brother. It felt good to be held by him. There was part of her that wished it was someone else holding her though. Someone far shorter and more orange.
“We?”
Rayne did her best to quiet down the sobs so that she could talk, but it was hard. All these feelings had been building inside her for so long and she couldn’t remember the last time she had actually let herself feel them. When was the last time she had even let herself cry, and not just about this? “Mother and F-father knew… They tried whatever they could find. Nothing worked… Not… Not even elven magic they smuggled across the Divide.”
Hamish squeezed Rayne harder. “I’m… I’m so sorry.” They stayed like that for a little while as Rayne’s sobbing quieted down. Even after it went away the pair stayed like that. “I have a question, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s okay,” Rayne said quietly.
“Is that why you haven’t found a man to marry?”
The lady took a deep breath and thought of how best to answer. “It has been a factor, but hasn’t been the only reason,” Rayne admitted. “I’m fine with not marrying, Hamish.”
“Are you just saying that?” Rayne shook her head. “I don’t want this to stop you from falling in love, Rayne.”
The lady’s mind went to her fox. Oh how dearly she wanted Hannah here now. Shouldn’t she be arriving soon? With that thought in mind, Rayne pulled away from her brother and wiped at the tears on her face. “It won’t.” She gave him a gentle smile.
Hamish studied her for a second. “I hope so. You deserve to find love, sister.”
“Thank you, Hamish.” The lady went about straightening herself out. “I don’t want to just cut things off, but I am expecting Eda and Hannah to show up any second now.”
“Right,” The lord said with a nod. “I’m sorry if I interrupted anything.”
“Not at all,” Rayne said with a smile and noticed that the rain had gotten harder. “I…” She felt like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t quite know what that was. Rayne wasn’t used to not knowing what she wanted to say. “The only other person that knows about this is Eda, and while I’m upset that you know, I’m also happy I don’t have to hide it from you.”
Hamish gave her a sad smile in return. “I’m happy you told me, but I’m so sorry it had to come out because of me yelling at you. That wasn’t right of me.”
“It’s alright. Sometimes I could use being yelled at. Feels marginally better than the disapproving looks Eda gives to me when she’s upset.” That made both of them chuckle.
“Goddess, I can’t remember what I did when I was a child but I did something to upset her, but that look she gave me shook me to my core. More so than the ‘stern’ talking to Father gave me after.”
Rayne laughed. “Father was never good at giving us a ‘stern’ talking to.”
Hamish shook his head. “No he wasn’t, but I think that’s what made him a great father.” Hamish looked past Rayne and to the window. “Rain’s coming down pretty hard.” Rayne turned to look out the window and nodded. “Be a good night to read in the library,” he said with a smile as Rayne turned back to him. “Right, I’m sorry if I’ve interrupted your quiet night.”
The lady smiled. “You don’t need to apologize, Hamish.”
~~~
Hannah struggled to wipe at the tears on her face with her shoulders, as both hands were still occupied by holding the tray. She shouldn’t have listened into their conversation and she felt so incredibly guilty about it. This was a private moment between brother and sister and she had eavesdropped on it. Her large ears picked up on the lord starting to leave and quickly the fox rushed a few steps down the hall. Just before the door opened she turned and started walking back to the door. Realizing that her face might look as if she had been crying Hannah looked down at the tray. It was only then that Hannah started to get worried that the tea might have grown cold. She heard lord Hamish step out of the room, but didn’t hear the door close.
“Looks like you are right on time,” the lord said she approached him. The fox gave him a gentle nod as he continued to hold the door open for her. He turned to look back in the room. “Hope you enjoy your tea, sister, and have a good night.”
“You too,” the lady said as she watched Hannah walk into the room. How instantly seeing her fox made her feel better. That feeling only lasted for a second before she realized something was off.
Hannah gave a quick curtsy and said, “Mistress,” before the door closed behind her. Still not daring to look up fully she quickly made her way to the table to set down the cooling tea. She truly hoped it wouldn’t be too cold by now. She stood back up and patiently waited for her mistress to say something. Though she had of course been asked to sit down the past three nights, she still didn’t want to assume anything. That and being closer to Mistress would give Rayne a better look at her face.
Rayne knew Hannah could be shy around her at time, but she hadn’t known the woman to completely forgo looking at her. A nervous tightness filled Rayne’s chest. Without even thinking, she quickly walked up to her fox. Hannah made no move to step away, nor did she ever look up at her. Why was this making Rayne feel worse than admitting to Hamish she couldn’t have children? “Hannah, look at me.” She spoke with a gentle voice, but a voice that left no room for question.
