Vell Harlan and the Doomsday Dorms

“So, we’re almost a month in now,” Joan said. “How do you feel about school so far?”

Vell considered the question. Over the past few weeks he’d been stung to death by killer wasps, had his soul ripped out, been poisoned by a genetically modified pineapple, and had his bones turned to jelly by an overcharged acoustic amplifier. He had also watched Joan die exactly eleven times, but for both their sakes he tried not to think about that.

“It was pretty interesting,” he understated. “I’m looking forward to a day off, though.”

According to Lee, the apocalypse only ever happened when classes were in session, and the Einstein-Odinson College had no classes on the last weekend of every month. It was Friday of the last week of the month, so starting tomorrow Vell would have two days off. He didn’t know if he’d be able to relax more, or less. Since he wouldn’t get a redo of those two days, he would have to take it more seriously than he did the first loop of every other day. But he also wouldn’t have to deal with preventing an apocalypse. Vell liked the sound of that.

The Friday apocalypse was still in the making, and the sun was going down, so it had to be any minute now. Vell hoped it would wait an hour. His roommates were taking part in a ‘Shakespeare in the Quad’ production and Vell at least wanted to watch the whole play. He’d had to turn down an offer to join in the fun, since stopping the apocalypse took up so much of his time already. He wasn’t an actor either, but then, neither were any of his roommates. They were, however, drunk, and that was the real entertainment.

The concept had excited Joan enough that she’d actually gotten involved in the production and planning. Vell had come back to his dorm the past two nights to find Joan already there, talking over their plans with Renard, Luke, and Cane. Apparently she liked theater. Now she was all set up to enjoy the fruits of her labors -also, actual fruits. She had brought snacks.

“You have any plans tomorrow?” Joan asked.

“A few,” Vell said. “I’ve got some schoolwork to catch up on.”

“Let me know if you need a hand,” Joan said. Their schedules had a surprising amount of overlap. Vell’s curiosity about the mysterious rune that had brought him back to life had a lot in common with Joan’s interest in medicinal rune tech.

“How about you?” Vell asked.

“Oh nothing serious, so let me know if you want to get a late-night study session in,” Joan said. She grabbed a handful of grapes she’d brought along and popped one into her mouth. “Show starts soon, right?”

“Assuming the actors remember how to get here,” Vell said. The drunkenness was a source of comedy, but also a lot of production errors. Vell thought he saw the actors approaching, when he saw someone stumble and fall, but it was just Lee, tripping over someone’s feet as she walked up to Vell and Joan.

“Vell, Joan, good to see you,” Lee said, as she stepped up to Vell’s side. She gestured to the blanket. “May I?”

Vell scooted over, closer to Joan, and gestured towards the empty space on the blanket. Joan’s red eyes narrowed at Lee.

“Hi Lee,” Joan said. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I do enjoy both Shakespeare and drunken antics, so it seemed like an enjoyable experience,” Lee said. “Good to see you again, Ms. Marsh.”

“Please, Lee, it’s Joan,” she said. “And good to see you too.”

In spite of the interruption to her intended plans for the night, Joan did like Lee. She didn’t want any more company, though.

“Is Harley going to be coming too?”

“Oh goodness no, she’s incorrigible as an audience member,” Lee said. “Doesn’t pay attention, shouts at the actors, utterly intolerable.”

“Yeah, nobody likes an interruption,” Joan grumbled. While she grumbled, Vell leaned over to Lee and whispered in her ear.

“We could’ve brought her to the first one at least, right? Not like anyone’s going to remember her bad behavior.”

“It’s for my sake, dear,” Lee said. “I’m probably going to be too busy stopping next loop’s doomsday to watch the show, so I’d at least like to see it once.”

“Makes sense,” Vell said. He could only imagine what Lee had done to make sure Harley stayed away. His mind briefly flitted to Harley tied up in her room, but that couldn’t be the case. Harley would enjoy that too much. He’d ask her on the second loop. For now, Joan was giving Vell and Lee an odd look, and he didn’t want her to get suspicious of anything. Joan crossed her arms and looked at the empty stage. The actors were still absent. Joan decided to fill the silence, and get Vell’s attention in the process. She knew Vell was interested in rune-tech, so she knew one surefire way to get his eyes on her.

“Hey, Vell, have I told you about my eyes yet?”

“Uh, no. They look good, though,” Vell said. “What spell do you use to get them that color?”

“None,” Joan said. “They’re actually red. Though not technically naturally.”

“Huh. Got some magic in your blood?”

“Nope.” Joan said. She reached a hand to her eye. This little display occasionally chased off new friends, so she liked to get it out of the way sooner rather than later. Vell seemed like the kind of guy who’d find it interesting rather than disgusting, but Joan wanted to be sure. With a quick twist of her fingers, and a slight squishing noise, she removed her right eye from it’s socket and held it aloft in her hand.

