NOVEL WEB Chapter 10: Whiskey Glass
Hamish sighed as he sat back down now that the door closed. “Now, Rayne, without out brother to cut you off, what the actual fuck is going on?”
That surprised Rayne. She rarely ever heard her brother swear, and when she had he typically hadn’t thought she was in the room. That aside, his question did deserve an answer, even if Rayne wished he wouldn’t care and just accept that this was how things were now. She felt the tiniest bit worried about what she would say because her brother was an oddly perceptive person even when his mind was miles away. Admittedly the story she was planning on telling wasn’t a lie, so he wouldn’t pick up on that. It was just a worry if he would be able to tell that she was holding back. With a sigh, Rayne told him the story in greater detail than she told Kaden, leaving out her feelings towards her fox. In doing this she also realized she would have to come up with a rehearsed version for when she was asked about it no end of times during the season.
Hamish slumped deeper into the chair and tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. “By the goddess. Is that really it?”
“What else must there be? I couldn’t let Hannah be raped for helping me.” Though Rayne was good at hiding her emotion, and that Hamish wasn’t looking at her, she still hid her face behind taking a sip of tea.
The lord looked back down at her. “You do realize what you’ve done, Rayne? Though we have never agreed with slavery, we have kept our noses out of it and for good reason. Many families have fallen on hard times for more ‘progressive’ views on beastkin than the general consensus.”
“Families of lesser nobility, and it's only a rough period, never a true scandal. Even then we have only taken her in as a thank you rather than taking her in for the idea of just giving a random beastkin a life more than slavery.”
Hamish narrowed his eyes. “But as a thank you we are going to give her a life more than slavery. At least that's what you plan, right?”
She narrowed her eyes back at him. “Fair point, but I don’t think scandal will come of it.”
“Scandal can be had with anything these days.”
“Yes, and we have faced our own great scandal before and yet here we are as one of the most respected families in the Empire.”
Hamish gave her a questioning look before remembrance washed over his face. “Right. You know I had honestly forgotten about that.”
Rayne shrugged. “To be fair, you were only a newborn when it happened. By the time you were old enough to understand and remember it was all over and done with.”
“You are right. That being said it does prop up every now and then in conversation during the season.”
The lady froze. “What do you mean?” This was the first time she was hearing about this. As far as she knew everything was long forgotten about. There was no reason to bring it up again.
A look of embarrassment came over the lord as he rubbed the back of his head and stood up. “There wouldn’t happen to be anything stronger than tea about?” Hamish looked around till he found what he was looking for.
“Hamish, it's only passed midday, far too early for that. And do not avoid my question. What do you mean it comes up during the season?” Rayne was rather annoyed with herself at how much worry she could hear in her own voice. If it was really talked about then that could be bad. It could lead to people questioning again and secrets being discovered.
“For a poet it is never too early for a drink,”’ Hamish said with a chuckle before pouring himself a small glass of whiskey. He then proceeded to down it immediately. He knew all too well that his sister could be a force to be reckoned with when something upset her, and he could hear the upset in her voice already. “As for it showing itself in conversation...It mostly comes up between gentlemen at our clubs.”
“Why does it come up in conversation at all?”
“Well, dear sister,” he said gently, trying not to upset her more. “You have had quite a number of suitors come to you over the years.” That was true, but Rayne had always found them lacking or just an annoyance rather than a promising aspect of a married future. Though she only understood why that was after Eda ignited the realization of her attraction to Hannah. “Yet here you are at the age of thirty-one and never have you shown any interest in a man. Most women are married by twenty-four, Rayne, and a late marriage is considered to be twenty-nine.”
For the first time in a while Rayne found she couldn’t meet someone’s eye. Instead she took another sip of her tea. “Well, I am only two years over that. Two years isn’t too harmful…”
“Yes, but the issue, sister, is that you have not shown any interest in anyone. Or even shown interest that sadly failed. There has been nothing.”
“I will admit that is true, but how does that tie into it being talked about?”
Hamish gave a long sigh before sitting back down. “Because some speculate that the reason you haven’t shown any interest is because you were raised a boy till I was born. That our parents forcing you to pretend to be a boy as a child has changed how you are supposed to be as a woman. They think that’s the reason you express no interest in marriage, even to me, and other things such as that you wanted to run the family business. Admittedly I am ever thankful to you for that last part.”
Rayne felt pain tug heavily at her heart. Her face turned downward to the cup of tea in her hands. Her parents had gone through so much pain because of all that. Pain because of her. How low they had sunk for raising their daughter as a boy till they had an actual boy to secure the family line and inheritance. Doing so because they feared they could never have a boy… Fearing that the family would lose everything and die. Fade away with no heir…
The lady had only been seven when it all came to light. A child who had to see her parents struggle so much. See the pain they had to suffer through to make it to the other side. To climb with all their struggling might to get back to where they had once been because of the lie they had made out of selfish wants…
It was all a lie though, even that…
Her parents had never pretended that she was a boy from birth all the way up till Hamish was born. She had been a boy… Well physically at least. At that point in her life she had been the actual heir. Their actual son who would have grown up to marry a woman. Be a husband. Be a father. Be Lord Hayward. That was all wrong though. Rayne had known it was wrong even at that young of an age. She knew that her heart and soul were not that of a man but a woman.