Conflicted feelings filled the vixen. She wanted to do as Rayne said, but she didn’t want her to see. At the end of the day it would be wrong of her not to do as her mistress said. Nervously Hannah looked up, but she still didn’t meet the lady’s eyes. She didn’t want to see how Rayne would react to her.
Hannah’s eyes were a little puffy and red, as if she had been crying, and Rayne felt hurt by that fact. She had only seen Hannah cry once before and she had so dearly hated that. Then anger quickly followed the hurt. Anger at whatever or whoever made her vixen cry. She kept that emotion in check though, because she was afraid if she looked angry Hannah might think it was directed at her. Like she had done before Rayne lifted her hand and gently grabbed Hannah’s chin, making sure she was looking up at her. Finally the fox’s eyes took a glance at her. “Hannah, why were you crying?”
Feeling like she might start to cry again, Hannah opened her mouth to speak but found her throat tight. She wanted to lie, but a bigger part of her couldn’t bear to hide the truth from her mistress. “I-I’m sorry, Mistress.” She swallowed nervously. “I… I was coming to bring you tea and I heard you and Lord Hamish fighting. I should have left and come back but I didn’t because I didn’t want to leave and not be back when you were ready.” Her ears folded flat against her head in shame. “Because of my ears, I was able to hear everything. I’m sorry.”
Seeing Hannah’s lower lip quiver as if she was about to cry again really gave Rayne conflicted feelings. It was wrong of Hannah to listen into a conversation that she wasn’t meant to hear and as much as Rayne did want to be upset about it she wasn’t. Hannah was clearly beating herself up inside, and that made Rayne a little fearful of what that might cause her fox to do. She so dearly didn’t want Hannah to hurt herself ever again. Still, she didn’t want Hannah doing this again. It was strange how the lady wasn’t that upset by what Hannah now knew, just how she obtained that knowledge. Then something big suddenly occurred to Rayne.
“By the Goddess,” the lady said with her eyes going a little wide. “I never removed your seal.” If there was truly one other person in this house that could understand Rayne’s feelings towards not being able to have children it was Hannah. It wasn’t the exact same really, but neither of them could have children as it stood. Rayne even had to consider Hannah’s position was arguably worse considering Hannah did have the ability to have children but then had it forcibly taken away from her. The lady’s hand went from holding Hannah’s chin to cupping her cheek. “I am so sorry, Hannah. I should have realized this sooner. We can go tomorrow to get it remo—”
“No,” Hannah said, much to her own and Mistress’s shock. Her own shock was probably more from actually speaking up rather than what her words meant. When was the last time Hannah had even interrupted someone?
“W…What?” It was taking a while to process what Hannah had just said, and her mind couldn’t put together why her fox wouldn’t want it removed. Hannah would be able to have a child again. Wasn’t that what she wanted? It was most certainly what Rayne wanted for her, and she had to work hard to shut down the thought of Hannah being pregnant with the lady’s child. In truth Rayne wasn’t actually sure if she could even get someone pregnant with the genitals she had. She wasn’t even sure if she would even really be okay with getting Hannah pregnant. She just liked the idea of having children with the fox, not specifically how they had children. Regardless, Rayne shoved those thoughts away and focused back on Hannah.
Feeling tears start to fall from her eyes again, Hannah spoke honestly, even if it hurt to do so. “I… I don’t want to bring a child into this world that would only ever know life as a slave.” Hannah had accepted this long ago, after becoming a slave, but had never said it out loud to anyone before. She had already spent many nights crying about it and hated it dearly, but felt strong resolve about not imprisoning an innocent child into slavery.
Pain filled Rayne’s chest as she processed the weight of what Hannah was saying. Her mouth opened to speak, but she could find no words that would do any of her feelings justice. Rayne had thought her inability to get pregnant was a harsh joke from the heavens, but what Hannah had said was so much worse. Was there anything she could even say? Not knowing what else to do, Rayne pulled Hannah in and gave her a hug.
Hannah wasn’t sure how to respond to the lady pulling her into a hug. They had hugged before when she was crying, but then she had been absolutely bawling her eyes out and not able to really think about the fact they were hugging. She was admittedly crying this time as well, but nowhere near as badly. It felt good to be hugged again and Hannah truly just wanted to give into the hug. To just let go and be held while holding onto someone else. She was too nervous though, and unsure of what was appropriate to do. Wanting nothing more than to reach out and wrap her arms around the lady, the vixen reached out but couldn’t do it. Instead her hands gently clenched at the fabric of the lady’s dress.