“Oh,” Vell said. The removable eye did interest him, once he’d gotten over the unpleasant squishing noise that came with removing it.

“Magitech prosthetic,” Joan said.

“Neat,” Vell said. “I assume the other eye is also, uh-”

“Yep, both,” Joan said, gesturing to the eye that was still in her head. She turned her loose eye around and displayed the rune in the back. The symbol for “sight” was carved into a small, inset stone at the rear of the prosthetic.

“Wow. Can you see through it when it’s out of your head?”

“Yes, but it is a major headache, so if you don’t mind,” Joan said. She popped the eyeball back into her socket, much to the relief of literally every other spectator on the quad that night.

“I’ve read about that stuff, but never really seen it in action,” Vell said.

“I know all about it,” Joan said. “I was born without eyes, so those prosthetics are the only way I’ve ever seen the world. They’re part of what inspired me to pursue medical rune tech as a career.”

“That’s awesome,” Vell said. “I got into rune tech in kind of-”

Vell stopped himself. He’d nearly jumped into an explanation of his apparent resurrection. He had dropped that info on Harley fairly early, but that was due in part to a perceived camaraderie from them being caught in time loops together, and also due to Harley’s demeanor being so disarming he’d dropped his guard. He hadn’t told anyone else about his bisection and resurrection just yet, not even Lee and Leanne. From time to time he considered using a first loop as a test run to see how people would react to it, but he always chickened out at the last second -just like he did now.

“Well, uh, actually, I’ll tell you later.”

“How about we get lunch tomorrow and talk it over?” Joan suggested.

“Sounds good.”

“Great! It’s a-”

Lee pointed to the side, interrupting Joan mid-sentence.

“Ah, there they are! The show’s about to start.”

The drunken actors stumbled onto stage to a mild smattering of applause from the small audience. Joan let out a deep sigh, and a half-hearted clap. This night was not off to a great start. Hopefully the show would improve things.

Luke held his hands aloft in an exaggerated gesture of contempt.

“Are we all ready? What’s going on that Caeser and the senate must address?”

He slurred his way through a botched line, but managed to keep the spirit intact. The drunken company had stumbled through about half of Julius Caeser impressively well, considering they’d done more drinking than rehearsing.

“Oh, this is the part where they stab Caesar,” Joan whispered.

“Hey, spoilers,” Vell said. “I was hoping this Caesar guy would get a happy ending.”

Joan gave Vell a scrutinizing look. Vell managed to keep a straight face for a few seconds before he chuckled to himself, and Joan giggled in turn. Lee shushed them both. Joan rolled her red eyes and whispered to Vell slightly quieter this time.

“Fun fact, one of those daggers they’re about to whip out is an authentic roman relic,” Joan whispered.

“Who gave a bunch of drunk college students an ancient roman dagger?”

“I don’t know, ask Renard, he’s the one who brought it,” Joan whispered. “Oh, here comes the stabbing bit.”

She held up a finger for silence as Luke stumbled into the hands of his ‘assassins’.

“Et tu, Brute? Then fall- ah fuck.”

Luke reeled back, but not in a stage fall. He held his hand to his bare chest and it came away red.

“One of you fuckers actually stabbed me,” Luke protested.

A peal of thunder in the distance interrupted any further protests from Luke. It was a cloudless evening, so thunder meant something was amiss. The amiss-ness only increased as the blood on Luke’s hand stopped dripping downwards and started dripping up, the droplets floating into the air and hovering around eye level.

“Hmm. That can’t be good,” Vell said.

The droplets of blood burst outwards, taking the shape of a towering man with a stern face, draped in a bloody toga. His crimson visage scanned the crowd, and then the actors. The sanguine form then appraised itself, and its brow furrowed in frustration as it began to speak in a language Vell didn’t understand.

“Oh, Latin,” Lee said. All the classes her father had forced her to take were finally going to come in handy. “Let’s see..by the blood upon the dagger that tasted my blood, by the mockery of my ignoble death...Caesar now crosses the Styx as once he crossed the Rubicon, to stand in judgment of those who make jest of his death...”

“Great, Caesar’s ghost,” Vell sighed. Lee rubbed her chin and continued translating as the rest of the audience started to panic and run. Joan clung to Vell’s arm, seeking shelter in his relative calm as chaos started to spread around them.

“Your idle mockery I must condemn, and thus I call to my most loyal legions to follow me in life as they did in death, and pass judgment upon...”

Lee’s translation faded out as dawning realization crossed her face. She could hear the phantom march of an entire legion approaching.

“Uh oh.”

Soon the bloody ghost of Caesar was joined by a spectral legion of Roman soldiers, formed into a phalanx behind him. Caesar raised his hand and gave the order to march. Joan tried to scoot backwards and pull Vell along, but Vell didn’t budge.

“Vell, we should run, like, now,” Joan said.

