Visionless

I kick in the door to Dyrk's office and storm inside. Dyrk looks up at me and just sighs.

"Right! I want answers, you short bastard," I say, my voice cracking as I try to gather as much courage as I can.

(Ahhh! Why am I suddenly like this? I was just trying to kill him a few hours ago with no issues, but now I can't even stop my voice from cracking,) I think to myself.

"Heh," Dyrk laughs and says, "What's wrong? Lost your fangs?"

"I'm the one asking questions here! So shut it unless I tell you to speak," I say, raising my voice, hoping to intimidate him regardless of how futile it is.

"Fine, I was expecting this," he says while rubbing his eyes. "Come sit down. It's not proper etiquette to talk while one of us is standing," Dyrk says, motioning to the chair in front of his desk.

I walk over and sit down. Before Dyrk can say anything else, I slam my hands on his desk and yell, "What did you do to me?!" Dyrk looks at me, unaffected by my outburst.

"Ragefruit, ghostbark, a little bit of zyr blood, and lastly a bit of mint, all in powder form," Dyrk starts listing the various things he put in my daily meals over the past few days.

"I don't know what any of those do," I say, and he looks at me, unsurprised.

"I didn't expect you to. They are very rare and hard to get, especially ragefruit, as it's almost extinct. You have no idea the amount of trouble I went through to get it or the amount of gold I spent," Dyrk says in a chastising tone.

"Which one of them was responsible for the shivering?" I ask. Dyrk quickly replies, "Ghostbark. It's meant to keep you somewhat detached while we hunt so you feel as little as possible and don't make any mistakes due to your emotions. But it has the side effect—or rather, withdrawal symptoms—of heavy shivering and feeling severe cold regardless of actual temperature." Dyrk continues and describes the rest of the things he put in my food.

"Ragefruit, well, it's kind of obvious mostly due to its name. It makes you angry and irrational, or at least that's how it's supposed to work, but it seems to have a slightly weakened effect on you. You didn't really get all that angry, then again, it could have been due to the ghostbark. In short, it just made you somewhat irrational." Before Dyrk goes on to describe the other things, I stop him and ask,

"What... what does ragefruit look like?" I ask with a bit of fear in my voice.

Dyrk looks at me before standing up and going over to a drawer, taking out a key, and moving over to a painting. He takes it off the wall to reveal a safe. Dyrk puts the key into the safe, opens it, and takes out a small box.

He then makes his way back to the desk, puts the box down, and slides it toward me.

I open the box and see something familiar. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me." I take out a small, mushy berry that has a green color to it. Still not fully convinced, I pop it in my mouth and start chewing it. The sour taste is somewhat nostalgic. I spit it out and say, "I'm never eating berries ever again!" Dyrk gives me a confused look, so I start explaining to him that I ate those berries every day for the past week before he recruited me.

Dyrk's eyes widen in realization, and he lets out a low whistle. "Well, that explains why the effects weren't as strong on you. Your body must have built up a tolerance to it."

I glare at him. "Why didn't you just tell me what you were giving me? Why all the secrecy?"

Dyrk leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Because, kid, sometimes it's better if you don't know. Keeps you focused on the task at hand instead of overthinking things."

I frown. "That's not a good enough reason. You put me through hell without any explanation."

He shrugs. "Maybe not, but it got results, didn't it? You survived, you learned, and now you know what you're capable of."

I can't argue with that, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I stand up, feeling a mix of anger and frustration. "Just... don't do it again without telling me. I deserve to know what's happening to me."

Dyrk nods. "Fair enough. Now, if we're done here, I've got work to do."

I turn to leave the office but stop and look back at Dyrk. "Who's Stylas?" I ask.

Dyrk sighs, shrinking back into his chair. "An old adventuring friend—or, well, he used to be. We were in the same party before our leader got killed and we disbanded. But there was a lot of bad blood between the remaining members, and well—" Before Dyrk can start reminiscing, I walk out the door and slam it shut.

I start walking back down the stairs but stop halfway through. "Wait, when did I stop shivering?" I suddenly realize that I'm not shivering at all and actually feel quite good. Then another realization strikes me. "When did I start feeling again?" Besides a bit of anger, I hadn't felt much, even when I was trying to kill Dyrk. It was mostly just calculated to get him to underestimate me.

I try to think about when I started feeling normal again, and the only answer seems to be, "Ms. Eldez!"

I run over to her, waving to Varin as I pass by, and make my way to the storage room where Ms. Eldez spends most of her time.

I barge right in and shout, "Ms. Eldez! When did you do it?" Ms. Eldez jumps a little in surprise, then asks, "Do what, dear?" Her head tilts slightly.

"Make me feel normal again! When did you do it?" I repeat what I said before until she seems to remember something.

"Oh, maybe it was my new brew? It's meant to help with my bad memory, but it didn't seem to have any effect, so... it's the one I gave you after your fight with Dyrk," she says with a hint of pride for remembering what happened.

I blink, trying to process this information. "Your new brew? What was in it?"

Ms. Eldez waves a hand dismissively. "Just a mixture of herbs and a bit of magic, nothing too fancy. I wasn't sure it would work on me, but it seems it might have had an effect on you instead."

I exhale, a mix of relief and gratitude flooding through me. "Thank you, Ms. Eldez. I don't know what you did, but it worked."

She smiles warmly. "I'm glad to hear that, dear. Just let me know if you need any more."

"sure" i say with a smile on my face.

As I turn to leave, another thought strikes me. I hesitate for a moment, then ask, "Wait, Ms. Eldez, I've actually been meaning to ask you this for a while... can you teach me magic?"

Ms. Eldez looks at me thoughtfully, her eyes twinkling with curiosity. After a moment, she shakes her head. "I'm sorry, dear, but I can't teach you magic."

My heart sinks. "Why not?"

"It's not that I don't want to," she says gently. "Magic is complex and deeply personal. It requires a special affinity and a deep connection to the world around you. And, frankly, not everyone is suited for it. Besides, my magic is... well, it's not something that can be easily taught or transferred."

"But there must be something I can learn," I protest, feeling a mix of frustration and desperation. "I need to get stronger. I need to be able to protect myself and understand this world better."

Ms. Eldez sighs and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I understand your desire, truly. But magic is not the only path to strength. There are many ways to grow and become formidable. Focus on your training, learn from your experiences, and find your own path. You have a unique strength within you. Discover it."

I nod, feeling a wave of disappointment but also a spark of determination. "Thank you, Ms. Eldez. I appreciate your honesty."

"Get some rest," she advises. "You'll need a clear mind for whatever lies ahead."

As I leave the storage room, I feel a mix of emotions. While learning magic might not be an option, Ms. Eldez's words give me a new perspective. There are other ways to grow stronger, and I need to find my own unique path.

Tomorrow, I'll start looking for it.