“I’m sorry, Hannah.” The lady’s words were gentle and quiet, but with Hannah’s ears being almost right in front of Rayne’s face, she was sure Hannah heard. Hannah didn’t reply, and Rayne couldn’t blame her. After some time, Rayne decided it was probably time to pull away, even if she didn’t want to. She would have loved to hold her fox like this all night long. With care and a little bit of disappointment, Rayne pulled away from Hannah. “Why don’t we sit down and have some tea?”
With a nod, Hannah followed her lady over to the love seat. “I’m sorry if the tea has grown cold by now.”
The lady gave a gentle smile. “I’m sure it will be fine,” Rayne said as she sat down, before leaning forward to pour them both a cup of tea. The pot still felt warm to the touch, so that was a good sign, but the lady still wondered just how long Hannah had been standing outside of the room waiting. Just as Rayne was finishing pouring the second cup a massive crack of thunder shook the house.
Hannah jumped and squeaked at the thunder. Her ears folded back flat against her head as she tried to pull her tail around to cuddle, but couldn’t with the clothes she had on. Lightning lit up the world outside the window as another booming crack of thunder caused Hannah to once again jump. The sounds filled her fear as she started to shake ever so slightly. She had always hated thunder. It was always so loud and came out of nowhere, scaring the fox deeply. It didn’t help that with hearing like hers that close thunder could almost be deafening.
Rayne felt Hannah jump the first time, but turned around fast enough to see her jump the second time. Her fox was curling herself up into the corner of the seat with her arms wrapped around herself. Not only that, but her eyes were closed tight and she was shaking ever so slightly. Worry filled Rayne as she quickly asked, “Hannah, what’s wrong?” She was fairly confident she knew the answer.
“I-I-I don’t like thunder,” Hannah said nervously. “It’s a-always so lou—” Another even louder crack of thunder cut her off and made the poor fox jump and squeak again.
This wasn’t the first time Rayne had seen Hannah scared and nervous, but this was by far the worst she had ever seen. Even when Ms. Strawford threatened her with ‘the boys’. The lady couldn’t stand to see her vixen so afraid and wanted to do nothing more than to comfort Hannah. The only way she knew how to do that was either play with her ears or hug her. Now didn’t appear to be the best time to play with her ears, so for the second time tonight Rayne pulled Hannah in for another hug. “It’ll be over soon,” Rayne said gently as one hand held Hannah close to her and the other stroked her hair.
For the second time tonight, Hannah was being hugged and she still didn’t know what to do about it. She couldn’t deny the comfort that it brought her, though. She felt a little more at ease with the warmth of Rayne wrapped around her and the gentle stroking of her hair was calming. Still, Hannah shivered in fear and debated on how she should act in this matter. A new crack of thunder made Hannah act before she could think. Her arms wrapped around Rayne and she grabbed at the lady’s dress again. It felt better than cuddling her tail.
It only occurred to Rayne now that this was the first time Hannah had wrapped her arms around the lady. Before she had always been gripping the front of her clothes when they hugged. Rayne had heard of the phrase ‘getting butterflies in your stomach’, but she had never felt it before. With her fox’s arms wrapped around her now, the lady couldn’t deny that was what she was feeling. It felt so incredibly good to be in Hannah’s arms, even if it was because Hannah was scared and clinging onto her. The lady prayed they could hug like this again when her fox wasn’t scared.
The storm continued on for a good while, and with every loud bang of thunder Hannah continued to jump slightly. The whole time Rayne continued to stroke the vixen’s hair and whisper gentle reassurances. The pair soon found themselves leaning back in the seat to get a little more comfortable as they continued to hug. Slowly the storm started to move away and the thunder got quieter and quieter, even if the hard rain continued. Neither of the two women pulled away from the hug as they ended up just leaning back and cuddling.
Slowly, Hannah’s breathing became slow and steady as her ears finally relaxed from their pulled back position. Rayne wasn’t proud to admit how long it took her to realize that Hannah had fallen asleep in her arms, but the lady was also rather tired herself. She didn’t want to pull away from Hannah, nor did she wish to wake the fox. Her heart was flooding with warmth at the realization that Hannah felt comfortable enough in her arms to fall asleep. It put a smile on the lady’s face as her eyelids started to feel heavy.
Closing her eyes for just a minute or two wouldn’t hurt, would it? She could just close them and in a few minutes get Hannah up so that they could both go to bed. She just wanted to spend a little while longer holding her sleeping vixen. Quickly, Rayne found her eyes closing as her head tilted down to gently rest her cheek on top of Hannah’s head. She hoped Hannah wouldn’t mind.