“Nah, it’ll be fine,” Vell said. Given Caesar’s reputation, they’d probably be killed pretty quick and clean. Better to get it over with now than die exhausted. Lee had similarly resigned herself to her fate and was picking through Joan’s snacks before the legion reached their position.

“What is wrong with you?” Joan demanded. Vell leaned back, relaxed on the blanket, and closed his eyes.

“A few things, probably,” Vell said. Joan stared at him dumbfounded for a second before turning to look at the rapidly approaching legion.

“God, why can I never just have a normal date?”

As one of the legionnaire's spears sailed towards his chest, Vell’s eyes snapped open.

“This was a date?”

Vell woke up in his bed, notably absent a spear through his chest, and snapped up. As had become a habit, he checked the group chat first.

HARL33:

yoooooo anybody else get stabbed by a ghost in a toga last night

Lee:

Decapitated in my case, but dead is dead.

Thankfully this will be a rather easy fix.

Vell and I saw everything.

Last night’s Shakespeare in the Quad took a rather lethal turn.

vharlan03:

i think one of my roommates has a dagger that was used to kill caesar

they used it as a prop in the play and i guess it brought caesars ghost back???

HARL33:

sweet

lets fuck up some theatre

im great at that

Lee:

While you are a disruptive audience member, this will require a slightly different approach.

Vell’s roommates were key to the play, after all.

He is uniquely positioned to work from within.

Do you mind taking point, Vell?

You can work with Joan!

vharlan03:

i can solo it just fine thanks

leave it to me

Vell put his phone aside and got ready to take on the day. Lee was right -he could probably find out how to prevent last night’s apocalypse easily. What he did not agree on was her assertion that he work with Joan. She had surely overheard Joan saying that last night had been an awful date and was trying to play around that fact. He got out of the shower, rubbed away some shampoo that had stung his eyes, and got on his phone again, idly tabbing into his most recent chats while rubbing his eyes clear.

vharlan03:

hey lee

can you do me a favor

just like be cool about joan

especially around harley

she would roast me so hard about the date thing

Lee:

Vell.

Dear.

vharlan03:

yeah what

Lee:

This is the group chat.

HARL33:

>:3

Vell slammed his phone down and fell forward into bed. He could hear his phone vibrating nonstop as new notifications poured in, and he buried his face in the pillow. After about a minute of sustained buzzing, Vell let out a deep sigh and dared to look at his phone.

HARL33:

first of all

super cool that u got a date

do not let the fact I am about to put you on blast make you think i am not happy 4 u

BUT

u bag a girl like joan

and u took her to see ur roommates do shakespeare

are u the least romantic person ALIVE vell

did u at least bring a flower

chocolate

tell me u didnt wear the hoody

that one gray hoody u like

it is not good date wear

vell???

u wore the hoody didnt u

vell!!!!

vharlan03:

i didnt know it was a date harley

HARL33:

oh nm all that lol

i should be putting you on blast for totally different things

vharlan03:

can you do it in person

renard has my phone charger

HARL33:

ok

wanna get lunch?

or would joan be jealous <3

vharlan03:

lunch is good

gotta sabotage my roommates play first though

HARL33:

oh sick lmk if you need anything

like botley

or a bomb

vharlan03:

will do

Vell put his phone away and started poking around the dorm. Best case scenario, he could find the stash of prop daggers and “misplace” the ancient roman one without drawing any attention to himself. He poked around the dorm, looking for everywhere one might put a set of knives. They had a fairly small dorm, so it was a short, and unsuccessful, search. He’d have to pursue a different route.

All his roommates were already heading towards their classes, but he knew they would come back to the dorm for a meeting with Joan some time after lunch. They’d be discussing last minute plans for the play, making it easy for Vell to find info on the knives. It would also, however, involve talking to Joan.

One apocalyptic time loop ago, that wouldn’t have been a problem. In fact, it would’ve been a highlight. Joan was probably his best friend on campus -if he discounted Harley. He still wasn’t sure whether Harley actually liked him or if she acted like that around everyone. She was a confusing individual. Joan on the other hand was very straightforward; intelligent, funny, and very, very good looking. But while she was simple, life was not.

Vell had to deal with the time loops, and the various apocalypses that were a part of that. Joan did not and could not know about that. His double life alone made a relationship difficult, and the nature of looped time made it potentially unethical as well. Joan would forget a good portion of their interactions. Vell would have chances to undo mistakes and learn in ways that Joan never would. It felt unfair at best, and manipulative at worst.

Vell scratched the scar around his waist. That was a whole different set of problems. It had certainly mucked up some of his past relationships.

After appraising the facts, Vell had determined that his situation fucking sucked. Joan was really hot and Vell really liked her and all of this time travel and resurrection nonsense was making it very complicated in a way it didn’t have to be. Now instead of going on a date, he had to sabotage his roommates drunken theater production to stop everyone from getting killed by the ghost of a Roman dictator.

Vell sighed and started getting ready for class. It was going to be a long day.