To this day Rayne had no idea how she at seven had managed to convince her parents of the truth of who she was. No idea how she was able to get them to see that she was a girl trapped in a wrong body. She still did it though. They saw her for who she truly was. Then came the question of what to do about it. Hamish was born only a few weeks later and so a lie was made. A lie sprinkled with truth. They told the world that Rayne was actually always a girl, which was true even if they hadn’t known that to begin with, and that they had made her pretend to be a boy to secure the family name and heritage. The lie and scandal that followed hurt her parents so much and Rayne truly felt responsible for it. What didn’t help was that her parents went even further to help her. They dug themselves into a hole of massive debt and secrecy to help Rayne be the girl she truly was. They dove into magics and potions that were but fantasies to humans. Magics that came from far past any human countries, across the Divide, and into lands where humans weren’t allowed. Deep into the elven territory and smuggled goods. It worked too. The potions her parents managed to secure and bring to her allowed the girl trapped in the wrong body to grow up into the woman she was meant to be. A puberty that took the right direction even with reproductive organs that sadly were still wrong. For as much as that smuggled elven magic could do it couldn’t give her the right thing between her legs… Rayne had long ago come to terms with that though. She even found she could enjoy it at times. The feelings of wanting something different down there were locked away deep inside her heart, never to be felt since there was no need. Now way for that to happen so why should she ever think or even have feelings about it?
“Mother and Father did what they thought was best.” They had achieved that ‘best’ too, but Rayne could never admit that to anyone. Actually she could say it to Eda, but her lady’s maid already knew that to be true as well. Eda was the only person alive besides herself that knew the genuine truth. “That time did not change me for the worse, Hamish. It made me appreciate the ability to now be my true self,” she said proudly.
“And who is that? A spinster?”
Rayne scowled angrily at him. “I am Lady Rayne Hayward.”
He looked away from her face, but still spoke. “And do you plan on always being Lady Hayward the spinster, or will you finally accept a man, dear sister?” He forced himself to look back at her.
The idea of accepting a man repulsed her. Not that it had ever been a pleasing thought before, but now she truly found it disgusting. Then an image of Hannah flashed through her mind. An image of Hannah wearing a white dress. Hannah in a white dress with her hand outstretched and held in her own.
“Oh?” Rayne blinked at her brother’s voice, shaking herself out of the sudden daydream. “Was that a smile on your face, Rayne?” A large smile grew on his face. “A smile is a rare gift from my sister. Whatever could this mean?” Hamish leaned in now with clear and immense interest.
“It was nothing. Just a passing thought,” Rayne said, hoping to curb his enthusiasm before it took off. Hopefully it wouldn’t go in the direction she feared.
“Oh no no no, dear sister. A genuine smile from you is a truly rare gift.”
“No, it is not. I smile all the time,” the lady said, giving her brother a smile to prove her point.
“Rayne, you know I can tell the difference between a smile you put on and one brought from great joy.” She did in fact know he could tell the difference, and it was now the bane of her existence. “And to have that smile come about from the mention of a man and marriage! Rayne, I dare say, I think you just had someone in mind.”
“Hamish, stop it.” Though her face wore a smile a second ago, it now bore a harsh serious expression.
“Oh, this is wonderful,” the lord said, jumping to his feet to go get himself another drink. “I have worried so much about this, Rayne—”
“Hamish—”
“—but now there is finally—”
“—stop this—”
“—a man you have—”
“—now. I mean it—”
“—interest in, we can—”
“—Hamish! Stop!”
“—start…” Hamish turned to find his sister staring back at him with an expression so serious and angry that it would make most men run. However, Hamish knew his sister well. Even with her ability to wear a face of her choosing, he could see the little cracks through it. There he just barely saw it in her eyes; blind panic.
Rayne could hear her blood pounding in her ears. He needed to stop. Hamish needed to let this go. She had to get him to forget any of this. She couldn’t let him know she loved someone. He couldn’t know. He couldn’t wonder about who it was. He could never know and he needed to drop this immediately.
“Who is it?”
“There is no one.”
“Rayne… Is he not of nob—”
“There. Is. No. One. Hamish. Drop it now.”
Hamish took a deep breath and looked down at the drink in his hand and found it shaking slightly at his sister’s words. She truly was a woman of terrifyingly strong will. A woman who let no one question her. Throwing back the drink the lord sighed. “Well, let us hope no drama comes from this fox you’ve bought,” he said changing the subject before his sister tore him a new one.
Rayne felt her heart skip a thudding beat as her brother instantly brought up Hannah. “There will not be any drama. Just giving a woman a better life as a thank you. Nothing more.”
Hamish nodded. A gut feeling told him something would come of Hannah though, but he didn’t share that. He trusted his sister to run the family business, and he trusted her to handle this. “Well, I better get bathed and changed for dinner. Spending the morning in a carriage is never fun.” He set the whiskey glass down. “See you at dinner.”
“Yes,” Rayne said standing up. “I have work to do before then.” With that the lady walked to the door.
“Rayne.” The lady stopped and looked back at her brother. “Be careful with Kaden and the fox.”
“I’m already ahead of that, dear brother.”
